at the 2nd memorial service this month...
at one point in my life...
this would have been "steady work"...
but unlike the 3 services I "did" in Feb/March...
where I didn't know the people personally...
both these ladies were people that I knew & cared about...
that I saw each week...talked with...laughed with...
they were part of my church "family"...
and I will miss seeing & talking to them both, very much...
Mom used to say, in the last few years...
that she was, "the only one left..."
she had outlived nearly all her contemporaries...
and she felt lonely...
for it's a lot easier to be the one who "leaves"...
than to be the one who's "left"...
besides that...
there's the obvious end...
in sight for you, as well...
which has to be depressing...
if you enjoy life as Mom did...
Abraham trusted God to provide the sacrifice...
right up to the last moment...
he followed the terrible instructions...
to take His son and sacrifice him...
and then... as he raised the knife...
God stayed his hand...
providing a ram, in place of his son...
it's hard for us to trust like that...
or to even have just a little of that kind of trust...
we always want to argue..or bargain with God...
or to justify our "needs" & actions...
because we, not knowing God as He is...
are afraid of what He will ask of us...
this only reveals our lack of understanding...
of just WHO, God is...
and what He wants for us...
He knows everything...
before we can even imagine it...
and He knows our hearts...
every corner...
no matter how dark & musty...
or how hard we try to hide it...
we CANNOT fool Him...
only ourselves...
and others who don't know Him...
so the old self-righteous excuse...
"I was doing the will of God..."
is NOT the same as...
"God used me to do His will"...
and fools or convinces no one...
but ourselves and other like-minded "saints"...
us...doing things "for" God...
and rarely... in His way...
is an way of doing what we think is best...
God, at work within us...
changing us into His likeness...
and working through us...
because we let Him use us to do His will...
is the way to allow us to do His will...
convicting & changing people...
is His job...
loving them & being available for His use...
and following His plan for me...
is mine...
the latter is a life-long process...
since life around us is always changing...
if we stop changing & growing...
we will certainly perish...
or at the very least...
be apart from the One who fixes hearts...
as we choose "our" way over His...
sometimes... we think that we cannot bear...
for one more thing to change or leave us...
but if at that terrible, lonely moment...
we can truly trust the Creator...
that "all things will work together for good..."
and can be truly grateful for the gifts & opportunities...
as well as the pain of growth & change...
then amazing things can come to pass...
in our lives & in the lives of those we love...
because...in that grateful trusting...
we are about to be wonderfully surprised...
by a total metamorphosis...
one we could have never pulled off on our own...
when the caterpillar had resigned itself to dying...
to its' surprise...it awoke again as a butterfly...
and flew to heights unimagined before...
people die...or move away...
we can't help that...
but they also leave in anger...
or just fade from our lives...
many times...
because of problems within ourselves...
that we may recognize...
but don't know how to fix...
however...God is good...all the time...
and when we trust Him enough...
to put aside our fears...
deciding to have faith...
& turn from the grip fear can hold on us...
to fall back into His sheltering embrace...
to let Him, fix us...from the inside out...
then...we can really begin to change...
& grow in the direction of the Light...
which may cast shadows on the path...
but we will be safe from the shadows we cast...
as long... as we walk in the Light...
there really is no better place to be...
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