"Do You Smell What I Smell?"[the grocery bag song..CC#9

another one of my favorites, first published 11/14/07...
it features the irascible Sneaky Pie & her late sister Gracie...
who died 12/22/08, & is missed every day by all...

enjoy...


Said Gra-cie to Sneak-y and the rest ....
"Do you smell what I smell ?" [do you smell what I smell...]
in these groc-ery bags, there is meat !....
and al-so some cat-nip ! [and also some catnip !]
There's beef, in here....and may-be chicken ,ooh !, ev-en
some of those crunchies I love too !
ev-en some of those crunchies I love too.

Said Sneaky Pie to Gracie, in the bag.....
I'll keep watch while you snoop [but you bet-ter share,you poop !]
rat-tle, rat-tle, crunch- tear-ing, RIP ! [rat-te,rattle,RIP !]
ooh, I just found some ground beef [joy, joy, rap-ture, bliss!] you
bet-ter share, or you'll be so-or-ry 'cause
I'll make Mom come, just wait and see ! I'll get
Mom, if you won't share with me !

said Gracie, with her mouth all full of beef,
munphf, mumphf, chomp, chomp, "eat shit !" [gob-ble, gob-ble ,eat shit]
Sneaky said, "I'm telling, wait and see !"
Gracie gobbles faster [nothing much is left now]"you'll
get yelled at, you selfish , greed-y cat ! " Gracie
keeps on in her guzzl-ing spree, be-tween
bites, she smiles with catly glee...

said Sneaky Pie to Gracie as she scarfs,
"Do you hear what I hear ?" [HA !, that was the car door ]
Mom's back from the car, now you die ! [Grac-ie eat-ing fas-ter]
NOW, you're gon-na get it and you de-serve it, be-
cause you would-n't share the feast with me, I'll en-
joy your death from the cat tree, I'll love
watch-ing you get pun-ished for your spree !

yells Mom, to Gracie, in the bag
"GET OUT OF THERE, RIGHT NOW !" [if you know what's good for you !]you
fat and evil cat, you ate the beef
that I got for meatloaf [ now it all has "hit the fan"]stuffed
Grac-ie "glides" to a hid-ing place, t-o
laugh at Sneaks and clean her face , "hee,hee,-- he,he
hee,heeeeee, he hee , he heeee [burp, burp] he heee!

..."the 12 gifts of Cat-mas"...Cat-mas Carol #5 revisited[11/11/07]

my readers may tire of it, but I don't...
so here it is...back for it's third appearance...





On the 1st day of Cat-mas, my kitties gave to me...
a dead mousie by the TV...

On the 2nd day of Cat-mas, my kitties gave to me...
2 nasty hairballs & a dead mousie by the TV...

On the 3rd day of Cat-mas, my kitties gave to me...
3 fish[NOT swimming], 2 nasty hairballs...
& a dead mousie by the TV...

On the 4th day of Cat-mas, my kitties gave to me...
4 piles of cat barf, 3 fish[NOT swimming], 2 nasty hairballs...
& a dead mousie by the TV...

On the 5th day of Cat-mas, my kitties gave to me...
5 sh-red-ded plants...
4 piles of cat barf, 3 fish[NOT swimming], 2 nasty hairballs...
& a dead mousie by the TV...

On the 6th day of Cat-mas, my kitties gave to me...
6 drool-soaked spiders...5 sh-red-ded plants...
4 piles of cat barf, 3 fish[NOT swimming], 2 nasty hairballs...
& a dead mousie by the TV...

On the 7th day of Cat-mas, my kitties gave to me...
7 peed-on places, 6 drool-soaked spiders...
5 sh-red-ded plants...
4 piles of cat barf, 3 fish[NOT swimming], 2 nasty hairballs...
& a dead mousie by the TV...

On the 8th day of Cat-mas, my kitties gave to me...
8 lizards dying, 7 peed-on places, 6 drool-soaked spiders...
5 sh-red-ded plants...
4 piles of cat barf, 3 fish[NOT swimming], 2 nasty hairballs...
& a dead mousie by the TV...

On the 9th day of Cat-mas, my kitties gave to me...
9 evil glances, 8 lizards dying, 7 peed-on places, 6 drool-soaked spiders...
5 sh-red-ded plants...
4 piles of cat barf, 3 fish[NOT swimming], 2 nasty hairballs...
& a dead mousie by the TV...

On the 10th day of Cat-mas, my kitties gave to me...
10 broken knick-knacks, 9 evil glances, 8 lizards dying,
7 peed-on places, 6 drool-soaked spiders...
5 sh-red-ded plants...
4 piles of cat barf, 3 fish[NOT swimming}, 2 nasty hairballs...
& a dead mousie by the TV...

On the 11th day of Cat-mas, my kitties gave to me...
11 crapped-on letters, 10 broken knick-knacks, 9 evil glances,
8 lizards dying, 7 peed-on places, 6 drool-soaked spiders...
5 sh-red-ded plants...
4 piles of cat barf, 3 fish[NOT swimming], 2 nasty hairballs...
& a dead mousie by the TV...

On the 12th day of Cat-mas, my kitties gave to me...
12 grasshoppers hopping, 11 crapped on letters,
10 broken knick-knacks, 9 evil glances, 8 lizards dying,
7 peed-on places, 6 drool-soaked spiders...
5 sh-red-ded plants...
4 piles of cat barf, 3 fish[NOT swimming], 2 nasty hairballs...
& a dead mousie by the TV...

..."Cat-a-Pan", [CC#1,11/10/07,revised]

Gracie takes her long sharp claws...
and she shreds up everything...



she can create "slaw" from plants...
hee, hee, hee, hee, heeeee...
Sneaky Pie on high...
wants to join...
as she watch-es Gra-cie "slice"...oh,my !



Sneaky stretches out her paw, to join in on the may-ham...



as her claws come out to slash...



hiss, hiss, hiss, hiss, hisssss...
suddenly a crash...
as they up-end eve-ry-thing...
turn-ing all of my plants to trash...

enter Mom, whose really mad, 'cause the cats have been so bad...
and she's low-er-ing the "boom"...
scram, scram, scram, scram, SCAT !...
you e-vil rot-ten cats !
as they run a-way they laugh...

with a sly cat-ly smirk,... heee, heee...]



[tune : "Pat-a-Pan"]

..."Carol of the Cat" [CC#13,12/20/07, revised]

should I go out, should I stay in ?
the sun is out, but there is wind...
and it is wet, oh, what to do...
it's light right now, but soon that will be through...



the breezes hurry, fallen leaves in flurries...
but I've really got to pee & do my "biz-ness"...
do I, do I, do I, do I go out... ?
do I, do I, do I, do I go out... ?



so I stand here, frozen with fear...that...
if I don't go out now, Mom will close the window...
I do want out, but still there is doubt...
oops, here she comes, I'll close my eyes and"just go"...



oh, boy, it's cold out here...just the way I feared
it would be when I was looking out...
let me, let me, let me, let me, let me back in... !
let me, let me, let me, let me, let me back in... !



now... it's so cold... please... it's so wet...
my paws like ice...it's not so nice....

please... let me in...

now...now, now... NOW... !

[tune : "Carol of the Bells"]
[dedicated to Piglet, Bixby, Minka & all like-minded felines...]

"there she sits..." Cat-mas carol # 14

There she sits, the divine Gra-cie...
there on side of the tub she pe-r-ches...
why she's there, who on earth can say ...
but if you want her off, there'll be Hell to pay...

Sometimes, here and sometimes, there....
com-fy or not, she does-n't seem to care...
up on the dra-per-y rod, under the chair...
it's al-ways some-place dif-fer-ent, for her lair...

toilet tank, sometimes on the seat...
on the counter top or in the kitchen sink...
plopped on the cutting board, snuggled on the couch...
most of her beds would leave us say-ing,"ouch ! "

I've seen her curled around a ficus tree ...
also seen her "slumming" right here on my knee ...
up on the curtains or on the old TV....
no place she goes is a surprise to me...

Gra-cie, Gra-cie, "yogi cat, supreme"
every new "position"... a masochistic dream...
pain must be just a word to her...
yeah, like crun-chi-es and tu-na...

I ne-ver know where she'll make the scene,
it's a good thing, that I have a fire-place screen...
all I need, is a cat on fire...
running through the house, now that would be dire...!

so now she sits, the divine Gra-cie...
plot-ting "who knows what" or
"who knows where, she will be..."
all I know is this, and here's how it'll be...
somehow Gracie cat will get the best of me...

["Il est Né ]

...why I write... [with apologies to WW II film makers...]

it starts with a "twitch"...
a little annoying facial "tick", as it were...
like an "itch", that's hard to scratch...
but you must try, 'though you can't reach it...

then, hummed snatches of "seasonal melody"...
a brief, sung couplet to a frisky feline...
and, OOPS ! , I'm doing it again...
writing another Cat-mas Carol....

it's pretty much a "seasonally adjusted affliction"...
they come to me in just any old season at all...
I'm talking to a cat...more often, singing "recitative"...
[I am the Catsinger, after all ...]
and, suddenly, I'm in the grasp...and it won't let go
until it's out of my head...
[...don't you just hate that ?...]

I have noticed that the moon is waxing fat...
to be full on Christmas Eve...
the last batch of carols, were likewise, a "lunar related event"...
I think it is no small coincidence that the moon going full
could coax such "looney tunes" from my aging brain...
or make the kitties seem "looney-er ..."

or maybe it's just that I'm surrounded
by so much ins-purr-ation...
after all, art imitates life...
and I live with many furry objects d'art...
[in their minds, anyway...]

and then, there are my friends, and their furry friends....
Dearest Dragonfly, of rapier wit and clever tale,
herself, "staff" for Bixby, mighty hunter...
whose exploits are legendary and inspiring...

Square Peg, who mothers dogs and a fish,
[that's enemy ! & food !...respectively in "cat"...]
but we wouldn't hold that against her...
someone has to stay "above the fray"...
be the voice of reason in all this catly "me, me, me-ness...

sadly, Unkle Phil is no longer "owned" by felines,
but if you've missed "The Story of the One Legged Turkey",
his Thanksgiving post [11/22]...you owe it to yourself to read it at once...
then, the "ins-purr-ation -al"connection
becomes way too obvious...
{hummm, maybe,"over the washer and down the stairs..." ]

and then, there's Miz Minka, Queen of Pithy Phrase ...
herself, possessed of catly virtues, wiles and ways...
[ not to mention serious vocal "chops"...]
"staff" to Minka, she of velvet paws and awesome "haught"...
subject of many a "sappy cat blog", artistic photo and ruler of her known world...
[no wonder Minka thinks she's, all that... ]

I ask you, gentle reader, how on earth,
could I be surrounded with so much ins-purr-ation...
and NOT write Cat-mas Carols ?

so until there's a "cat-staffers anonomous" ,
a support group, with a 12 step plan for cat staffers...
complete with self-help books and DVDs,[$19.95]
I will write and sing, to ease the pain, share the laughs and unburden my soul...

"Carol of the Cat" Cat-mas # 13

Should I go out, should I stay in... ?
the sun is out, but there is wind...
and it is wet, oh, what to do...
it's daylight now...soon the day will end...

the breezes hurry, fallen leaves in flurries,
I've really got to pee and do my "biz-ness"...
do I, do I, do I, do I, go out.... ?
do I, do I, do I, do I, go out.... ?

so I stand here, frozen with fear...
if I don't go out, Mom'll close the win-dow...
I do want out, but still, there is doubt...
oops, here she comes, I'll close my eyes and just go...

Oh, boy, it's cold out here, just the way I
feared it would be when I was looking out....
let me, let me, let me, let me, back in...
let me, let me, let me, let me, back in...

now, it's so cold, please, it's so wet,
my paws like ice, it's not so nice...

please, let me in....NOW, NOW NOW, NOW !

["Carol of the Bells", dedicated to Piglet, Bixby and all "like-minded" felines]

" Un-Holy Noise" Cat-mas Carol # 12

Un- Ho-ly noise,
the Piglet cat is wail-ing,
the win-dow shut and her capture, complete...

she lazed outside,
all day and in-to night-fall,
then she came in and the exit was closed...

at first she ate, then sat and cleaned her wet paws,
then rattled blinds, howled and fin-a-lly she screams...

"Out ! , I want out...and you
bet-ter make it snap-py !
or else, you'll regret, ever shut-ting me in !
Oh, yes ! you'll re-gre-t ev-er sh-ut-ting me in..."

She, mad as Hell, is sulking on the bed now,
she swat-ted Fluff, made her move, now she sits...
plot-ting her case, and how she will present it, will she be
bold, or go all "pit-i-ful" ....

sul-len-ly, she sulks, with mut-tered bits of grow-ling, her hubris
gro-ws and her pat-ience is gone... with
venge-ful spite, she leaps upon my stomach, her
fishy breath comes hot upon my face...

"I, am the queen ! and what I say is law here ! ... and
NOW, let me OUT... or you'll die, here in this bed.... Let me
OUT ! and RIGHT NOW... or you will die,
he-re in this bed "...

"No," I shout back, reduced to "con-ver-sa-tion , with a
cat... that's a fight no one can win ...
"It's dark outside, and cold, besides it's rain-ing",
of course the logic is lost on "herself"...
She growls and mutters, trying once or twice more,
and each time landing right on top of me...

"You hate-ful thing !" she cries, now try-ing "pite-ous",
"you are so mean to me...why did I ev-er come inside ?"
"You are So mean, why did I ever come, inside ?"

Back to the cor-ner, of the bed, she march-es, she still is
pissed and she bats Fluff for spite...
still she protests, but longer now be-tween yells, she's slow-ing
down and she fights it all the way...

She makes another "round" of all the windows, she
bangs the blinds and calls me ug-ly names...

"I, hate you so..".
"I hope I give you ring-worm, and
fleas, in your bed, and just wait until I barf..."
"you'll be toast...I'll chase your ghost, and I'll be Queen and rule from sea to sea..."

Oh, sleepy cat, now comes and finds her bur-row, in my
arm-pit and she drifts off to sleep...
snoring and twitching, as birdies she is chasing, in dreamy
yard, now her day is complete...

she rolls and stretches forth a single cat claw,
but it's enough to stab and wake me up...
She smiles in sleep, re-venge now is com-plet-ed...
her day, now is done and she snores a little less...
to-mor-row, is an-oth-er da-y, and she i----s sure, she'll win !

[ "O Holy Night"]

"Cat Fight ! " Cat-mas Carol #11

Just hear those
yowling kitties, who claw and mangle and bite...
don't you know that it's a
lovely moment for a full-fledged, screaming, cat fight...
yes things are
nice and noisy, as we hear a chorus or two,
we know it's
just the moment, let the growly cat fight ensue...

Get them out, get them out, get them out of there,
they'll wreck the armoire...
its just been fixed from the "last time"...
Keep them out, keep them out, that's off limits too...
that poor leather chair...
and the plant that's been dumped 8 times,
is a little the worse for wear...

there they go
through the living room, under the table, oh, my...
they're gon-na
break that lamp if they bump it, just one more time...
and still they
roll a-round, bit-ing, kick-ing, shriek-ing, "just die !" ...
it's hard to
think that just a bit a-go, they slept side by side...

I think they're
losing interest, the mayhem level has dropped,
for all the
noise and action, no one seems to be quite dead yet...
they might be
"playing possum", waiting 'til they know the vet's closed
because it's
more fun then, to be a vic-tim, well be-fore dawn...

then we go, then we go to "e-mer-gen-cy",
at 10 times the cost,
after driving 6 miles in the pouring rain...
and the pain, and the gunk of an abcessed paw,
can't wait for the morn...
when the regular vet is in and it
costs less than my 1st born...

so I hope
that these dummies are done, with terror tonight...
I hope they
will just "chill out" and, let's, please, have no more fights...
because I'm
nice and cozy and don't want to deal with cat bites...
it's time for me to go to bed and now, I'll turn out the lights...
[...NOOOOOOOO Cat Fights...]
Good night !

[tune "Sleigh Ride]

"Asleep, on the top shelf..." Cat-mas carol #10

High up on the top shelf,
the Sneaky Pie sleeps, and
dreams, as she snores there,
of good things to eat...

of tur-key scraps, and roast beef, and
fresh hot dog buns...
yes, the buns are her favorite,
but they give her "the runs"...

And, on the floor, hear Gracie snore...
as she sleeps in my way...if I
want to pass, it is "bite my ass,
"there's a crunchie toll to pay..."

now Thomas cat, snoozes peacefully,
unless he smells tur-key...
then he just goes nuts, and he
meows and struts, driving poor me, crazy...

on the sofa back, Lucyfur is "sacked-out" en-
joy-ing her nap, when she
hears the pop of the cat food top,
and she's there to eat in a snap...

and suddenly, they're all here with me,
telling me that they're starved...
no food's passed their lips, for at least a year,
and they're almost "expired"...

so the food goes down, in more ways than one,
on the plates and down their throats....
gobble, gobble, slurp, now and then a burp...
pretty soon it's all gone...

as I look around, lots of tongues I see,
as they wash their paws and faces...
then it's back to stretch, yawn and then, curl up, while back to
"favored" place, someone races...

all is peaceful now, everyone is full,
washed and peace-ful-ly, a-sleep...
too bad it won't last, soon they'll be awake
and I'll be in "doo-doo", deep...


["Away in the Manger", 2nd tune]

Silver Cats #8

Kitty litter,spread like glitter,
all a-round the cat box...in the
air, there's an o-dor of cat pee
I just cleaned it, all the cat crap
had been put in the trash , and all
o-ver the floor,once again,we have...

kitty mess, kitty mess
it's smel-ly time in my poor house
eve-ry-where,there is hair
soon, I will be section 8

gobs of cat hair, but do they care,
that's a big, fat,loud NO !
it is now, hairball time on the sofa,
see them hack-ing,see them yack-ing,
hair-ball af-ter hairball, a-s
under the table they sit, and spit...

kitty mess, kitty mess,
things can get ug-ly at my house.
es-pec-ialy, when they pee..
every-where but, where they ought..

smelly cat pee, by the ficus tree and on
all the baseboards..in the
air, there's the odor of "kitty"...and the
cat poop, by the door stoop, that I
just failed to see...'til I
slipped in it, wrenching my knee..OH

kitty mess, kitty mess,
why can't I train them to clean-up ?
even though, I grumble so,I'm
just glad that they let me stay...

The Cat-mas Song [#7]

Hairballs lying on the leat-her chair
cat barf sticking to my toes,
yowling kitties, ar-guing by the fire, and
cat box, full to o-ver-flow...Ev-ery-bo-dy
knows, that cat pee and a pile of poop...
help to make the carpet "right"...
growling cats, with their fur all bushed-out, will
keep me from my sleep, tonight...They don't care
if, I sleep or not, as long as lots food is found upon "the spot",
and every rotten cat is gon-na try,
to see if they can real-ly sneak out-side, and so,
I'm off-er-ing this sim-ple phrase, from
one ,who knows a cat or two, al-
though, it's been said, ma-ny times,
ma-ny ways, Mer-ry Cat-mas,t-o you...

Jingle Cats cat-mas carol # 6

Dashing through the house,
with her furry mouse,
through the air she flies,
"now this mousie DIES !"
gone the eyes and nose,
never did have toes,
now the stuffing and the tail
have vanished as she goes, OH----

Sneaky Pie, Sneaky Pie,
she, the cat of lore...
kills the "mousies" and the catnip
toys brought from the sto-re,
Sneaky Pie, Sneaky Pie,
leaps and pounces quick,
but if someone wants to share,
she'll have a hissy fit.

40 minutes gone, the
furry mouse is toast...
only wet fur left, as
Sneaky now will boast...
Thomas, not amused,
will now pee on the corpse,this
in-sult can-not go un-ans-wered,
Thomas cat MUST DIE, OH----

Sneaky Pie , Sneaky Pie,
scheming cat , now lurks,
on a chair,with eyes half-closed...
but her hubris works...
Thomas strolls, into view,
unaware she's there....
big mistake, her paw darts down and
smacks him you-know-where.

Flying through the house,
Thomas on her tail,
Her revenge complete,
now, cunning cannot fail.
Quick, find Moms' locale
and hide between her feet,
hissing back at Thomas cat,
Ah, revenge is sweet, OH----

Sneaky Pie, Sneaky Pie
she, the cat of lore,
kills the" mousies" and the catnip
toys brought from the sto-re,
Sneaky Pie, Sneaky Pie,
Queen of Everything...
"I am wonderful",she boasts as
from her perch, she sings !

The 12 gifts of Cat-mas...#5 cat-mas carols

On the 1st day of Christmas, my kitty gave to me,
a dead mousie by the TV....

On the 2nd day of Christmas, my kitty gave to me,
2 nasty hairballs and a dead mousie by the TV...

On the 3rd day of Christmas, my kitty gave to me,
3 fish[not swimming],2 nasty hairballs and a dead mousie by the TV....

On the 4th day of Christmas, my kitty gave to me,
4 piles of cat barf, 3 fish[not swimming], 2 nasty hairballs and a dead mousie by the TV....

On the 5th day of Christmas, my kitty gave to me...5 sh-red-ed plants-
4 piles of cat barf, 3 fish[not swimming], 2 nasty hairballs and a dead mousie by the TV...

On the 6th day of Christmas, my kitty gave to me, 6 drool-soaked spiders, 5 sh-red-ed plants...
4 piles of cat barf, 3 fish[not swimming], 2 nasty hairballs and a dead mousie by the TV...

On the 7th day of Christmas, my kitty gave to me, 7 peed-on places, 6 drool-soaked spiders, 5 sh-red-ed plants,
4 piles of cat barf, 3 fish[not swimming],2 nasty hairballs and a dead mousie by the TV...

On the 8th day of Christmas, my kitty gave to me, 8 lizards dying, 7 peed-on places,6 drool-soaked spiders, 5 sh-red-ed plants,4 piles of cat barf, 3 fish[not swimming], 2 nasty hairballs and a dead mousie by the TV...

On the 9th day of Christmas, my kitty gave to me, 9 evil glances, 8 lizards dying, 7 peed-on places,6 drool-soaked spiders, 5 sh-red-ed plants, 4 piles of cat barf, 3 fish[not swimming], 2 nasty hairballs and dead mousie by the TV...

On the 10th day of Christmas , my kitty gave to me, 10 broken knick-knacks, 9 evil glances, 8 lizards dying, 7 peed-on places,6 drool-soaked spiders, 5 sh-red-ed plants, 4 piles of cat barf, 3 fish[not swimming], 2 nasty hairballs and a dead mousie by the TV...

On the 11th day of Christmas, my kitty gave to me, 11 crapped-on letters, 10 broken knick-knacks, 9 evil glances, 8 lizards dying, 7 peed-on places, 6 drool-soaked spiders, 5 sh-red-ed plants,4 piles of cat barf, 3 fish [not swimmimg],2 nasty hairballs and a dead mousie by the TV...

On the 12th day of Christmas, my kitty gave to me, 12 grasshoppers hopping, 11 crapped-on letters, 10 broken knick-knacks, 9 evil glances, 8 lizards dying, 7 peed-on places,6 drool-soaked spiders, 5 sh-red-ed plants,4 piles of cat barf, 3 fish[not swimming], 2 nasty hairballs and a dead mousie by the TV...

O Cat-mas Tree , vers 1.1

O Christmas tree, O Christmas Tree,
how lovely are your branches...
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
you give me lots of chances...
I bat your balls and bite your lights,
and , just for fun, I scale your heights...
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
you are my favorite cat toy !

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
I love your shady hide-out...
when I've been "bad", I'm very glad,
that Mom can't get behind you...
I pee in plants and scratch the couch...
then hide in you when Mom's a grouch,
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
I hate to see E-phi-pha-ny

Silent Night ? cat-mas carol #3

Si-lent night,
no-o cat fights...
yet, I fear,
one is near...
"thunk", the sound,of a
cat leap-ing down...
"whoosh", the sud-den "flight",
"crash", somethings down ...
now the growling
will st-art,
n-ow the growl-ing will start...

si-lent night, no
long-er in sight...
growling ,hiss
that was-n't a kiss...
"you took my catnip,
you blank-ty blank"
"li-ar, it's MI-NE, you
blank, blank ,blank, blank..."
"Die, you evil fat
hate-ful bitch"
"Eat shit and die,
you vile wretch"

vi-olent night,
no rest in sight, I
guess I'll get up and
stifle the fight ...
I open the door and to my tired ears,
nary a cat ,nor a sound ,do I hear,
all my house is at pe-ace
a-ll my house is at peace

it's almost light,
so much for night...
not much sleep,
so I creep...
out, to see what my kitties have wrought,
and what do I find ? Nothing's left that I bought,
just the debris and on the heep,
kitties are curled , fast asleep....

Sly Cat, Sneaky Pie [Good King Wenseslaus] Cat-mas carol #2

Sly cat, Sneaky Pie looked down,
from her perch, so lofty...
on the top shelf nested she,
on the oatmeal boxes...

She watched Creamer saunter past,
unaware of danger...
then she swooped down, steal-th-ly,to
catch the Creamer, un-a-ware...

Stealthy, stealthy Sneaky Pie,
as she creeps up closer...
blissful, naive Creamer cat,
never saw her coming...
suddenly, that rotten Tom,
leaps into the picture,
scatter-ing them both in fright, with
screams and growls and h-is-ses

Now , the cat fight's really on,
round and round they're racing,
yowling, screetching, mad as hell, no
prisoners there're taking...
Creamers' gone to "higher ground" ,
watching all the chaos...
Sneaky's calling Thomas names,
nice cats never m-en-tion ...

World War 6 is close at hand when
Sneaky screams at Thomas...
"Here comes Mom, you blank, blank, blank, she's
gon-na kick your butt now",
Sneaky leaps back up on high, hiding in her re-fuge...
Thomas, sulks and stalks away,
seeking to be-co-me "scarce"

Sneaky Pie binds up her wounds,
[ mostly injured pri-de],
plotting death and sweet revenge,
[Thomas cat WILL die..!].
As she yawns and stretches there,
sloth o'retakes her venom, to-
morrow is another day and
he can wait, it's na-p time

"Cat-a-Pan"[Cat-mas carol # 1]

"Gracie takes her long sharp claws and she shreds up anything,
she can create 'slaw' from plants,
hee,hee,hee,hee,heeeee,
Sneakie Pie on high,
as she watches Gracie slice and dice a-way, oh, my !"

"Sneaky stretches out her paw to join in in the may-ham,
as her claws come out to slash,
hiss,hiss,hiss,hiss,hisss,
Lucy makes a dash,
as she lands there with a crash, making junk out of all my cache"

"Enter "Mom", who's really mad, 'cause the cats have been, oh, so bad,
and she's lo-wer-ing the "boom",
scram, scram, scram ,scram, SCAT !
you e-vil rot-ten cats !
and the cats me-re-ly sm-irk back...[heee,heee]
(sung to the tune of "Pat-a-Pan")