...a garden party

"I went to a garden party...
to reminisce with my old friends..."

the first lines of a Ricky Nelson hit song...
[probably, his last one before he died]

they came to mind Saturday evening...
as I drove back to Mudville...
from "Vitamin C Hills"...
a northern "burb" of Ahnoldtown...
where I had attended the 60th birthday party...
of someone I've known 40 years...

there were A LOT of people there...
most of whom, I don't know...
but there were a few that I did...
so it wasn't too awkward...

4 years ago, on the same day [August 9, 2004...]
I had gathered with a few of the same people...
in Mudville to celebrate the birthday of Big J...
trombonist extraordinaire... raconteur...
gourmand... and the husband of Smiley K...
this past Saturday's birthday girl...
[August 9 is really Big J's birthday...
Smiley K's is actually
a couple of days earlier...]

a year later, Big J would be gone...
a massive heart attack in mid July...
[one month to the day ...
after he retired from teaching...]
would take him from us...
so suddenly...
and very much too soon...

when my e-mail invitation arrived ....
over a month ago...
I checked my past calendar...
and noted the event in 2004...

my Mom had just been hospitalized ...
due to injuries from her fall...
and I was making the 300+ mile round trip...
between Mudville and Fresno, where she was...

daily...

besides taking care of my own house & kitties...
AND preparing for the start, of what would be...
my last year of teaching prior to retirement...
I was also making the 30 mile trek...
from the hospital to the ranch...

where I fed Mom's dog & cat...
picked up the mail, paid her bills....
watered everything...[VERY hot & dry in August...]
sometimes slept a couple of hours...
went BACK to the hospital...
sat with Mom most of the day...

THEN...

returned to Mudville...
feeding cats, watering...
dealing with mail & messages...
a few hours of sleep...
then, "on the road, again..."

I was on this routine for 4 or 5 weeks...

after school started and Mom was in a rehab place...
we had her neighbor feeding the animals...
and her yard guy watering & keeping an eye on things...
I went down every weekend...
to pick up her mail at the post office...
and take care of her business...
besides visiting her in the rehab place...

on October 22, [my birthday...]
she returned to the ranch...
but with a 24/7 live-in caregiver...
so I could come down only every 2 weeks...
until April 1, 2005...
when she moved to the care home, for good...

Big J's birthday party...
at a Mudville Greek restaurant...
was a welcome respite for me ...
from the surreality of it all...
and I think because of all I was dealing with...
at such a pivotal point in my life...
and all we would subsequently go through together...
with Big J's sudden passing...
has forever linked us in my mind...
in a melancholy way...

Big J had just finished...
"settling" his Mom's estate...
and they were returning home from San Jose...
where they had spent a couple of days...
cleaning out the house, to sell it...
with a trailer of keepsakes...

Smiley K, her brother Big A and his wife K2...
had also gone through ...
the debilitation & loss of their parents...

Tuba Guy & Optimist, his wife...
[who also taught at my school...]
were there...
and they both had gone through the same...
"child becomes the caretaker" period ...
before loosing their parents...
as well...

as we sat together, celebrating Big J's birthday...
joking & laughing...mandatory around Big J's sharp wit...
we couldn't know that the next time...
we would all be gathered together...
would be at his memorial service, less than a year later...
celebrating the life he shared with us all...
but mourning his sudden, untimely passing...

so, on Saturday evening...
as I visited with Tuba Guy & Optimist...
Big A...[K2 was in Florida, with their grandchildren...]
Smiley K, the "birthday girl"...
her daughters, son-in-law & new grand baby...
as well as a couple of others I knew...
among the 75 or 80 guests...

I was remembering Big J...
and the gathering 4 years before...
and ALL that has transpired since...
leaving me with a tinge of sadness...

as I was leaving, I said good-bye to Big A...
who was busy cuddling his baby grand niece...
[he's been fighting cancer for a while now...
and seems to be holding his own... but you never know...]

and then to Tuba Guy & Optimist...
who actually live a few blocks from me in Mudville...
Optimist invited me to "come over for a shower"...
during my bath remodel...maybe I will...
[she finally retired last December...
and looks better than I can remember...]

as I made my good-byes to Smiley K...
I wished her a happy birthday...
"although, it was really Big J's birthday..."
and I showed her my calendar entry from 2004...
on my Treo, listing Big J's party...
she smiled and remarked ...
that I was one of the few ...
who realized that it was actually his birthday...

as I drove home... in a melancholy mood...
I found myself thinking that life...
is such a gift ...
and is far too unpredictable...
to ever hold grudges...
or allow dissensions to fester...

and then...

lost in the moments past...
uncertain of the future...
but hopeful in the goodness of God...

I found myself humming that song...

"but I'm all right now...
I've learned my lesson well...
you can't please everyone...
so you, just have to please yourself..."