one of my favorite "numbers" was one that contained the lyrics...
"He that overcomes shall rise/stand"[there's more, but I can't remember it all...]
but the overarching point was that true victory came only through adversity...
and the "overcoming" of it...
those times that you feel as if you are, "in, too deep"...
and as you swim for the surface, the distance between you and the light...
is at the least daunting... at the worst, impossible...
and panic, if allowed to set in, will squeeze what air you have left...
right out of you... making an already untenable position, hopeless...
those who've studied "lifesaving", know...
that the more the victim struggles...
the harder it becomes for the rescuer to help them...
even to the extent that it may eventually become impossible...
because of the peril to their own safety...
for the rescuer to continue to try & help the victim...
now, God has it all over human rescuers...
because He is God & can't be taken down by one He is rescuing...
but He can be "fought off"...by someone trying too hard to "help"...
and as a result, the drowning person is lost, due to their own interference...
I continue to be told to wait... to believe & trust...
to stop "trying" to save myself... & just do only what He tells me to do...
and today, I was reminded that only through the overcoming of myself...
could I reach the goals I seek...
that the "overcoming" of myself is necessary to achieve the victory...
that the things in myself that hold me back...
must be mastered & left behind in order to be of service to Him...
if I insist on continuing to bear burdens that I've laid on Him...
I not only will not be able to be of service, but will actually prevent God from helping me...
and how would I do this ?
by limiting His power in my life to only "some things"...
& insisting on controlling the rest myself...
which is not in my "job description"...
but so in my "control-freak-ista" nature...
this mindset of "self-control", non-manipulative, non-compulsive behavior...
is not a new idea for me at all...
everything for the last 2-3 years has been leading to this...
with the 2 steps forward, then 3 steps back dance I've been doing...
[which I have to say, I.am.tired.of.]
I know that I just can't "do it" myself...
no human, of their own will, has the self-control to conquer...
such compulsive, controlling and destructive behavior..
I have to just let go of it all...
and let Him have His way with it...
using His strength to defeat that which bc has used against me for so long...
the more I hold on to something, the less it will satisfy me...
[actually, the more it hurts me & holds me back...]
"holding on tight" to things... not good...
"holding on tight" to Him & letting go of everything else... my goal...
not at all, an easy lesson for a pack rat or a "glommer" to master...
but master it, I must...
by just letting "go"...
perhaps I'm at a point now where I can...
only then will He be able to make me into the person He wants me to be...
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