...doors

"Behold, I stand at the door...and knock..."
this scripture verse appears on the November 25
page of my devotional readings book...

the devotional goes on to speak of God's
patience...in continuing to knock...
and wait for us to open the door
of our lives to Him...and invite Him in...

November 25, was the day I left the "hole"....
it was only later that I got the connection...
the reference to "knocking"..."opening the door"...
I re-read that days devotion and was blown away...

"opening the door" was climbing out of that "hole"...

I had been "born again" 30 years before...
I thought that I had given my life to Christ...
but years of "battering" had made me bitter...
withered inside...
like a "marble tomb, full of corruption..."

at every turn, I encountered a closed door...
so like a robotic toy... I would "bounce"
off the closed door...shift... and try again...
each time with less strength...and less hope...

I wasn't angry at God...
I just assumed that I didn't deserve "more"...
and was sinking deeper into a depressed spiral...

when help appeared...quietly....simply....
it was almost "natural" to take the offered hands....

I say almost...because
it was a choice with risks...
for all concerned...

those reaching out to me,
were being a channel...
and risked rejection...
not at all easy for most of us to do...

but God's love empowers us
to go beyond ourselves in His service...
and if you are of a true "servant spirit"...
you can, and will, be used by Him
in powerful, life-changing ways...

they were...
and in being a channel of His love,
changed my life forever...

there were risks for me too...
down there in that "hole"...

I knew what was down there...
ugly, cold and lonely that it was...
I had embraced that pain...
and was pretty much numbed by it...
it had become who I was...a part of me...

outside...was frightening, to say the least...
I had retreated into the "hole",
to escape the pain of numerous failed attempts
to love, be loved and live with people...

my attempts had failed on such a grand scale,
that I had decided that staying "away"...
was "my place"...
thus avoiding further pain for myself ...
and anyone who had to deal with me...

but God had plans for me...
plans that didn't include me, hiding in a "hole"...
so He sent in the "A" team...
armed with compassion...
empowered by the Holy Spirit...
and filled with His Love...

all I saw was Jesus...
smiling down at me...
then standing next to me...
reaching out His nail-scarred hand to me...
love and acceptance radiating from His eyes...

I took His Hand...and I was "out of the hole"...
but that was only the beginning...



the door was opened...but just a crack...
there was much work to be done...

I'd given God control of my life before...
and things had "piled-up" on me...smothering my joy...
I had walked through "open doors"...
only to have them close behind me...
and things "go badly", with no "way out" in sight...
leaving me to stew in the morass of problems...

I tried to understand with my mind...
I prayed for deliverance...
but always for something I wanted to happen...
and since it wasn't His will, but mine...
it never happened....

since I had walled myself off from everything...
including God...
He couldn't help me...
because I wasn't listening to Him...

so being in that "hole" was my life...
I wasn't happy...or productive...
but I didn't expect to be...

as I have "grown" in my relationship with God
since November 25, 2007...
the most important things I've learned from Him are...

patience... trusting, abiding, resting...in His Love...
joyful praise... in EVERY situation, no matter how painful, give thanks...
peace...He gives it when you do the first two consistently...
waiting upon Him... He will guide...sometimes with big signs...
sometimes with small signs... sometimes, you just have to trust and obey...
pray for His will to be done in your life... joyfully, His will...

everything else will follow...

I am being transformed...
in ways I never could have imagined before...
in my darkest despair, I didn't seek out the "hole"...
it's been filled-in...gone...

things in my life that have created problems for me...
for my entire existence...
are being dealt with...
and are "going"...

I'm truly, a work in progress...

it's not me that's doing these marvelous things...
it's the Holy Spirit of God...
moving me closer to Him and His will for me...
flowing through my time spent with Him...
and the loving supportive prayers of
His loving servants...

I have been blessed greatly...
like Abraham...late in life...
when all hope of such blessings
seemed past...

may God, who has bestowed
the richness of His blessings on me,
find me able to use them in service to Him...
according to His will for me...
thank you Jesus...

the door is open...here I go...