.... carrying a torch

millions of words have been written about friendship...
by SO many writers... much more eloquent than I...

books...operas...stories...songs...poems...

the ideals of friendship... [ie.platonic love...]
have inspired persons to great acts of bravery....
risking everything... and sometimes...
making the ultimate sacrifice...
all in the name of "friendship"...

"...greater love hath no man...than he lay down his life for a friend..."

but who are our "friends" ?

there are as many answers to that question ...
as there are possible friendships...

some people are blessed to find friends in their family...
a sibling...a cousin...an older relative...

for some... they are our neighbors growing up...
the classmate who knows all our secrets...
a "significant other"...who is also the "beloved..."
and even, in some strange cases...a former spouse or lover...
although from what I've seen...those are VERY rare...




there are many different kinds of friends...

the ones you have "at work"... with whom you share that bond...
the ones with whom you share an avocation or interest...
the ones in your "class"...or "gym"...or on "your team"...
the ones from your "lodge"...or "club"...or in "cyber space"...
the ones you "hang out" with... at a coffee shop or diner...
the ones you share a religious conviction with...

where ever you find them... you share a connection...
a shared experience... a supportive, symbiotic relationship...

I suppose there are parasitic "friends"...
but that seems an oxymoron...

for some...making a friend is easy...for others...
it is exceedingly difficult...

I've heard it said that friends are the family you choose for yourself...

as I enter a new phase of my life...
I find myself beginning to see friendship...
in a VERY different way...
than I ever saw it before...

before... I saw it as something to be earned...
or an "attraction" to be cultivated...
someone who makes you feel good when you're together...
someone that you hope will "like you anyway"...
even AFTER they get to know you...

I used to feel compelled to "give" to those I considered friends...
"what's wrong with that ?", you might ask...
who wouldn't want a friend who was always "giving" ? ...

I've VERY recently begun to realize that by "giving" all the time...
I was pushing myself on them...
I was trying to "buy" their friendship...not consciously...
but that was the effect, none-the-less...
and authentic friendships... have "no strings attached"...

generosity is a very good thing...
but being sensitive to your friend's feelings and needs...
is a better thing...

constant "giving" of anything is a plea for attention...
making everything about the giver...
that's parasitic, NOT symbiotic...
smothering, not freeing...
friendships must have room to grow...
space to appreciate each other...


"familiarity breeds contempt..."

the more you analyze a relationship...
the more scrutiny you put to it...
the less natural it is...
and its growth becomes stunted...
perhaps...even dies...

superficial relationships can suffer a great deal of things
that much deeper relationships can't...
that's due to the requisite increased trust and bonding
that you find in more meaningful relationships...

if a superficial friend annoys you...
you can just shrug your shoulders or walk away...
there's no real investment...
no pain...

if someone that you have trusted...
and shared deep feelings with gets out of line...
or hurts you...
there is great pain... and anger...
because of the deeper levels of trust and bonding...
making "healing" difficult...
unless real change takes place...


so what will I do ...
with my newly-emerging gestalt of relationship behavior ?

as little as possible...

because that's always been my main problem...
I DO things...
albeit with good motives...
but I TRY too hard and DO too much...

from now on...I will endeavor to "back away"...
to let God DO it....

DO less...LOVE more...

I've asked Him to change me into a person
that can be the best possible friend...
for those He blesses my life with...
to help me "do less"...and "listen more... "
both to Him... and to my friends...
and to stop, trying so hard...

that way...I'll know what my friend needs from me...
what I can give...
and I'll know how...
because He will lead me...
He's already started...

what better desire could there be for any friend...
than that "God's perfect will, be done in their life...
and in your "relationship"..." ?

"when you rest in the Lord...
less work on your part
means more effective work for Him..."

for when relationships are created ...
and blessed by God...
He will surely give the wisdom ...
and grace to grow and sustain them...
even heal them...if you let Him...

but you HAVE to ask for guidance...
you HAVE to listen for the answers...
and you MUST follow His commands...

this all seems SO simple... but God's way so often is...
"trust and obey..."


we light our individual candles...
to fight off the darkness...




God, transforms them into a single torch...
to warm our souls...