..calling all "friends of Fluff"

[Fluff in all her glory this past June...]

at first glance...



it may just appear that Herself [the Fluff...]
is merely annoyed that I disrupted her nap...
even to take pictures of her magnificence...



however, if you look more closely at her left eye...



the horribly wrong look of her eye becomes more apparent...



though it could be mistaken for glare...



until you get closer...



and finally, in macro mode, you can see the opaqueness...
the lesion is a yellow spot, below and to the left...
you can't see it unless you're pulling the eyelid down...
and Herself doesn't allow "paparazzi" in the treatment room...



having had enough "attention", even for her...
I'm getting "the look"...
which means...well, I don't use that kind of language...

at her age, 17, Mz Fluff is in robust good health...
except for the obvious eye issue...

she has always had "digestive issues"...
which have suddenly cleared up...
since she's had the eye issues...
and been getting antibiotic eye salve...

so she's actually gained a bit of weight...
since her return from the vet's...
when it's warm, she goes outside & sleeps...
when it's sunny, but cool, she sleeps in the sunny window...

otherwise, she sleeps on my bed...

surgical removal of a cat's eyeball is routine surgery...
quite easy for the surgeon...
NOT easy on the cat...

I've had 2 previous kitties who had this surgery...
one, when he was very young, as he was born...
with only one eye fully developed...
and the other deformed one was removed...

that was Boodjie[BJer, aka "Blackjack"]...
he was born on April 15, 1992...and died on New Year's Eve, 2004...
he was all black, had a prehensile-like tail...
and was the biggest sweetie on earth...

the other was Mikie, brother of Katie...
rescued with a horribly swollen eye...
that finally ruptured, so it was removed...
he was about 8 weeks old when he had the surgery...
he had a long & happy life...
and was also very sweet & mellow...

the vet wants to avoid the eyeball removal for Fluff...
as long as she is comfortable...
because he says that it is very hard on an older cat...
though she has has anesthesia for several procedures...
even quite recently...

sewing her eye shut didn't work...
I continue to put antibiotic salve in her eye...
several times a day, with her permission, of course...

so if any of you are so inclined to say a prayer for Fluff...
we would appreciate it...

I know she's had a long life...
but except for the eye problem...
she has a really good quality of life...
and I'd like my friend to have some more good years...
sleeping on my bed, batting me if I don't move fast enough...
and just being here...

...kitties & Molly & stuff, oy veh !

I have seen as many as 4 felines reclining on the keyboard...
...at one time...
the keyboard isn't big enough for more...



here we see Mackie & Mattie...
who are often joined by Murph & MJ...

I gave these two the "bum's rush"...
put the rug back on top of it...
[as I do a number of times in the day...]
and went on into the office...



I returned in moments to find this...
Mackie, so thankful I put the rug back on...
he prefers to lay on the rug, on the keyboard...
as opposed to the keyboard without the rug...

on other fronts...



Fluff's eye now has an ulcerated cornea...
the vet says she has no sight in it anymore...
but removing an eye in a kitty of her age [17]...
is not an easy surgery for the cat to recover from...

she doesn't seem to be in pain...
has gained weight[she's NOT on steroids...]
her digestion has gotten better...
but her eye is loosing the battle...

so I put salve in it every few hours...
pet & adore her, as is her due...
and hope for the best...
she seems perfectly happy & totally herself...
[demanding, imperious & haughty...]

my friend Creamer, however...



is back at the vets for a couple of days...
to do "tests" for thyroid, sugar, liver...
whatever is causing her to have unremitting diarrhea episodes...
interspersed with periods of regularity...

her last couple of bouts of "pudding" diarrhea...
were left on the bathroom floor...
which I almost stepped in at 3 AM...[yuck]
so we have to figure out her situation...
she's 13 & way too skinny for the first time ever...
ALL the others are back to normal weight...

I'm guessing she'll be there through the weekend at least...

on the dog front...

I've been searching for a while now...
for better ways to control Molly...

MM suggested a Halti collar...

she described a former dog of hers...
as almost choking itself...
pulling against the choke chain...
making gagging noises...
and still "pulling"...

that's Molly, to a "T"...
choking herself, gagging...
and still pulling harder...



my only mistake was getting it too big...
and she pulled out of it....

so....



since Calico had suggested an Easy Walk harness...
and I had also gotten one of those too...
I put it on her...then the Halti collar...
which I snapped to the chest ring...
where the lead attaches to the harness...

perfecto !

wearing both...we took a walk without ANY pulling on her part...
we walked steadily and even encountered some other dogs...

I have to get a smaller size...
so the Halti won't fall off...
but both of them worked...!
no more back pain or dislocated fingers !

many thanks to both MM & Calico...
for their advice...
it just goes to show...
you can teach an old catsinger...
new doggie tricks...



here you see them both[in black] hanging with the lead...

of course, this has been an immense help in dog control too...



here you see Molly inside her new crate on 2/2...



then I made it her "den" by covering it...

a perfect spot to chew dog stuff & play growl at cats from...



she goes into it without any bribes or downcast looks...
I generally make sure that she has something to chew...
she stays in there anytime there's cat food "set out"...
or if someone is here, trying to accomplish something...

she also stays there at night...

she has become too playful with my old kitties...
Sneaky Pie & a couple of them, give her "what for..."
when she's too rough...
but I've seen her chase a couple of the old guys...
and I saw her "pounce/roll" Charlie...
he wasn't hurt, but she's too strong to be that rough with them...

so if I'm sleeping, outside working, not home...
or just busy with stuff...
she is quite content to be there, in her den...
if I'm about in the house, eating, watching TV...
she's out...though I have seen her go in even then...

and since we now seem to have a solution...
to the "walk/pull" problem...
things should get better for us all...

as for the "stuff"...

let's just say that I pray...
that "my ship will come in..."
before my pier collapses...

...Frankenfinger [whaa, whaaa, whaa...]

[warning: EWWWW zone ahead...]


OK gentle readers...what is it ?




I don't have an electron microscope...but I do have digi mac...
[digital macro photography for the un informed...]

give up ? it's the end of the steel wire in my finger...

it got wet in the shower & they told me to re-bandage it...
so I sensed a photo-op/blog op & clicked away...

it has been swathed in gauze for a couple of weeks now...
so the white, ukky looking stuff, is just wet, dead skin...
it took me a while to get the old bandage off...
so the skin got "pruny"...



that white "pile" around the base of the wire...
is just the now wet, formerly dry, dead skin...
now seen in perspective on the finger...



you can also see where the stitches were removed...
and the healing incision across the knuckle...
is covered with butterfly tape & skin glue...



here, on the left side, more healing incision...
and a better look at the gorp around the wire...



and here, the gorp is gone...
swabbed away by moi...



the right side just looks pruny...



the back, likewise...

there is still some discoloration, but most has gone...
except for a bruise across the top joint that now bends again...
sometimes, it feels like my fingernail is "on too tight"...
sometimes, my finger tingles & stings...
or I got a nerve jolt, like an electric shock...

the underside of the finger...
tends to get sore around the 2nd joint...
the top is itching like crazy now...
as the incision is healing...
as well as the internal repairs...
and the knuckle/palm area is very sore most of the time...
for all fingers...

so with the wire sticking up as much as it does...



I'm still doing this...
I occasionally "bump" the wire end...
OH MY ! NOT a good idea at all...

thankfully, I have this...



the finger cozy MM made for me...
which has really been a Godsend for me...
as it serves several purposes :
keeps my finger toasty warm...
acts as extra padding...
and tends to discourage "questions"...
[maybe they think I'm nuts, with a finger mitten...]

my doctor's appointment is March 5...
I believe that's when they'll pull out the wire...
I am SO ready for this to be over...

...wandering in the wilderness

Lent...a time of reflection & introspection...

wandering in the wilderness populated by fear...
and personal failures...shortcomings...
lack of being a good steward...
and all the consequences that come with that...

being tired of feeling out of place...
never knowing what to say or do...
always saying or doing the wrong things...
getting on people's nerves, creating problems...

and as a result of all this inability to be "with people"...
being left out and feeling lonely...
so you end up just wanting to be left alone...
because the pain is more manageable that way...

same battle, frightening new parameters...

the economic downturn has crashed my fiscal safety net...
and once again, because I'm not good at dealing with finances...
fear is circling me...
like a ravening wolf around a slowly dying fire...

so I am wandering, carrying a torch to keep fear at bay...
while I look for the path out of this mess...

I've come across several, but they aren't, "the way"...
and I am confused...
I fight the fear...
with the light of trust in God...

but there's that nasty voice in my head that reminds me...
that I had plenty...I just was not a good steward of it...
and I, like the "prodigal son"...
will have to live with the consequences...

I also know that there's no miracle God can't accomplish...
no "last minute rescue" He won't "pull off"...
and the "message" I get, is to keep trusting...

the way of "the faltering step & uncertain future"...
is the way of faith...His way...

there is no question in my mind...
that I want to be...
who...and what... and where...
He wants me to be...

no question at all...

just...

HOW...do I get there?...

is there something I'm supposed to be doing?

what's next?...

I think I need a job...I know I need more income...

but where? doing what ?...

any job I've ever had that was worth the effort...
came from God...and they ALL had lessons to teach me...
as well as a purpose beyond the mere money I earned...

I left the school district to save my life...
that door is shut in my mind & in actuality...

the economic crisis will soon flood the area...
with much younger, laid-off teachers...
to take any of those jobs...
that I might have taken, but know would kill me...

libraries are worse off than schools, so that's out...

and now, even music is no longer providing me with any income...

so, once again...I'm wandering in the wilderness...
surrounded by all the stuff I've wasted my resources on...
the vast majority of which I can't sell...
because no one wants it...

waiting... to be led...

believing I will be...

& brandishing the remains of my torch...
at the fearful demons circling me...

for not all who wander are lost..

...man, you are but dust [aka post 666...]

I didn't plan it this way...
it just "happened"...
that this...post # 666...
should come on Ash Wednesday...

for those in the Christian world...
today is the beginning of a period of penance...
introspection, self-denial & "course correction"...
leading to the joyous rebirth of Easter...

last year's Palm Sunday branches are burned...
and placed by the priest on the forehead in the shape of a cross...
to show that the believer is aware of the price paid...
for his soul and those of all other believers...



ironic, that the sign of the "beast"...
666... will also be applied to the forehead...
for all the world to see...

so this evening, as the priest marks the sign of the cross...
on my forehead, in palm ash...
I will be just a bit more aware of it's meaning...

so very grateful for how far I've come...
but very mindful...
of all "the miles to travel, before I sleep"...
and of the sinister traps along the way...
should I ever forget...
"...that I am, but dust..."
and that dust bought, with a great price...

..."madrigali beastiale"

yesterday I finally got the keyboard out of the box...
and on the DR table...I covered it with a rug...
that left me with "mixed emotions...
'cause I know my kitties...



when I came home, planning to practice my music...
it was covered with cats...the rug , not the keyboard...
[bet you saw that coming...]

there were 4 [count'em, 4...] felines reclining on the rug...
which they had pulled off the "lumpy keyboard"...
and onto the smoother table...
leaving the keyboard uncovered...
[NOT a good long term plan around here...]

I shooed them away..2 didn't "shoo" so well...
[Sneaky Pie believes that everything is hers...
Mackie saw a "petting" opportunity...]




I kept shooing & turned the keyboard around to find the AC plug-in...
this finally succeeded in removing felines from the table...
albeit, only temporarily...

I turned on the keyboard...wasting time trying to figure out...
how to turn off the chords in the lower octaves...
the annoying "re-verb"...
[a shimmering effect...NOT very Renaissance...]
and the gross "Reggae" beat that wanted to accompany me...

I finally found the setting for "acoustic piano"...
which was not bad...& totally sans chords & "beat"...

I got out my music, found the first place I wanted to work on...

shooed away Molly, who was by now aware that I was "available"...

it took a while also to convince Sneaky Pie...
that she could NOT recline on the keyboard...

while I was playing it...



finally, I was ready to begin...

I do NOT play keyboard...chords or music beyond one line...
are a real trial... so at first I was just playing my part...

I get it in my ear then start figuring out...
who I get my entrance note from, intervals, key centers...
dissonances, crossing parts, patterns...
normal singer stuff for me...

then I start singing...

if the text is tricky or the music/rhythm is hard...
I "la-la" for most of the time...
I find it's much easier to add the text...
to the right notes in the right rhythms...
than to fumble along doing several things wrong at once...
& hope I eventually get it...

as soon as I started singing though...
there was a definite "new wrinkle"...

whereas Molly didn't like the trumpet...
she likes to sing...& wanted to join in...
I also re-attracted Sneaky Pie, as well as a couple of others...



I was using a light head voice, with a forward focus...
and it was like when the announcer at the roller rink...
would announce,"All Skate, All Skate"...

everybody wanted to "sing-a-long"...

one of the songs we sing is the "Animal Madrigal"...
a non-sense bass line...
with a coo-coo, an owl, a cat & a dog...
[I have inherited the cat part from MM, who was purr-fect...
but who has become wise & is now, the owl...]
singing a counterpoint of animal sounds above the non-sense bass...

I wish I'd had a recorder at hand, but I didn't...
so this will have to do...

me: "la, la-ah, la, la, lah...[shoo...] la, laaah [GO AWAY !]"

Sneaky Pie:"me-ow...mow, mo-w..."[chasing my fingers on the keys...]

Molly : "Yow, yip, yip...WHINE !"[poking her nose in my back & other places]

Thomas : "Marr-ooow, Miaoooow !" [glaring at SPie...]

Lucyfur : "mow,mow,mow"[walking between me & the music...]


eventually...they got tired of "sing-a-long" time...
[aka, "drive your mother crazy" time...]

when I was finally finished...
they were all laying around the room...
tired of "practicing"...

I put my music away & covered up the keyboard...

bet it has cats on it when I get home...
[post script...it did...2 to be exact...]

...a finger cozy

"little did I know..."

back on Dec.27, when Molly decided to suddenly lurch to the left...
[having seen another dog]pulling the leash around my left hand...
and subsequently dislocating my middle left finger...
in two places, rupturing a tendon and tearing ligaments...
it was only the beginning of a long period of adjustment for me...

I am a cancer survivor[9 years in March...]

melanoma under my right thumb nail resulted in...
"a partial distal amputation of the right thumb"...
[they cut off the top joint of my thumb to save my life...]

getting used to having a very sensitive half a right thumb was tricky...

fortunately, I am ambidextrous...
and during "recovery", I even wrote with my left hand...

this time, things were quite different...

having a "disabled" left hand...
as well as a right hand with half a thumb...
and a sensitive neuroma[inflamed nerve bundle]...
on the end of that...

made "doing" for myself, difficult...
to say the least...

the first orthopaedic specialist I was referred to...
pretty much blew me off...
"...you'll be fine when the swelling goes down"...
"there's no damage...just use it as normal..."
"after all, at your age, you probably won't regain much function..."

happily for me, "circumstances"...
allowed me to go to a hand specialist...
who over 5 weeks after the initial injury...
almost instantly saw that the injury was real...
that there was tissue damage...

and that the need for surgery was "acute"...

3 days later...I had a steel wire in my finger...
as well as 8-10 stitches...and a white gauze bandage...



which I have covered with the "no-hurt" wrap to keep clean...



since the surgery, it's been changed twice...
the incision is dry & healing...
and the wrap keeps it clean...

it does, however, get cold...
[having the steel in it in this weather, doesn't help...]
and when it's cold, it hurts...aches mostly...
but uncomfortable, none the less...

I discovered that the fingerless gloves I have, really helped...
but as it heals, the aching has become more acute...
as the nerves "wake up"... and the sore muscles are "heard"...

I went through this after my thumb amputation too...
at least I don't have "phantom pain" like then...
[the amputated part of my thumb felt like it was still there...
and it hurt like crazy...]

so after listening to me complain for a while...
today, before church, Miz Minka gave me a lovely finger cozy...
that she had knit for me...



she had mentioned the idea...
even taken measurements...
but knowing how full her plate is...
I am quite pleased that she made the time...
to do this for me...



I put it on...it fit perfectly...
I haven't had it off yet...
and though my finger has hurt somewhat...
[especially when I don't take my Excedrin on time...]
I haven't had the almost nauseating ache I have had...
from it being "cold"...



the fact that it's purple...
& goes with my coat...
is a bonus...

it's also very liturgical...
Lent coming up, & all...



and I really like the wrist loop that helps keep it in place...

thanks Miz Minka...!

my finger & I thank you...!

..."pause"

it's time for a bit of a rest...



my hand woke me up 3 times last night...
very stiff & sore from too much, too soon...



a sure sign that I need to slow down a bit...
& prepare to stop for a while...



the pause that refreshes...
and in the case of my hand...
allows the sore muscles to regroup & relax...



I need to rest now...'cause soon,I won't have time to...

there are many places to "pause" & rest...



for me, this would NOT be a good one...
[I shudder to just look at it...]



this, on the other hand, would be very nice...



as would this... fog & no people, even better...



I prefer to snooze in comfort...
so I'm going back to bed for a morning nap...
see you all later...

...working in the "under croft" [aka, the choir room]

since I typed my fingers sore, yesterday...
going through the choir music for Lent & Holy Week...
today, it was,"go down to the church and do it" day...

so I went down there...
BTW...I go "south" to get there...
so technically, it is "down"...

after a brief chat with Square Peg...
I walked across the parking lot, up the ramp...
behind and around the church proper...
to the side door that goes, "down"...



down to what would be the "basement" in most places...
but here... it's known as "the under croft" or "crypt"...
[I love the British...]



at the foot of these stairs to the right...
is the Columbarium where I own a niche...
for I hope, much later...

the gate to the left goes into the public areas...



which include the nursery, adult Bible study room...
the only flush toilet in our 107 year old church building...



some storage and the choir room...



the door on the left, across the room is the choir room...



it's not huge, but it works just fine...



and now that my bathroom's finally done...
I need to get my finger well..
so I can sort & put away the piles...



as well as process the piles of new music on my worktable..



this pile is L&C music...from 2007...
in my defense, it arrived just after...
I had put away all the rest of it...

then there's this box...



last year when I got myself "jammed-up"...
I shifted it to other places...
before finally sorting it...

when my hands both work...it takes me NO time at all...
the entire mess you see...
will take me a couple of hours, at most... to put away...

all the new music that needs cataloging, boxing, labeling...?

that, will take a day or so... and both hands...

so now, I'm getting ready to rest since I accomplished a lot today...

I located ALL the anthems, service music, Psalms etc...
for Ash Wednesday through Easter...

I "edited them"...
[ie, page numbers, use dates/service, cantor assignments...]

I located the Byrd,"Passion According to St John"...
which we may do again on Good Friday this year...
I also found the "other" Vidi Aquam[Hammell]...
for Easter Vigil...
AND...
found the Mathias, "Ave Verum Corpus" for Maundy Thursday...

they weren't lost, just hadn't been used for a while...
and I had forgotten about them...

I could remember the title, just not the composer...
thank heavens, I arranged these stacks by title...
not composer, as would be the usual practice in music libraries...

then I made the working/edited copies for the singers...
we always buy enough scores, but keep them on the shelves...
using edited copies for practice & performance...
it is legal, the way we do it, and better for all...
[did I mention that the editing always includes enlarging the print...?]

I've done it both ways...
and it's SO much better to have bigger print...
with all pertinent information printed on the copies...
when they get ratty & dog-eared...we toss them & make new...

when you use "printed music"...
it wears out, gets hard to read from markings & erasures...
[not to mention greasy fingers...]
and singers are always misplacing them...

as long as you have a printed score for each singer...
accompanist & leader...using copies is legal...
as long as they are not used in lieu of buying a printed score...
if you buy 12 scores, for a 20 voice choir...
and make 8 copies, that's illegal...

so today, after copying & collating 15 sets of Lenten choir music...
finding & copying Psalms for the cantors...
as well as numerous other "details"...
I came home to edit & send elements sheets as well as Taizé plans...

now, after all that... having been given the OK...
I'll e-mail the Lent/Holy Week schedule to the choir...
then I'm taking a nap...
and a well deserved one at that...

...a really busy, paperwork day...

lately, I've been lucky enough to be able...
to spend time in "another era"...
[...the Renaissance...]

sigh...

I suppose I should be thankful...
that I don't have to copy music like they did...

been there...done that...
NOT fun....

today...reality tapped me on the shoulder...
as I realized that my finger disabilities...
and injury/surgery adventures...
had me seriously "behind"...
since Ash Wednesday is less than a week away...



and there was a LOT of church music "stuff" to do...

fortunately for me, BLT does all the brain twisting planning...
but I have to go through the mass elements sheets...
making sure that nothing has escaped his "eagle eye"...
or got mangled by his quickly typing fingers...
making musical & selection "suggestions"...
& working out the massive job of supplying the copies of the music...
that the choristers, cantors & organist will need...

if you aren't familiar with a structured liturgical service...
there are all manner of protocol that needs to be followed...
that is a large part of what makes it so beautiful & uplifting to me...
and also why it takes a great deal of informed planning...
organization and just plain work...

BLT has the liturgical & canonical expertise...
as well as being a fine musician/singer, a detail-oriented guy...
& a retired music educator...

I am a retired music educator as well...
I have been employed as a church soloist/cantor since college...
and have extensive music librarian experience...
I think you all know how anal I can be...

so between us, we keep the music program, "humming along"...
[sorry, I just could NOT resist that...]

I've spent nearly ALL day, & into the evening...
going over the mass elements sheets for Ash Weds...
through Lent and Holy Week to Easter...which we celebrate twice...
first at the Great Vigil, on Saturday night...
with the first Easter service following the Vigil...
and then our regular Easter Sunday morning almost repeat of the night before...

since we celebrate the Triduum [Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Great Vigil]
there is a LOT of music...Psalms to be chanted, responses, anthems, etc...
we also do a weekly Wednesday night Lenten observance...
that includes a few of us leading a service of Taizé singing...
and I still have that to deal with tonight...

that won't be too hard...
I'll just adjust the program from last year...

now if I can only find my notes...
so I can correct those "pesky" little things...
that we always forget to fix from year to year...
and if I can't find them...?

well...

there's always next year...

...a Renaissance woman

I've always loved "early music"...
Medieval, Renaissance...
liked the instruments...the tonality...
the energy of it all...

and I'm not alone, for Renaissance Faires...
have proliferated...
it's become a favorite "pretend" place...

being a trumpet player...
I soon learned that I'd have to learn new skills...
to feed my early music obsession...



here we have 4 angels playing Renaissance "lip-reed instruments"...
three are trumpets...
[including a "zug-trompetten" aka slide trumpets...
which unlike the sackbutt did not have a movable slide...
but rather the entire instrument moved in & out on the mouthpipe...]

the angel 2nd from the left is playing a cornetto...
[most were curved...this is probably a cornettino...
which is shorter...and therefore, higher...]
the cornetto is a wooden lip reed instrument...
that could play a chromatic scale...sounding "brassy"...
often playing in groups with sackbutts...
[the precursor of the trombone...]
which could also accomplish chromatic lines...

the trumpet was just a large bugle...
[until about 300 years later when valves would be invented...]
and could only play notes in the harmonic series...
of the length of it's tube...

in this procession, you see straight trumpets...
they were eventually replaced by the folded ones...
like the 2 outer angels above are playing...



and this one, an actual Renaissance trumpet from the 1500's...



this happened mainly for pitch considerations as time passed...
[the longer instruments in C...
matched the pitch of the court organs & strings...
ie..."concert pitch"...
as the Renaissance moved into the Baroque...]

these are modern instruments built to the same specifications...
of actual Renaissance & Baroque trumpets...



the shorter one is in "D"...
the longer one is in "C"...
the one I have is pitched in "D", with slides to extend it to "C"...
and looks rather like the longer one...

I used to own a cornettino, but alas...
in a moment of weakness I sold it...

the Renaissance/Baroque trumpet I own, is my second one...
I sold my first one to raise money to go on tour in 1977...

when I lived in Chicago in the mid-1970's...
I played briefly with the Chicago Early Music Ensemble...
as well as singing in a madrigal comedy performance...
at NU during grad school...
[as part of a class project...]

so I've always played...and only occasionally sang...
as I never had the opportunity to be a singer in a real madrigal group...
& I've always wanted to...a lot...



to gather around a table and sing the 4 & 5 part madrigals of the 16th century...



to dress up in period costumes...

but I figured that my chance was gone...
those doors were closed...

and just when I gave up on the possibility...
of being able to become a member of such a group...
& to sing this wonderful, joyous music...
not in a choir, but in a soloist-type setting...
just for the fun of it...

I got an invitation to audition with a local madrigal group...

since the audition time is still in progress...
I'm keeping the details to myself...
but in order to give myself a good chance at success...
I did have to take care of a couple of details...
that would strengthen my qualifications for such a group...

and it needed to be sooner rather than later...



I HAD to get a keyboard...

not being a keyboard player, I had no instrument...
on which to practice my music...
and if I don't learn my part...correctly & quickly...
[each person is a soloist...]
I won't be doing this long...

so a keyboard, on sale online for $85.00 was just the thing...
and it arrived this afternoon...

so now the musical issues were dealt with...

but... there was still another matter...
[this one more difficult to deal with...]

the end of this whole try-out period is a performance...

in costume...

I do not own anything that I could use...
so I went skulking about on line...
armed with some helpful advice from a friend...

and found this...



since availability of a "plus size" was a real consideration...
my choices were rather limited...
but this "Irish dress" in "woad" [aka slate blue]
was available in my size, as was a simple chemise...
[the white "underdress" that must be purchased separately...]



I also got a "goodwife's" hat...
since my hair is way too short to be "period"...
and I'm NOT wearing a wig...in June...

since Renaissance literally means "rebirth"...

I suppose it's symbolic & only appropriate...
that I have not only purchased my first keyboard...ever...
[somewhere, Mom is dying of laughter...
so are all my long suffering piano teachers...]

but...[and it's a big one...NO pun intended...]

I have also bought,[gasp...] a D-R-E-S-S...

the things I do for music...
the levels I will stoop to...

I can think of a half dozen people who would be ROTFLTBO...
at just one of the two...
with both...they'll be dumbfounded...

I have only one thing to say to them...

fa-la-la...la-la...

...just enough to get by [aka "beware the leaven of the Pharisees"

sometimes you just know ...
that you are in the right place...
at the right time...

for me, this last year or so...
the realization of the Divine Presence...
at work in my life...
has become almost surreal at times...
while still being very real...
and concrete...

when nearly every sermon...
seems to resonate in me...
on a personal level...
opening doors of understanding...

I find myself amazed and humbled...
not to mention inspired & enlightened...

since God put me at St John's in 2000...
[and make NO mistake...He put me there...
and has made it very plain since then...
that I was to stay there...]
He has blessed me with 3 different priests...
whose sermons have been well-written...
inspiring, convicting and scriptural...

today, at the noon Mass following the morning Bible study...
Fr. N spoke on the gospel lesson he had just read...
as a short, off-the-cuff sermon...

it was the story in Mark where Jesus...
after feeding the multitudes a couple of times...
from almost nothing tells the disciples...
who are with Him on a boat & have forgotten to bring bread...
"to beware the Pharisee's leaven"...
and goes on to speak of the "widow's mite"...

like many, I had always thought of how her gift was "better"...
than that of the rich men, because it was all she had...
and I knew how the "multitudes" were fed...

what I hadn't considered, was that the widow had given all that she owned...
and had no way to get more...
after considering the consequences...
just as the rich men had given all that was required...
[the leaven of the Pharisees]
also after considering the consequences...

they were rich because "they were careful"...
they followed the letter of the law...
because they feared God & enjoyed their status...
they were very pleased with themselves...

she was poor because she was a widow with no one to care for her...
she gave her last copper coins...
because she loved God & wanted to serve Him...
her concern was for pleasing God, not her own welfare...

the message I got from this small epiphany...
was that when we are careful to "take care of our needs"...
before we trust God, He can not provide the miracles...
that He would if we are "careful for nothing"...
and joyfully give Him all that we have & are...

the multitudes were fed because someone gave Jesus...
all they had...
He blessed the loaves & fishes, gave them to God...
and then there was plenty for all...

it was not the "letter of the law" observation...
that made the "leaven of the Pharisees" something to be avoided...
it was the implied self-reliance of not giving, all...
but rather, just enough to "look good" or satisfy the rules...
of not relying on God, but rather on yourself...

it's a trust/heart thing...

is your mind set in the spirit ?
or is it consumed with worldly things ?

can you trust the God who made the heavens ...
with it's stars, sun, moon and this incredible world...
to make order from the chaos of your small, frantic life...?
to provide all that you could need, if you will give Him all...?

do you give just enough of yourself to feel "good"...?
or are you ready to give everything...yes, everything...

He gave everything for us...

as the song goes...

"...I guess it all comes down to where your heart is...
it's there your thoughts & feelings all begin...
so if you never give your heart to Jesus...
you'll never really have a place with Him..."

...some improvement

[WARNING : there is some EWWW factor in this...]

I went to have the dressing changed today...
I took my camera because the phone pictures were really blurry...



only the outer part and padding needed changing...
as you can see, the swelling and redness has really gone down...
especially around the "wire"...

the healing incision is so nice & dry...
that the paper tape securing it didn't need replacing...
so the healing process is going well...
now I just need to keep it warm enough so it doesn't ache...
and medicated enough that it doesn't wake me up...

but the prognosis is looking good...

on other fronts...

Creamer has diarrhea again...
and SPie is peeing in the bathroom...
though she has left the TP alone...
since I put it backwards...

it's always something...more...

sigh...

...this & that, 1.1

after yesterday's "TP wars"...
which, of course, Sneaky Pie won...
I put the new roll on, "backwards"...
so if she swats it waiting for it to unroll...
it will just spin...

she'll probably then shred it in frustration...
so I won't be spending my time "re-rolling" her paw-work...

[as I have here...]



when the "fun" stuff...
ie, a roll, unrolling...cascading sheets of paper flowing...
no longer happens, she should "move on"...
to "other" purr-suits...

hmmmm... why does this thought, fill me with dread...?

on other fronts, Fluff is healing nicely...
though I'm waiting for her to think I'm "gone"...
and come out from under the bed...
so I can put salve in her eye...

Creamer seems well again...
the nasty diarrhea hasn't reappeared...
and nothing else has "fallen off"...

thanks to a very brave & kind-hearted friend...
my dishes & kitchen are no longer a bio-hazard...
much of the furniture in the DR/LR ...
including rugs & really heavy stuff...
are back in their places...
and I even managed to water the plants...

now...

I'm on my way "out"...
the heavy rain has passed for the moment...
I'm going to my surgeon's office...
to have the dressing changed...
[house cleaning can really grunge up white gauze...]

I need to pick up some shoes I ordered...
that finally came in...
over a month ago...
[I keep forgetting...]

then I'm going to the Tuesday AM Bible study...
at the church, with a mass & lunch to follow...

after that, I'll come home...
and do some church music stuff...
some more "re-arranging" & cleaning...
and bathroom "decorating"...
[shelf paper, drawer sorting, etc...]

then an enjoyable rehearsal tonight...

I love singing this music...
& now... since I've even put my "book" in order...
everybody doesn't have to wait for me...
while I flip through the entire thing...
looking for the next song...

sounds like a full day to me...

& that will end... on a "good note"...
[pun intended...]

...kitty update...

I knew I had a lot to do today...
but I hadn't planned on this...



after Fluff removed her E-collar on Saturday...
she waited until Sunday to remove the plastic stitch...
that was holding her outer eyelid closed...

when I went to apply salve this morning, all I could see...
was the inflamed looking conjunctiva tissue...
[ie, her "inner eyelid"...]

hoping that it had been also stitched shut...
we went to the vet...
where I was thrilled to learn that I was correct...

things are healing well...
and she should be able to lose the remaining stitch...
on Thursday...


I also wanted to check on Creamer...
she of the disappearing ears...
and nasty diarrhea...

the vet said that the diarrhea had just stopped...
all her poop while there was normal...
so hoping for the best, she came home...



we're waiting on the biopsy of the piece of ear that fell off...
she hasn't lost any more, but has a rather weird look now...
she's currently snoozing in her favorite spot...

Cagney's claimed a bathroom cubbie, but not for long...
I need to sort stuff & begin to put it away...

Sneaky Pie did one of her blitz attacks on the TP last night...
so I spent a couple of minutes re-rolling it...again...
only to return a while later to find the re-rolled roll...
snagged and partially trashed...

*sigh*

[I LOVE my kitties...I LOVE my kitties...etc....]

...everything new, is old again...

ah... the good old days in the old bathroom...
of strolling in, only to find my "new" roll...



now, empty...

courtesy of...



Sneaky, Sneaky Pie...

who was strangely "absent" today when I found this...



yes...that pile of unrolled TP IS yellow...
[3 guesses... what...& whom...]this is the 4th time...
that "someone" has marked their territory...
[I've been keeping the shower door shut...
and SPie is pissed...literally...]

so she left her "calling card" here too...



always a full roll...
at least this time she only unrolled part of it...

so after I cleaned up the mess...



and re-rolled most of the roll...

another same old, same old...



Mz Cagney... wanting a drink...just like in the old bathroom...

cats...

...bah, humcat [aka, the light at the end of the tunnel...]

I suppose it was bound to happen as the bathroom project ended...
the February blahs seem to be settling in...
but with all that needs to be done for Lent, etc...
I'm just going to have to "get over it"...

I feel not only the pressure of things needing my attention...
but also the constrictions of my current disability...
which has set itself, right in my path...
generally, a sign to wait for "guidance"...

but as you'll see, I'm not yet sure what it means...
in this case, anyway...

I need to get myself back into the weight loss mode again...
including a regular exercise program...
so I need to get back to walking with Molly...
which means seriously training her to NOT pull me...

I feel winter slipping away without being memorialized...
[aka, I am getting a massive case of "click-click" fever...]

the IRS panic is gnawing at me...
I've already paid SO much this year...
and I may owe more...

I lost a lot of "capital", just like everybody...
but I can't replace what I lost...
and the money is running out too fast...
so if I have to pay a lot more to the IRS, I'm toast...

I am also getting a bit of cabin/de-cluttering fever...
I'm really tired of the mess/clutter in the LR/DR & office...
from the bath redo and the rearrangement of furniture that entailed...
and then there's the kitchen, with the sink full of dishes...
[I haven't found a way to keep my hand dry while washing dishes...
not to mention that I can't hold on to much of anything...]

I can fumble my way through the laundry...
collecting trash & cleaning the cat boxes...
Fluff even "allows" me to medicate her eye...

I can go to the store...carry certain things...
but forget yardwork, house work or cooking...
[& since every dish I own is now dirty...
even heating up stuff is really hard...]

in the past, at this point, I'd just eat out...
but I'm somehow, just not in the mood"...
not to mention that I can't use silverware with my left hand...
just eating my FFer's bacon & eggs on Saturday...
was really difficult...

the problem comes from the "wire" still in my finger...

because of it protruding out the side...
my finger is thickly wrapped...
and can't be allowed to get wet...
I'm also limited in how much pressure, and what kind...
I can put on my left hand due to interlocking muscles, etc...

the thickness of the bandage...
makes all rubber/latex gloves too small...
[even "food service" gloves...]
so to try to keep it dry when I shower...
I try to wrap it in plastic bags...
so far, I haven't found the right method...

keeping it dry as the incision heals is important...
but the "open" end of the wire is problematical...
'cause if it gets wet, all sorts of bad things could happen...

so to avoid a septic infection and excessive pain...
[have I mentioned that it always hurts ? sometimes a lot ?]
especially when it's cold, which is often...
my fingerless gloves help to an extent...
in that they keep the hand warm...

but when the finger gets cold, which is often...
it just aches...

I have to be very careful what I do with it until 3/5, at least...

that's my next appointment...
a month after the surgery...
and the doctor had told me that the "wire"...
would be in place "for about a month"...
so I'm expecting that it will be removed around then...

if you think that I'm exaggerating...
or being a whiner...
try this experiment...

take a popsicle stick or something rigid, about 2-3" long...
tape it to the underside of the middle finger on your left hand...
immobilizing the middle joint...
then wrap gauze or an Ace bandage around it...
until it measures 5" around...and 3" long...

remembering that you cannot get it wet...
then, go about your day...
tie your shoes, wash dishes by hand...
any number of things...

you will soon see that it is unwieldy and a big inconvenience...

now...

imagine that you also have only half a thumb on your right hand...
and that your bandaged finger just plain hurts, most of the time...
because instead of an external immobilizing factor...
you have a thick piece of wire, inside, your finger...

EEEEWWWWWWWWWW!

OK...OK... "pity party" over...

time to "suck it up" & move on...

or as in Fr N's terrific sermon today...
move forward...boldly ask God to "make me clean, inside & out"...
so His plans for me can be realized fully...

to not just sit here as I have been doing...
and ask Him to "fix me"...
to go to Him, to take the leap of faith...
and claim the inner & outer cleansing...
then walk away from what falls off of me...
towards the path He's going to show me...

after all, if I hang around that hole...
slipping back in isn't too far a reach...

I need to leave all the debris of doubt & fear...
the guilt, failure, pain & loneliness...
the poisons of self-loathing & self-destructiveness...
the crutches of things, food & feelings...

"gluttony, avarice, pride, sloth, lust, anger, envy..."

there's a reason they're called the 7 Deadly Sins...
they are the killers of the soul...
the things that come between a soul and God...

in short, my destructive "self"...

and in boldly claiming His cleansing of my "self"...

of the removal of all those things that I used to clutch on to...

for all these things to be "cleansed" from me...

all washed away, for good...

and then, I must walk away from the debris...
into the light...
with a calm mind & a solid belief in His path...
as being the only way for me...

that I will be lead...
and that those things I leave behind...
were only holding me, as well as those I deal with, back...

then I will truly be, clean...

a new creation...and useful to God...

more of Jesus... less of me...

sounds like a plan...

or a light at the end of the tunnel...

...the Fluff gets her way...

Fluff,[seen here last June...] is "Queen of Everything"...

if you don't believe me, just ask her...
she will tell you...

so when we returned home yesterday evening...
from her short stay at the vet's...
I "heard about" her royal displeasure, ad nauseum...

she hated the "accommodations"...
the food was NOT up to her standards...
the litterbox was very "beneath her standards"...
[NO pun intended...]

AND...

they had the temerity, the unmitigated gall...
to not only stitch her sore eye partially shut...
but to put an ugly, unwieldy E-collar on herself...
the sheer disrespect to her being was unfathomable...

not to even mention, SOOO tacky...

when I released her into "her" bedroom[Pigs & I sleep there too...]
she used "her" catbox...
[good thing for me it had just been cleaned...]
had about half a can of Mixed Grill[her fav...]
a large drink of, what else, freshly poured water...

endured an application of eye salve...
and repaired to her nest...

sallying forth several times during the balance of the evening...
for more food, more water, petting and adoration from me...
and to complain about the E-collar...

I did notice that the gauze strip holding it on...
was quite tight...
and also had some of her fur caught in the knot...
so I loosened it...
just so that my finger...
could fit between it and her neck...

so after I observed her attempting E-collar removal...
we had a brief discussion...
[me... talking, her... ignoring me...]
about how she should just leave it alone...
and learn to live with it...

so when I returned home today after FFers brunch...
I was not too surprised to see this...



she had not only removed the offending collar...
she had left it where I could see it...
so I could see how un-needed it was...
and that she was NOT going to be wearing it...
anymore...period...

here...



you can see the opening at the corner of her left eye...
where the salve goes in...



here, you can see the couple of stitches that will come out...
when her eye is better...

the whole idea of the E-collar was to keep her paws away...
so her eye could heal...

I'll just have to watch her carefully...
hopefully I won't need to "re-collar" her...

she had the claws out last night...
when she was first pestering me about it...
she sits and "pats" me with extended claws...
when she is, "not amused"...

I don't even want to think about the consequences...
involved with being the one who puts "it"...
[the E-collar...]back on her...
as she makes her "point"[s] very clear...

I have enough sore places at the moment...
so let's hope she lets her eye alone...

that would be a "win/win" for us both...

...ahhhhhhh!!!!

it sat waiting all day...
and finally, tonight around 8 PM...



on came the hot water, a bit of cold...
[I need to remember that turning "out" is on...
turning "in", towards the middle is off...]

Istepped into my newly finished...
clean, non-leaky, non-slippery shower...

the new shower head is just right...
plenty of water pressure, lots of HOT water...
I sat on the bench and just let it wash all the care away...

after I'd had enough...

I stepped out onto the new shower mat...
toweled down with the new soft towel...
noticed that my bandage was a bit damp...
[haven't figured out how to do THAT yet...]
but not on the top or side where it counts...

as I began to write this...
I heard a terrible clanking rattle...
Mz Sneaky Pie was "investigating" the new tissue box cover...

it's chromed and metal...
& sits on top of the toilet tank...
hence the clanking rattle...
I shooed her on her way...
[she's now sulking on top of the bookcase...]

I guess I'll have to learn the "new" sounds of catly mischief...

but for now, to bed, clean & content...

AHHHHHHHHHHHH.......

Creamer van Gough [aka EWWW ] part 2

I was going to the vet to retrieve Fluff...
then I saw Creamer...
and couldn't believe my eyes...



she had lost the top of her ear on Weds...
and yesterday I thought the top of the other ear looked a little funky...



now, it was gone...
not in one big piece like the other...
but gone just the same...

she looked like she'd stuck her head in a lawn mower...

so since she also was still having diarrhea issues...
I took her with me to see the vet...

my vet was stumped...

he even brought out one of his big textbooks...
on "Diseases of the Cat"...
and he showed me what it kinda looked like...
but I agreed that it wasn't the same disease...
just "kinda looked like it"...

it was a form of skin cancer...
one of our cats on the ranch had...
it generally presents in cats...
with white/pink ears or nose...
who get lots of sunshine...

Creamer is black...
and doesn't go outside...
she doesn't even like to sun herself...



he was thrilled to discover that I had kept the ear tip I found...
and sent me home with a specimen jar to collect it for him...



here you see it floating in a jar of formalin...
I'll drop it off tomorrow before FFers...

Creamer is staying so he can try to treat the diarrhea...
and isolate her from the others...
just in case it's something contagious...

Fluff came home with a smallish E-collar...
and a partially sewn shut eye...
that I'm to put salve in 2-3 times a day...

a week of a pissed-off Fluff in an E-collar...

oh joy, oh rapture, oh bliss...

all the way home I was "told off"...
called "bad names" & generally told to go and.....

*sigh*...

never a dull moment...

...D.O.N.E.[aka Friday the 13th has ALWAYS been a "lucky day" for me...]

on May 29, I posted this picture as a "summer project"...
[BOY... was I WRONG...]



on June 20th, not much had changed...
though I was in a cleaning frenzy...
[that's Cagney, "observing"...]



by August 20, I was in full "bath redo mania" mode...
trashing the window sill for the window repair...
and anticipating the coming "early Sept." start date...



then...up came a BIG stop sign...

and it all came to a screeching halt...

as I tried to understand why...
the thought came to me...

"just be patient...
those were NOT the right guys...
I'll provide the right ones...
wait until after the first of the year..."


and then I had a real peace about it...

so I waited...

in Dec, I was prodded to take Molly for a walk...
and met G, just down the street...
if I hadn't gone then, I would have missed him altogether...

he's definitely been "the right guy"...
and so have all the guys he's brought in...

BTW... the 1st glass guy, who was raising the price & being obnoxious...
was not G's "guy"...G's "guy" did just what I wanted & for less...

so when we started on January 6...



the bathroom looked like this...



an hour or so into demo, like this...



and by early afternoon, most of the old bath was here...
ready to "go away"...



leaving holes in the wall & floor...
due to dry rot repair...
and for the first 2 or 3 nights...
an outhouse kind of existence for me...

skipping ahead to today...

I was eagerly awaiting G's arrival...
for the hot water "fix" & a couple of last things...



the shower glass installation was now complete & cured...
we just needed the hot water to work properly...
[ie..."at all"...]



G wasted no time in taking the shower head off...
and taking apart the hot water valve...



then he first used compressed air to clear the pipes...
[after shutting off the water...]



then finally, water...
here you see hot water gushing out of the line...



when the water drained out...
there was something left on the drain...



it seemed to be brown paper...



it must have been inside the shower valve assembly...
and gotten moved by the water over the valve...
restricting, then stopping the flow...



with the shower put back together...
G put this in place for me...



this, "over the door" type storage basket...
fits perfectly "over the header" of the shower wall...



then, to help me out...
since I have trouble using "Frankenfinger"...
[so aptly-christened by MM...]
he unscrewed the filter from the sink faucet...



so that I can hook-up the plant watering hose to the faucet...
& water my plants...& boy, do they need it...



now...the work is finally done...
and all that is left to do...
is to move everything back in...



quite a difference...

thank you to G, R & all the guys, who were the "right guys"...

I got just what I wanted & needed...
the aggravation factor was very low...
the workmanship was stellar...
and the price was great !

I'd also like to thank all those of you who read...
left comments, suggestions & encouragements...
you really helped me get through this...
and for those of you who've "helped"...
in various ways...you have truly been a "Godsend"...

and finally, to the author of everything...
the little voice that said, "wait"...
and "go for a walk" and then just took care of everything...
He was MOST definitely, in ALL the details...

thank you, God...You are so good...

...all the glass is done

while I was dozing, "watching" the History Channel...
waiting for G to come & work on the hot water supply problem...
[post script...who will now be coming on the morrow...]

S arrived to install the sash window glass...

I had a pang, watching him remove what I had installed in the summer...
but when he had a smooth install of the new "rain" glass...
[because I was so anal in glazing removal last summer...]
and then he installed it, almost exactly the same way I did...
[except he used glazing points...he IS a pro...]
I lost that pang, & began to feel pretty good...

et, voila...



symmetry, harmony and shiny things...
[have I mentioned that I have a weakness for "shiny"?]
and it all looks even better than I imagined...

and this glass, including the "free" sash window...
cost less than we first thought the shower door/glass panel would...
it was only $800.00...materials & labor...

COOL...

now, "hot water, please..."

thank you, God, very much...

...back from the doctor [caveat lector...]

WARNING : CONTAINS GRAPHIC IMAGES


if you aren't into surgical images, skip this post...

[disclaimer : the images in this post were taken with my cell phone,
thus the poor initial quality...and were then shot from the cell display...
due to technical problems, thus the even poorer resolution...
sorry...]

I had a post-op doctor's visit this AM...
I assumed that the sutures were coming out...
and wasn't disappointed...

there were about 8 sutures...
and these pictures were taken, before...
the sutures came out...



that shiny thing, about the size...
of the biggest paper clip wire I've ever seen...
just below and to the side of the top joint...
is the steel "wire"[aka "pin"]...



after the nurse washed the incision with H peroxide...
she cut & removed the sutures...
it stung a bit... but wasn't too bad...



in these close-ups, you can really see the wire...



about a 1/4 inch piece is sticking out...



when she redressed the incision...
she padded the area where the wire sticks out...
it will remain for at least 3 more weeks...
[my next appointment is March 5...]

she used "skin glue" and paper tape strips...
where the stitches had been...
the dressing is pretty thick because of the protruding wire...

she also gave me her "number"...
so I can come by anytime in the next 3 weeks...
that I may need the dressing changed...

the one she took off was filthy from just 1 week...
so I'm pretty sure that I'll have to go there...
a couple of times, at least...



so now it's re-dressed and feels snug...
but it's also nice and loose...
and feels better now...
though it's still achy & feels a bit cold...

the wonderful news is that I can bend the tip of my finger !
and it doesn't hurt to do it...

this is great news because it means that the surgery was successful...
the tendon & ligaments are healing well...
and I should have the full use of my hand again...

there had been some fear that things...
might have gone too long without proper care...
and would then be un-repairable...

so as I sit here, holding my right hand under the middle joint...
where the wire is still immobilizing it...
and watching the top joint move up & down freely...
I'm very grateful for the "circumstances" that led me to this surgeon...
and for the healing taking place...

God was definitely in the details here !

..."sur-prise, sur-prise, sur-prise..." [á la "Gomer Pyle"]

it was a bit after 2 PM...
I was contemplating a nap...
when Molly started barking the "intruder alert" signal...
I looked on the front porch, and there was S & helper...
ready to install the shower door/glass...!

and the shower was waiting...just as they had left it last Friday...



when the large panel & the door were the wrong size...



so they got busy, measuring & pretty soon, the frame was taking shape...



turns out the window pane they forgot...
would've had to wait for tomorrow anyway...
due to the downpour that was to come...
right when they would have installed it...



the door and other panels came in...



and were soon being dry-fit & leveled...



the side panel was dry fit, then installed...



pretty soon, my "shop steward"was supervising the gasket installation...



seen here in a close-up...

the gasket would be followed by a sealing/caulking with silicon...
around all joints, in all panels...



through it all, S.Pie, "forecat extraordinaire"...
kept her eye [& paw] in everything...
inspecting everything at least 12 times...
what a craftscat ! [some might say, pest...]



finally the door was hung & fitted...[it opens in...]



here you see the completed bench panel...
[receiving Mackie's sniff of approval...]



the completed door...



the finished right high trim/frame detail...



and the finished left high trim/frame detail...

and finally...



the completed shower door/glass...just as I imagined it...

WHOO-HOO !!!

tomorrow, if it doesn't rain, they'll do the lower sash window glass...
in the afternoon...

now all I need is hot water in the shower...

AND IT WILL BE DONE !!!

altogether now, "WHOO-HOO!"

...Creamer, van Gough [aka EWWWWW...]

[disclaimer : there is a reason that this post is aka, EWWWWWW...
if you are squeamish or if TMI is NOT your thing, skip this one...]

yesterday, La Creacia,[aka Creamer, Screamer or Trouble Maker...]
gave me an "interesting "start"...

as I walked through the office[doing the trash...]
I noticed a chunk of her right ear was missing...
gone... just NOT there...



she seemed to be in NO distress over the situation...
[seen here slurping food...]



and after further investigation, I saw why...
[this is the EWWWWW part...
you may want to look away...]



I found the detached ear part on the floor, under her...
desiccated, like small triangle of furry leather...




the edge of her ear was healed and dry...
and NOT causing her any pain...
so I surmised that the top had been almost completely detached...
several days before in an altercation...
and finally fell off when it dried out/healed...

there was no blood, no gore[just fur, skin & cartilage...]
the slicing probably hurt at the time...
but caused her no more extended pain than cutting off a hangnail...

she seems totally non-plussed by her new rakish look...



meanwhile...

Miss Fluff is getting her eyelid sewn partially shut this AM...
she will come home this afternoon...

a storm is moving in...I need to go to the store...
to get some "food service" gloves & TRY to wash some dishes...
though my finger kept me up last night & then woke me up...
too much activity yesterday, so I need to cool it...

it mostly aches with occasional stinging...
though it does get cold, then it just hurts...
and none of my gloves fit over the bandage...
the fingerless gloves are usually great...
but don't keep my finger warm...

my post-op doctor's visit is tomorrow at 9:50 AM...
and I have FFers on Saturday AM at 10...
so hopefully, I'll be watching the rain from inside...
[warm fire, sleeping critters...while the storm rages...]

I'm hoping to see G tomorrow...
and really hoping that the hot water problem...
in the shower...is an easy fix...
as well as the shower door install hold-up...

though looking at a complete shower, with NO hot water...
would really be hard at this point...
I guess I'm being taught patience & trust...
so I'm just going to "relax"...
and let Him do it in His own time & way...

God is good...all the time...

...not much goin' on here...

this is on hold...



on Thursday [or Weds. if the other job wraps early...]
G will be here to fix the shower...
which at the moment has only cold water working...
and the faucet operates "backwards"....

when we spoke on the phone yesterday...
he assured me that all WILL work...
when he's done with it...
but, at the moment, it doesn't...

he's going to talk to the glass guys...
as he was not especially pleased that there was a major snafu...
but even more than the fact that there was a mix-up...
he wasn't pleased that they hadn't told him yet...

so at this time, I don't know when the glass gets put in...

*SIGH*

but at this point, in my de-tox/re-hab...
I have other things on my mind...

very late Sunday night[Monday, 2:30 AM...]
I had some trouble breathing...

not too surprising...

I'd been coughing up chunks since I woke up...
with an oxygen mask over my mouth, post-op on Weds...
before that, just some post-nasal drip...

but being flat on my back...
& "out of it" for a couple of days & nights...
had caused the stuff to settle deep in my lungs...
and I came home Sunday and slept all afternoon...
well into the evening...
being up only for the briefest moments...

so when I couldn't cough up what was bothering me...
early Monday AM, I got panicky...
the fact that I'd just taken a vicodin...
which made me dizzy, did NOT help my panic mode...
[remember, I get anxiety attacks at the dentist if I can't breathe] ...

I got up and tried moving around, didn't loosen anything...
blew my nose, coughed, etc... not much...
tried to take a shower[hot water=steam=loose chest]
no hot water...at best, it was a luke-warm trickle...

I splashed water on myself...clearing some of the fog...
dried-off...& tried to distract myself with Klondike...
since every time I lay down, I couldn't breathe & got panicky again...

finally, it was 4 AM...the vicodin fog was lifting...
I used some Flonase spray on my stuffed nose...
[vicodin interacts with antihistamines, so I had to wait...]
after more coughing & nose blowing...
I propped myself up and got some sleep on my side...

I have taken NO more vicodin since then...
and though I "feel" my finger...
the Excedrin works pretty well for the pain...
I'm also NOT over-dosing on it...

since even though I was aware of the "problems"...
that heavy-duty pain meds can cause your digestive system...
AND tried to prevent it by drinking a lot of liquids...
taking flax seed oil with each dose, eating food with fiber...
I've still had problems that probably came about the first 24 hrs...
when I really ODed on OTC meds, 'cause nothing was working...

but things are returning to normal now...
and all the efforts I took are paying off...

yesterday, around 5 PM, I woke up...
realizing that I was having deep breathing issues again...
I was also cold...not shivering, not "the chills"...
just, "not warm enough"...

my bed has flannel sheets, a blanket...
and a med. weight down comforter...
which is always too much under normal conditions...

not only was I cold, my bed was soaked...

I wasn't shivering or sweating, but I had been...

I got up & moved around...still congested...
so since it had been a while since the vicoden...
I tried my inhaler... which did help loosen things...
I ultimately got dressed and walked around outside...
moving fast enough to get my blood pumping...
and me coughing...

I went back to bed, and slept on my side most of the night...

when I woke up, the bed was still quite damp...
but I actually felt warm again...
[probably the anesthetic working put of my system...]

I got up because I had to take Fluff back to the vet's...



when she came home from the vet's, she had a runny left eye..
I put salve in it, but it didn't get better...
so last week, I took her in & got different salve...
some times it looks worse, some times it looks better...

so he told me yesterday to bring her in this AM...

he wants to completely check it out...
there was a lesion, which I think is getting better...
generally they sew the eyelid almost shut...
but she lets me get the salve in it now...
and as I told him, sewing it almost shut...
might compromise my ability to medicate her...
in my current condition...

on other fronts, Molly has taken to her crate...
she doesn't volunteer to go in...
but goes right in whenever I ask her to...
we should be able to go walking again soon...
as I have a post-op dr's visit on Thursday AM...
and I was told to rest, on limited activity until then...

she is too strong for me to handle when I'm shaky...
and I do NOT need to be knocked down...
or re-injure my hand...
so she's been tearing around outside in the back yard...
several times a day since the surgery...

then, if I'm "up", she stays "at large"...
if I'm sleeping or gone, she stays in her nest...
chewing on pig's ears or licking peanut butter from the Korg...

my head is much clearer today...
my movements much less shaky...
I'm not too hot or cold...
and only the plugged ears/sinus stuff is plaguing me...

that, and the low-level ache in my left hand...

now I get to see how dealing with trash...
& cat boxes... effects that...

if only, I could train "them" to clean-up for themselves...

..."the time has come", the walrus said,"to speak of many things"

you may remember that on Friday...
the shower door/wall came for a visit...

it didn't stay long because...
it wasn't measured correctly...OR...
they brought the wrong pieces of glass...



they had forgot the frame & had to go back & get that...
they didn't have all the pieces of glass anyway...
and would have had to return to finish this week any way...
so why get upset ? it just wasn't meant to happen that day...

I figured that I could still use the shower...
if I didn't turn the water all the way on...

so I was OK with waiting...

so Friday night, I took a wimpy shower...
not a lovely hot steamy, surround yourself in warmth one...
but it got me clean...

then...



last night, I tried to take another shower...

now, on the hot side it barely trickles...
before, it got "warm" and had enough pressure to use...
now, there is basically NO hot water...
lots of cold, but the faucet turns backwards...
and in trying to turn it off/down...
the handle comes off...

we knew about this and G had planned to adjust....
or otherwise get to the root of the problem...
we both hoped it would just be sand in the line...
but it's obviously more than that...

he's never seen a faucet handle that goes on backwards...
and unscrews itself, just operating the faucet...
[American Standard... never again...]

the irony is that I can hook up my plant watering hose...
which has a sprayer, to the sink [with a blend of hot/cold]...
and use it as a hand-held shower...
that is when I have a hand to hold it...
[it has to be squeezed to spray...]

but I'll figure something out...

G & I both hope that that shower valve/handles aren't so defective...
that it would mean taking out part of the newly finished wall...
at least I have a few big white tiles left...
and they installed the lines properly...
so at least we know where they are...

we both just want it to work...
and I know that G will do what it takes to make it work...

to make all of this more"interesting"...

I went off vicodin last night...

I had to...it was making me dizzy & goofy[-ier, if you must...]

I switched to Excedrin B & B... and so far, so good...
it aches & stings a bit... but no throbbing yet...
and I won't miss all the other side effects...

it was time... I'm still a bit dizzy and my ears are still ringing...

let's hope I don't have to "de-tox" from it....

..."BUI" [blogging under the influence...]

it all started with such great promise...



then I was told that they'd be coming back...
to do the lower sash window...
& the custom panel over the bench...



then, the guys discovered that the door was 22"...
not the 24" they had expected...



but the real problem was that the glass panel was 1 " too big...



and this glass has to be cut with a special saw...
so they remeasured...
and will be back next week, when the new glass...
[the proper size, this time...]
arrives...



I will be using it in the meantime...
my bandaged hand wrapped in plastic...
just not at full force & with the nozzle aimed at the wall...

because in my current, floaty, flaky state...
NOT having to crawl over a tub side...
and being able to sit down, "during"...
almost trump lots of lovely hot water...

so it's safety first...

ooo...look ...a kitty...

...vicodin, vicodin, that's our cry.............. V-I-C-O-D-I-N !

I finally gave in...
after nearly 20 hours of unrelenting, burning, nauseating pain...
I stepped over to the dark side...

6 codeine/Tylenol within a 3 hour span, couldn't touch it...
ice packs[OK, frozen peas... and a real ice pack...]
had the effect of increasing the pain, especially when removed...

as many as 6 Excedrin Back & Body, plus a couple of extra strength Excedrin...
only a slight dulling at first...then no real comfort...

same with 6 Advil... NO effect to speak of...
I only used 4 Advil at a time...
with my amputation...

needless to say, I haven't slept more than 30/40 minutes at a time...
since my finger "woke up" around 10:30 PM last night...

so at 4:15 PM...still having heard nothing back from the doctor's office...
[I had called at 9:15 AM]
on the encouragement of Unkle Phil...
I tried again...this time reaching a nicer person...

so now, I sit here, choking down some food...
[this pain has chased away all my interest in eating...]
so that as soon as my system is clear of the Advil...
I can take some vicodin...



oh...and R is coming tomorrow at 10 AM...
to install the shower door & window...
if all goes well, I may have my first shower tomorrow evening...

all that & pain relief too...

God is good... all the time...

...things to be thankful for...

as I sit here, waiting to hear back from my doctor's office...
[he's not in today] about pain meds that will work...

I'm considering all the things I am thankful for :

that Frickie died at home[he hated going to the vet's...]

that it happened at a time that I could deal with it...

that God has provided kind souls who've helped me during this trial...

for the opportunity to sing music I enjoy in a small group...

for all my furry family...

for the opportunity to use my musical talents, serving God...

for the blessing of the "right" doctor...

for the blessing of the "right" contractor[s]...

for the blessing of a clean, functional & really cool new bathroom...

for the blessings of shelter, transportation & sustenance...

for that which I can share with others...

for that which others share with me...

for the opportunities to trust all to God...

for the opportunities to trust God for all...

for His perfect timing for everything that happens...
[even if I don't see it...]

...it's NOT working...

the bandage is not too tight...
nor is my finger excessively swollen...
and since they used a "local"to numb my finger...
and just enough anesthesia to make me hazy...
I'm not having the nasty anesthesia withdrawal...
that I had after the colonoscopy...

I just have pain...



from this procedure...



last night, at a bit after 10 PM...
the feeling started to return to my finger...
so just before 11, I took 2 codine/Tylenol, as directed...

and as the pain ramped up, more...& more...
until it was clear that I might as well have been taking placebos...
'cause it did NO good...just made me groggy, as well as still in pain...



it's not a throbbing indicating the dressing is too tight...
or that there is excessive swelling...
the visible tip of my finger is pink, not red...
a bit cooler than the others...
as well as just a bit "low sensation"...
which is normal... there are no red streaks...
& it's not cold or numb...

it just hurts... a lot...

I didn't have this level of pain with the amputation...
cold packs [frozen peas...] don't even do anything for it...



since the codine/Tylenol is worthless...



I switched to Excedrin ES & Back & Body about 4 AM...
it took the edge off enough for me to sleep until about 6:30...

now, it's not doing much for the pain, either...



I'm calling my dr for stronger meds ASAP...
'cause I'm basically on nothing now...
and it's just too much pain...

if my drug store can't deliver...
I'll ask Square Peg to get them for me...
I hate being "high" on meds...
but I can't take much more of this...



it's enough to drive a cat to drink...

and a LOT, at that !

...back home at 12:30 PM, post op

I'm NOT going to miss this...



it got me one last time this AM...
as I was getting onto the gurney in the pre op prep room...
I was trying to avoid tangling myself in the generous "gown"...
and rolled over onto my finger...



but enough of that...

my only previous surgical adventure, in SF...
had prepared me for this outing...
though since 1/1/09, they no longer "mark" the body part...
where the surgery is to be done...

in SF, I had felt pen marks in my right arm pit...
[sentinel lymph gland] and my right thumb...

I was, however "tagged"...



these are not parting gifts nor do they have any relation...
to Mardi Gras necklaces...

as I lay waiting to go into the operating room...
I heard the familiar "clump, clump"of cowboy boots...

I said..."Hi Unkle Phil"...
he stopped, realized it was me...
and we visited briefly...
he also told me that my anesthesiologist was a good one...
which is always nice to hear...

when I chatted with Dr.W, the anesthesiologist...
he asked about any current pain...
& I mentioned my sinus headache...
he said, "I'll take care of that..."
[it was gone for a while but is starting to reappear now...]

then I went in to the operating room...
managed to move myself sideways from the gurney...
onto the table, without further finger foibles...
and drifted hazily through the next hour or so...

since I arrived in "recovery" at 11 AM...
I didn't leave until around noon...
further complicating Square Peg's day...
as she had been waiting since 11...
as they told me to have her do...

it was also nice to see Fr N who had been at the hospital "visiting"...

as you can see, it is now straight again !



I'm to keep it clean, dry and elevated...
until I see Dr L on 2/12 for the post op follow-up...

Dr. L said that they used stainless steel wire rather than pins...
I'm sure I'll find out why, eventually...



I'm supposed to be on a liquid/soft diet today...
take the pain meds after I eat...
elevate to ease the swelling...
and rest... I think I can do that...

many thanks to Square Peg...
and all the others who have helped me during this time...
thanks too for all your prayers & good thoughts...
it's all appreciated...

...surgery at 9:30 AM

take a last look...
I go "under the knife" at 9:30 AM...
[see post "boutonniere..." for details...]
and since I could take or drink nothing since midnight...
I'm ready for the pain to go away...






see you on the other side...

...farewell, sweet Frickie

Frick, a short-haired black kitty...
who trusted few, purred loudly & loved deeply...
left this life late this afternoon as darkness fell...

he left behind his "Mom", Catsinger...
his brother, MJ...and several close furry friends...
he is joining the rest of his family...
Midnight,father as well as brothers Frack & Rex...
and sister, Scout in Kitty Heaven...
his mother, Roxy may be there too...

his loud throaty purr will be greatly missed...

farewell Frickie... we loved you much...

...the tile/grout has been sealed...

J1 came this AM & did the final tile/grout seal...
the gallon jug costs almost $100.00...
but when liberally applied, then wiped off...
it makes the tile easier to keep clean...
as well as the grout...makes it last longer too...



it only took about 20 minutes...
he says there may be a slight haze, but it'll wipe off...
he took some pictures of the tile work for his archives...
and after another apology about the door snafu...
which wasn't his fault, he was gone...



I turned on the exhaust fan and closed the door...
to prevent cat depredations, although the sealant is smelly enough...
I don't think they'd go in there anyway...

and now, I wait to hear from G...
about the ETA of the shower door/window glass install...
the only step left in the process...

meanwhile...

my list of chores to do while I can still use my left hand...
[before the surgery tomorrow incapacitates me for a few days...]
has been whittled somewhat...

I've "done" cat boxes & trash to be "put out" tomorrow...
I'm doing laundry & will change my bed soon...
I moved the mountain o'cat food...
I also moved most of my front porch "back"...

I still need to clean, vacuum & dust the LR/DR...
then move the furniture "back"...
including rolling out the DR rug & moving stuff back into the hall...
as well as finding a good spot for the new "dogcave"...
[Molly's crate arrived yesterday & she seems to like it...]

I need to put down the shelf paper in the bath drawers & shelves...
then start sorting and moving that stuff back...
I have to do the heavy or awkward stuff NOW...
or wait a long time....

I need to water plants everywhere...

I have to clean out the "science projects" from the 'fridge...
do dishes, clean up the kitchen...
then I need to prepare some food to eat while I'm "one-handed"...
[the codeine requires something in your stomach...]

so I have some chicken to cook as fajitas [to eat in pitas]
I also have some sandwich makings that I may make up...
'cause spreading anything on bread is hard one-handed...

there are beef/turkey burgers to form...
I also have some Garden burgers in the freezer...
and some ground meat to cook up in a casserole...
as well as some lovely salmon to bake with broccolini & rice...

if I have real food to eat that I can heat up easily...
I won't be eating "fast food" just because it's easy to do...

so I better get busy...I have a rehearsal at 6:30...
so I have about 5 hours to get this all done...

...in honor of "Black History "

on Easter Sunday, 1939, famed contralto, Marion Anderson...
performed an open air concert in front of the Lincoln Memorial...
because the DAR would not allow a "person of color" to perform at their service...
she ended her performance with a stirring... & quite ironic rendition...
of "My Country, T'is of Thee, Sweet Land of Liberty..."



this performance brought her much attention...
and advanced the cause of civil rights in this country...
which still, 70 years later is divided by so much that is not important...
that we fail to see that which is important...

that like it or not, we're all in this together...
and we need each other to get through it...

to hear this concert performance, click here...

and if you find the newsreel background music,"Camptown Races"...
with it's decidedly racist overtones, offensive, you are not alone...
I do as well, but it is a "period piece"...

today, we would be much more PC...
hiding the same feelings under a veneer of smiles...

perhaps someday, we can actually speak the truth...
without hiding behind either "white hoods" or "PC" jargon...

I have THAT dream...[with no disrespect intended...]

...tag, you're it meme [25 things...]

I was "tagged" with this Facebook Meme...
and am tagging Calico, Amber & tagging back, Miz Minka...

the rules are that you write a blog post including...
25 random things about yourself...
you can tag up to 25 people...
& you should tag back the one who tagged you...

1] I love the smell of tomato vines in a garden on a warm summer's day...

2] I love the smell of "water"... as long as it isn't stagnant...

3] I prefer my weather wild, cold & wet to warm, sunny & dry...

4] I can not ride most amusement park rides due to motion sickness...
I even get queasy on Merry-go-rounds, but I love...
a standard[NOT upside down] rollercoaster...

5] I can enjoy a bar-be-que sauce that's tangy, not too sweet...
smokey...but NOT hot...

6] I love to watch an artist work...[carpenter, painter, whomever...]

7] I am not a "happy" passenger... I need to drive...

8] I enjoy a well-crafted anything...poem, music, food, clothing...

9] I wish I had the patience to do crafty things...

10] I miss just running for the physical pleasure of it...with no pain...

11] I wish I could afford to redo my office & bedroom...

12] I would like to win the Lottery and give it all away...anonymously...

13] I really enjoy road trips by myself...

14] One of my favorite literary characters is "Sidney Carton"[A Tale of Two Cities]

15] I'm also rather fond of Don Quixote, de La Mancha...

16] I will not, under any circumstances, eat "organ meat"...

17] I like eggs almost any way but hard boiled or baked...

18] I could never have a pet snake...there is NO way I could feed it...

19] I had no problem feeding brine shrimp to my tropical fish...

20] I never kept ciclids because I felt sorry for the feeder goldfish...

21] I once had a large tank with rescued feeder goldfish...
things were fine until they got "Ick"...

22] I've always loved horses but never owned one...

23] I would never want a primate as a pet...

24] I have enjoyed parakeets several times...so did the kitties...

25] I am afraid of heights...

...a "boutonniere deformity/injury reconstruction"

this...

is what it is supposed to look like...



this [bottom picture] is what has happened to my poor finger...

the tendon was ruptured in the dislocation...
[the top 2 joints were "sideways..."]
because the first doctor didn't diagnose the torn tendon/lateral band...
the lateral bands[ligaments] have slipped down[volar migration...]
causing "boutonniere disability" ...
[aka "mallet finger", (like "hammer toe")]

my finger will not straighten out & it will become permanent...



in this picture, you can see the extreme redness...
of the joint where the "central slip disruption" occurred...
[why can't they just say,"ruptured tendon" ?]



it also has been peeling, like a sunburn[from the swelling...]
and has little "nerve bumps", on both sides...
also from the swelling...[the "volar migration " didn't help...]



this kind of problem often results from rheumatoid arthritis...
as well as a hyper-extension injury, with torque like mine...



if diagnosed early... complete immobilization...
might have kept it from the volar migration...
until the central slip disruption could heal...
the "migration" will only get more pronounced...
until my finger is curled into claw...
totally unusable...


at this point, it is an acute injury and surgery is needed,asap...

after filling out my medical history, several times...
and having the orthopaedist's office gain insurance authorization...
they sent me to UnklePhil's hospital's admissions office...
where I filled out the same forms again...
had 2 interviews, one with an admitting nurse...
& one with the anesthesiologist...

then they did the pre-op tests[blood & EKG...]
I was out of there by 12:30...
I dropped by my local, neighborhood pharmacy...
and filled the prescription for codine/Tylanol...
for post surgery pain...[that doesn't sound good...]

on Wednesday, Square Peg will drop me off at UP's hospital...
around 8 AM [it is an "out-patient" procedure...]
they will "prep me"...[IV, etc...]
the doctor explained that it will be an "awake sedation"...
[like with the colonoscophy...]...
and the surgery will only take about 20 minutes...

he will make an incision, find and suture the torn tendon...
putting the ligaments back in place in the process...
then insert a pin into my finger[which will be removed later...]
to keep it straight & immobile during healing...

that's probably the reason for the codine...

then I will wear a splint for at least a month...
I'll probably get to go home around noon...

I don't know what my insurance deductible/co-pay is...
but I need 2 hands... so I'll just have to pay it...

what is good about this insurance, is that I didn't have to play games...
to get the surgery "authorized"...

I haven't seen the post-op instructions yet...
but I have some experience with hand surgeries...
and I'll be pretty helpless for a couple of days...
& in case you think I can take a couple of days off to recover...

sometime this week, the final tile/grout seal needs to happen...
and the shower door may be installed Thursday or Friday or...

but for me, any normal activity requiring manual dexterity...
[ie washing my hair, showering, dishes, cat boxes...
getting dressed, opening cans, laundry or cooking...]
won't be too easy, or even possible for a few days...

besides having a large splint on my finger that can't get wet...
[now I'm sorry I never get "plastic"...]
I won't be allowed to lift anything heavy [more than 5-10 lbs...]
as a result, I'll be trying to get "ahead" today & tomorrow...
'cause starting Wednesday...I'm not going to be able to do them...

but eventually... I'll have 2 hands again...
and be pain free !
and those are very good things...