...cat-alyst to be

lately... I feel that I'm waiting...
there is a lot to do...
and I'm trying to get things done...
but the "theme"... is "WAIT"...

the door may be closed... or not visible yet...
or maybe...not open enough at this point...
or it may be that I'm supposed to sit...
and wait for instructions...

because, once "in"...
I may be "stuck" for a while...

or perhaps...
I'm supposed to not DO anything...
just wait for "it" to come to me...
[not my "historical" modus opporandi]



my usual pattern in the past ...
has always been to try to put myself in a good position...
a position to try to take advantage of a situation...
to "take care of myself"...
to "pursue my passion"...

to gather everything I might possibly want...
surround myself with the security of "stuff"...
and wait to "pounce"...
smug... in my situation...



but no matter how "cleverly" I would plan...
my "goal" would often elude me...
or sit just beyond my reach...
leaving me confused and frustrated...


[I'm not sure who I identify most with here...
the frustrated cat...
or the oblivious bird...]



I have tried to change "things" before...
but often the changes I was able to affect...
were not very efficient, effective...or lasting...

I have changed my "look"...
attempted lifestyle changes and attitude changes...
but nothing seemed to work...
or if it did, "sort of" work...
it didn't last...



I so often tried to fill the "emptiness" I felt...
with "things"... a lot of different "stuff"...
all it accomplished was to give me something to hide behind...
leaving me unhappy AND lonely...
hiding there... behind all that stuff...



after many struggles...I just gave up...
and set about "pleasing myself"...
at least I could be "distracted" as time passed...

distracted from the pain, failure and loneliness...
that haunted me... dogging my existence with darkness...

then... last November...
I was "roused" from my downward spiral...
and things haven't been dull since then...
as "Aslan" made His presence felt in this cat's life...



there have been "highs" and "lows"...
a lot of failures faced... losses accepted...
many messages delivered...
followed as best I could understand...

with varying degrees of success...
depending on my ability to understand the message...
surrender...and follow instructions...

as I have been transformed... so has my ability...
to understand both the message...
and the method...
of being "still"... being thankful...trusting...
and...waiting...

and the over-riding message I have now...
is to "wait"...

I will be told what and how...
when it is time to act...
to just "follow instructions"...
and go forward unafraid...




that God is transforming me...
into the person I was meant to be...
[that's a good thing...
I've had enough of who I have always been...]

and will lead me into and through any situations...
that will be in my path...



that "He must increase...I must decrease"...

and that, "less" ... is always "more"...