...ARGH !

I didn't get to sleep until sometime after 2 AM...
so when the phone rang at 8 AM...
it woke me up...

I looked at "caller ID"...
the same gasoline credit card company...
that had been calling...
using a "recorded" message...
about how I could lower my interest rates...

since I only use this card to get my car washed...
I had been ignoring their persistent urgings...
to "lower my interest rates"...
[I HAD listened to it... once... ]

this time however, someone with a strong accent...
informed me that "my account was in collection"...
and did I want to make a phone payment...
to "bring my account current" ?

I always pay the entire balance...
pay my bill online...
and hadn't received a bill from them...
for a while...

"she" informed me that I had LAST "made a payment" online...
in mid-March...
and I needed to make a payment...
NOW... of $ 30.00... !!!
[what ? ...did I buy a gallon of gas for my mower ?...]
or I was going to be in "big trouble"...
[anyway...that was her tone...
and it made my sleep deprived brain, angry...]

so I informed her that "I would take care of it on line"...
and hung up...

childish... ? yes...
immature in the extreme... ? to be sure...
satisfying... ? OH... SO MUCH SO...

still trying to wake up...
I dragged my groggy self to the computer...
went to my bookmarks...
found the company...
clicked on the link...

"PAGE NOT FOUND"

so I went to my search engine...
typed in the company...
got mixed results...
had to keep refining to find "online accounts"...

[mind you... I've had an "online account" with them FOR YEARS...
my credit card expires in 2011...]

I finally find the RIGHT LINK...
try to log-on...
and it prompts me to "register"...
if I haven't used the site since 3/30/08...

since I paid my last bill online, on 3/15/08...
I have to register...

after scrambling to get my card...
[get dressed... clean up 3 "Rob surprises" in front of door...
throw "Rob mess" in the trash can, which I move to the curb...
go to my car... start to sweat... it's hot already...
find my purse... come back in... sit down ...]
I begin the "process"...

as I attempt to "register"...
the company website is NOT co-operating ...
the "safari keychain login prompt" reappears CONSTANTLY...
[so much for their "secure login"]
and finally tells me...
"we can't access your information at this time...
please try again later..."

so I wait...about 10 seconds...
and "try again"...

now... they are telling me ...
that my username and password are already "assigned"...
[yes, you morons...to ME...]

so I try my OTHER email address...
AND GET THE SAME PROMPT...!

so I try to sign-on...
using the names "already assigned"...
and get the prompt...
"username NOT recognized or inactive"...

I try the "other" username...
same response...

now, convinced that this #$*(^% site is "out to get me"...

I go to the "contact us" page...

finding the ubiquitous "800" number...
[REALLY hoping ....
that I don't have to talk to that same person...
that I hung up on...]



a perky automated voice prompts me to make "choices...
[I HATE perky...]

after choosing... 1 [English]... 1 [consumer]... 2[other]...
and entering my account number and last 4 digits of my SS#...
"ms perky automated voice" announces...
"I'm sorry... I can not help you at this time...
please stay on the line and your call will be transfered..."

I hear the phone ring... then silence...

until....

"if you would like to make a call...please hang up and dial again..."

THEY DROPPED ME !



with steam coming out of my ears...

[that has nothing to do with the current heat storm...
they expect 111/112 today & tomorrow...]

I go back to the "contact us" page...
find "online account help"...
and dial...
becoming evermore suspicious ...
that this is the SAME number I JUST called...

same perky automated voice answers [grrr]...
impatiently... I wait through the commercial...
[about how online access is SO easy...
and wouldn't I much rather do that instead ?]

then I enter.. 1... 1... 2... account #... SS#...
[it's hard to enter numbers with your fingers crossed...
but mine are as I wait for the "hand off"...]
it rings... THIS TIME... it works...
[that's 5 minutes I'll never see again...]

now a slightly-less perky automated voice...
[I like this one already...]
"guides me" through the menu...
1... 1... 2... 5... account #... SS#...

ms "slpav" informs me that a minimum balance of ...
"thirty dollars and zero cents" is due by July, 30th, 2008"
a "check by phone" is available ...
for the one-time fee of "ten dollars and zero cents"...

if I wish to proceed with blah, blah, blah... "press one now"...

this same format is followed as "she" informs me of the total balance...
[two hundred five dollars and twenty-eight cents]
then she says... "if you wish to make the minimum payment
of thirty dollars and zero cents... press one now"...
[I wait...]
"if you wish to pay the entire balance of....
blah, blah, blah... press two now..."
[I press 2....]

she then explains, again... about the fee...
"of ten dollars and zero cents" and askes me to confirm my agreement...
[I press 1...]

she THEN goes through the WHOLE total PLUS the fee thing...
and asks me to confirm that...
[I press 1]

then "she" explains where I can find my bank routing number...
[wow... really ? so THAT'S what that is...]
and I have to enter it, followed by the # key...
this is repeated for my checking account number...
also followed by the # key...
[they have ALL this info already...in my online account...
if they would have only let me access it...]

finally after reiterating the entire transaction we have just done...
word for word... number by number...
fee by fee... plus the grand total of...
two hundred fifteen dollars and twenty-eight cents...
including the ten dollar and zero cents fee...
for the one time payment from my checking account...
AND requiring me to "press one now..."
she starts to list all my options...

I've had MORE than enough... thank you very much...
so I hang up...
realizing that I've just finished doing ...
what the "phone lady" wanted me to do...
well over an hour ago...

and I STILL don't have my online account "registered"...
if my mail delivery wasn't so "suspect"...
I'd tell them...