Wednesday, March 26, 2008

...it isn't easy...



I am, the Catsinger...
and at the risk of misquoting a frog...[ & a pig...]
"...it isn't easy being moi..."

I am, by nature...
either...
...very quiet... withdrawn... isolated... even secretive...
or...
..."talkative"...
[ annoyingly so, as my numerous "victims" might attest...]

how someone as attracted to the ideal
of the "Golden Mean"...
[ moderation in all things...balance...]
could be so, "schizoid"...
is beyond my comprehension...

when I taught, it all came out at school...
elsewhere...I was silent...stoic, if you will...
but now, I'm retired...no students to "guide"...
my blog has helped...although if you are a regular reader...
or receive e-mails from me...
you know how "verbose" and "loquacious" I can be...
[at least, no trees die in cyberspace...]

since "waking up" last November...
I have had more of a need for communication...
but like many of my lifelong conditions...
this "skill" needs work...

"He must increase, I must decrease..."
in more ways than one...
and, besides, I know that a dialogue,
is always better than a monologue...

so I've been praying that my annoying
lack of listening skills, would be supplemented...
and my tendencies to monopolize a conversation...
will diminish, as my appetite has been...
diminished, that is...

and I'll work on those e-mails...

after all, God has promised to provide ALL of our needs...
and as He continues to guide me in the ways I NEED to go...
I believe that He will continue to bless me with His love and support...
as He has already done...in many marvelous ways...
through various "channels"...

some obstacles to happiness, are very large...
and must be slowly "removed" in stages...bit by bit...
this is not easy...
until 4 months ago, it was impossible...

it's still not easy... and never will be...
but now, it is possible...
I am changing... and with His love, in its' various forms...
I will become the person He intends me to be...

especially with help ...
and caring encouragement, freely given...
a blessing never imagined...
a loving faithfulness undeserved...
but appreciated beyond words...
[you know who you are...]

sometimes words fail to come, even for me...
[yes, I hear that laughter...but 'tis true...]
fortunately, there are "ways"...
beyond words...

has this way ever occurred to you ?


2 comments:

Fran aka Redondowriter said...

This photo is a hoot and I look forward to exploring your blog, Catsinger. Is there really a town called Mudville in No. Cal? I'm too lazy to google right now. Yes, I do think we have a lot in common, only I am 11 years older. I see that you are also an archivist in retirement. Tell me about it.

catsinger said...

fran...glad to see you found me...Mudville was the Gold Rush era name for my "current home town"...
as my friend who introduced me to blogging was careful to school me about the "things that go bump" in cyberspace...I've always called it Mudville on my blog...I did give you the correct name on the comment because of the church reference... I have a Library Media teacher credential [almost an MLS] and was trained also as an archivist...
considering I'm involved with an historic church, with tons of archival records, ect and no organized archives,[yet]...I'll have my hands full ...[fortunately, I'll have excellent help...]
first organizing 158 years of stuff into "collections" and subgroups, then scanning everything onto CD/DVDs and creating the archival webpage, cataloging & properly storing the materials and then creating a "church history"...
we are the 3rd oldest Episcopal Church on the West Coast...but only the 2nd oldest in Mudville...the Methodists heard they were starting a church and met hours before the Episcopalians...pretty sneaky... our current church was built in 1892...the Guild Hall is older...
anyway, I've already organized the choral music library...and there are about 75 pieces of archival choral music...the oldest was printed c.1861 !...
I have a collection of acid free boxes, storage bags and archival storage boxes of every size...within the next month, the "starter room" will be cleaned out...we're getting 4 or 5 large heavy duty steel open storage shelf units and a state of the art [Epson 750 Pro Photo] scanner ...I saw on my Sitemeter that you also use a Mac... I just got the new Airbook and a Canon Pixma700 printer,etc. to use with my cataloging software... it's PC, but will work on the new Mac... so I'm pretty excited to get the project rolling...I love digging through old stuff...and there is going to be a lot of digging...
I also left the website info for St Johns on the comment...there is more historical background on the church if you're interested... I also left you my e-mail address... talk to you again soon...