Sunday, March 9, 2008

... fear... is a 4 letter word...

when I was growing-up,[1948-68] a kid could get in BIG trouble...
REAL fast...just by saying one of a few "bad" words...
most of the "biggies" had 4 letters and thus,
the moniker, "4 letter word" gained an almost mystical power...

as in the film, "A Christmas Story"...
having your mouth washed out with soap
was a common "price to pay" for "freedom of expression"...
so was having your behind sore for a few days,
if what you said was REALLY bad...

so of course, we "boomers" all grew-up to be without vulgarity, right ?
WRONG ! we became "hippies" and said it all !
especially the 4 letter words... [remember the Fugs ?...]
rebellion... being "cool"... vulgarity... were made for each other...
and we reveled in it....

so now, as we "boomers" age...we see the fruits of our
"new frontiers" manifest in many ways...
pollution, global warming, growing divides between classes...
and the destruction of cultures and society...from within...

just as our parents and grandparents attempted to
control our thoughts and behavior by controlling the words we used...
the mass media now controls our society by the use of advertising...
nothing "just happens"...it is "spun", until unrecognisable from the original...

pop culture has taken the "4 letter word" into new grammatical territory...
words that were once "simple nouns" are used for every part of speech...
all in the same sentence...
and don't get me started on "texting"...

a society that can't communicate will cease to exist...
"4 letter words" were set apart at one time...
because they were NOT polite... they were "curses"...vulgarity...
apparently, now our society is SO all those things...
that the "4 letter words" are the only vocabulary that's appropriate...

how sad ! perhaps, we should revisit the idea
behind the "setting aside" of offensive words to begin with...
since re designating the long-established "bad words" taboo,
would be pointless...[that possibility is long gone...]
I propose establishing some different words [with 4 letters or not...] as "verboten"...

my first choice is "fear"...
a nasty concept with SOOO many ugly applications...
it is the root of "OCD"...
since ALL compulsions are fear-driven, or they don't exist...
"bad things will happen if I don't..."
"so-and-so will not love/like me if I ...."
"if I don't achieve....., then ........ will/won't happen"

even if you don't have a compulsive personality...
fear is the enemy's best tool...
fear of disappointing someone... betrayal... being left... loss...
poverty... pain... grief... loss of control... death...

it has been, and will always be...
my biggest problem...
if I can manage to turn over all my fears
and fear generated feelings,
to God, as soon as I recognize them...
I'm good... if not...
I'm miserable..
and create various kinds of problems
for all who come in contact with me...

because I "live in my head"...
I can become focused on situations or emotions
and get "stuck" there...
I try to "figure things out"...
and get mired down...

I suppose that that's the "obsessive" part of OCD...
and also a hazard of "head living"...
I have found that nearly any legitimate
distraction works to get me "unfocused"...
as long as fear hasn't been triggered...

I first confronted my OCD about 10 years ago...
I saw a TV show about OCD...
the poor souls on the show were "collectors"...
everything from other people's trash to cats...

I had that sinking feeling...
I was a "cat collector" too...
true... I was "rescuing" them...
but I was at that point...
where there were 'way too many...

add to this the cancer surgery/recovery period
that robbed me of my strength for about 3 years...
all the stuff from Mom and the ranch...
attempts to remodel and restore...
my general "pack rat" tendancies...
and I knew I was in trouble...

I'm pleased to say that since that revelation,
I have added only 2 cats [in almost 10 years...]
and those were on their way to the pound
and certain death...
natural "attrition", as sad as it has been,
has also "thinned the herd"...

after years of wanting to get rid
of the mess and clutter...
I now have a clean, functioning,
modern kitchen/breakfast nook...
my DR/LR is painted...
the wood floors are cleaned...
new furniture and rugs have replaced
the old, dirty and worn-out...
there are NO PILES OR BOXES in the DR/LR...

in the last couple of months, I've been dealing
with the last [I hope...] vestiges of the OCD...
and the "fear revelations" are, I believe,
it's "death knell"...

if I were truly OCD...
I don't think that I could have gotten
this far along [even with God...]
without professional help...

the fact that when I recognized the particular problems...
AND recognized the solution...
AND was able to set that solution in motion...
I was able, with God's help, to overcome the fear causing the problem...

some things took forever, or so it seemed...
other things were quick and easy...
the sooner I let God take the fear
and then just let Him "do it"...
whatever it was...
the quicker and easier it was...

I've learned that just letting God deal with the details...
gives the enemy much less of a chance...
to sneak up on me ... and zap me...
the results are always much nicer too...

does this mean that I don't have to think for myself anymore ?
no... but for now, praying His will for whatever situation
seems to be what He wants me to do...
so I'm truly happy to oblige...

this also means that I don't consider myself OCD anymore...
unless letting God handle my life, my fears, my relationships
means that I'm obsessing over Him...
on second thought, that's not so bad either...

so, that's why I think that ...fear...
should head up the new "bad words" list...
I'm sure that if I tried, I could come up
with a few more "nominees" for the list...
not just "4 letter words" either...

how about you ?
what word would you want to "nominate" ?

2 comments:

us300 said...

Great entry, I enjoed it

catsinger said...

J...if your "spelling" wasn't a Freudian slip...it's absolutely the WORST pun yet... ; )