...map reading, 101

I've never really been good with "oral" instructions...
especially if they are complicated....
which is surprising to me, since I have a good memory...
especially for that which I hear...
[a gift that can be both a blessing, and a curse...]

I only needed to take notes for picky details in school...
if I was "engaged" [focused...] by the lesson...
I always remembered it...
especially in English or history classes...
languages, math and science were much more technical...
and, therefore, much more difficult...

I think that the repetition of "detail"...
necessary for mastering math,
was tedious, or boring, to me...
if I thought I understood the "concept"...
I didn't want to spend more time on practising it...
it didn't work for math...and it doesn't work for life either...

during my "artist" period... I copied pictures, drawings...
I did illuminated music manuscripts...from pictures...
I could copy many different things...
but the ability to be "original" wasn't there...

I didn't trust myself because I couldn't visualize it...
I need to see details written down...
I can't just see them in my mind...
I think I've always had trust issues...
trying to draw something you can't touch is definitely a trust issue...

it was like that for me as a musician too...
for a long time, I couldn't play anything by memory...
and improvising was impossible....
I couldn't just "let go" of control...trusting myself to succeed...
until a few years ago...

as I gained confidence as a singer...
[I developed a "solo voice" around age 40...
VERY unusual... a complete gift from God...]
I began to put more emotion into my singing...
and I discovered that I had a wellspring of music INSIDE of me...

as I trusted my "inner singer" more and more...
I discovered that not only melodies came, but words too...
I wondered if I could do similar things on the trumpet...
so I began to trust my trumpet skills...

and discovered that, while I wasn't ready
to be a "jazzer" anytime soon...
I could play "by ear" much more than ever before...
especially, if I let the "music" be my focus...

my walk in the Lord is like that musical journey...
I've spent a lot of time, "absorbed in the stories"...
remembering most of the concepts...
and extrapolating the rest...
but much of the detail...
the methods that make things "work"...
escaped my primary focus...
because my focus was on the "big picture"...

I've always "known" about trust...
and "resting in the Lord"...
I've understood the concepts...
I could repeat the facts regarding the absolute necessity
of rejoicing in His will...
not just "accepting it" submissively and with resignation...
but actively being joyful in ALL circumstances...

when we are "resigned" ...
or merely "accepting", of His will for us...
we actually postpone or prevent His will
from being fulfilled in our lives...
we put God into rescue mode
when we become "needy" or distressed...
He must first rescue us from ourselves....
help us "bind our wounds"...
making us "fit" for the plans He has...
before He will implement those plans...

for most of us, "being" truly joyful
in adverse conditions...
is very difficult...
if not downright impossible...

life is hard...

and when God wants to use, and bless,
a believer in mighty ways...
you must know that the enemy takes notice...
and marshals his forces...

I truly believe, as I've said in previous posts...
"fear"... is the enemy's most effective weapon...
and when the fear is for your health, or that of a loved one...
unemployment... the specter of homelessness...
loss of a loved one... becoming an outcast from your society...
then "fear" is a reasonable, human reaction...

so, was "eating the apple"...
"human", that is...
[we humans can NEVER leave well enough alone, can we...?]
but we, as believers, are called to be " in the world...
but not of it..."
for He, in our place,
"... has overcome the world..."

so, does this mean that if we can not rejoice
in our illness, joblessness or other distress,
that we are not true believers ?

no... we are just human believers...
who must TRUST God....giving up control...
moment by moment, if need be...
to provide the things we need...
the relief for our distress...

so... this.... is me...

"God, I want your will for my life...
I give You complete control..."

then as I go through the day...
the enemy lays his insidious little traps...

next thing I know...I'm "worrying"...
which leads to anxiety and, fear...
then God has to rescue me from myself...
and the road to complete trust must begin again...
not much progress is made in this way...

if, when I first notice the the faintest whiff of sulphur...
I go before God... asking for His protection, joy and peace...
they come... taking the anxiety... never developing into fear...
and we don't have to go all the way back to the beginning...again...

however...if I can begin to praise Him...
IN THE VERY MIDST OF MY PAIN...
the fear NEVER comes...the infusion of joy and peace
fill me to the bursting point...
and THEN... God is truly free
to work His will and bestow His blessings on me...

for the last 5 years I taught
through the first 2 years of retirement...
I searched and prayed for a job...
my "early" retirement would leave me short each month...
and the safety net of savings/etc. would not last...

I did all the "right things"...
I asked for the "job He wanted me in..."
a job that I could do well and would enjoy...
I was a teacher, a skilled musician
and a trained librarian/archivist...

the school district wanted me back...
as a low-paid "long-term sub"...
[if I couldn't "live" with it as a high paid teacher...
why would I put up with all the soul-stealing aggravation
for almost nothing ?]
no, it was clear...
God didn't want me there anymore...
that door was closed...

I had retired from the symphony and "freelancing" in general...
I was tired of the stress and needed a rest from that...
fatigue and health issues made "playing", NOT an "open door"...
neither was "private teaching"...also a "closed door"...

since my credential was a few units short of an "MLS" degree...
working in a public library was not going to happen...
and the economy has made sure that
that door has stayed closed...
so...on all fronts...I encountered closed doors...

frustrated... I did some "consulting"...
[indentured servant labor for the school disrict...]
the first year was marginal...the second year,
it became an uncomfortable situation...
they still wanted me... [as cheap, "grunt" labor...]
but God made it clear that "this was not His will..."

so I didn't return to consulting this year...
and I have been able to release the stress and bitterness
that I've always associated with the district...
resulting, at least in part, in some of the growth
I've been undergoing since November...

I tried to teach music at a Catholic school
during my first year of retirement...
and believed, for a while...
that joining the staff full-time WAS "the plan"...
but when I "left it in His hands"...
and they never called me back...
I knew that that door was also shut....

so here I am... still needing to "increase my resources"...
in an economy where so many very capable
and much younger people,
are looking for work... and all doors seem closed...
unless you have a map...to find the open one...

as I have recently learned and grown closer to God...
I have developed the confidence that not only
will God provide what I need...
but as I do what He asks...
He will bless me with abundance...
the key to reading the map is "praise"...

praise opens doors... praise softens your heart...
melts the barriers between you and the Almighty God of Everything...
when we are joyfully accepting of all the lessons He gives us...
doing what He asks...we become the person He intends...
AND ONLY THEN...will He open the doors...

to that "perfect job"...
the person we were made to share our lives with...
the abundance of blessings He wants to shower on us...
united in joy... us and God...
I have felt that joy...
nothing on earth compares...

but only praise to God can open those doors...
praise from a heart that trusts and believes...
that "all things are possible with God..."
as long as you "follow the map..."
[of joyfully desiring His will for you...]

and if we can't yet be that trusting and full of praise...
He must first put us in a place to learn those lessons...
we ask for His "help"...when we need to surrender all control...
we must "let Him do it"... not just "help" us...
so it is truly His will...not just ours...

when scripture says,"I can do all things
through Christ, who strengthens me..."
I have come to realize that it doesn't mean
to ask only for His help,
and then attempt to "do it" for ourselves....

it means to surrender all control ...
because the "all things"
includes praising and being thankful in the distress...
even for the "bad things"...
["in all things, give thanks, for this is the will of God for you..."]

it is TRUST... a joyful, peaceful, confident trust...
when we are walking in the light...
the doors are open...
trust lights the way...

all the jobs I thought were His will for me...
were not...because I WAS NOT RIGHT with Him....
as I am becoming closer to who He wants me to be...
the solution to my needs will become obvious...

the door I could have only dreamed of, will open...
I will see it and enter it...because I will be ready...
after all, until I am more "who" He intends...
I won't fit "where" He intends...

so, activate your "GPS" [God Praising Spirit]...
get out your "maps"... joyfully follow the path of His will...
prepare to be changed...and richly blessed...
it will be a "Heavenly" trip...