...Vernal Equinox...

today is the first full day of Spring...
it officially arrived last night at 10:58 PM,PDT....
the "equal day & night", signifying the beginning
of longer days and shorter nights...
until we get to the summer solstice...
when the pattern reverses...

Fall has always been my favorite season...
[cooler weather, my birthday and all that...]
but I think that the real reason ...
was the coming of inclement weather...
leading into the cozy hibernation of Winter....

when I was younger...
I loved being "out" in the weather...
swirling snow, howling winds, pelting sleet,
driving rain, shrouding fog, chilling drizzle...
I loved it all !

walking in it made me feel alive...
all bundled-up against the cold and wet...
and then, shaking off the wet...
stamping off the snow...
coming inside to dry off
in front of a roaring fire...

steaming, hot drink warming frozen hands...
damp hair, face and clothes becoming dry...
feeling and warmth returning to frozen toes...
finally freed from icy, wet boots and sox...

and as the warmth returned...
standing or sitting, inside...
looking out at natures' fury...
now safe and snug...
surrounded by sleeping cats...
it resonated with every part of my being...

I was "in control"..."safe"....
the iciness of the harsh world was "blocked out"...
no one and nothing could take my "safe haven"...
I was content in my "little world"...
boy, was I wrong...

Spring... the harbinger of the heat of Summer...
was never a season I was thrilled to see arrive...
I have always enjoyed "growing things"...
country girl ...and all that...

but even though I liked the outpouring of flowers...
the awakening of the slumbering earth...
the planting of gardens and the return of the sunshine...
there was always the shadow of the heat to come...
and the dread of how I would suffer in it...

perhaps, I was afraid of all things "warm"...
after all, letting someone "in"... complicates everything...
whether a person or God...
we must give up a measure of control,
when we allow someone to know us...
if you're shy... that's as hard
as living through a heat storm...

and if that person whom you allow "in", hurts you...
by leaving...or betrayal...or "using" you...
all the cold iciness of winter's worst is suddenly there...
freezing your heart... withering your soul...
without a warm, safe haven in sight...
so you close yourself off....closing out God in the process...

this last summer was different experience for me, however...
from a purely "temporal" perspective...
the new central heat & air units that I had to install,
after the old furnace had died...
changed everything...

I've never liked "AC"...it aggravates my arthritis and allergies...
but this was different... set on a programmable thermostat...
that actually worked well for me...[after some experimentation...]
I only ran it all night 3 or 4 times...
and I didn't wake up "stiff", or "stuffed-up"...

it served to keep me "comfortable"...
and give me an affordable haven from the severe heat...
much like the heat does in the colder months...
and when I want a fire, I just lower the thermostat...

so now that I'm "comfortable"...
in heat or cold...
I find that I like Spring more...
[perhaps dread the heat less... ?]

or maybe, due to the massive "overhaul"
I've undergone in the last 4 months...
I like myself more...am open to "possibilities"...
and God's love flowing to me...and through me...

now, the first day of Spring, with all the explosion of nature...
fills me with a joy I don't remember before...
there is an anticipation...a tingle in the pit of my stomach...
it's not fear or dread... it's joy !

the "winter of my discontent"...is past...
the time of the "singing of birds" is here...
a time to join all of nature in expressing joy
in the gift of returning life...
symbolized in the Easter season...

this is SOOO NOT ME....
anyway, it wasn't...NOT EVER...before...

before... God sent willing hearts to pull me from "that hole"...
before ...God manifested His love so clearly ...
in the smiles of my brothers and sisters...
before... I had a "family"...and a place I truly belonged...

before... it was always winter in my soul...
but never "Christmas"...
now..."Christmas" has come...
and the "promise" is fulfilled by Easter...

I will always revel in the cold, wild windy weather...
the "armor" of heavy coats, scarves, gloves and boots...
the comforts of the "hard-won hearth"...
the coziness of being warm & safe....
it feeds my heart...

but..."Spring "... has finally come into my soul...
and now I can revel in "growth"...
the joy of "re-birth"...
of "all things...[ including me ! ...] new...again..."