...working without a net...

Musicians have an "interesting" existence, to say the least...
we spend most of our youth in a room practicing...
or playing and singing in groups...
we obsess over details, work through pain
and compete for jobs, positions, solos and ultimately, fame...
[ or at least, a steady gig ...]

as we get older,and wiser as musicians,
we sometimes have a hard time finding
good groups to be a part of...
this is exacerbated by the fact that
if we have been a professional for most of our musical lives
by the time we have the time to be in a group,
because we want to be there...
a group that we can really enjoy on a musical level...
we often can no longer physically do what we "do"
well enough to be in the groups
that are good enough, to satisfy the musical tastes
we have acquired over our lifetime of learning...

this is where I have been blessed,
beyond any understanding that I have...
I am privileged to make beautiful choral music
with a group of talented, sensitive musicians,
who put aside their individual egos
to blend their voices and souls into a group
where the whole is truly greater than the sum of its' parts...
being a part of this melding of mind and talent
into a beautiful sound is a unique and humbling, experience...

over the last 7 years, I have seen the molding
of this diverse group of singers...
some professional musicians,
some classically trained, but not "working" musicians,
some devoted, talented and passionate choral musicians
and some who just enjoy singing and are good at it...
into a group, that functions as an entity unto itself...

they have grown together as a group
that functions for the good of the whole,
they have learned to listen, to blend,
to modulate voices so none,
not even the several very trained voices,
protrude from the whole sound...
they strive for "that sound",
it's now in their choral DNA...
I love being in this group...
blending my talents and passion with my dear friends...
I love singing, as a part of the "group"...

so why tonight, as we presented our
"Lessons & Carols" service, wasn't I in the choir ?

because the twists of fate had placed me
in front of the group....
our beloved leader and architect of "the sound",
was called to new things last summer...
and I resisted coming out of the choir...
for I loved being in and of" the sound"....
and, in most cases...the leader shouldn't sing...

so I was sure, I was singing, and that, was that...
but there were difficulties...
our new organist could not play and conduct,
and there was no one else to play...
our treasured sound, was there...needing a facilitator to bring it out...
that's when I started channeling our former leader...

at first, it seemed a coincidence, then it became clear...
I couldn't avoid this, I had to step out of the safety of the group
and work "without a net"... take the plunge...for the "sound"...
do something totally new and scary for me...
I had to be the director for our choir in the Lessons & Carols service...

I did jr. high band and orchestra for 17 years
and did a year of elementary "choir"...
but this was not the same...
this was "the sound" I loved being a part of,
and I had to conquer my fear of messing it up...
as well as my need to help create "the sound" by singing...
so I made up my mind, accepted the change and did the best I could do,
and wonder of wonders, "the sound" is still alive and well...
I was able to help keep our "sound" going, I didn't "mess it up"...

singing... blending my voice and soul
with my fellow singers as part of the choir,
is still my first choice of places to be,
but when you can mold that sound and you get to work
with the talent, and sweet spirits of my dear friends,
this directing thing, it's a pretty good place to be too...