...almost time... for a nap...

this time of year, with the winter solstice,
[the shortest day of the year...]
with more "darkness", cold and fog...
and the cold wind across the wet ground...
most leaves already down or just, barely dangling...
the world is ready to hibernate...

the last mad flurry of "preparations"...
school recessing... the spate of seemingly
unending rehearsals and performances,
coming to a close for musicians...
for a while, at least...

cookies to bake and deliver...
gifts...to be made or bought...
that had better be wrapped
and in the mail by now...
ditto for cards.. and massive expectations...

that last mad dash as the families
begin the rounds of "get-togethers"...
attempting to make sure all "factions",
get their "due"...

and the parties, the dinners ...
the preparation for it all...

programs at schools are done...
but ballets and ice skating pageants,
and church pageants and programs...
still grind their way through to the end...

by the time Christmas Eve arrives,
we are exhausted...
I see it on the faces of my dear friends
who've been doing all the musical things,
that enhance this season for others,
as well as for themselves...
and all the seasonal things ...
and the family things...
and now it's almost that time...
when you can be unconscious for a few days,

after, of course, you do the final "things"...
Midnight Mass, Christmas dinner...
gift exchanges, family time..
then, you can be oblivious...
for at least a little while...

I wasn't sure what the holidays
would be like for me this year...
without "relatives", truly alone,
for the first time...
I had always referred to people at my church
as a sort of family....
having absolutely no idea the depth
of what God had in store for me this year...

back around Thanksgiving,
some friends reached out to me,
again,...
they had been trying...over and over...
even though I seemed determined
to stay walled off from everyone...
being smothered by loneliness, fear, guilt,
failure, grief and despair...

I must have finally been ready for a change then,
or maybe I knew it was probably my last chance...
so when they reached out, this time,
I took their offered hand....

I know now, that God used them...
to bring me back, from the edge...
back into the light...
and back to Him...

and to the plans He had for me, and for them,
that none of us could ever have imagined...
nor probably believe, if it wasn't happening to us...
because, it's been amazing since then...
I truly feel "at home"... and part of a family now...
and it grows better each day...

so, on Christmas Eve, after 2 services
of cantoring, carol leading, trumpet playing, singing,
choir directing and celebrating with my family
I'll get home well past midnight...

the full moon will not be able to dim
the glow of Unkle Phil's Christmas lights,
as I pull into my driveway,
and walk up the porch steps....

as I enter my "in process" house...with the yummy red wall...
as well as other newly painted places...
I will, yet again, have missed that special, mystical
"Midnight Christmas Eve" moment,
when all the kitties "talk"...
[who are we kidding ? ...
I already know what they're saying anyway...]

I'll make sure I stash my instruments and music...
check that I have everything ready for later that morning...
knowing me, I'll probably load the car then... [if I haven't already done it ]
before finally crawling into my bed...

around "noon-ish", I'll show up at
Miz Minka & Mr Greenthumb's...
ready to enjoy a relaxed day...
of just being with people
I really want to be with

as tired from "celebrating" as we all are already,
it will be a very low-key, no stress day....
good food, good conversation and, undoubtedly,
a lot of laughter...
and that will be wonderful...
I can't think of a better way to celebrate such an authentic event
as, a baby, born in a stable...
come to save us from ourselves,
who is God, among us...

that's real, truly authentic...
a day like this should be spent with those who are also real...
and, thanks be to God, I will be...