...and I don't need your help...

sometimes, you know
that you're going in the "right" direction,
because the road signs tell you so...
they agree with your "mapquest" printout...
or your "gps" gadget....[always comforting...]

but if your journey is of the "spiritual" type,
the road signs can be "all over the place..."
the season of Advent, with it's waiting and preparing,
is a good time for one of those "in-sight out" trips...
and for many of us, use to the gentle nudge down a path,
or away from something, our walk is ever changing...

if you're restless, dealing with issues, confronting yourself...
it can be daunting, at best, to trust in Him...
and leave things with the One, who can take "care" of it...
we give Him all of it, the whole mess we've made...
then grab it back, worry some more and
delay, or prevent, His solution, by our actions...
it's so hard to trust, put it there, leave it there,
and not micro-manage...
but that's just what we must do...

I have a plaque that says,
" Good morning, this is God..
I will be managing your life today,
and I don't need your help..."

once we have that idea,
we just have to keep "getting" it,
because it is a daily struggle, to walk the walk
that brings peace and joy...

which brings me to my day...
I've had a pretty incredible month...
I feel that I have been walking in the light
and have had the peace and joy that live in that light...
I've found myself, to my great surprise and delight,
being used for good in the lives of friends,
and in many other unexpected ways...

the words of encouragement to be shared,
have been "coming" to my mind...a gift...
so to have some of these very words,
thrust back in my face,
by a jeering, nasty "little voice"
was totally unanticipated, frustrating
and galling...

today, the other shoe dropped...
over, and over, and over... [ad nauseum...]
I have been here before,
and I should have seen it coming...
just when you think that you are making real progress,
and your guard is down,
that's when he strikes,
and in insidious, evil "little" ways...

actually, since yesterday, lots of "little things",
have been "happening"....
if it could go wrong, it did...
if I could be stupid or thoughtless, I was...
if a cat could pee on it, barf on it, crap on it
or knock it down and break it...it did...

so, I attempt to deal with the
"faint whiff of sulphur" in the air...
and I give all the stuff that was getting to me, to Him...
but stuff keeps happening..
so I keep trying to take it back from Him, sort through it,
then, give it back to Him, etc...
creating even more problems...

now, I have a headache, my arthritis is flaring...
I'm hurting, I'm grumpy and, finally,
I allow myself to get mad and vent...
this reaction is understandable,
if you consider an old cat
peeing on the bed linens you have just changed,
right in front of you,
ON YOUR PILLOW !
...something that might make you angry...

so, I really lost it, called the cat a few names she didn't deserve,
[she can't help herself...] tore the now soaked flannel
top sheet and pillow case off the bed
and set them in a pile to wait...

I had just put in a full load [the flannels I took off to wash]
so it would be a while...meanwhile, the quilt that I use as a bedspread,
had come out of the dryer, and was still damp,
but had to go on the bed anyway...
in case the incontinent cat took another walk....

so I'm banging things around and grumbling to myself...
and J, who's been a "fly on the wall", yesterday and today,
and has seen me get more and more pissed-off,
until I blew up, is, wisely, painting very quietly...

I sit down, realizing that the whiff of sulphur
has turned into a stench...hear Satan laughing at me,
and say..." I get so fed up, sometimes..."...
J said, "yeah, I heard some of what you were saying to that cat...
that was pretty fed up"...
so, as I recounted a few of my frustrations, and he commented,
I could feel the stress leave..and the sulphur was gone...

I knew that the "Big Guy", as a friend calls Him,
had every thing under control, but I just had to worry,
and let things "get to me"...and that's all the opportunity
that nasty devil needed to turn my peace and joy into
frustration and bitterness....

of course, as soon as I let go of it all...
the peace and joy were back...
and the frustration and bitterness, gone...
I guess it's the effort we use to "fight",
that allows him in... the anger...
so I guess the secret's not to fight,
but to just give in and let God fight him for us,
after all, He's already won that one...