...nyah,nyah...

my mother's mother was my "Grandma Grace"...
everyone called her Grace, her middle name...
I was sooo lucky to get that as my middle name too...
[sort of like having your room painted pink, "for you"...]
of course it might have been worse,
her first name was "Lola"....

I'm told that my first name also means, "Grace"...
upon discovering this,
my classmates would dub me "Grace Grace",
and the battle was joined...

I've "mellowed" a lot since then,
but back then,
I would react to being made fun of,
just the way they wanted me to...

I would get mad, get in fights, yell
and generally try to "make them stop"
or "make them sorry"...
that NEVER works....
but I didn't know that then...

they would cackle with glee as my face got redder...
I would sputter with the effort of finding something, anything,
awful enough, to say that would show them !
[I was fighting for my dignity, although I didn't realize it then...]

It's so easy for an adult to see a child being tormented and say,
"they'll get over it" or "kids are just mean to each other like that, it'll be OK...
but if kids don't see adults stopping the verbal carnage,
they see it as tacit approval,
and the "victim" wears a target for a loooong time...

if your peers tell you you're worthless often enough,
of no consequence,
and of no importance to them as a person worthy of respect...
it's almost impossible to not start believing
what they are telling you about yourself...
and then you're lost...
in the dark places no light seems to reach...
where having the name "Grace" seems a cruel joke...

when I taught, students were not allowed to pick on each other in my presence...
when playing tests took place, [in class, in front of each other],
no one was allowed to laugh or make fun of anyone's efforts...
on pain of a really bad grade...

if someone was being bullied or threatened,
I would escort them to the AP or councilor's office
and make sure that "conflict resolution" was begun...
then I would follow up, so no one "slipped through the cracks"
in the overburdened system...

disparaging remarks of a personal nature were not allowed...
I discovered that the students liked that atmosphere...
they could let their guard down and just be themselves more...

was my classroom a haven of peace ?
of course not...it was jr. high, after all...
but there were more good feelings than bad,
and when I could no longer create that kind of learning environment,
because the kids wouldn't buy in anymore, I retired...

these days, my life is conforming more to the ideal
of living up to my middle name
[and the meaning of my first...]

the struggle for dignity and acceptance goes on,
but in new ways, with much better results...

instead of having to fight some detractor tooth and nail
for my sense of who I am
and the respect I know I deserve,
the love and sense of belonging, I've craved

I have only to look in my Creator's eyes ,
to see myself as He sees me...
as I am becoming...
and I'm home free...

you ask ,"how can I do that ?"...
it's easy, when He sends His friends to be those eyes,
gleaming with His Love and acceptence...
then, " the struggle over....
comes the peace..."