...so I'm outside, in the front, cleaning up after a spree of "winter" plantings and maintenance...[ removing old portulacas...they still try bravely to bloom, but it's past noon, what sun there is, is on them and the few remaining blooms are still tightly shut... [sigh ]
I have brought around to the front, the red & white cyclamen that "summer" in the back, in the shade,
and I have planted some wax begonias , mostly pinks and whites,
[finally...I've had them for months...]
and the violas, assorted "Penny Lane" and the "Johnny Jump-ups" I really like,
that had begun to languish under the lemon tree...
I need to deadhead the mums in the large pots, but, later for that...
Anyway, I'm pushing the cart with all the "debris" to the back,
where I'll put the spent portulacas in the garden refuse cart,
when a young man from a truck, now parked across the street, calls out to me...
[I had seen him going by in the other direction just a few minutes ago
and now, here he is...]
"Excuse me, m'am, we deliver meat to some of your neighbors...
...[yeah, right...he's out trolling for customers...]
and I'ld like to let you know about a special we're having on meat..."
...[like I'm going to by meat from a guy on the street... I once bought meat by mail and was not happy...and that was a reputable company ! ]
"No thanks, I'm not interested," I say, nicely, with a pleasant smile ...
" But, we have some really good items...filets and steaks, blah, blah, blah...", he continues, pressing on, despite my polite refusal... [now, he's arguing with me...]
"I don't eat meat ", I lie, showing no emotion...
"But, but, blah, blah, blah...",he continues, unabashed...[ I want to say, "What part of NO don't you understand ?..., but ,"in for a penny...", I repeat...]
"I don't eat meat"..... I continue my big fat lie, with a calm expression on my face and an even 'voice', even though I'ld like to smack this guy ! ...
[teaching 7th & 8th grade has prepared me for moments like these...]
I walk away, pushing the cart toward the garbage cans and he finally stops talking and leaves...
I finish my clean-up, water/wash off the porch and go inside, still shaking my head...
In 1978, when I was the Music Library Supervisor at VOPU, my college work study students would occasionally argue with me, but not often, and it was always politely couched as a "discussion"... when I began teaching 7th & 8th graders in 1984, they would argue with me more...[ they were ,after all, much younger and you expect less maturity...] however, the last 10 years or so that I taught, things were very different... same school, same ages, different attitudes... A final decision of "no" from me merely meant that "negotiations" had begun... whining, arguing and downright begging would continue until I had repeated my decision several times and then finally said, with a certain tone in my voice, "That's it, no more comments... I won't change my mind... I'm NOT your parents and I can't be 'worn down' until you get your way...if you keep it up, you won't like how this ends because now you are making me angry ! ..."
...a few years back, the more mature ones in the group would chime in and reiterate my warning ["She's not kidding.."]
...but the last couple of years that I taught, even my thinly-veiled warnings didn't work as well as they used to...
...I would have to raise the level of anger in my voice, the look of 'impending doom' on my face to get even part of the desired response...
...and even if they weren't openly arguing, no one would openly support my position...
This inability to hear and understand "no" is just a symptom of the maladies afflicting our society today...I believe that if our society falls apart completely, these sorts of tendencies will be at the core of the collapse. The young man I encountered today was not rude, just not listening and/or responsive to what I was saying ... we do this more and more as we converse face to face less and less...we are so used to making our point, we don't listen to the other person, and what's worse, we fail to respond... In the late 60's film, "The Graduate", Dustin Hoffmans' character is told, "plastics!" are the key to future success... today, it's communication...a meeting of minds that can only come from listening as well as expression of ideas...
I find myself interrupting people in conversation if I don't really concentrate... and I know better !
It's time to cultivate communication skills, before it's too late...
...to learn to listen to what people are saying and respond to that...
If they have nothing to say, listen politely, excuse yourself and move on...
There's a time and a place for debate, a simple "not interested" should indicate that this not that time or that place.
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4 comments:
The thing is, sometimes that behaviour works. So it's reinforced, by the outside world. Frankly, persistence is most things is a virtue. I retreat to surrealism when confronted by pushy. Keeps me amused.
...thanks for the thought and welcome ! I've enjoyed your words when I accessed your site via Mz Minka ... always nice to hear from a fellow cat-dependant staff member... I'm inspired by the wrapping story to write a blog about "painting[your rooms...] with cats" aka "painting cats", aka little paw prints everywhere, a $35 can of paint rapidly becoming a " new look" on my hardwood floors...etc..
You're right about 'no'. I guess you could also add in 'me, perhaps as an anticedent.
Recently, I saw online that Mr. Rogers is responsible for Millennial generation self-centeredness. That made me mad! I love the guy. Sarah, our oldest, was addicted to his show and pronounced one day while we were out, 'We have to get home! I can't miss the Opera!!!!' That was Windstorm in Bubble Land.
Don't get me started on plastics, though. I'm certain they are the finest example of Satan's work.
...I believe that in that film,[seen by me in a theater,1st run...] "Plastics" was a jab at society, that it was "plastic" and phony...it was the 60's...and we were sooo self-righteous...
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