..."you really made Christmas..." [right back at you...]

as I begin to write...I have no plan...
maybe it's better that way....
then I know the source...
Divine inspiration is always better than a "game plan"...

I know what to do now....
and I know how to do it...

of course, I knew both of these things "before"...
so, you're asking, "what's different now ?"
now, I've accepted what has always been there...
the unending love of a Creator,
who has always wanted me,
and all His creations,
to be fulfilled and happy...

it is not easy to change a lifetime of "negative programming"...
but I have "friends with connections"...
whose prayers for me seem to have unbolted a door in my soul...
one I didn't believe was there...
flooding unspeakably bright light into all the dark, moldy corners...

as I write this, I feel things changing...
I can honestly say that I have never felt this way...
ever...
such peace and joy permeate my very being...
that my face must be glowing...

I have been doing battle with this part of myself, always...
I have wept... and pleaded...and always before, just given up...
until now... as dear friends not only urged me on,
closer to the Light, but prayed me there...
the power of the 2 or 3, gathered...in His Love..
beyond myself...beyond the doubt, fear and shame...
into the Light of Love...and unlimited possibilities...

all I had to do was say "yes"... to take, receive the love....
love didn't reject me... I rejected it...
to accept that there are "possibilities"...even for me...
is such a diametric shift for "who I am",
that it is beyond my words...

so why can I accept this love now ?
perhaps grace has enveloped my soul...
bourn on the prayers of my beloved fellow travelers...
to help me to realize
that it is not because I deserve this gift that it is given...
but simply because I am loved...

before, as I quoted C.S. Lewis...
"...always winter, never Christmas..."
I spoke of being pulled from the hole...by two fellow travelers...
then, I was out of the hole, though it was still winter...
but... Aslan was on the move...

today, I can hear the "sleigh bells"...
I have heard the roar of the "not a tame cat", coming closer...
I would like to thank "those involved"
" for making Christmas very special this year..."
oh, look ! it's Santa ! ....