...down the rabbit hole, into peace

I NEVER fail to be amazed...
by the awesome love and power of God...
in the last few months, such a plan He had for me...
pulling me through pain and grief...
into a blinding light....

just when I think, "that was cool !",
something even more awesome happens...

I have been dealing with my "old self"...
no self-esteem, "obsessive compulsive", greedy,
prone to panic, needy,"generous to a fault",
and inclined to "over-do things"...just a bit...

turns out that being pulled out of that hole,
was the easy part...
then I started dealing with the "problem"...
which could be defined as my,
"forever unworthy of love" syndrome...

well, I work through that...and the rest of the gang,
[my personal 7 Deadly Sins... aka "the problem" ]
wants THEIR turn...
sort of like a really bad reality show, run by the sulphurous one...

#1 [NO self-esteem] , has always carried the day to the point
that all the others could only "pile-on" maliciously, after the fact...
now, with # 1 out of the way, [or at least, under control...]
the rest were determined to have their day...

so, it was on...
obsessive compulsive, faulty generosity and over-do,
teamed up for the first round...
sending my ability to control myself,
completely out the window...
becoming annoying and obnoxious to several people...

then, panic and needy, driven on by greed [who can be subtle],
launched their attack,
sneaking in from behind...
and making me crazy...

I didn't see it coming...
I was, at this point, too self-involved...
panic and needy were having a field day...
I was frantic...greed snuck in for the coup de gras...
and I was toast...
blindsided by "the big 6"....
driving some friends to distraction,
and others to contemplate "felinecantus-icide"...

so, remembering some wisdom someone had told me...
I prayed....and prayed...and prayed some more...
over the next few difficult days, almost constantly...

and that's when I began to realize
that it was necessary for all these "Deadly Sins"
of mine to come to the surface...and be purged...
so nothing could keep me from being the person
that God intends me to be...
not even "me"....

as I have drawn closer to God,
and felt His protection envelope me,
I have had a peace and a calm fill me...
present even under the pain of dealing
with the results of my Deadly Sins'
rampage on innocent bystanders...
that I've never known before...

I learned, among other things...
that God has to be the absolute foundation of everything I do...
absolutely everything, happens for a reason...
the power of the 2 or 3, gathered in His Name, is awesome...and
the evil one will stop at nothing to short circuit it...
that I have some very patient and loving friends...

gratefully thanking God for everything that happens is key...
joyfully accepting His will for you is so important...
cheerful obedience is liberating
God is SO good...and, He has a sense of humor...
He likes to see me "speechless"...