...bits & "peace"-s

it's been quiet today...
[not a whiff of sulphur...]
I feel very peaceful & contemplative...
after a morning in my past,
digging through piles of music....
and finding...

the Ricordi "Madama Butterfly" p/v score I thought I'd gotten rid of...
my p/v score AND my full score for the Fauré "Requiem"...

a bunch of good vocal/choral music I can put to good use now...
[sometimes, being a "pack rat" has it's advantages...]

a pile of programs...[lots of the past there...]
and, a few things I was actually looking for...
[that doesn't often happen...]

The solo vocal/trumpet arrangement that I did on tour...
[I was sure that was gone for good...]

Telemann's "Musiqué Heroiqué", for my new G trumpet...
Purcell's "The Queen's Doulour", ditto...
Hovanness' "Prayer of St Gregory"[reg. trumpet...]

a proper mouthpiece for my new G trumpet...
[OK, so that wasn't quiet... I "auditioned "several & chose one...
BUT, I actually located where the "contestants"were...]

while I'm "digging" and "auditioning",
J is cleaning the hall floor again,
this time with the M.O.S. for wood floors...
and it's working...
the first cleaning with the
M.O.S. MULTI SURFACE cleaned off the grime...
this 2nd bottle adds much needed oil to the parched floor...
a heavy coat of Json's wood floor no-buff clear coat will seal it...

so after I "encourage" him to put MORE "sealer" on the floor...
the rest of the bottle goes down and now it looks better to me...
so we barricade the 2 doors, [little kitties, don't 'cha know...]
and he goes on with "more prep"....

this time, it's oil-based primer on the baseboards
of the west DR wall...and the front door & it's trim...
[which I'm soon wearing...] sigh...
of course, I have to leave and go to get my hair cut at 1:30...
just about when he needs to go and do some things..
so we decide to meet back here tomorrow,
so he can finish priming the trim...

so, now I've returned...made up my bed [clean red flannels... ]
put the next load from the washer into the dryer...
cleaned up after my "incontinent cat"...
[someone suggested puppy training pads...
which have been a "Godsend"...(hmmmm),
I've been using the disposable ones and they work well...
I have to deal with smelly throwaways,
but she doesn't pee on my bed anymore ! ]

so as I sit here...writing this,
I drawn back to last year, on this day, at this time...
I was spending the last few moments
that I would ever have with my Mom...
she was on morphine...
and couldn't communicate with me,
but I know that she knew I was there...

I kissed her on the forehead...
she was burning with the fever from the infection...
I told her that I loved her...
that I would be back tomorrow....
but that it was OK for her to "go" if she wanted to...

I went to the nurse's station [right outside her door]
and discussed a few things...
noticing that it was 4 PM,
and knowing that I had to get going
on my 150 mile return to Mudville...
I started down the hall...

and then, stopped...
I walked back to Mom's room....
stood in the doorway,
looking into the darkened room...
watched her sleeping...
and said, "goodbye, Mom "...
that was the last glimpse I ever had of her...

it was about 7 PM, I was home...
and the phone rang...
the head nurse told me that
she had just died, very peacefully,
in between the steady stream of visitors,
she had slipped away...
about 6:50 PM...
15 minutes after I had gotten "safe" home...

no matter how old I got,
I always had to call Mom when I got home,
to let her know that I was "safe"...
and she could "relax"...
nothing I could say would suffice...
I had to call, or she'd worry and stew...
I guess she had the last word on that one too...

She always worried about me being alone
after she was gone...
I like to think that she knows
the turns for the better
my life has taken in the last 2 months...

she had an uncanny sense about people,
third grade teacher that she was...
she would always "evaluate" my friends...
and, over time, I found that if she "didn't care for them",
they were not real friends in the long run...

so I think that if she's "looking down"
from her spot in Heaven,
she'd be pleased....
not only with the changes in my life,
but that she'd really like all my friends...
good, authentic folks...
that are there when you need them...
who will go above and beyond for you...
and not mention it...

lot's of people will go out of their way, "to help",
but they make sure you know it...
I have friends that operate in stealth mode,
because that is the most loving way to help a friend...

yep... Mom would like them...
have "a real good feeling" from all of them...
and that would make her so happy...
knowing I was loved... and cared for...
after she's gone...

it does a lot for me too...
because I do love my friends...
for who they are and what they do...
but there's a special thanks from me to them,
because now, Mom isn't worried anymore...
and I'm finally free to move on....