...taking a deep breath, again

I hope I'm heading for the light at the end of the tunnel I'm in...



all indications are that I'm moving in the right direction...



but I can't see the path...

I know it's there...but it's outside my experience...
and very much outside of my comfort zone...

I've spent my entire life, making myself "comfortable"...
and soon, the means for that will all disappear...
so I must change paths...

take the path away from all the stuff I've acquired...
and like the man with many possessions that Jesus told...
"to sell all he owned and follow Him"...
I find myself dreading what He may want me to let go of...

it's not that I love the stuff more than God...
but it is a part of me and not easily shed...
because of the security associated with it...
and I'm nothing, if not "a security junkie"...

I still have several months left at the current rate of decline...
before the economic downturn, it was years...
and have come to the point of recognizing enough guidance...
that I'm sure God will see me through...
but I am, quite frankly, afraid of what He might ask of me...

which is really, quite a silly fear, for God will not require...
that which He will not give the strength, to deal with...

I have been led to several money making opportunities...
some I've explored and had the door shut in my face...
but there are always more things to check out...
and there is one coming up that will be great...
if it works as advertised...
fortunately, going to check it out is free...

I have never been good living with a budget...
I either become completely cheap & spend nothing...
or just do what I want, generally spending too much...

although, occasionally, I've been known to spend money...
like a "drunken sailor on shore leave"...

so as I sat down to figure out just where I stood financially...

I was having trouble concentrating...
especially as the numbers added up until panic began to creep in...

as I looked at the impossible situation in front of me...
that little voice told me to "trust Him"...
for everything...



to not panic & frantically try to sell everything I own...
to follow all "instructions"...
no matter how silly or unrealistic they might seem...

to give away things rather than sell...
to continue on...

not as the "drunken sailor" or the cheapskate...

but to be a good steward, from now on...
which includes "spending money"...
"paying debts", fulfilling obligations...
and expecting an abundance of blessings and needs met...

I keep getting confirmation of this...
so I know that it's the way...

what makes this time different from the other times ?

then, I got pointed in what I thought was the direction...
I then started "doing it" all, myself...
trying to "make it happen"...
"figuring it all out"...

I'm beginning to realize that an instrument is only useful...
when skilled hands can utilize it...

for that, it must be in good order & repair...
all the parts working correctly...

if not, it will not perform properly and must be repaired...
or, replaced...

the instrument cannot repair or restore itself...
even routine maintenance needs to be done by a competent worker...
or the master cannot use the instrument...

and it sits, unused...perhaps it becomes lost or damaged from neglect...

all the potential in the world won't help...
if you're in the wrong place and NOT ready...

I have relied on my Mom, or credit or....myself...
now, the Master CEFO is asking me to rest only in Him...
to love Him enough to let go of my control of my stuff...
and especially, the fear of His path for me...

and let Him truly be, the Lord of my life...

"to boldly go, where I have never gone before..."



to take that "leap of faith"...outside of all reason...

and to just trust Him...for everything...and with everything...

I believe this is the way...
because I have a real deep sense of peace about this...

God is good...all the time...

look out below...