...out of sorts[!?!]

if only we could all be like Macky cat...
get "on top of time"...
and stay there...


[this is one of his favorite perches...cats...go figure...]

I spent much of yesterday...
lost in the shadowy valley...
of financial chaos...

I've down-loaded statements to figure out my debt...
my dwindling assets and it seems, what's left of my sanity...

my Quicken software...
with which I've done online banking since 1996...
has stopped allowing me access...
since Oct. 15, 2008... it will not open...

I have re-loaded, used different browsers...
but something has "corrupted" the files...
and now that I really need ALL my records...
to do the taxes, they are not available...

I did not plan for this...
I have a Mac...it NEVER freezes or crashes...
and except for this glitch, is working fine...
but nothing I've done...
re-installed Quicken, contacted Intuit & Apple...
numerous times, I might add...with NO response...
nothing... seems to work...

so I'm "sorting"...

making copies of checking & savings account statements...
[ie "killing trees"...]
to try & categorize my various earning streams...

Quicken lets me tag deposits & payments...
as to tax impact, etc and prepares me charts & lists...
when I can open it...
and since it "opened on demand"...for 12 years...
I had no reason to think it would crash...
but it has & I'm stuck...

stuck...

trying to track all the money I had to take from my TSA...
my church checks, the music gigs I did...
all neatly identified in Quicken...
and totally inaccessible...

amongst all this chaos, is the attempt, by me...
to put my financial house in order...
by organizing and inventorying the debris field...
[also, neatly locked in Quicken...]

and since I have discontinued "paper" statements...
whenever possible, I'm now killing more trees...
going from website to website...
downloading the latest statements...

which I, as of this moment...
can't even put into the RTN software...
because the Excell spread sheets I downloaded...
had to be translated into Appleworks...
and are cranky & really hard to work with...
[you can't see what you're typing until you click enter...
& some fields are not accessible at all...]

did I mention that I can't even get it...
to print-out more than page 1 ?
so filling-in the blanks is not an option...
but I've signed-up, paid $ & have to do this...

obviously, the Excell spreadsheets would work better..
on their native PC...but...I don't use PC...
don't have one...don't have access to one...
am very inept on them & absolutely HATE using them...

I just seem to be going in circles & treading water...

there must be a dozen things God wants me to learn...
and I must be dumber than a sack of doorknobs...
'cause I'm at a loss as to what they/it are/is...
and why it's taking me so long to learn it...

but I know that things happen best...
in His time & His way...

the fact that I hate "this"...the uncertainty...
the clutter...all the sorting...and the facing of the bottom line...
is a pretty good indication that I have to do this...
I just wish I was a better "student"...

'cause I've had enough already...and there's NO end...
in sight...anywhere I can see...that is...

one good thing did come of this digging today, though...

BRMS, which manages health care for retired teachers...
until they get to 65 & go on Medicare...
is the company that I have to send the monthly "pay-up"...
which is the difference between what my district will pay...
for my health care...and what it costs...
from whichever company we're with...

I've always gone with the least expensive HMO...
[Kaiser is NOT a viable choice for me...]
and am now back with Blue Shield again...
they're great, but expensive...

I originally chose "option D"...
which was about $125 p/mo & had all sorts of deductibles...
but they have a quality network...
and don't "nickle & dime" you about needed care...

then I was informed that the district "wasn't sure"...
about who our choices would be...
the cost or options available...
so they danced around, reset deadlines...
re-did enrollment...
and then did it all over again...

when the dust finally cleared...
I had Blue Shield... at a buy-up of $175 p/mo...
at least $50 more per month than I expected...
so since I hadn't been getting my monthly statement...
from the folks at BRMS, I didn't know...
just how much of the $ I'd sent them in June was left ...

and it's a good thing that I contacted them...

the nice young man[NOT in a 3rd world country..]
that I had to wait through 4 muzac tunes to talk to...
told me that their records showed a statement...
going out to me every month...[which I'm NOT receiving...]

and my balance is now $37.35...
so I have to send them more $ soon...
so as not to lose my health insurance...

he's going to send me a 2008 statement for my taxes...
he's checking on why I'm not getting the statements...
and making sure I get a bill, of course...
[he took my phone number...just in case...]

I'm glad to know this before the insurance lapses...
but $175 p/mo more is the last thing I need...
unfortunately, I also saw today what I would have had to pay...
without the insurance for my finger...

I would still have a crooked, throbbing finger...

I know there's a path...
I keep being told to trust & move ahead...

thank you God, for providing my needs...
and leading me through this mess...