...reflections on times of adversity

this poster was created by the British government in 1939...
as part of a 3 poster set...
when it became obvious that war was eminent...
and there was a very real fear that the Nazis might invade Britain...

the first 2 posters were widely circulated...
but for some unknown reason, this one was not...

it was rediscovered in 2000 after the copyright had expired...
and is now "public domain"...
finding it's way onto tee shirts, mugs and posters...

ironically, this is the message I've been getting from God...

not just now, during this financial disintegration...
but during other crisis times I've dealt with before as well...

as painful as watching Mom's last few months was...
there was a peace... a calmness deep within...
a sureness that, "all would go according to God's plan..."
and that He would give me the strength to deal with it...

it was the same during that 2 months between the "cancer diagnosis"...
and the post-surgery biopsy results...
when they knew they had gotten it all...
and it hadn't metastasized...

during those days, there was no one else to really comfort me...
though my best friend was happily,"in town", during my surgical recovery...
and was available to assist me with all the things I needed help to do...
especially that first week when my right hand was wrapped up tight...
[they tend to do that with amputations...]
and I couldn't get any part of either surgical site, "wet"...
[they had also removed a lymph node from under my right armpit...]

but though there were and are now some sympathetic ears...
it's been made pretty clear to me that this is one of those times...
when God is my only source of comfort, hope & supply...
and He's gone to great lengths to insure this state of affairs...

I've been struggling with the notion of just, "letting go..."
[ie: the discharging of this debt I've accumulated, rather than paying it all off...]
and I'm beginning to realize that it is pride...
pride in my own abilities to "take care of business..."
that has made me so set on getting a job so I could pay off these debts...

at first, it seemed unlikely that God would work this way...
but as more, little things happen so quietly...
so simply... organically... and "things" started falling into place...
I began to be more aware that it was my pride, not His plan...

then several things the lawyer said have been coming back to me...
and the bottom line is, I have no other options...

I have NO job, nor does it seem that I will find anything soon...
so I have NO money to pay these creditors...

I have have spent ALL my savings paying as much as I could...
for as long as I could, but the well is now dry...

the value of my personal property, including my 8 year old, paid-for, car...
numerous musical instruments that have a very limited potential resale market...
as well as the lack of anything else that anyone would pay much for...
makes the "repo"or "big sale" options not very viable...

so I've come to believe that this Chapter 13 action...
is God "sending me a rowboat*..."

I am, at this point, "current" on all my bills...
but that won't last for long...

and I have a 6 month car insurance premium coming...
as well as the license renewal for the car...
not to mention property taxes...

I will continue to pay my 1st mortgage as we seek to re-structure it...

I was told by the lawyer to stop paying the credit cards and the HELOC...
the $600 or so that leaves from my pension will cover my homeowners insurance...
which we've lowered to about $85 p/m & may lower more...
my agent has gotten the assessed value lowered $100K...
and is checking other companies rates...
[dealing with a "broker", the same one for over 20 years really helps...]

I have reduced my home phone service [landline]...
but since it doesn't really work properly for incoming calls...
I'm considering just disconnecting it...

besides, the calls from the creditors I'm going to not be paying...
will start soon, so that's also an incentive...
but it's hard because I've had that number since 1978...
and letting it "go" seems like "giving up"...

but I'm beginning to think that that kind of attitude...
is just "pride" raising it's ugly head...
"...I should be able to take care of myself..."

after all, none of the things I've spent all this money on...
is worth anything if they keep me from God's will for me...

I believe that it is His will for me to keep my house...
walking away from it would accomplish nothing, as it is $100K "upside down"...

after all, if I moved and rented...
my living expenses, including rent & utilities...
would be about what they are now with the 1st mortgage & utilities...
and it wouldn't be at all secure...

so I'm getting into the rowboat* He sent...

a couple of years ago, I prayed with a spiritual healer...
she told me that she saw a lot of doors when she prayed with me...
and they were all closed...

it's sure been true since then...

but now I'm beginning to see hints that there may be a glimmer of light...
a hope that there may be a way out of here for me...

and that perhaps this long dark corridor with firmly closed doors...
will finally reveal an unlocked door to me...

or maybe I've finally learned what God's been trying to teach me...

whatever the situation, I'm being "calm & carrying on"...

God is good... even when I'm not following instructions...

* refers to the story about the devout man who was trapped in a flood...
and refused to get into first, a rescue rowboat, then a helicopter...
claiming that God would save him...
finally, he drowned and was quite upset when greeted by St. Peter...
"Why didn't God save me?" he complained...
"He sent you a rowboat & a helicopter... what more did you expect ?"said St. Peter...