Showing posts with label it's only money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label it's only money. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
...ALWAYS read the fine print
Sometimes, being "careful", [OK,OK... anal...] has its advantages.
If I hadn't compulsively forced myself to read all the pages of the Chapter 13 documents I recently signed, I wouldn't have found what might have been a costly error.
I had filled-out l-o-n-g financial disclosure forms for the lawyer and had a long meeting, discussing my answers, line by line. We discussed one problematic entry and I thought that we were "clear" that that monthly deposit by a "holding company" for the school district was merely a reimbursement for the monthly medical insurance premium taken by "the state"health insurance provider from my state teachers pension check, which the "district" will continue to pay, monthly, until I'm 65.
I received no W2,W4 or 1099, since it wasn't considered income, just a benefit agreed upon by the district and the teachers union years ago. I couldn't choose to receive a cash payment if I wanted to. They agreed to pay the "lowest" monthly premium for my medical insurance until I'm 65, period.
When we had a different insurance provider, they sent the check each month for me and all my colleagues under 65, directly to the provider. However, when we changed to the "CALPers" health insurance plan in November, 2009, things became, "complicated"...
Complicated, because my teachers pension is paid by CALSTRS, also a statewide organization. So CALPers insisted that all monthly medical premiums for their insurance paid by current retirees, be deducted from the CALSTRS benefit check,
before the monthly check was mailed or direct deposited. That didn't really bother me but school districts, like my former employer, now had to put aside the premiums they were paying for us into a holding company, which would reimburse us for the amount withheld by CALPers from my monthly CALSTRS pension payment, and the fun began...
Since these premiums were always paid directly to the insurance provider, there was no danger that they might be misunderstood as income. The IRS doesn't even require them to be reported. But apparently, the clerk, whose job it was to transfer all my financial info onto the Chapter 13 forms, had never seen anything like it before.
She reported my gross CALSTRS pension[including the amount deducted], as well as including the "reimbursement amount" each month, ballooning my "annualized income" from $25 K to over $32 K... so I called the lawyer's office.
It took some time for the lawyer on the phone, looking at my papers to understand the problem. I told her that I had had my 2010 taxes done, since we met, and could prove that I didn't make anywhere near $32 K... then she saw the problem. The reimbursement was reported as income, while listing the gross pension amount before taxes, deductions, etc... so they are doing an,"amended financial statement", which I will be going in to sign before my court date on May 4. At that time, any creditors can show up and complain about the settlement, but once the judge accepts the settlement amount, it stays for the 36 months as long as I pay the amount on time each month. At the end of 36 months, all the debt is expunged, although my credit rating will be bad for another 5 years. If I hadn't caught this mistake now, the case might have been contested for a larger settlement, which I can't afford, or the papers might have had to be refiled, which is expensive.
It has been a long, strange & frightening trip... and it's not over yet. I'm SOOO not looking forward to the court date. If creditors show up, it will be unpleasant, to say the least, but I'm told that often, no creditors show and the judge accepts the case into Chapter 13 with no real drama. I could use a little less drama.
More news as it becomes available.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
...the good, the bad & the lessons
Mz Sneaky Pie, staring out the bedroom window...
from time to time, the tip of her tail twitches...
as she watches the birdies flit about in the old plum tree...
she longs to be outside, but has never been...
for several reasons...
as I remind her that she wouldn't let me take her to the vet...
to get "chipped" and a rabies shot so she could be licensed...
and can't be out unless she is...
I also remind her how fast the cars go by...
that she's not learned how to be "safe" out there...
and it brings to my mind how this strange journey of mine...
has had it's turns and twists...
and how God has moved in unexpected ways to keep me "safe"...
the mortgage modification that hasn't done much yet...
[though the HUD counselor has done her job, and more...]
if it had been done, would have probably been cancelled...
when I filed the bankruptcy papers...
leaving me to owe the bank thousands of $ I wouldn't have had...
causing me to probably be foreclosed on, losing my home...
but the bank has ignored my requests, for 6 months now...
[hmmmm...]
in the meantime, I started getting Social Security benefits...
not much, but it put me just barely in the black each month...
then Fluff & Piglet died...
a painful loss, but suddenly I had about $50 more a month...
because I no longer had to buy special food for them...
and I would need about 2 jugs less kitty litter too...
so when I met with the lawyer re the lawsuit AMEX filed...
she looked at my budget and said that we might be able to file now...
without the mortgage modification...
especially with them reducing & restructuring their fee to me...
in the process of filling out inches of financial forms...
doing the required on-line credit counseling prior to bankruptcy...
[an hour of filling out forms online...]
copying tax returns, pension stubs, bank statements, etc.[AGAIN]...
and changing banks, because WFB freezes assets when bankruptcy is filed...
it began to become clear that this was the right time for all this to happen...
the tax return the court would see showed all my investments going to zero...
it showed the financial losses I had...
the money I went through, trying to pay my debts...
how my only income other than pension were from odd jobs...
by closing my WFB accounts, but continuing to pay my mortgage...
on time, but from another bank, I would get their attention...
and both the lawyer & HUD counselor agree...
that I may get a better deal once I've filed for bankruptcy...
because I then will have a more structured financial profile...
my living expenses are very minimal with no extras...
and my source of income is permanent...
not a job I can lose, but a pension & benefits that will continue for life...
so they may not modify my mortgage down to 30% of my income...
but they may lower the interest rate and thus lower the payments...
they might forgive part of the principal or extend the loan...
both things that would lower the payments...
so having what has been an annoying delay...
may prove to be the best scenario after all...
which occurred to me as I was admonishing Mz SPie this AM...
God has been "looking out" for me...
protecting me from dangers I don't "see"...
as I "protect" my kitties from the dangers of being outside...
and since He knows things I don't...
just as I know things that the kitties don't...
I need to just trust Him as I want them to trust me...
[a lesson...]
yesterday, the lawyer looked through all my paperwork...
she said that it looked good & that I had done a good job on it...
she had gone through it with me, editing things into the proper framework...
then gave them to the secretary to put into the "paid" drawer...
where another staffer would fill-out all the court papers...
she said that they would call me in 2 or 3 weeks to come in & sign them...
then we would file the Chp. 13 bankruptcy...
"You will not lose your home", she said...
"Your payments are current, as are your taxes & insurance...
your income is stable and can support the current payment...
especially after the bankruptcy...
and you are only $50K upside down from the first..."
"They have no reason to foreclose"...
a great relief... the "good"...
the "bad" ?
someone took 4 containers of kitty litter from my front porch...
[about $36 worth or the rest of this month...]
so I had to go to DP to get more in a hurry...
where I discovered that the 27# pails they had...
contained a bonus 3# AND they cost the same as at WallyWorld...
which is a 12 mile round trip and always a hassle...
the smaller jugs were much more expensive at DP...
the price for them at WW makes them the same basic cost as the big pail...
so I'll get jugs when I go to WW, but I can get pails at DP...
without over paying or spending the time, etc to go out to WW...
all in all, a good thing to know...
I'll be contacting my HUD counselor to apprise her of the filing...
and we'll go from there...
the "good" things... the "bad" things...?
they are all blending together to teach me things...
which is, after all, another "good" thing...
as well as another lesson...
Thursday, January 20, 2011
...stepping off of the edge
well, it's getting closer...
a process server served me with papers the other day...
I'm being sued by one of my creditors...
I had 30 days to respond, so I called the lawyer's office...
and went in yesterday, since the summons wasn't clear...
as to the details of what I needed to do...
and since nothing has officially happened with the 1st mortgage holder...
I had NO clue as to what to do next...
the associate I spoke with was very helpful...
after ascertaining that my only income can't be garnished...
[since pensions & retirement benefits cannot be seized to pay debts...]
and that "repossession" was not an issue...
her advice was, "ignore the summons"...
since that debt was to be included in the Chapter 13...
that we were beginning soon...
an emergency exit for the maze, as it were...
which was something that I did not expect...
so with that issue "moot"...
we turned to discussing their fee for the Chp.13...
$3500... $1750 now... $1750 after...
at that point, I had to tell her that if I didn't eat for 6 months...
I still couldn't come up $1750... much less $3500...
so she said that she would go in and talk to the "boss"...
to see what he could do for me...
she came back with the good news that they would drop the fee...
from $3500 to $2200... AND allow me to pay in installments...
to the trustee of the Chp.13, along with the settlement...
which they will try to keep at $75 per month...
since the 1st mortgage modification hasn't gone through yet...
and that filing bankruptcy often screws up the modification process...
the lawyer told me that,"I was really lucky to have come to that firm"...
because, "he always tries to help those who are in dire financial straits"...
I smiled and told her that I was sent there...
and we did both mean the church's lawyer, who referred me...
but I am also quite thankful that God cares about foolish old women...
who get themselves into big trouble through missteps & carelessness...
but then, can trust enough to allow God to bring them through the maze...
even though at times it seems hopeless...
she also informed me that ALL my credit card companies...
including ones that I was paying, such as a gas company one...
a department store one and the small credit limit Visa...
would close my accounts as soon as I filed...
so I should stop paying them now...
I also was warned that my bank, WFB, is one of a few...
that freezes ALL accounts when bankruptcy is filed...
even if you are current on all payments to them or owe them nothing...
so I have to change banks... and quickly...
since all 3 sources of my income are "direct deposits" into WFB...
not to mention the "auto pays" using my ATM card from WFB...
for my car insurance, homeowners insurance, cell phone...
I also pay my city utilities, gas & electric & everything else I can...
online...using my ATM card...
then there's the automatic 1st mortgage payment...
so changing banks is a major undertaking for me...
since some of those who are paid automatically...
require a lengthy processing period to change anything...
and keeping all my bills paid on time...
while extricating myself from WFB...
with whom I have no bad blood...
will be tricky at the least, possibly quite difficult...
requiring planning & a bit of good timing...
part of the problem is that my insurance companies give me a discount...
for the auto pay and changing the source of the payment...
may result in me having to pay extra, which I can't afford...
thankfully, I have God on my side...
if the mortgage modification of my 1st doesn't go through...
I have alternatives...
but I have to keep paying the current amount in the meantime...
which is 66% of my monthly income...
leaving me with not a lot to live on...
however, the attorney did tell me to stop paying ALL credit cards...
so that does leave me with about $75 more per month...
and since Fluff is now gone...
I no longer need to spend $40 on special food for her each month...
so I have about $100 I didn't have before...
if the 1st stays the same, I can still start the bankruptcy...
as the minimum payment is $75-100 per month...
and if the first is never modified or reduced at all...
I just might make it...
especially if I can learn to follow His instructions better...
I might even be led around the maze...
or, which is more likely, guided through the confusion...
to emerge wiser and safe, on the other side...
left to my own devices... I might have found the cheese...
but would STILL have been, stuck...
going in circles... or worse
a process server served me with papers the other day...
I'm being sued by one of my creditors...
I had 30 days to respond, so I called the lawyer's office...
and went in yesterday, since the summons wasn't clear...
as to the details of what I needed to do...
and since nothing has officially happened with the 1st mortgage holder...
I had NO clue as to what to do next...
the associate I spoke with was very helpful...
after ascertaining that my only income can't be garnished...
[since pensions & retirement benefits cannot be seized to pay debts...]
and that "repossession" was not an issue...
her advice was, "ignore the summons"...
since that debt was to be included in the Chapter 13...
that we were beginning soon...
an emergency exit for the maze, as it were...
which was something that I did not expect...
so with that issue "moot"...
we turned to discussing their fee for the Chp.13...
$3500... $1750 now... $1750 after...
at that point, I had to tell her that if I didn't eat for 6 months...
I still couldn't come up $1750... much less $3500...
so she said that she would go in and talk to the "boss"...
to see what he could do for me...
she came back with the good news that they would drop the fee...
from $3500 to $2200... AND allow me to pay in installments...
to the trustee of the Chp.13, along with the settlement...
which they will try to keep at $75 per month...
since the 1st mortgage modification hasn't gone through yet...
and that filing bankruptcy often screws up the modification process...
the lawyer told me that,"I was really lucky to have come to that firm"...
because, "he always tries to help those who are in dire financial straits"...
I smiled and told her that I was sent there...
and we did both mean the church's lawyer, who referred me...
but I am also quite thankful that God cares about foolish old women...
who get themselves into big trouble through missteps & carelessness...
but then, can trust enough to allow God to bring them through the maze...
even though at times it seems hopeless...
she also informed me that ALL my credit card companies...
including ones that I was paying, such as a gas company one...
a department store one and the small credit limit Visa...
would close my accounts as soon as I filed...
so I should stop paying them now...
I also was warned that my bank, WFB, is one of a few...
that freezes ALL accounts when bankruptcy is filed...
even if you are current on all payments to them or owe them nothing...
so I have to change banks... and quickly...
since all 3 sources of my income are "direct deposits" into WFB...
not to mention the "auto pays" using my ATM card from WFB...
for my car insurance, homeowners insurance, cell phone...
I also pay my city utilities, gas & electric & everything else I can...
online...using my ATM card...
then there's the automatic 1st mortgage payment...
so changing banks is a major undertaking for me...
since some of those who are paid automatically...
require a lengthy processing period to change anything...
and keeping all my bills paid on time...
while extricating myself from WFB...
with whom I have no bad blood...
will be tricky at the least, possibly quite difficult...
requiring planning & a bit of good timing...
part of the problem is that my insurance companies give me a discount...
for the auto pay and changing the source of the payment...
may result in me having to pay extra, which I can't afford...
thankfully, I have God on my side...
if the mortgage modification of my 1st doesn't go through...
I have alternatives...
but I have to keep paying the current amount in the meantime...
which is 66% of my monthly income...
leaving me with not a lot to live on...
however, the attorney did tell me to stop paying ALL credit cards...
so that does leave me with about $75 more per month...
and since Fluff is now gone...
I no longer need to spend $40 on special food for her each month...
so I have about $100 I didn't have before...
if the 1st stays the same, I can still start the bankruptcy...
as the minimum payment is $75-100 per month...
and if the first is never modified or reduced at all...
I just might make it...
especially if I can learn to follow His instructions better...
I might even be led around the maze...
or, which is more likely, guided through the confusion...
to emerge wiser and safe, on the other side...
left to my own devices... I might have found the cheese...
but would STILL have been, stuck...
going in circles... or worse
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
...seek & you shall find
December is rapidly approaching...
for many, the expense of holiday gift-giving or feasting, looms large...
for me, it's the specter of property taxes, car registration renewal...
and the 6 month car insurance premium...
all due within the first 10 days of December...
[not to mention a 55K maintenance on my car...
the cost of which I can't even consider at this point...]
so I've been "hunting"...
for ways to accumulate enough cash to take care of these bills...
[totaling about $1400.00...]
and still have money for cat & dog food...
not to mention, "me" food...
today at the church, I was given more dog & cat food...
a new supply had just come in... both canned & dry cat food...
as well as dry dog food... and it's exactly what they eat...
so since I had just got "Fluff food" & litter...
that problem is solved for a while...
I cancelled my paid-up to March, dental insurance...
the refund will be $170.00...
I'll get a check in a couple of weeks...
it's no longer cost effective...
and the idea to cancel & cash out, "just came to me..."
that will take care of the car registration renewal...
but for the rest, I'll have to "dig deeper"...
I called the guy who worked on my professional musical instruments...
and has sold many of them on consignment since I retired from the symphony...
he may owe me for some bells & will get back to me if he does...
he said he did a while back & I have gotten no check from him since...
I could sell back the columbarum niche I bought at the church...
that was $500... I hope I won't need that anytime soon...
I do have a credit card with no balance...
and a $500 limit which I could use for the insurance premium...
but that's my,"emergency in the middle of the night" card...
[ie, emergency vet, medical co-pays, etc...]
I have applied for Social Security benefits...
I am vested into the system...
and my estimated monthly benefit would be about $500.00...
though retired teachers always get less than what they've earned...
if anything at all...
due to the state teachers retirement system payments...
but mine is low... so perhaps I'll get something useful from the government...
at this point, I'm investigating all possibilities...
I have a jar of change to count & cash in...
also a few old "silver certificates"...
and then there's the ring I wore for many years...
yellow gold with 5 diamonds, [cost $1500]
it's too big now... I might sell it if I can get a decent price for it...
not much else to sell that's worth much...
but I believe that God will provide me with the money I need...
I just have to find it...
for many, the expense of holiday gift-giving or feasting, looms large...
for me, it's the specter of property taxes, car registration renewal...
and the 6 month car insurance premium...
all due within the first 10 days of December...
[not to mention a 55K maintenance on my car...
the cost of which I can't even consider at this point...]
so I've been "hunting"...
for ways to accumulate enough cash to take care of these bills...
[totaling about $1400.00...]
and still have money for cat & dog food...
not to mention, "me" food...
today at the church, I was given more dog & cat food...
a new supply had just come in... both canned & dry cat food...
as well as dry dog food... and it's exactly what they eat...
so since I had just got "Fluff food" & litter...
that problem is solved for a while...
I cancelled my paid-up to March, dental insurance...
the refund will be $170.00...
I'll get a check in a couple of weeks...
it's no longer cost effective...
and the idea to cancel & cash out, "just came to me..."
that will take care of the car registration renewal...
but for the rest, I'll have to "dig deeper"...
I called the guy who worked on my professional musical instruments...
and has sold many of them on consignment since I retired from the symphony...
he may owe me for some bells & will get back to me if he does...
he said he did a while back & I have gotten no check from him since...
I could sell back the columbarum niche I bought at the church...
that was $500... I hope I won't need that anytime soon...
I do have a credit card with no balance...
and a $500 limit which I could use for the insurance premium...
but that's my,"emergency in the middle of the night" card...
[ie, emergency vet, medical co-pays, etc...]
I have applied for Social Security benefits...
I am vested into the system...
and my estimated monthly benefit would be about $500.00...
though retired teachers always get less than what they've earned...
if anything at all...
due to the state teachers retirement system payments...
but mine is low... so perhaps I'll get something useful from the government...
at this point, I'm investigating all possibilities...
I have a jar of change to count & cash in...
also a few old "silver certificates"...
and then there's the ring I wore for many years...
yellow gold with 5 diamonds, [cost $1500]
it's too big now... I might sell it if I can get a decent price for it...
not much else to sell that's worth much...
but I believe that God will provide me with the money I need...
I just have to find it...
Friday, January 8, 2010
...is it morning yet ?
lately, this has been me...

staring at my cell phone after I wake-up in a deflated bed...
waiting for the mattress to pump back up so I can get comfortable...
and go back to sleep...

there are still only furtive signs of morning outside...
the morning that,"...joy cometh in..."[Psalm 30:5]...

I am calm and have not recently been,"...weeping all the night..."
but I am a bit groggy from too many sleep interruptions...
[stupid deflating bed... pesky Piglet...]
and need to get several things taken care of, including the bed...
but have NO money for that right now...
accepting myself as poor[not even the working poor, 'cause I'm unemployed...]
is NOT easy... it's come rather suddenly...
I have no options left, on my own...
so I must still trust God to provide as He's promised to...
the only other choice is complete despair...
and that's just not acceptable any more...

but BC has been pandiculating himself into numerous positions...
all in an attempt to destroy my calm & trust in God's keeping power...
my latest look at my bank account was a pretty nasty stomach punch...
but ALL my messages say that I'm on the correct path at the moment...

however, the closed doors & roadblocks must mean something...
so I'm working on obedience, putting Him first...
and remaining calm & trusting...
hoping that He will reveal His will soon...
that I will receive the wisdom to understand...
what I'm apparently NOT getting now...
but I'm in one of those places where,"being still & knowing He is God"...
counts for a lot... so I'm working at it...
maybe that's it... just stop asking & listen...
knowing He's God... trusting completely in Him...
making Him first with nothing else in the race...
can you be calm & confused at the same time ?
hopefully, the morning will dawn soon...

bringing joy in His providence...
God is good...
staring at my cell phone after I wake-up in a deflated bed...
waiting for the mattress to pump back up so I can get comfortable...
and go back to sleep...

there are still only furtive signs of morning outside...
the morning that,"...joy cometh in..."[Psalm 30:5]...

I am calm and have not recently been,"...weeping all the night..."
but I am a bit groggy from too many sleep interruptions...
[stupid deflating bed... pesky Piglet...]
and need to get several things taken care of, including the bed...
but have NO money for that right now...
accepting myself as poor[not even the working poor, 'cause I'm unemployed...]
is NOT easy... it's come rather suddenly...
I have no options left, on my own...
so I must still trust God to provide as He's promised to...
the only other choice is complete despair...
and that's just not acceptable any more...

but BC has been pandiculating himself into numerous positions...
all in an attempt to destroy my calm & trust in God's keeping power...
my latest look at my bank account was a pretty nasty stomach punch...
but ALL my messages say that I'm on the correct path at the moment...

however, the closed doors & roadblocks must mean something...
so I'm working on obedience, putting Him first...
and remaining calm & trusting...
hoping that He will reveal His will soon...
that I will receive the wisdom to understand...
what I'm apparently NOT getting now...
but I'm in one of those places where,"being still & knowing He is God"...
counts for a lot... so I'm working at it...
maybe that's it... just stop asking & listen...
knowing He's God... trusting completely in Him...
making Him first with nothing else in the race...
can you be calm & confused at the same time ?
hopefully, the morning will dawn soon...

bringing joy in His providence...
God is good...
Monday, December 28, 2009
...blessings retrospective

my life has lately been like this persimmon tree...
while the leaves were green, then copper-colored...
they, though a pleasure to the eyes, hid the true blessings beneath...
and as the fruit has become ripe & the leaves dropped...
the birds now have a feast, since these people don't pick the fruit...
they don't gather the pecans that fall from their trees either...
which I gathered last winter and will do again soon...
they just planted an apple tree on the other side...
if they follow their pattern, I may get a few of them too...
but I digress...
in my long & unsuccessful search for a job these past 7 months...
there have been two jobs that I went after that I could have done very well...
the first was the high school band director in August...
the second was the librarian job in November...
I lost the band job because I was reluctant to go full-time...
which would have caused me to have to "un-retire" & stop my pension...
not a problem if the position lasts more than a year past the "un-retire" date...
because you can "un-retire", then retire again as many times as you want...
but an entire year must pass before you can retire again after "un-retiring"...
about 2 months after I would have started the job...
the school district announced cutbacks for the next year...
the job I would have had wasn't eliminated...
but as I had lost all my seniority, I would have been bumped...
my checks would have ended in June...
leaving me no way to pay my mortgage for months...
as I would probably have had to un-retire in October...
just before the budget cuts for the next year were announced...
leaving me with a real chance of loosing my house...
so had I not been so adamant about only wanting part-time...
I would have gotten that job [I was their 1st choice]...
and ultimately been as a friend so succinctly put it...
screwed...
then there was the librarian job...
Evenings & Weekends Supervisor...perfect for me...
Saturday & Sunday, afternoon into late nights...
with some "graveyard" [I'm a nightowl anyway...]
and then, in setting up our Ren.group rehearsal schedule for January & on...
Sunday evening became our only viable choice for a regular rehearsal day...
with Friday & Saturdays for extra or alternate practice times...
again, I would have been screwed...
the group could get along just fine without me as a quartet...
but I would have lost the chance to sing with them...
and that would have hurt me, a lot...
as I love being in this group...
I am amazed at the length that God goes to to protect me...
like keeping my pension coming...
even providing my heart's desires...
like being able to continue to sing with the Ren. group...
and I should already know this...
I've seen it so many times before in my life & the lives of others...
just now I'm seeing His loving & protective hand...
guide some friends through what is for many a time of great stress...
with an ease obviously blessed by His touch...
oh, there is still great effort needed on their part...
but doors open, opportunities appear...
help & support arrives...
and faith, hard work & planning are rewarded...
in His time, in His way, in His will...
so I'm quite confident that the promise He made me a few days ago...
that the new year would bring me renewed heath, increased wealth...
and the job that He has for me to do...
will be kept...
in His time, in His way, in His will...
God is very good, all the time...
Thursday, August 6, 2009
...more "foot notes",[aka good for the sole...]
I had been contemplating this move...
ever since I "re-discovered" the benefits of my Birkies...
and this morning's phone call from the school district's HR person...
with the probability of an interview tomorrow...
spurred me into action...
so I went to the Birkie store right after dropping off the application...
at the district headquarters for the HR person...
as usual, the manager at the Birkie store in Abe's Village...
was very knowledgeable & helpful...
& after we discussed the kind of foot bed I wanted, etc...
she brought me several styles to try...
some were all wrong... but these were all right...

this style is called, "Profi-Birki", [Alpro-Schaum]...
they are designed for professionals who must stand & move around all day[chefs,etc...]
they have a removable & replaceable neoprene foot bed...
& will accommodate a custom, replaceable foam pad as well...
making them a very comfortable shoe...
they also have a non-slip tread...

they have a "pigskin" pattern embossed in the dull, black vinyl...
[Schwarz is the ONLY color they come in...they ARE for pros...]
look dressy enough to wear with slacks & a blazer...
but will also work with khaki's, cords or jeans...
[remember, I don't wear skirts...]
the best part, besides the complete comfort...?
they cost $89.00...
Fr Toolbelt says that he throws his in the dishwasher...

the second style I chose are "Bostons", which I've had before...
these are taupe suede and have the cork middles with the regular soles...
[soles & cork are also replaceable...]
but there is a different design for the foot bed which reduces shock...
and makes them, "softer" to wear than regular Bostons...
[I could feel the difference...]
[hence the, gulp, $130.00 price tag...]

I chose taupe because it looks gray next to cool colors...
but looks more tan next to anything that's a warmer color...
and I have some striped sox they'll look great with...

I always need "brown" shoes, so I also bought the same kind/style...
in a smoother brown leather...which they had to order...
[yes, also $130.00...]
ironically, the shoes I totally loved were nice black lace oxfords...
with the same foot bed/foam pad as the "Pro clogs"...
they were SOOO comfortable...& fit perfectly...
the laces making the fit very secure...
but were $220.00...
so I left them for "later"...

I also got 4 pairs of sox...
these are diabetic[ie breathe well & not too tight at the top...]
my current ones are too ratty to wear with clogs...
and I basically had only black & white...
so I bought, "natural", black, brown & navy...
now, for a good place to wear them, regularly...
ever since I "re-discovered" the benefits of my Birkies...
and this morning's phone call from the school district's HR person...
with the probability of an interview tomorrow...
spurred me into action...
so I went to the Birkie store right after dropping off the application...
at the district headquarters for the HR person...
as usual, the manager at the Birkie store in Abe's Village...
was very knowledgeable & helpful...
& after we discussed the kind of foot bed I wanted, etc...
she brought me several styles to try...
some were all wrong... but these were all right...
this style is called, "Profi-Birki", [Alpro-Schaum]...
they are designed for professionals who must stand & move around all day[chefs,etc...]
they have a removable & replaceable neoprene foot bed...
& will accommodate a custom, replaceable foam pad as well...
making them a very comfortable shoe...
they also have a non-slip tread...
they have a "pigskin" pattern embossed in the dull, black vinyl...
[Schwarz is the ONLY color they come in...they ARE for pros...]
look dressy enough to wear with slacks & a blazer...
but will also work with khaki's, cords or jeans...
[remember, I don't wear skirts...]
the best part, besides the complete comfort...?
they cost $89.00...
Fr Toolbelt says that he throws his in the dishwasher...
the second style I chose are "Bostons", which I've had before...
these are taupe suede and have the cork middles with the regular soles...
[soles & cork are also replaceable...]
but there is a different design for the foot bed which reduces shock...
and makes them, "softer" to wear than regular Bostons...
[I could feel the difference...]
[hence the, gulp, $130.00 price tag...]
I chose taupe because it looks gray next to cool colors...
but looks more tan next to anything that's a warmer color...
and I have some striped sox they'll look great with...

I always need "brown" shoes, so I also bought the same kind/style...
in a smoother brown leather...which they had to order...
[yes, also $130.00...]
ironically, the shoes I totally loved were nice black lace oxfords...
with the same foot bed/foam pad as the "Pro clogs"...
they were SOOO comfortable...& fit perfectly...
the laces making the fit very secure...
but were $220.00...
so I left them for "later"...
I also got 4 pairs of sox...
these are diabetic[ie breathe well & not too tight at the top...]
my current ones are too ratty to wear with clogs...
and I basically had only black & white...
so I bought, "natural", black, brown & navy...
now, for a good place to wear them, regularly...
...it's official...
...I am becoming my grandmother...
I'm even starting to resemble her...
[I have her jowls as well as her middle name...]
however, in this case, I'm referring to her shopping habits...
having lived through the Depression of the 1930's...
she always waited for the weekly newspaper ads to come out...
before deciding on her menu/shopping list for the week...
since times have gotten tougher...
I have found myself being more careful...
I've been to Wallyworld, Costco & FFL...
but I haven't yet made it to Winco...
[a Winn-Dixie company perhaps ?
for those of you in the southeastern US...]

the weekly grocery circulars come out on Tuesday...
and I have been able to score some good deals...
[that I don't have to drive 10 miles for...]
just by reading these flyer's...
there is just one of me...
I don't buy as much as a family would...
& I'm usually looking for meat, produce or dairy...
[with an occasional speciality item catching my eye...]
and I'm sure that prices this good [or better]...
might be scored at Wallyworld, FFL or Winco...
at any given time...
but those stores don't send me weekly ads...
if you live in Mudville or the environs...
these prices caught my eye this week...

I've already been here to score :
Foster Farm's chicken breast[skin on, bone in]
$.97 per lb !!
MaxPak[3 lbs or more] ground chuck or beef...
$ 1.49 per lb...
they also have FF leg/thigh quarters $1.97 per lb...

these guys have FF whole chickens...$.49 per lb...
[limit 4]

the good deal here is bottled water...
3 cases for $9.99 plus crv...
[regular price, $3.97 per case + crv...
over all, the S&M whole chix at $.49 p/lb ...
[SM has them for $.76 p/lb...]
and the SM chicken breast [$.97 p/lb] & ground chuck [$1.49 p/lb]
[which were flying off the shelves when I was there...]
are the low price winners this week...
if you can take advantage of these prices, enjoy...
I know that I will...
[postscript...
I bought gas in Mudville today at a car wash...
I only needed about 6 gal, but I needed the car washed...
as I was driving MzYBee to Ahnoldtown today...
so I paid $2.79...I've seen as low as $2.65 elsewhere here in town...
in Ahnoldtown, the lowest was $2.99 & I saw even higher...
how does the price of gas go up that much in about 35 miles ?
up in the mountains, along 80, you expect to pay more...
but here, in the valley ?
it's enough to make you...]
I'm even starting to resemble her...
[I have her jowls as well as her middle name...]
however, in this case, I'm referring to her shopping habits...
having lived through the Depression of the 1930's...
she always waited for the weekly newspaper ads to come out...
before deciding on her menu/shopping list for the week...
since times have gotten tougher...
I have found myself being more careful...
I've been to Wallyworld, Costco & FFL...
but I haven't yet made it to Winco...
[a Winn-Dixie company perhaps ?
for those of you in the southeastern US...]

the weekly grocery circulars come out on Tuesday...
and I have been able to score some good deals...
[that I don't have to drive 10 miles for...]
just by reading these flyer's...
there is just one of me...
I don't buy as much as a family would...
& I'm usually looking for meat, produce or dairy...
[with an occasional speciality item catching my eye...]
and I'm sure that prices this good [or better]...
might be scored at Wallyworld, FFL or Winco...
at any given time...
but those stores don't send me weekly ads...
if you live in Mudville or the environs...
these prices caught my eye this week...

I've already been here to score :
Foster Farm's chicken breast[skin on, bone in]
$.97 per lb !!
MaxPak[3 lbs or more] ground chuck or beef...
$ 1.49 per lb...
they also have FF leg/thigh quarters $1.97 per lb...

these guys have FF whole chickens...$.49 per lb...
[limit 4]

the good deal here is bottled water...
3 cases for $9.99 plus crv...
[regular price, $3.97 per case + crv...
over all, the S&M whole chix at $.49 p/lb ...
[SM has them for $.76 p/lb...]
and the SM chicken breast [$.97 p/lb] & ground chuck [$1.49 p/lb]
[which were flying off the shelves when I was there...]
are the low price winners this week...
if you can take advantage of these prices, enjoy...
I know that I will...
[postscript...
I bought gas in Mudville today at a car wash...
I only needed about 6 gal, but I needed the car washed...
as I was driving MzYBee to Ahnoldtown today...
so I paid $2.79...I've seen as low as $2.65 elsewhere here in town...
in Ahnoldtown, the lowest was $2.99 & I saw even higher...
how does the price of gas go up that much in about 35 miles ?
up in the mountains, along 80, you expect to pay more...
but here, in the valley ?
it's enough to make you...]
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
...just "letting it be"
we haven't had a wet winter or spring...
so some of my plantings didn't survive the dry, windy conditions...
but this lobelia[Crystal Palace] did...
in the driest, sunniest place, one bloom came out...
today, when I looked, there were several...
all celebrating their re-birth...
they survived the dry cold, the parching winds...
the burning sun and the early heat wave...
to bloom again on my front porch...
I've been going through a dry patch too...
fear of the loss of my home & lifestyle...
actual loss of my kitty family, with more pending...
as Creamer is not feeling too good these days...
the lack of the usual musical outlets...
the trauma of a job search...
dealing with several radical changes in my way of looking at things...
[ie God's "dealing" with me on several issues...]
as I struggle to be more active despite numerous pains...
[the chiropractor is something I can't afford right now...]
eating better, while watching the cost...
[lots of salads should help ease the "pains"...]
making out a budget sheet...taking control of ALL my money...
[what little there is left...]
and setting-up a bookkeeping system for all expenses...
as well as all debts...
[it was all on the Quicken I lost last October...]
I've done better with eating when I don't think much about food...
so trying to think about eating healthier, on a budget...
is hard for me to deal with...
[I forget to eat...then gobble almost anything...]
so it's more self-discipline for me...
a real change has been giving up the cable...
I have a lot of DVDs to watch...
recently, The West Wing, start to finish...
now, The Civil War, Ken Burns' PBS series....
and I have been watching...
as opposed to "vegging out" & falling asleep...
I tried reading but allergy headaches are too much at this point...
another real change has been the amount of time I spend "online"...
having to go "out" to do things has been an adjustment...
but it was a financial necessity...
which brings me to the 800 lb gorilla in the room...
I really don't care to deal with money...
I get NO satisfaction from having it...
a fair amount from spending it...
but I really like being able to give it away...
in my fantasy world... I'd have unlimited wealth...
and spend my time giving it away to anyone who needed it...
all anonymously, of course...
so no one would feel beholden to anyone but God...
but we live in reality...
since I have gotten myself into this mess...
I don't have much satisfaction from money at all...
just angst & aggravation...
having a negative cash flow & relying on savings...
NOT responsible...
but ignoring the problem...
was all I seemed to able to deal with...
now that I've been dealing with the issues...
[OK, sin...let's call it what it is...]
I realize that I must focus on becoming more involved...
be aware of my situation & mindset at all times...
know how much money I have & where it's going...
[seems simple, but burying your head in the sand is more pleasant...]
allow myself to be in a situation, what ever that is...
where enough more money can be earned to pay my debts & living expenses...
[and to trust that it will be the right job for me...]
there is, however, a LARGE difference between being "aware"...
and trying to "do" a lot of things on your own...
the latter is where I always go wrong...
I start out following God's leading...
and somewhere, somehow, seem to morph into doing "it" my way...
which never works...
a few months ago, I prayed with a Christian "healer"...
about my lack of a job and complete "unraveling"...
she said that she saw "many doors" in my life...
and it has been accurate so far...
many seem to open, only to close...
others have stayed locked...
lately, there are some that seem to be opening...
only time will tell if I'm meant to walk through them...
in the meantime...
I've trying to just let go of all my controlling mechanisms...
to stop trying & doing...
and to just "be"...
I'm tired of messing up my life...
of feeling unworthy...
because I messed up something else I didn't mean to...
so I'm looking up...
keeping my thoughts positive...
being thankful, grateful...
and feeling blessed by the God of "another chance"...
I'm sure that He'll get it right this time...
if I can just stay out of His way & let Him...
"answer me when I call, O God, defender of my cause;
you set me free when I am hard pressed;
know that the Lord does wonders for the faithful;
when I call upon the Lord, He will hear me...
put your trust in the Lord...
many are saying,"Oh that we might see better times".
lift up the light of your countenance upon us,O Lord.
you have put gladness in my heart...
more than when grain & wine & oil increase.
I lie down in peace; at once I fall asleep;
for only you Lord, make me dwell in safety."
[Psalm 4, selected, BCP]
Friday, June 12, 2009
...things get very depressing, AND THEN...
I woke up early this morning...
[6 AM is early for me these days,
though it wasn't always that way...
after a depressing conversation with a mortgage banker...
and phone menu hell on Weds. evening..
my loan would qualify for the Fed. Refi program...
saving me a couple hundred a month...
but I didn't have the income to qualify...
AND my house value is floating around $225K...
[I was afraid it was worse...]
I'm still "upside down"...
but only about $50K...
if the economy turns up just a bit...
my value will go back up quickly due to my good area...
when things were crazy, it was valued at $425K...
I got the HELOC at $325K...
which is why I'm "upside down" now...
it could easily return to a value of $275K...
which is more than I owe...
unfortunately...
without a source of income beyond my pension...
I can't do anything to lower my mortgage payment...
[loan modification is only a short-term, stop-gap measure...]
so today, I decided to get dressed & try to get some things moving...
I decided to go to,[gulp]the school district...
[you must understand that this is a bit like a small mouse...
trying to snuggle-up to a hungry python...]
I have gotten letters each year since I retired...
after school starts...
asking me to be a long-term sub, etc...
and have ignored them...
[generally shredding them with glee...]
so it was with a sense of duty that I went to the "Castle"...

after a wait, I was given a daunting 1 inch thick pile of forms...
told that since it was S-O-O-O long since I taught...
[uhhh 2005... only 4 years ago]
I was told that I needed to be fingerprinted,TB tested...
and "start from scratch"...& that I'd just have to be in the "pool"...
ie phone calls at 0-dark:30 AM each day you "worked"...
NOT a steady source of income...
since I never remembered being fingerprinted at all before...
I stopped by the school police office...
and though I was the only person there not wearing a uniform...
was told to call & schedule an appointment...
which I did from my cell when I got back to my car...
by this time, I was really upset at all the crap I'd have to do...
find the original copies of my credentials that they already have...
[I know they keep all early retirees stuff...
until they can drop us from the health care at age 65...]
my CBEST test pass card, letters of recommendation...
etc, etc, ETC...
so I forced myself to drive out to...

after having 3, literally 3 parking places, pirated away from me...
I found a distant spot, walked into the store...
and went looking for some sort of office...
finally, I asked a "greeter" where to go...
and she directed me to the "Customer Service" area...
where there were 2 computers for "career applications"...
one was busy, there was a guy lounging next to the woman typing...
so I thought that he was with her...
I went to the unused computer...
& finally had to ask why the cursor wasn't responding...
a clerk, with obvious management skills...
came out from behind the counter...
& gave the screen a whack...
then...the cursor became visible...
the guy who had been "lounging" then came to life...
apparently he was waiting to apply too...
so after having been assured that I could apply from my own computer...
I gave him the use of the computer & left...
so back to the church I went...
[my only current ISP...]
I decided to apply for all possible jobs...
including hourly management ones...
& for the management level, there's a test...
which they were happy to inform me that I had failed...
how or why...I have no idea...
nor will they tell me...
but I couldn't take it again for 6 months...
I knew that the shoe store wouldn't be for a while...

when I applied, they had just hired a couple of people...
and I'm not too sure that crawling around on a floor...
would work well for me anyway...
so I decided to drop by B&N again...

the "manager" I had given my application to had said they would call...
they hadn't...and all things considered,[he gave me a strange look...]
I had no desire to be further stomped on...
not after the day I'd had so far...
I was too close to tears...
sucking up my courage "to the sticking point"...
I went in & saw the nice woman I'd talked to before...
when I approached her, she remembered me...
but she couldn't figure out WHO the guy was ...
that had taken my application & said that they'd call me...
"He doesn't sound like any manager we have here..."
she introduced me to her "real" manager...
and mentioned my "super qualified" experience...
we chatted, I also mentioned my classical music library experience...
and he gave me another application to fill-out...
as well as inviting me to a group interview on June 23 at 5 PM...
[attire, business casual,ie what I was wearing, khakis & a polo shirt...]
he told me that ALL their interviews were "group ones"...
and told me to bring my filled-out application to the interview...
and he didn't give me any strange look...
I left feeling really hopeful for the first time in days...
as several of you readers have put it...
"this would be perfect for me..."
I DON'T want to crawl back to the district...
accomplishing the paperwork alone is almost too much...
if you've applied to a college, you know...
I don't know where all those things are anymore...
and then getting up each day, EARLY, to go, where ever...
going when I'm sick...for about $100 per day after taxes...
I'd be dead in 6 months...
so today I'm really hopeful...
a decent job, that I could do well at & enjoy...
then, I could refi my mortgage...
pay down my debt...
it might all line-up, finally...
and not a moment too soon...
God is good, all the time...
[6 AM is early for me these days,
though it wasn't always that way...
after a depressing conversation with a mortgage banker...
and phone menu hell on Weds. evening..
my loan would qualify for the Fed. Refi program...
saving me a couple hundred a month...
but I didn't have the income to qualify...
AND my house value is floating around $225K...
[I was afraid it was worse...]
I'm still "upside down"...
but only about $50K...
if the economy turns up just a bit...
my value will go back up quickly due to my good area...
when things were crazy, it was valued at $425K...
I got the HELOC at $325K...
which is why I'm "upside down" now...
it could easily return to a value of $275K...
which is more than I owe...
unfortunately...
without a source of income beyond my pension...
I can't do anything to lower my mortgage payment...
[loan modification is only a short-term, stop-gap measure...]
so today, I decided to get dressed & try to get some things moving...
I decided to go to,[gulp]the school district...
[you must understand that this is a bit like a small mouse...
trying to snuggle-up to a hungry python...]
I have gotten letters each year since I retired...
after school starts...
asking me to be a long-term sub, etc...
and have ignored them...
[generally shredding them with glee...]
so it was with a sense of duty that I went to the "Castle"...

after a wait, I was given a daunting 1 inch thick pile of forms...
told that since it was S-O-O-O long since I taught...
[uhhh 2005... only 4 years ago]
I was told that I needed to be fingerprinted,TB tested...
and "start from scratch"...& that I'd just have to be in the "pool"...
ie phone calls at 0-dark:30 AM each day you "worked"...
NOT a steady source of income...
since I never remembered being fingerprinted at all before...
I stopped by the school police office...
and though I was the only person there not wearing a uniform...
was told to call & schedule an appointment...
which I did from my cell when I got back to my car...
by this time, I was really upset at all the crap I'd have to do...
find the original copies of my credentials that they already have...
[I know they keep all early retirees stuff...
until they can drop us from the health care at age 65...]
my CBEST test pass card, letters of recommendation...
etc, etc, ETC...
so I forced myself to drive out to...

after having 3, literally 3 parking places, pirated away from me...
I found a distant spot, walked into the store...
and went looking for some sort of office...
finally, I asked a "greeter" where to go...
and she directed me to the "Customer Service" area...
where there were 2 computers for "career applications"...
one was busy, there was a guy lounging next to the woman typing...
so I thought that he was with her...
I went to the unused computer...
& finally had to ask why the cursor wasn't responding...
a clerk, with obvious management skills...
came out from behind the counter...
& gave the screen a whack...
then...the cursor became visible...
the guy who had been "lounging" then came to life...
apparently he was waiting to apply too...
so after having been assured that I could apply from my own computer...
I gave him the use of the computer & left...
so back to the church I went...
[my only current ISP...]
I decided to apply for all possible jobs...
including hourly management ones...
& for the management level, there's a test...
which they were happy to inform me that I had failed...
how or why...I have no idea...
nor will they tell me...
but I couldn't take it again for 6 months...
I knew that the shoe store wouldn't be for a while...

when I applied, they had just hired a couple of people...
and I'm not too sure that crawling around on a floor...
would work well for me anyway...
so I decided to drop by B&N again...

the "manager" I had given my application to had said they would call...
they hadn't...and all things considered,[he gave me a strange look...]
I had no desire to be further stomped on...
not after the day I'd had so far...
I was too close to tears...
sucking up my courage "to the sticking point"...
I went in & saw the nice woman I'd talked to before...
when I approached her, she remembered me...
but she couldn't figure out WHO the guy was ...
that had taken my application & said that they'd call me...
"He doesn't sound like any manager we have here..."
she introduced me to her "real" manager...
and mentioned my "super qualified" experience...
we chatted, I also mentioned my classical music library experience...
and he gave me another application to fill-out...
as well as inviting me to a group interview on June 23 at 5 PM...
[attire, business casual,ie what I was wearing, khakis & a polo shirt...]
he told me that ALL their interviews were "group ones"...
and told me to bring my filled-out application to the interview...
and he didn't give me any strange look...
I left feeling really hopeful for the first time in days...
as several of you readers have put it...
"this would be perfect for me..."
I DON'T want to crawl back to the district...
accomplishing the paperwork alone is almost too much...
if you've applied to a college, you know...
I don't know where all those things are anymore...
and then getting up each day, EARLY, to go, where ever...
going when I'm sick...for about $100 per day after taxes...
I'd be dead in 6 months...
so today I'm really hopeful...
a decent job, that I could do well at & enjoy...
then, I could refi my mortgage...
pay down my debt...
it might all line-up, finally...
and not a moment too soon...
God is good, all the time...
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
...cost-cutting measures, Catsinger style

I've been doing a lot of soul-searching lately...
my cost of living has to be cut...
and there are some hard choices...
as well as some not-so-hard choices...
I had already changed back to AT&T...
for my basic home phone service last summer...
went from paying $85 p/mo to $28+...
I have "basic" service [$15] plus 120 min "long distance"p/m[$5]...
[and around here, 13 miles away is "long distance"...]
so over $8 goes to fees, surcharges & taxes,each month...
but I had a feeling I should keep it...
and since I just discontinued my cable TV & broadband...
as of April 30 [I'm paid up until then...]
and spent $22 for a Juno DSL membership...
it's a good thing...
Comcast TV & internet, $145 p/mo...
Juno DSL... $24.95 p/m...
a savings of $125.00 p/m....
I've also downgraded the size of my trash can...
from 95 gal to 65 gal...
saving $5 p/m...
with my cats, the 30 gal size was too small...
and only would save me another $5 p/m anyway...
I really struggled with paying my musicians union dues this year...
[$146.00...] I almost dropped it...
now I'm glad I didn't...
because...
I have a credit card through the union...
that will allow me to apply for a one-time grant...
because I got "laid-off"...
I fit all the criteria and if I "get" it...
they will pay $250.00 towards my bill...
I've also qualified for the gas/electric co's...
low income rebate of 20% of my monthly bill...
which amounts to $26.60 savings each month...
[I already use the balanced payment plan...
so my monthly bill was always $133...]
I need to call my cell phone company...
my contract is up in Dec...
and I could do things to cut my $65 p/m bill in half...
but there would be penalties if I did them now...
I just need to see if it's better to wait until Dec....
I've also experimented with buying lessor grades of gas...
and discovered that my car still runs OK on regular...
which can be $.20 to $.30 per gallon cheaper...
my tank holds 15+ gallons & I use about 20 gal per mo...
saving me $4 to $6 per month on gas...
though I don't yet know if the milage is affected...
so if you're playing along...
that's more than $160 p/m off my living costs...
I need to convince the critters to eat less...
and cheaper food as well...
and I need to "live off" what I have for a while...
with only occasional visits to a grocery store...
for basic supplies...
it's been a while since I went into "Food for Less"...
and others of that ilk...
just can't wait for my first foray into Wally World...
I don't think of myself as a snob...maybe I am...
sigh...
now if I could only find work...
and maybe redo my mortgage/credit card payments...
I just might make it...
Monday, April 6, 2009
...an epiphany & a cross

it was, by all signs...
a normal day...
Fluff was pestering me...
for "fresh" food...
and Piglet was lobbying...
[LOUDLY...]
for "outside time..."
then it happened...
almost in slow motion...
an epiphany...
after "freeing" the yowling Piglet...
I turned to the mewing & insistent Fluff...
and heard myself say...
"You have a lot already...
eat that and then I'll give you more..."
suddenly I knew that it hadn't just been me...
speaking in mild annoyance to my demanding old kitty...
it was a loving, patient God, speaking to me...
His willful & wasteful daughter...
I've been dealing with financial insolvency for a while now...
losing my job was the last straw...
& made me focus on just how fast...
my "safety net" was evaporating...
I have some friends who refer to themselves as "poor"...
if you're of my generation, [the boomers]...
thinking of yourself as "poor" is hard...
almost un-American...where prosperity is a given...
and those who "aren't"...just don't work hard enough...
we "boomers" were raised to believe...
that we were owed a good life...
and we've grabbed with both hands...
my "poor" friends are some of the hardest working people I know...
and they know that God provides our needs...
though right now there are struggles & sacrifices...
I'm sure that their prosperity is coming...
because they trust God to show the way...
so as I try to shed the middle class mindset...
and accept that I too, am "poor"...
[quite a transition when you've always been "middle class"...]
I hope to find imperishable riches...
and to see my needs met...
so now...I'm facing deep cuts in lifestyle...
I'm not going into all the details...
but my pension only pays my mortgage...
not my debt or living expenses...
and every avenue for earning any money I've explored...
has been fruitless...so far...
so I'm taking "steps" down the path He seems to be leading me...
but like most of us... I'm addicted to "stuff"...
cable TV... web access PDA's...broadband internet...
eating what I want...buying "stuff"...
amusing myself...
living "in the world..." but telling myself...
I wasn't "of the world"...
I was only fooling myself...
He saw through it...
& has been dealing with me to "let it go"...
our current economic crisis...
has exacerbated the need for that perspective switch...
so when I heard myself say to my dearest Fluff...
"...you have a lot already...
eat that & then I'll give you more..."
I was suddenly convicted by my own words...
which were quickly replaced in my mind...
by the words of this Lenten hymn...
and then...I knew what I had to do...
"Take up your cross," the Savior said,
"If you would my disciple be;
Forsake the past, and come this day,
And humbly follow after me."
Take up your cross; let not its weight
Pervade your soul with vain alarm;
His strength shall bear your spirit up,
Sustain your heart, and nerve your arm.
Take up your cross, nor heed the shame,
Nor let your foolish heart rebel;
For you the Lord endured the cross
To save your soul from death and hell.
Take up your cross and follow Christ,
Nor think till death to lay it down;
For only those who bear the cross
May hope to wear a golden crown.

["Take Up Your Cross, the Savior Said "By: Charles W. Everest]
Friday, January 2, 2009
...on the 9th day of Christmas
OK...so getting the "elephant out of the living room"...
right off the bat...

this is my dislocated[S-O-R-E] finger today...
the bruising is turning amazing colors...
and it DOES look crooked to me...
when it's in the splint [at night] it DOESN'T hurt...
when it's "out" & doing things...
it hurts to move it, but otherwise it's bearable...
[until I bump it, that is...]

so today, I had to do a bunch of things to prepare choir music...
for Epiphany [which starts next week...]
with Ash Weds. & Lent, not too far off...
[aren't we still doing Christmas ?...]
but I like to have things organized...
and I know that the choir appreciates it...

so with the church as my eventual goal...
I went by Discount Pet...
to get "supplies" for the impending "spa" visit...

I got a case of the medium sized cans of this flavor...
[their favorite...]

and a case of this in these smaller cans...
[their second favorite...the Fancy Feast girls will just have to "rough it"...]

and a small bag of each of these...
[also their "usual"...]

and a small bag of this...

for Molly...[her usual...]
I dropped them by the vets...
and picked up several cardboard carriers for Monday...
I will take Molly's bed & a couple of toys...
but no cat beds[not enough room]
they'll have beds there...
I swung by the church...
made working copies for the choir...
found several selections...
& took care of several things so I'm ready for Sunday...
after I arrived home, I started the "stew process"...
then spent some time doing elements sheets for church...
& sending choir-related e-mails, etc...
on a trip outside to the garbage can...
I noticed this...

the 3 formerly wilted pots of dill I "rescued"...
are thriving in their new home...
these are at least my 12th attempt to get dill to grow...
so now, when they should die, they grow...
in a grateful frame of mind...
I began to look for other "little blessings"...

and found this little marigold seedling...
flourishing in Mom's iris planter...
which I thought were goners last summer...
then I remembered the nice surprise I got at the grocery store...

I always get 5¢ credit for each one of these bags I use...
but a couple of days ago, they also gave me 5¢ credit for each of these...

the 2 handy yarn bags that Miz Minka made for me for Christmas...
she had mentioned the farmer's market...
I don't think she had planned on this...
that's really a great bonus...a gift that keeps on "giving"...
and then there's these...

the cyclamen that I finally replaced...
they are glorious...what a nice treat...

the johnny jump-ups are still gathering their strength for spring...
but several are braving the wind chill to smile at me...

as is the tiny asparagus fern I transplanted...

the the dying geraniums I rescued are blooming...
the most deep, vibrant red...

and the Christmas cacti are poised to burst into bloom...

and the old sword fern...in the antique pot...
[it was Grandma's & Mom's before it was mine...]
is happily reaching out to all the damp & cold...
inside...some unexpected good news...

my old ficus, that was dying, is sending out new growth...

as is the Maranatha plant I repotted...
after it became feline salad bar...

the stew [in an early stage in this photo...]
is now done...

the slow cooking green beans [seen here at the beginning]
are now several hours "in"....
but at this point a special blessing...
was finding that 3rd elusive bay leaf...
hiding in the almost done stew...
bay leaves can create funny tastes if left in too long...
and I had almost given up looking for it...
when there it was...

I have yet to make some mac n'cheese to bake off tomorrow...
and a couple of other "things" I want to do in the kitchen...
tomorrow, I'll tackle the LR and clean the bathroom...
[I say that like it'll take 5 mins...more like several hours...]
but the results will be worth it...
right off the bat...
this is my dislocated[S-O-R-E] finger today...
the bruising is turning amazing colors...
and it DOES look crooked to me...
when it's in the splint [at night] it DOESN'T hurt...
when it's "out" & doing things...
it hurts to move it, but otherwise it's bearable...
[until I bump it, that is...]

so today, I had to do a bunch of things to prepare choir music...
for Epiphany [which starts next week...]
with Ash Weds. & Lent, not too far off...
[aren't we still doing Christmas ?...]
but I like to have things organized...
and I know that the choir appreciates it...

so with the church as my eventual goal...
I went by Discount Pet...
to get "supplies" for the impending "spa" visit...

I got a case of the medium sized cans of this flavor...
[their favorite...]

and a case of this in these smaller cans...
[their second favorite...the Fancy Feast girls will just have to "rough it"...]

and a small bag of each of these...
[also their "usual"...]

and a small bag of this...

for Molly...[her usual...]
I dropped them by the vets...
and picked up several cardboard carriers for Monday...
I will take Molly's bed & a couple of toys...
but no cat beds[not enough room]
they'll have beds there...
I swung by the church...
made working copies for the choir...
found several selections...
& took care of several things so I'm ready for Sunday...
after I arrived home, I started the "stew process"...
then spent some time doing elements sheets for church...
& sending choir-related e-mails, etc...
on a trip outside to the garbage can...
I noticed this...
the 3 formerly wilted pots of dill I "rescued"...
are thriving in their new home...
these are at least my 12th attempt to get dill to grow...
so now, when they should die, they grow...
in a grateful frame of mind...
I began to look for other "little blessings"...
and found this little marigold seedling...
flourishing in Mom's iris planter...
which I thought were goners last summer...
then I remembered the nice surprise I got at the grocery store...
I always get 5¢ credit for each one of these bags I use...
but a couple of days ago, they also gave me 5¢ credit for each of these...
the 2 handy yarn bags that Miz Minka made for me for Christmas...
she had mentioned the farmer's market...
I don't think she had planned on this...
that's really a great bonus...a gift that keeps on "giving"...
and then there's these...
the cyclamen that I finally replaced...
they are glorious...what a nice treat...
the johnny jump-ups are still gathering their strength for spring...
but several are braving the wind chill to smile at me...
as is the tiny asparagus fern I transplanted...
the the dying geraniums I rescued are blooming...
the most deep, vibrant red...
and the Christmas cacti are poised to burst into bloom...
and the old sword fern...in the antique pot...
[it was Grandma's & Mom's before it was mine...]
is happily reaching out to all the damp & cold...
inside...some unexpected good news...
my old ficus, that was dying, is sending out new growth...
as is the Maranatha plant I repotted...
after it became feline salad bar...
the stew [in an early stage in this photo...]
is now done...
the slow cooking green beans [seen here at the beginning]
are now several hours "in"....
but at this point a special blessing...
was finding that 3rd elusive bay leaf...
hiding in the almost done stew...
bay leaves can create funny tastes if left in too long...
and I had almost given up looking for it...
when there it was...
I have yet to make some mac n'cheese to bake off tomorrow...
and a couple of other "things" I want to do in the kitchen...
tomorrow, I'll tackle the LR and clean the bathroom...
[I say that like it'll take 5 mins...more like several hours...]
but the results will be worth it...
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