...stepping back from the edge

to say that I have not been here...
would be to lessen the deliverance of God...



I was, until yesterday when a source of funding opened-up for me...
literally a couple of hundred $'s & a few days from defaulting on my debts...
with bigger problems affecting my home, looming on the horizon...

I had several, "maybe" jobs... none of which seem to be forthcoming...
and my latest round of job applications have garnered NO responses...
[although, I suppose that no reply at all could be considered a response...]

then last Monday, a possibility of access to funds...
that had NOT been available to me at all...
gave me hope, though I was poised on the edge of bankruptcy...
and yesterday, that hope proved to be God's will for me...



I still need a job, but these funds will keep, "the specter of homelessness"...
at bay for more than a year, if I'm careful & a good steward...
if I can find even a part-time job within that time...
then I can work to retire my debt & create a safer financial place...



just like even in the midst of the cold, stormy & wet winter we're having here...
[which I am loving, BTW... storms, cold, rain, snow in the mountains...]
the "early red leaf plum is blooming... in late January...
with only fleeting hours of sunshine, between storms, to urge it on...
while all other buds are still closed tight against the cold, pelting rains...

I feel the release of answered prayer & God's loving provisions...
I also feel the stinging goad of bc, as he seeks to spoil my peace...
but I have learned now to recognize his mean-spirited attempts...
to destroy the peace & keeping God provides...

I try to maintain an attitude of gratefully waiting...
for the next blessing, not the next problem...
all the while, peacefully bobbing & weaving...
trying not to let the nasty "surprises" bc is tossing in my path...
spoil my joy at God's faithfulness...

I see this more & more in my life, as well as with others I know...
who also are living a life where they "trust" and have seen God provide...
& since reading some comments of C.S.Lewis on this phenomenon...
I have come to understand the insidious nature of the enemy better...

he not only wants to, "kill us, just to see us die"...
he wants to ruin our joy, destroy our faith & peace...
and just lead us into being miserable...
when we should be rejoicing in God's goodness...

the phenomenon being that whenever God blesses a believer...
with answered prayer, abundance, things "going very well"...
or the manifestation of a heart's desire as reality...
that's when bc attacks at our weakest line of defense...

our most insecure places, the hurt not quite healed...
a fear that still lurks, just below our level of consciousness...
often some of our oldest, life-long problems...
being left, being alone because there is no one to "care"...
not being appreciated or well-treated by those we love...

at this point, a simple,"go away, Satan", generally doesn't cut it...

like a persistent cat who MUST GO OUT, NOW !
bc uses every trick & prompt in his arsenal...
to get your mind focused off of God's goodness, & onto yourself...
but if you can, and this is not ever easy...
you must find things to praise & thank God for...

leaving self-pity, self-absorption & self, in general...
at the foot of the cross, on the altar, as an praise offering...

even if you are very upset, angry or hurt...
you MUST turn to praise...
it may take a while, but it is the only way to send bc away...

so as I find myself thanking God for His provision for me...
and am able, with His help to "step back" from the edge...
I have been bombarded by bc... in the most hurtful ways possible...
trying SO hard to ruin my joy & peace at God's deliverance...

and I'm attempting to follow my own advice...
turning to thankfulness & praise...
in the face of bc's nasty onslaught...
and I am feeling better...

but I'm pretty sure that bc's NOT given up yet...
however, God is God... all the time...
and He is good... all the time...

...wow, just wow...

my regular readers know, all too well, of my l-o-n-g journey...
through,"the valley of the shadow of debt"...
[pun intended...]

you have suffered along with with me...
in my desire to get my financial attitudes "right" with God...
[as well as my spiritual & psychological issues...]
to retire my debt burdens, to learn to live more simply...
to discern the work that God has in mind for me...
and the job that would allow all this to happen...

and even though it's been one failed job interview after another...
during months of trying to remain patient & trusting in God's promise of supply...
with my resources literally running out in a matter of a week or so...
and with NO respite in sight, but my belief & faith in the goodness of God...

there's been a miracle...

a miracle beyond what I would have ever thought to hope for...
the details of which, I just can't share at this point...
but which will solve my financial problems for the foreseeable future...
and allow me to let "the right job" come to me...
instead of taking a situation that would be unhealthy or untenable for me...
just to "try & pay the bills"...

God doesn't work that way anyway...
and this is absolutely from Him...
another chance to be a good steward of His money...
[and this truly is... He's "lending it to me"...]
as I wait for that "right job" that I know, He has for me...

I'd like to thank each and every one of you...
from the bottom of my grateful, catly heart...
who have suffered along with me, endured my outbursts...
put up with my self-centered whining or depression...
and still prayed for, the dominoes to fall, the doors to open...
[or any other euphemisms you might wish to add...]

it has been a long & difficult road, so far...
and I'm sure that my path will continue to have difficulties...
but He has told me that I could not have learned the lessons that I had to learn...
without the difficulties that I had to deal with...

and since a large part of my problem is to overcome myself...
learning to focus on the problems and overcome them was essential...

"...he who overcomes, shall inherit all things..."[Rev.2:7]

so today, I rejoice in the providence of God...
allowing me to step back, away from the edge...
also, the joy I know that God has allowed me to share...
with those whom He has used to allow this to happen...
and with those of you who have been, "along for the ride"...
[however bumpy, it may have been...]

may our God, who is very good, at all times...
richly bless you all for all your thoughts, prayers & good wishes...

...thanks M&CM !

when I posted a review of "The Last of the Blond Bombshells"...
I mentioned that I liked it enough to own it...
but couldn't afford it at this point...
[I can't even afford Netflix...]

today, after being prompted to "check my box" in the church office...



look what I found from M&MC !!

Thank You SO much !!!

I will enjoy watching this & re-watching this...

I do SO appreciate your kindness, my Sister...

blessings on all you do...

...seeing the light

I suppose that during this season of Advent...
as we await the symbolic coming of the light of Christ...
into this dark and troubled world...
it's appropriate for me to be "seeing the light", so to speak...

in the last day or two, God has "ramped-up" the messages...

calling me to service in a couple of areas of the church...
as a service leader[LEM] as well as to membership in a prayer society...

and as I listened to Fr.G's funeral Homily...
where he spoke of all the kinds of service...
that the Deacons Millie & Hugh had provided for our parish & city...

a small voice said,"Tend my sheep"...

at that moment, I felt that a torch was being passed to me...
that I hadn't gotten a "job" because God has "other things" for me to do...
and when I shared that message with Deacon Hugh later...
he encouraged me to accept a larger servant role and pick up the torch...

after all God had been telling me to seek first, His kingdom & righteousness...
and that then, all the things I needed would be added to me...

so the job search concerns had been pretty much taken from my conscious mind...
and put aside, "waiting", "resting"... for further guidance...
with the emphasis on, "seeking first, His kingdom..."
although when God does want me to speak to someone about a job...

he makes it clear

as He did today when He prompted me to speak to our Bishop...
who was here for Deacon Millie's funeral...

as we chatted, at the potluck reception...
featuring Filipino noodles and other goodies, following the funeral...
[we have a connection ...my Mom was the church organist & good friend of his cook...
who also catered Mom's 90th birthday celebration in 2002...]

I mentioned my financial situation and my unsuccessful job search...
we discussed how far I'd be willing to travel for work...
as the diocese is quite large...
[he lives about 2 hours south, in the town where I was born...]

then I mentioned my background in organization & archiving...

the Bishop mentioned that he had several large collections which needed "work"...
[particularly his operas; scores, libretti, CDs, DVDs, etc...]
after I explained how I could set up a cross referencing catalog...
so that he could find his favorite arias quickly...
he became quite enthusiastic about the possibilities...
and asked me to write down my contact information...
promising to keep his eyes open for a "real job" too...
hopefully, a little closer to Mudville...

I just took it all in stride...
didn't get too excited, felt very calm & peaceful...
even when I gave him my contact information as he was leaving...
and he promised to call me soon about his opera job...

and now, after it's "sunk-in"...
I find myself thinking, "wow... just, wow..."
but I'm still calm & peaceful...
trusting completely in His Grace....

oh... & there are other things that are just beginning to happen...
that I'm not sure that I'm able to appreciate or write about yet...
so I'll just say that the awesome power of God is moving in my life...
subtly... calmly... simply... with healing... and miraculously...

for the first time in a very long time...
I'm seeing Him at work and feeling His healing presence...
I feel that the simple conclusions I've so recently come to...
must be what He's been wanting from me for a long time...

so I'm listening... making sure that I hear & understand ALL His words...
as well as all those words of everyone else He sends to help me...
and especially, that I do what He instructs... when & how...
sharing His love & bounty with all my brothers & sisters...

so, many thanks and blessings to all of you who have prayed for me...
been frustrated by me, angered by me and suffered along with me...
you are all angels, sent from God...absolutely necessary...
and may He richly bless all your lives with His Love...

this is so NOT what I expected...

again, wow...

God is very good, ALL the time...

...Lessons & Carols, the after-glow

the location...



St John the Evangelist Anglican Church, downtown Mudville...

the setting...



our historic 105 year old sanctuary...

the occasion...



our annual service of Lessons & Carols...

I've described the contents of this service...
in great detail elsewhere, a couple of times before...
so I won't repeat that description a 3rd time...

last year, I wrote "working without a net" on Dec.9, 2007...
describing my surprise at being successful as a choral director...
something I've had no real training for...not at this level...
I have studied instrumental conducting and sung in dozens of choirs...
but choral conducting is it's own field...
and I haven't studied it...

I spoke of my hesitancy to step out of my "comfort zone"...
"in" the choir...to a place of leadership in front of it...

besides the fact that I love singing in this group...
and the conductor can not sing...
AND be effective as a conductor...
it just doesn't work...

God gave me this choir to sing with...then, to keep it going...
I had to give up "just" singing and direct...
a lot more work...
& not nearly as much fun as singing...

but it seemed to be where He wanted me to be...
so I went with it...and I have begun to realize...
that God gives us a multitude of gifts...
His ability to give is infinite...
it's our ability to accept all He has to offer...
that's limited...

limited by our fears... lethargy... stubborn refusal to change...
our inability to allow ourselves to be loved...

the service tonight was wonderful...
there were "places" that could have been better...
but a lot of beautifully crafted music "happened"...
the congregation seemed genuinely moved & blessed...
and things went much better than last year...

we had several new people with us this year...
who're considering becoming "regulars"...
I hope they do join us on a regular basis...

I know that God has richly blessed me...
to allow me the privilege to work with these wonderful singers...
to feel appreciated for my work...
and to see the talents He has given me be used as He intended...

the whole of this group is greater than the sum of it's parts...
because of their heart & mind being focused on praising God in music...
their marvelous musicianship, subjugation of ego for the good of the group...
willingness to work and let the beauty of the music shine through...

this is their daily gift to me...

and I am humbled and privileged to work with them in His name...

so tonight, as we sang from the heart...
and touched hearts & souls...
it was another reminder to me of His goodness...
and the overflowing bounty He provides for all of us...
if we will just allow Him to give it to us...

I don't need a net anymore... because they lift me up...
and together, we can reach out and bless the heart of God...

...Mr Fluffy Tail is in the building !

routines... habits... the little rituals of our daily lives...
sometimes...you don't know just how special one is...
until it's gone... the sudden "going away"...
for whatever reason...leaves a gap nothing else can fill...

so you wait for the familiar footfall...
the well known & loved voice, announcing their arrival...
look in all the old familiar places for that face...
the one thing that will upon it's occurrence, restore order...



make the universe, "right" once again...
dissolve chaos... and set all things as they should be...

I am the Catsinger... because I sing to, and with, my kitties...
they each develop a "song" that is "just theirs"...
and when we sing it together for the last time...
I never sing it again...and part of me goes with them...



along with "their song"...they all have their "moments"...
a special time we share, Catsinger & cat...
some make their moments when I'm "writing"...
or reading... watching TV... trying to do housework...

Sneaky Pie perches behind me on my office chair...
"thumbing her nose" at Thomas...
Mattie considers my TV time, "his" time...
Gracie MUST NOT be ignored...upon peril to your life...

Mackie has ALWAYS come into the bathroom...
hopped up onto the tub...put his front paws on my knee...
batted his "baby greens" at me... cocked his head...
and waited to be called "Mr Fluffy Tail"...
while I run his fluffy tail through my circled thumb & forefinger...

[there's also a Mackie song... but that's just between us...]

since he's been sick...a couple of weeks now...
I've missed him doing that...
and he was so sick for a while...
I feared that I'd never get to have that "moment" again...

so it was especially sweet today...
when after taking Molly out, after I had returned from church...
and I was in the bathroom...in Mackie bounced...
hopped up on the tub, put his paws on my knee...
cocked his head to the side... and smiled at me...

I made the circle with my thumb & forefinger...
ran his tail through it...and called him, Mr Fluffy Tail...
then we sang the "Mackie song"...
and I petted him & told him how glad I was...
to still have him around...

then I gave him a big kiss on the forehead...
and he fluffed his tail, as a "thanks, Mom..."



it's SO good to have "Mr. Fluffy Tail"...

"in the building"... still...

God is so good... ALL the time...

...a really nice birthday

Mr Greenthumb & Miz Minka
[aka Mrs Greenthumb...]
know the way to MY heart...

pomegranates...

and they helped to make
my birthday an especially
nice one...
by bringing me a birthday
"bag o' poms"...
[one of them is HUGE...!]

I know what I'm eating this evening...

so...I've been thinking...

at the risk of sounding like...
I don't want to share my birthday...
I had really been thinking of changing Molly's birthday...
[since we had just "picked it"...]
to another upcoming day...
also very important to me...

November 25...

that was the day last year when I climbed out of "that hole"...
with quite a bit of assistance from the "GT's"...
so I'd been thinking that even as perfect
as sharing my calendar birthday with Molly would be...
sharing my "new life" birthday... is even better...

so after "running it past" Molly's Godmom...
and getting her approval...

it's now official...



Molly's birthday will now & forever be....

November 25...

I can't think of a better date...
to celebrate a wonderful gift from God !

...seeing the forest...for the trees

my heart is overflowing with gratitude...
in just a few short months...
I have seen miracles happen...

and not just for me...





I've come to understand what can happen...
when ordinary people...
ask God to use them...in His Will...
[some might call them, "nobodies"...
but they would be wrong...]

perhaps being stuck in an awful relationship...
or substance abuse... mental illness...
the devastating loss of a loved one...
the horrors of domestic violence...
being told, every day, that you are worthless...
or just cowering at the bottom of a deep hole...
all hope gone...waiting to die...





make us more appreciative of the awesome redeeming power of God...


we are ALL sinners...
it's in our DNA...
but being human... and following one of Newton's Laws of Motion...
we will stay "still"...until "put into motion"...
or in other words...we tend to be satisfied with where we are...
until we are "put out of our comfort zone"...
and are forced to move...

there are many content people who go to church...
they have a comfortable life...and are thankful...





the unhappy people go to God...
[many finding Him in a church...]
they know that they need His saving grace...
and when they experience it in their own lives...
they are so grateful...they want to share it...

I am humbled by the loving, spirit-filled walk
of the people I have in my life...
their willing, servant spirit amazes
and fills me with a profound sense
of my own "unworthiness"...

patience... forbearance... forgiveness...
courage... strength... and love...





I see this in the faces of my brothers and sisters...
people who have known grief and sorrow...
have been caught up in the thoroughs of sin...
were grievously mistreated... and lost hope...
but who were rescued by God...
healed by His power and love...
and now allow themselves to be used...
to help others ...

gentle souls... tested in the fires of callousness...
strengthened by the grace of God...
"willingly" putting themselves in those dark places...
where those deep in sin cower...awaiting help...





as I transition into whom He intends me to be...
I am so blessed to be surrounded by those...
who have a maturity in Christ that I can be inspired by...

"turning the other cheek"...
"not answering back to evil..."
that's not me ...yet...

I'm still at the point of standing-up to an attack...
verbal or otherwise...
there was a time when I never stood up for myself...
assuming that I WAS as worthless as I was being told I was...
so for me... defending myself was a step forward...

but Jesus said that the "meek" shall inherit the earth...
that we should "turn the other cheek to an attacker..."
to NOT answer back to evil or false accusations...

not my "natural reaction"...
sounds pretty wimpy ... on the surface...
being "meek", that is...
considering yourself to be, "of no reputation"...
a "nobody"... "humbling yourself..."

Jesus did it ...He showed us how...
what He silently endured ...
though completely undeserved...
took great strength and courage...

having recently seen this command of Christ...
followed... naturally...
apparently without conscious thought...
with grace and aplomb ...
by someone I greatly respect...
I'm even more aware ...
of my own need for "more work"...





this very human person WAS annoyed...
by the events that transpired...
venting afterwards...
but through it all...
has remained "meek".. humble, even....

silently enduring abuse...
with a continuing humble attitude...
even when venting...
that has touched my heart...
[authentic sincerity will do that...
every time...]

it's one thing to read ...
about how we should "be"...
it's quite something else to see it...
lived...right in front of us...

I am so privileged ...
and thankful...
to have such mentors...
and friends in my life...

as I continue to work to leave my "self" behind...
and become more the person Jesus wants me to be...
this is a very good place to be...
and these are truly special people...
that I'm allowed to share my journey with...

God... is so good !

...hiding in plain sight

sometimes...
you just want
to be invisible....

to "hide...
in plain sight"...


to be a part
of the background...
to not be noticed...

there is a great joy
in anonymity...
especially ...
where giving is concerned...

Jesus told us to pray...
and give alms...
in secret...

not to impress the world...
or even ourselves...

only God needs to know...
not even other believers...

who doesn't love crafting a gift...
spending hours...days...
getting it just right...
and that moment when we present it,
to our loved one...
anticipating their joyful reaction...
and then joining in...sharing the joy...

as lovely as those moments are...
consider the gift given to one
not really known to you...
one you can not present a gift to
without causing pain or embarrassment ...

then...you must go into stealth mode..
"hiding in plain sight"...
"blending in"...
leave the gift...
where your recipient will find it...
and go away...



if you can blend in well enough...
you may get to observe their reaction...
but unless you are very stealthy...
you will be found out...
and loose the mantle of being "anonymous"...

"hiding in plain sight" giving...
is not for everyone...
your gift may be rejected...
unappreciated...unwanted...

but as in every "random act of kindness"...
it's not about "you" anyway...
it's about "giving"...
and "loving" them...
as He would have us do...

...pay it forward exchange [Ravelry]

Miz Minka has challenged her readers
to join in the "Pay It Forward Exchange"...
she is a member of Ravelry, a knitters site...
finding this idea there...
that encourages its members to
random acts of kindness...

the concept of "pay it forward"...
[from the film of the same name...]
is the idea of doing something nice...
a random act of kindness...
for which nothing
is expected in return...
is an appealing one to me also...

so, I'm accepting the challenge...

I promise to make and send/give
something handmade/homemade
to the first 3 readers ...
who leave a comment here...
promising to put the same challenge
on their blog...

I [you] have 6 months
to fulfill the promise
[of the handmade gift...]

I don't like "chain letters"...
but this isn't "that...
I'm all for kindness...
especially that which is freely given...
without any motive but to bring joy
to someone else...

sounds a lot like something He would do...

thanks Miz Minka !

...doors

"Behold, I stand at the door...and knock..."
this scripture verse appears on the November 25
page of my devotional readings book...

the devotional goes on to speak of God's
patience...in continuing to knock...
and wait for us to open the door
of our lives to Him...and invite Him in...

November 25, was the day I left the "hole"....
it was only later that I got the connection...
the reference to "knocking"..."opening the door"...
I re-read that days devotion and was blown away...

"opening the door" was climbing out of that "hole"...

I had been "born again" 30 years before...
I thought that I had given my life to Christ...
but years of "battering" had made me bitter...
withered inside...
like a "marble tomb, full of corruption..."

at every turn, I encountered a closed door...
so like a robotic toy... I would "bounce"
off the closed door...shift... and try again...
each time with less strength...and less hope...

I wasn't angry at God...
I just assumed that I didn't deserve "more"...
and was sinking deeper into a depressed spiral...

when help appeared...quietly....simply....
it was almost "natural" to take the offered hands....

I say almost...because
it was a choice with risks...
for all concerned...

those reaching out to me,
were being a channel...
and risked rejection...
not at all easy for most of us to do...

but God's love empowers us
to go beyond ourselves in His service...
and if you are of a true "servant spirit"...
you can, and will, be used by Him
in powerful, life-changing ways...

they were...
and in being a channel of His love,
changed my life forever...

there were risks for me too...
down there in that "hole"...

I knew what was down there...
ugly, cold and lonely that it was...
I had embraced that pain...
and was pretty much numbed by it...
it had become who I was...a part of me...

outside...was frightening, to say the least...
I had retreated into the "hole",
to escape the pain of numerous failed attempts
to love, be loved and live with people...

my attempts had failed on such a grand scale,
that I had decided that staying "away"...
was "my place"...
thus avoiding further pain for myself ...
and anyone who had to deal with me...

but God had plans for me...
plans that didn't include me, hiding in a "hole"...
so He sent in the "A" team...
armed with compassion...
empowered by the Holy Spirit...
and filled with His Love...

all I saw was Jesus...
smiling down at me...
then standing next to me...
reaching out His nail-scarred hand to me...
love and acceptance radiating from His eyes...

I took His Hand...and I was "out of the hole"...
but that was only the beginning...



the door was opened...but just a crack...
there was much work to be done...

I'd given God control of my life before...
and things had "piled-up" on me...smothering my joy...
I had walked through "open doors"...
only to have them close behind me...
and things "go badly", with no "way out" in sight...
leaving me to stew in the morass of problems...

I tried to understand with my mind...
I prayed for deliverance...
but always for something I wanted to happen...
and since it wasn't His will, but mine...
it never happened....

since I had walled myself off from everything...
including God...
He couldn't help me...
because I wasn't listening to Him...

so being in that "hole" was my life...
I wasn't happy...or productive...
but I didn't expect to be...

as I have "grown" in my relationship with God
since November 25, 2007...
the most important things I've learned from Him are...

patience... trusting, abiding, resting...in His Love...
joyful praise... in EVERY situation, no matter how painful, give thanks...
peace...He gives it when you do the first two consistently...
waiting upon Him... He will guide...sometimes with big signs...
sometimes with small signs... sometimes, you just have to trust and obey...
pray for His will to be done in your life... joyfully, His will...

everything else will follow...

I am being transformed...
in ways I never could have imagined before...
in my darkest despair, I didn't seek out the "hole"...
it's been filled-in...gone...

things in my life that have created problems for me...
for my entire existence...
are being dealt with...
and are "going"...

I'm truly, a work in progress...

it's not me that's doing these marvelous things...
it's the Holy Spirit of God...
moving me closer to Him and His will for me...
flowing through my time spent with Him...
and the loving supportive prayers of
His loving servants...

I have been blessed greatly...
like Abraham...late in life...
when all hope of such blessings
seemed past...

may God, who has bestowed
the richness of His blessings on me,
find me able to use them in service to Him...
according to His will for me...
thank you Jesus...

the door is open...here I go...

...a "leap" of faith...

as 2004, the last Leap Year, began...
I was in my penultimate year of teaching...
I had already retired from the symphony,
so I wasn't doing a lot of playing...

Mom was in her last few months of
"independent living" on the ranch...
as she would fall, beginning the downward spiral,
in July...turning both of our lives upside down...

I was battling the school district, trying to find
a librarian job, and being blocked at every turn...
I was exhausted... physically, mentally,
emotionally and spiritually...and, as I realize now...
sinking ever deeper into depression...

I was very unhealthy...
got NO exercise and ate junk food...
I spent any time not working, alone...
generally flopped in front of the TV...

except for Mom...I talked to no one...
went no where...except shopping...
even at church, I wasn't happy ...
often forcing myself to sing
in spite of how I was feeling...

I considered myself a Christian...
but inside...I had withered...
I knew God loved me...
but I loathed myself so much,
I just blocked Him out...
I didn't care...why should He ?

my house was a disaster area...
but I didn't have the strength to change it...
that summer, after school was out,
I would attempt to start a kitchen redo,
being stalled by Mom's accident...

left for months with no sink that worked...
no stove...a refrigerator that either let food rot, or froze it soild...
a filthy floor, counter tops of old nasty laminate...
decrepit cupboards...no storage and a light that didn't work...

since before Mom's accident, I had moved everything
from the nook/kitchen/utility porch into the DR and office...
so the new sink/plumbing could be done...
everything got more and more piled up in the DR...

soon, there was a new stove, as well as the new cabinets,
microwave/exhaust fan and numerous other elements
of the new kitchen...[tile, paint, light fixtures...]
stacked everywhere in the DR/LR...

I wouldn't finish the kitchen until late January 2005...
then I had a stove fire [cat induced...]
and lost my new stove for a couple of months...

my last year of teaching was awful...
I was sick a lot...my students were obnoxious...
and the administrator would eventually chase
55 of 75 staff members away before they "promoted" him...

just before I retired,[June 2005], Mom moved
into her assisted living apartment...
this meant that the ranch and 98 years
of accumulated family "stuff", was sorted and parceled out...
boxes of it ended up in my already cluttered DR/LR...

I also realized that all of my furniture needed replacement...
so, during the first year of my retirement,
I replaced my 'fridge, bed, sofa, chairs, both TV's,
easy chairs, media cabinet, media storage, coffee tables, end tables,
ALL rugs, drapes, light fixtures, lamps...
and had a complete tear-off new roof installation...
this also required EXTENSIVE tree trimming...

then... last winter, as Mom was dying...
my furnace just quit...
this brought about a complete tear-out,
[with Has-Mat asbestos removal...]
of the old ducting...and installation of the new ducting,
for the central heat and air...

a whole new electrical service box was required...
as was bringing up to "code"
the service TO the house ...
and OUT to the garage...[more tree trimming...]

and to fix the waterfall over my front door...
every time it rained...
a new gutter ...
and subsequently...a new awning...canvas and frame...
all this strung out over months ...

I was frustrated... depressed... exhausted...
and had pretty much given up...

as I set up my "final arrangements"...
[cremation & niche purchase...
as well as making arrangements
for any cats who might survive me]
I found myself sinking into a place
that I had no chance of climbing out of on my own...

I was so unhappy... so lonely...
so sure that my life was past all redemption...
so much that had been enjoyable
had ceased to have any meaning...
or was just gone...

that's when God sent a couple of tender-hearted souls
to pull me out of that hole...
I won't spend time here recounting all this recent history,
but suffice it to say that the last 3 to 4 months of my life
have been an incredible roller coaster ride...

so as I look back on where I was in 2004...
it's almost unbelievable how far I've come from then...
but having said that, it's the last 6 weeks or so
that have been even more
of a "growing" experience...

I have learned, very recently, that my worst problems
are those I cause myself when I get in His way...
I fear losing control...I panic and mess up everything...
I get that knot of fear in my stomach...and go with it...

a couple of days ago, this happened and as I fought the panic,
a thought came to me..." fear is not of God...it's the enemy..."
so I asked God to take it and leave me calm if it wasn't His will...
AND THE FEAR LEFT ! ...leaving me calm...

I've been "tested" in this way several times since...
done the same thing...and the fear has vanished...
leaving me with peace and calm...and a big smile...

in that same vein, I struggle with being truly thankful...
and joyful for pain and aggravation...
so buoyed by the success of the "fear" thing...
I started praising God for my pain...

and as I was doing that, I began to understand
possible reasons for the situations that vexed me...
saw them as "learning opportunities"...pruning and growth...
I began to be led to verses and other devotional readings
that spoke of being pruned in order to bear more and better fruit...

and I knew then... that all my "problems" and "deadly sins"
were just the outgrowth of my failure to trust God completely......
my fear was so great that I built walls...
pushed people who got too close, away...

if you have control issues...
being "known"... is terrifying....
letting someone "in" means that you can be hurt...
so to control that chance, I would block them out...
all because of fear ...of being hurt...and the pain...

I used anger... bitterness...
stubborn pride and guilt...
to fuel my fears...
fear of being loved... being known... losing control...
being hurt... being alone... and failing...

failure to be who and what my parents thought I should be...
of disappointing "people"... society... friends...
of being "not enough"...of being "too much"...
of always being "wrong"..."out-of-step"..."not good enough"...
the list is endless...and so was my self-loathing...

I've always been proud of my ability to figure things out...
it's a form of control...always knowing "why" or "how"... ..
and this played right into the enemy's "fear card"...

if you are only comfortable when you know what's going to happen next...
you can't live by faith...

"faith is the belief of things unseen..."
I have been faith-filled during parts of my life...
when I was applying to go on tour, raised money and then went...
when I had a bout with cancer...
and lost my right thumb, but saved my life...
and when Mom got so sick...

I had a great peace and belief that God
was holding me close...protecting me from harm...
but there were other times, when prayer seemed to go unanswered...
and something that looked so hopeful, such as a job...
turned out to be a dead end...not for me...

in confusion, I closed myself off...
close to bitterness...and withered....

I know now that I was blocking God's love
by not praying for His will...
all those things I thought I wanted...
those were MY will... not His...

as well as being truly thankful for the pain and aggravation...
I must be gladly seeking His will for me...
it's control relinquished... trust given... and faith in His goodness...
it's "being known"...and loved anyway...

ALL THINGS are possible with JOY...
NOTHING good comes with FEAR...

so in this "Leap Year, 2008"...
I am taking a "leap of faith"...
I'm learning to rejoice in my pain...and watching it melt away...
I'm learning to relegate my fears...to the enemy from which they came...

I'm praying, with joy and confidence,
the prayer that never fails...
["...Thy will be done..."]
and I'm trusting Him to love me "home"...
being "known" by someone you can trust is a good thing...

"...the clouds have parted...
the sun is shining through..."
all the way into my soul...
and God willing, back out again...

..."you really made Christmas..." [right back at you...]

as I begin to write...I have no plan...
maybe it's better that way....
then I know the source...
Divine inspiration is always better than a "game plan"...

I know what to do now....
and I know how to do it...

of course, I knew both of these things "before"...
so, you're asking, "what's different now ?"
now, I've accepted what has always been there...
the unending love of a Creator,
who has always wanted me,
and all His creations,
to be fulfilled and happy...

it is not easy to change a lifetime of "negative programming"...
but I have "friends with connections"...
whose prayers for me seem to have unbolted a door in my soul...
one I didn't believe was there...
flooding unspeakably bright light into all the dark, moldy corners...

as I write this, I feel things changing...
I can honestly say that I have never felt this way...
ever...
such peace and joy permeate my very being...
that my face must be glowing...

I have been doing battle with this part of myself, always...
I have wept... and pleaded...and always before, just given up...
until now... as dear friends not only urged me on,
closer to the Light, but prayed me there...
the power of the 2 or 3, gathered...in His Love..
beyond myself...beyond the doubt, fear and shame...
into the Light of Love...and unlimited possibilities...

all I had to do was say "yes"... to take, receive the love....
love didn't reject me... I rejected it...
to accept that there are "possibilities"...even for me...
is such a diametric shift for "who I am",
that it is beyond my words...

so why can I accept this love now ?
perhaps grace has enveloped my soul...
bourn on the prayers of my beloved fellow travelers...
to help me to realize
that it is not because I deserve this gift that it is given...
but simply because I am loved...

before, as I quoted C.S. Lewis...
"...always winter, never Christmas..."
I spoke of being pulled from the hole...by two fellow travelers...
then, I was out of the hole, though it was still winter...
but... Aslan was on the move...

today, I can hear the "sleigh bells"...
I have heard the roar of the "not a tame cat", coming closer...
I would like to thank "those involved"
" for making Christmas very special this year..."
oh, look ! it's Santa ! ....

..."you'll shoot your eye out, kid ! "

mention that line, and almost everyone
knows where it comes from...

in the film, "A Christmas Story",
taken from author Jean Shepherd's nostalgic,
and often hilarious memoirs of growing up
in pre-war middle America, 9 year old "Ralphie",
Shepherd's alter ego, desperately wants,
"a Red Rider, pump action, blue steel,
simulated wood, with a compass in the stock, BB gun"...

his mother, his teacher AND Santa, all tell him,
" you'll shoot your eye out... ! "

on Christmas morning, after opening all his presents,
a dejected Ralphie sits between his parents on the sofa...
when his father asks if he got everything he wanted,
Ralphie says, "pretty much..."
trying to make the best of things...

his father suddenly sits up and says,
"what's that over there ?...behind the desk ? "
Ralphie goes to check it out
and pulls out a wrapped present for him...
he tears off the paper and sees the BB gun,
and is ecstatic...

of course, he almost "shoots his eye out",
in a freak accident...
but no one "adult" catches on to his deception,
involving a icicle,
and Ralphie gets to keep the gun...

in the final scene, Ralphie is in bed,
snuggling up to his gun...
dreaming brave and happy thoughts...
the adult Jean Shepherd,
the narrator throughout the film, says,
".. that BB gun was the best Christmas present
I would ever get..."

how many of us has that simple statement resonated with ?
how many of us have wished to recapture the utter joy
that a childhood gift, long wished for, brought... ?
when simple perfection was ours, if only for a while... ?

TV touts that luxury cars and diamonds
are the truest measure of the perfect gift... or,
if you don't receive what you really want,
go out and buy it for yourself...

the simple idea of taking the time to know someone...
to get a feeling of something that would please them...
make them smile in the knowing,
that you really cared enough to work at it...

like Ralphie's father, who knew his son
and his desire for the BB gun...
who moved in secret, hid the gift to heighten the joy,
and then reveled in his son's absolute delight with the gift...

how like our Father, that is...
He knows us, what will delight us most...
He arranges wonderful, joyous surprises...
and then fills our heart with song and makes our spirits soar...

He did it when He sent His Son, here, to be one of us...
to live with us, and die at our hands, in our stead...
then, it was His only Son, clothed in our humanity ...
sometimes, it is a friend, armed with needles and yarn...
it's always the perfect gift...

this year, I wasn't expecting anything from anyone...
because there was really no one left around
who I thought "owed" me a gift...
but that's just when I had quite a wonderful,
and totally unexpected, "BB gun" moment...

someone, who has become a very dear friend,
and who knits, beautifully, had advertised some of her "projects"
on her blog... they were wonderful...
but I knew that she was overwhelmed
making things for family members,
and, let's face it...
there are only so many hours in a day...

I also knew that if I mentioned my desires to her,
she would have gone out of her way
to give me what I wanted...
because, that's the kind of friend she is...
but then, I would never ask,
because that's the kind of friend I am trying to become......

so, since I knew that there were so many other calls
on her time and talents,
I resolved to put aside my wants and focus on other things,
made all the more difficult,
by the disappearance of my old scarf & gloves...

so when, on Christmas Day,
she told me that she wasn't done yet
with the scarf that she was knitting for me...
I was surprised and very pleased...
I hadn't expected anything, from one
who's given me so much already...
and here she was, giving me something
I really wanted and needed... !

[turns out, she had only started it about 7 different times...
before she was "satisfied" enough to finish it....
that should tell you all that you need to know
about her level of craftsmanship...]

she told me that she would
also make me some fingerless gloves,
all of the same deep red yarn,
with heathered accent bits...
and a custom, closed sleeve for my half thumb,
which is always cold at this time of year....

I was so touched...here was someone,
who cared enough to actually consider
what I needed, what I would like and then
measured both gloves and scarf to me...
so even my half thumb had a perfect fit...

it was truly the thoughtfullness and efforts
of my very busy friend,
that made this such a special gift of herself,
her time and her love...
just this, would have been gift enough for me...

so, today, I was presented
with my beautiful gloves and scarf...
they are as wonderful as I had hoped...
a perfect fit, a lovely color...
everything I could have wanted...
but would never have dared to wish for...

I chuckle, knowing that she'll appreciate the fact
that unlike Ralphie and his BB gun,
I won't be sleeping with them tonight...
because they will be tucked safe, in my car,
away from pillaging kitties...
so they will stay as special as they are now...

warm, soft and made with love...
by someone whose friendship I cherish more,
with each passing day...

when she gave me the brightly wrapped
packages today,
she told me, apologetically...

"they're not perfect..."

but I disagree...

they are perfect...

the most perfect Christmas present I'll ever receive...

...majesty & glory

"as I look up in the night sky...
and I see works of Your hands...
there's the moon...
and all the stars that You have made...
Lord, I can not understand how this could be,
it's such a mystery...
how You could know about, or care,
or bother with anyone like me..."

and as the three looked up at the spectacular night scape....
broken clouds scudded across the full moon and stars,
burnishing the night sky's lamps...
as the cold wind pushing those clouds
brought those heavenly lights in and out of focus...

it was still... the, quite distant, hum of travelers
came now and then on the silent wind...
all else, seemed to be holding it's breath at the sight...
very high, one light blinked, an airplane going west...
the only intrusion of technology on an ancient tapestry...

it was early now, on the morning of Christmas, day 2 of 12...
another warm and wonderful gathering of 3,
where He was also present...was concluding...
and we lingered in the moment...
knowing it was time, but all the same,
apparently quite content for these moments,
to stand...in a cold, moon-lit parking lot, looking up....

"I like to think about how Abraham looked up
at this same moon, all those years ago," M stated,
the conviction in his strong baritone
breaking our trance....

"...and Jesus, too...", G added, quickly and firmly,
but with a small quiver in her voice...

all I could say was, " wow..."

"Oh, Jehova, Lord,
the majesty and the glory of your name fill earth
and overflow the heavens you have made...

...and yet, You made man,
only a little lower than the angels...
and put a crown of glory on his head...
and you have put him in charge of,
every little thing, that You made...
to think, You'd bother,
with anyone...
like me..."


["Majesty & Glory", C. Floria] [ Psalm 8 ]

...seasons in the sun

strange thought for December,
but let's go with it a bit..

for everything, there is a season...
the Bible tells us that...

and as we sojourn here,
on our way to eternity...
we need things...

not enough food, short sojourn...
inadequate shelter or clothing...
uncomfortable and short sojourn...

sometimes, we become so wrapped up
in our favorite subject... us ....
that we fail to notice the gifts around us...
given to us by a loving Father, who seeks to drop
these little "love bombs" along our way...

the glorious colors of the autumn leaves,
now mostly gone...
the twinkle and sparkle of seasonal lights...
which will soon be gone...

and then, fog, gloom, cold & damp...
seasonal weather with it's storms...
short dark days, long darker nights...

so where is the sun ?
my spell check can't figure this one out,
but it is really not "sun", it's "Son", that I meant...

then "seasons in the Son"
takes on an entirely different meaning...
for He is always here, especially
where 2 or 3 are gathered in His name...

and there, the warmth of the light,
will stave off the darkness...
and the torch, of 3 small lights,
becomes the light of the Son,
and His smile warms the season...

...tick, tock...

I haven't worn my watch regularly since I really retired,
[when I stopped doing the "testing" for the school district...]
almost immeadiatly, the battery in my watch died , and since,
the local jeweler I'ld always taken it to,
[to have the battery changed...I have dexterity issues...],
had closed their doors after over 50 years in business,
I'm not sure that I know where to take it...

I suppose I could take it to the Mall...there must be a kiosk, somewhere,
in "Mall-land" that deals with watch batteries... but I never go there, usually,
and this time of year is not a good time to break that trend...
so, I guess, I can wait to get a new battery, after all,
I'm not wearing it right now anyway...

so, as another year moves inexorably towards it's close...
I find myself looking at "time"....
for years, my opponent...there was never enough of it...
all the things that I had to do...
all the things I wanted to do...
never... enough time for both...

the guilt and regret, for time wasted, or , if you will, not well spent,
would consume me, robbing me of any joy I might have had,
for the time I actually managed to accomplish what was needed...

no time for me, my kitties, a life outside of work or God...
and even as the pace of my life slowed towards retirement...
the hours sped by...watching TV, laying around, doing household chores....
reading, though not as much as in the past...
because I would get restless, then escape into "napland"....

and I became aware, more and more, of my own mortality...
so I made the preparations...but that still didn't ease my mind...
tempus fugit [time flies]....
and something was wrong...

then, a month ago yesterday, time stood still for me...
the Creator of the Universe reached out to me,
with the hands of His friends, and pulled me up, into a place,
where "time" as I had known it, ceased to exist...

I lost interest quickly, in the diversions I had been using to block out God,
and started spending time doing more "inner work"....
I found that He was speaking to me, if I would only listen...
but, to do that, off went the "background noise"...
the TV, radio...off... the silence held peace, and joy....and understanding...

and then, the challenge, on a blog,
by one of His friends, and mine...
and then, it was "game on"...
I found myself spending hours, creating, laughing, "plotting"...
and then, laughing some more...

I rediscovered the true joy that comes from spending time with Him,
and in His service....
in creating gifts for those I loved, that were really gifts of time...
and, by extension, a gift of myself...
as a result, all the more valuable...

to sit and imagine the delight of a dear friend,
when they are given something, made just for them...
is beyond anything I had known before...
and unlike many failed expectations in the past...
the results were even better than I'ld hoped,
because the inspiration was from Him...
I just supplied the loving hands, and the time...

and as I have begun to have a different view of "time",
to feel the joy of it spent with Him...
and in service and love of my friends and family,
I have been seeing it come back to me in the same way...

to see a very dear friend and sister, spend hours making something for me,
"worry", that it... "isn't done yet"...and then add something else on to it...
to "make it better...", in reality, to give me even more of herself...
is almost beyond my ability to feel deserving of...

yet, I know her motivation, I also felt it when I spent hours on things for her...
it is His love, He is using us to love each other...
He wants us to know that He loves us like this...
and when we listen to Him, and do as He commands,
we, ordinary people can do extraordinary things...

and it's all about "time"...
He spent "time" here as one of us..."he knows our days..."
He knows that because our days here are numbered,
and "we are, as grass...", the most tangable gift of our love ,
for Him, and each other, is the gift of our time...

whether as time spent in the warm moments of shared food,
music, conversation...and caring...that can go long into a night...
or a passing smile, on the way to the duties of life...

the spending of hours, crafting a gift...doing it and re-doing it,
until you are satisfied that it is just perfect,
for the loved one you are creating it for...
and then, doing it again... just to make sure...
that everyone is happy...you, your beloved and God...

this time, is golden...
this moment you can never retrieve, once you have spent it...
and you have spent it in the service of love...
and Jesus smiles...

...almost time... for a nap...

this time of year, with the winter solstice,
[the shortest day of the year...]
with more "darkness", cold and fog...
and the cold wind across the wet ground...
most leaves already down or just, barely dangling...
the world is ready to hibernate...

the last mad flurry of "preparations"...
school recessing... the spate of seemingly
unending rehearsals and performances,
coming to a close for musicians...
for a while, at least...

cookies to bake and deliver...
gifts...to be made or bought...
that had better be wrapped
and in the mail by now...
ditto for cards.. and massive expectations...

that last mad dash as the families
begin the rounds of "get-togethers"...
attempting to make sure all "factions",
get their "due"...

and the parties, the dinners ...
the preparation for it all...

programs at schools are done...
but ballets and ice skating pageants,
and church pageants and programs...
still grind their way through to the end...

by the time Christmas Eve arrives,
we are exhausted...
I see it on the faces of my dear friends
who've been doing all the musical things,
that enhance this season for others,
as well as for themselves...
and all the seasonal things ...
and the family things...
and now it's almost that time...
when you can be unconscious for a few days,

after, of course, you do the final "things"...
Midnight Mass, Christmas dinner...
gift exchanges, family time..
then, you can be oblivious...
for at least a little while...

I wasn't sure what the holidays
would be like for me this year...
without "relatives", truly alone,
for the first time...
I had always referred to people at my church
as a sort of family....
having absolutely no idea the depth
of what God had in store for me this year...

back around Thanksgiving,
some friends reached out to me,
again,...
they had been trying...over and over...
even though I seemed determined
to stay walled off from everyone...
being smothered by loneliness, fear, guilt,
failure, grief and despair...

I must have finally been ready for a change then,
or maybe I knew it was probably my last chance...
so when they reached out, this time,
I took their offered hand....

I know now, that God used them...
to bring me back, from the edge...
back into the light...
and back to Him...

and to the plans He had for me, and for them,
that none of us could ever have imagined...
nor probably believe, if it wasn't happening to us...
because, it's been amazing since then...
I truly feel "at home"... and part of a family now...
and it grows better each day...

so, on Christmas Eve, after 2 services
of cantoring, carol leading, trumpet playing, singing,
choir directing and celebrating with my family
I'll get home well past midnight...

the full moon will not be able to dim
the glow of Unkle Phil's Christmas lights,
as I pull into my driveway,
and walk up the porch steps....

as I enter my "in process" house...with the yummy red wall...
as well as other newly painted places...
I will, yet again, have missed that special, mystical
"Midnight Christmas Eve" moment,
when all the kitties "talk"...
[who are we kidding ? ...
I already know what they're saying anyway...]

I'll make sure I stash my instruments and music...
check that I have everything ready for later that morning...
knowing me, I'll probably load the car then... [if I haven't already done it ]
before finally crawling into my bed...

around "noon-ish", I'll show up at
Miz Minka & Mr Greenthumb's...
ready to enjoy a relaxed day...
of just being with people
I really want to be with

as tired from "celebrating" as we all are already,
it will be a very low-key, no stress day....
good food, good conversation and, undoubtedly,
a lot of laughter...
and that will be wonderful...
I can't think of a better way to celebrate such an authentic event
as, a baby, born in a stable...
come to save us from ourselves,
who is God, among us...

that's real, truly authentic...
a day like this should be spent with those who are also real...
and, thanks be to God, I will be...

...and I don't need your help...

sometimes, you know
that you're going in the "right" direction,
because the road signs tell you so...
they agree with your "mapquest" printout...
or your "gps" gadget....[always comforting...]

but if your journey is of the "spiritual" type,
the road signs can be "all over the place..."
the season of Advent, with it's waiting and preparing,
is a good time for one of those "in-sight out" trips...
and for many of us, use to the gentle nudge down a path,
or away from something, our walk is ever changing...

if you're restless, dealing with issues, confronting yourself...
it can be daunting, at best, to trust in Him...
and leave things with the One, who can take "care" of it...
we give Him all of it, the whole mess we've made...
then grab it back, worry some more and
delay, or prevent, His solution, by our actions...
it's so hard to trust, put it there, leave it there,
and not micro-manage...
but that's just what we must do...

I have a plaque that says,
" Good morning, this is God..
I will be managing your life today,
and I don't need your help..."

once we have that idea,
we just have to keep "getting" it,
because it is a daily struggle, to walk the walk
that brings peace and joy...

which brings me to my day...
I've had a pretty incredible month...
I feel that I have been walking in the light
and have had the peace and joy that live in that light...
I've found myself, to my great surprise and delight,
being used for good in the lives of friends,
and in many other unexpected ways...

the words of encouragement to be shared,
have been "coming" to my mind...a gift...
so to have some of these very words,
thrust back in my face,
by a jeering, nasty "little voice"
was totally unanticipated, frustrating
and galling...

today, the other shoe dropped...
over, and over, and over... [ad nauseum...]
I have been here before,
and I should have seen it coming...
just when you think that you are making real progress,
and your guard is down,
that's when he strikes,
and in insidious, evil "little" ways...

actually, since yesterday, lots of "little things",
have been "happening"....
if it could go wrong, it did...
if I could be stupid or thoughtless, I was...
if a cat could pee on it, barf on it, crap on it
or knock it down and break it...it did...

so, I attempt to deal with the
"faint whiff of sulphur" in the air...
and I give all the stuff that was getting to me, to Him...
but stuff keeps happening..
so I keep trying to take it back from Him, sort through it,
then, give it back to Him, etc...
creating even more problems...

now, I have a headache, my arthritis is flaring...
I'm hurting, I'm grumpy and, finally,
I allow myself to get mad and vent...
this reaction is understandable,
if you consider an old cat
peeing on the bed linens you have just changed,
right in front of you,
ON YOUR PILLOW !
...something that might make you angry...

so, I really lost it, called the cat a few names she didn't deserve,
[she can't help herself...] tore the now soaked flannel
top sheet and pillow case off the bed
and set them in a pile to wait...

I had just put in a full load [the flannels I took off to wash]
so it would be a while...meanwhile, the quilt that I use as a bedspread,
had come out of the dryer, and was still damp,
but had to go on the bed anyway...
in case the incontinent cat took another walk....

so I'm banging things around and grumbling to myself...
and J, who's been a "fly on the wall", yesterday and today,
and has seen me get more and more pissed-off,
until I blew up, is, wisely, painting very quietly...

I sit down, realizing that the whiff of sulphur
has turned into a stench...hear Satan laughing at me,
and say..." I get so fed up, sometimes..."...
J said, "yeah, I heard some of what you were saying to that cat...
that was pretty fed up"...
so, as I recounted a few of my frustrations, and he commented,
I could feel the stress leave..and the sulphur was gone...

I knew that the "Big Guy", as a friend calls Him,
had every thing under control, but I just had to worry,
and let things "get to me"...and that's all the opportunity
that nasty devil needed to turn my peace and joy into
frustration and bitterness....

of course, as soon as I let go of it all...
the peace and joy were back...
and the frustration and bitterness, gone...
I guess it's the effort we use to "fight",
that allows him in... the anger...
so I guess the secret's not to fight,
but to just give in and let God fight him for us,
after all, He's already won that one...

...walls

the things we put up, to keep the world,
and others, from knowing us too well...

in the form of an open wall, a fence...
and good ones make good neighbors...

to keep our selves and possessions safe,
contained, untouched...

to keep out those that would ravage,
pillage or take the things we hold dear...

whether for security, or shelter,
walls compartmentalize us...

and separate us from those around us,
even from ourselves...

until, that is, the walls are redone, painted with fresh,
clean paint....

by loving hands, whose caring and gentle hearts,
took down the bitter walls that held in torment and pain...

then helped rebuild, with doors and windows in the old walls
and skillfully used paint to make the "new"/old walls, fresh and clean...
with bright colors and a lot of love...

there are still boxes of cleaning supplies everywhere...
painting is not complete...but, there is progress...

a "yummy" deeply red accent wall...
the dining room ceiling, a taupey gray...
the window wall, sepia tan around the cameo white French Doors...

and a lot of cleaning, scraping, sanding, spackeling ...
and progress...

now these walls no longer divide or hide,
they embrace you...and share His love...

because of the loving way they are being restored...
by helping hands and caring hearts...

and Jesus smiles...