...more things along the way

well I went home & tried all the things...
the Select Comfort rep. told me to do...
and within 40 minutes, I had my answer...
the "air chamber" is leaking...

of course, the guarantee is "pro-rated"...
and they will ship me a new one for only $113.67...
which will be guaranteed for 30 days...
then revert to the 64% of my current guarantee...

so I ordered it & am eagerly awaiting the arrival of the new one...
[I have to return the old one to them, but they pay the shipping...]
so now I have to put up with the discomfort of the deflation...
for only a couple of more weeks, then blessed relief !

I got my new homeowners insurance policy bill...
September was great... $ 19.26... !
but October was $212.84...
with the following 7 months about $67.00 each...

so I called my agent & she called the "home office"...

when she got back to me, it seems that the October balance due...
was because I took the bill off of "auto-pay"...
and returning it to "auto-pay" would not only spread $58 p/m payments...
out over the entire year, but would also cut out the $10 p/m installment charge...

so I dropped by a new cancelled check and got signed-up again for the auto pay...
I can deal with $58 p/m... before it was $105 p/m...

I still haven't heard back about whether or not the HUD company...
can handle my mortgage re-structure...
the lawyer's office hasn't called either...
[though it should be noted that they cashed my check yesterday...]

*UPDATE*

while I was dialing the bank's mortgage mod. help number...
the lady from the HUD company called me back...
and they DO work with people like me...!!!
so I spent another couple of hours, copying the required paperwork...
and getting it all organized so that tomorrow...
I can get a money order for $14.25 first thing...
walk over there, turn in the application and set up an appointment...

this is such a relief, 'cause the prospect of wading through all this stuff alone...
had me scared to death of screwing something up & losing my home...

boy, talk about "last minute rescues"...

and then there's the lawsuit that TEC has been threatening against our church...
the notice came today...

I have a bunch of personal music in the choir room...
as well as personal sound equipment, etc...
with no good place to store it if they lock us out...
not to mention loosing my internet connection...

I sure am glad that God has all this under His control...
'cause a cat could get really stressed otherwise...

...it is enough

from moment to moment, our souls could be required of us...

called to account for what we have done...
and what we have failed to do...

it is so human to get focused on what we want or think we need...
and miss the big picture entirely...
which is that if we allow Him to control our path...
He will provide all we need...

and more than that, we will be so much happier with so much less...

our entire way of dealing with the world and people, changes...
because He changes us...

to consider ourselves of "no reputation"...
is not to think less of ourselves...
but to think of ourselves, less often...
and more often of Him...

to truly care little or not at all of what others may think of us...

to concern ourselves only with seeing His will for us...
and following it...
for when His will becomes our will...
then conflict and pain cease...

for the path He opens, gives us true life...
happiness... and peace with all...

and the little things you begin to notice all around you...
are pretty amazing too...

...things along the way

life has it's ups... and downs...
[as in Newton's 3rd law of motion...]

so I can't expect that my path to financial stability...
won't have it's set-backs or difficulties to overcome...
and after all, it is in the "overcoming" of difficulties...
that we grow and mature as human beings, through the grace of God...

God gave us free-will and lets us harvest the bounty of our choices...

however much He might wish that we had chosen a better path...
He allows us to go the way we choose...
always ready to help us if we turn to Him...
but will not interfere if we stubbornly choose to ignore His instructions...

so as I maneuver the "rowboat He sent for me"...
there are some nice surprises... and some not-so-nice ones...

a recent nice one came when I went to get my hair cut on Friday...

my stylist has been cutting my hair for about 25 years...
and last winter, she cut her price for me down to $25...
because of my financial situation and long tenure as her client...

there was this big basket of tomatoes, squash etc. on the table...
and she encouraged me to take whatever I could use...
as her garden was producing far more than they could use...



so I did !

the zucchini was great and so are the tomatoes!



my lone plant, set in the front to catch sun that doesn't make it into the back...
has produced a few so far, but obviously, the best is yet to come...


another good thing happened today...

I needed a copy of my 2008 Federal tax return, because I misplaced my copy...
so I called my tax preparers & got a message that they would be open in 15 minutes...
since it was the only regular office day this week, I went over...
and was pleasantly surprised when M, who had done my taxes for over 20 years...
opened the door and welcomed me inside...

she not only made me 2 copies of my Fed and State return...
one for me to keep in my files & one to use for the mortgage restructure...
but she gave me a sheet with all the W2/1099 info on it...
saving me the hassle of contacting all those issuers for duplicate copies...

then she wouldn't charge me for the copies... how good of her...

of course, there have been a few, not-so-nice moments...

I spent $40 at the chiropractor, but I still have some real back pain issues...

my bed is "deflating" quicker & I need to get someone to come deal with it...
[it wouldn't surprise me if that's where the back pain is coming from...]
but I haven't got money for a service call...
so I've been "waiting", a plan that obviously needs modification...

so I called them and armed with some actual trouble-shooting techniques...
I'll be "testing" for leaks when I get home...

it took me so long to get back to them...
because the person I spoke with when I first called months ago...
was not really helpful and gave me the run-around...
rather than specific tests to conduct for leaks...

so what was a not-so-good thing may turn into a good thing...
'cause having my soft, supportive bed back...
& sleeping all the way through the night again...
then waking up pain-free, will be a very good thing...

back to the not-so-good...

now I discover that the HUD company may not be able to work with me...
because I'm not in foreclosure on my 1st...
so I have to call back tomorrow to talk to someone else there...
and the lawyer's office will also be "getting back" to me tomorrow...

so as I work on bailing out the rowboat...
'cause the water's seeping in...
I'm grateful for the rowboat, as well as the bucket I'm using to bail with...
believing that if this boat starts to go under...
there will be a tree to climb into, a roof to climb onto...
or a hovering helicopter to gather me up...

God is good... even when we make stupid choices...
and don't follow instructions...

...happy 3rd blogoversary to me

in this case...

3 years to the day...

thanks to all who've passed by...

...reflections on times of adversity

this poster was created by the British government in 1939...
as part of a 3 poster set...
when it became obvious that war was eminent...
and there was a very real fear that the Nazis might invade Britain...

the first 2 posters were widely circulated...
but for some unknown reason, this one was not...

it was rediscovered in 2000 after the copyright had expired...
and is now "public domain"...
finding it's way onto tee shirts, mugs and posters...

ironically, this is the message I've been getting from God...

not just now, during this financial disintegration...
but during other crisis times I've dealt with before as well...

as painful as watching Mom's last few months was...
there was a peace... a calmness deep within...
a sureness that, "all would go according to God's plan..."
and that He would give me the strength to deal with it...

it was the same during that 2 months between the "cancer diagnosis"...
and the post-surgery biopsy results...
when they knew they had gotten it all...
and it hadn't metastasized...

during those days, there was no one else to really comfort me...
though my best friend was happily,"in town", during my surgical recovery...
and was available to assist me with all the things I needed help to do...
especially that first week when my right hand was wrapped up tight...
[they tend to do that with amputations...]
and I couldn't get any part of either surgical site, "wet"...
[they had also removed a lymph node from under my right armpit...]

but though there were and are now some sympathetic ears...
it's been made pretty clear to me that this is one of those times...
when God is my only source of comfort, hope & supply...
and He's gone to great lengths to insure this state of affairs...

I've been struggling with the notion of just, "letting go..."
[ie: the discharging of this debt I've accumulated, rather than paying it all off...]
and I'm beginning to realize that it is pride...
pride in my own abilities to "take care of business..."
that has made me so set on getting a job so I could pay off these debts...

at first, it seemed unlikely that God would work this way...
but as more, little things happen so quietly...
so simply... organically... and "things" started falling into place...
I began to be more aware that it was my pride, not His plan...

then several things the lawyer said have been coming back to me...
and the bottom line is, I have no other options...

I have NO job, nor does it seem that I will find anything soon...
so I have NO money to pay these creditors...

I have have spent ALL my savings paying as much as I could...
for as long as I could, but the well is now dry...

the value of my personal property, including my 8 year old, paid-for, car...
numerous musical instruments that have a very limited potential resale market...
as well as the lack of anything else that anyone would pay much for...
makes the "repo"or "big sale" options not very viable...

so I've come to believe that this Chapter 13 action...
is God "sending me a rowboat*..."

I am, at this point, "current" on all my bills...
but that won't last for long...

and I have a 6 month car insurance premium coming...
as well as the license renewal for the car...
not to mention property taxes...

I will continue to pay my 1st mortgage as we seek to re-structure it...

I was told by the lawyer to stop paying the credit cards and the HELOC...
the $600 or so that leaves from my pension will cover my homeowners insurance...
which we've lowered to about $85 p/m & may lower more...
my agent has gotten the assessed value lowered $100K...
and is checking other companies rates...
[dealing with a "broker", the same one for over 20 years really helps...]

I have reduced my home phone service [landline]...
but since it doesn't really work properly for incoming calls...
I'm considering just disconnecting it...

besides, the calls from the creditors I'm going to not be paying...
will start soon, so that's also an incentive...
but it's hard because I've had that number since 1978...
and letting it "go" seems like "giving up"...

but I'm beginning to think that that kind of attitude...
is just "pride" raising it's ugly head...
"...I should be able to take care of myself..."

after all, none of the things I've spent all this money on...
is worth anything if they keep me from God's will for me...

I believe that it is His will for me to keep my house...
walking away from it would accomplish nothing, as it is $100K "upside down"...

after all, if I moved and rented...
my living expenses, including rent & utilities...
would be about what they are now with the 1st mortgage & utilities...
and it wouldn't be at all secure...

so I'm getting into the rowboat* He sent...

a couple of years ago, I prayed with a spiritual healer...
she told me that she saw a lot of doors when she prayed with me...
and they were all closed...

it's sure been true since then...

but now I'm beginning to see hints that there may be a glimmer of light...
a hope that there may be a way out of here for me...

and that perhaps this long dark corridor with firmly closed doors...
will finally reveal an unlocked door to me...

or maybe I've finally learned what God's been trying to teach me...

whatever the situation, I'm being "calm & carrying on"...

God is good... even when I'm not following instructions...

* refers to the story about the devout man who was trapped in a flood...
and refused to get into first, a rescue rowboat, then a helicopter...
claiming that God would save him...
finally, he drowned and was quite upset when greeted by St. Peter...
"Why didn't God save me?" he complained...
"He sent you a rowboat & a helicopter... what more did you expect ?"said St. Peter...

...post 1000 !

I'd been planning to save post 1000 for my impending blogoversary...
coming up this Saturday... 3 years since I began this blog...
but as they say, my plans have changed a bit...

because a LOT has happened...

today I met with a very nice lawyer,[no, not an oxymoron...]
and discussed my situation...

the bottom line is that Chapter 13 bankruptcy...
along with a mortgage restructure...
can save my house...

and after 3 years of a structured, lower payment to the court...
I will be free of all the current credit card and home equity debt...

I won't have to sell all I own, including my car...
the kitties, Molly & numerous musical instruments...
and move into a shed at the rear of some country property...

he sent me to a HUD approved, non-profit mortgage/foreclosure counselor...
[everyone I mention them to has heard good things about them...]

their office is in downtown Mudville...
less than 2 blocks east of the church...
so I strolled over, in the 95˚ afternoon sunshine...
and picked up the application packet...

as soon as I can get it all assembled, I'll make an appointment...

the HUD counselors charge only for the credit report, $14.25...
and work as your advocate with the primary lender...
to lower the payment by reducing interest rates & extending loan term...
and because my 1st mortgage principal balance...
is only about $20-30 K above the estimated current value of my house...
it's in their best interest to help me out as much as possible...

they already have enough empty homes in Mudville that no one wants...
better for them to help me keep making payments... better for me too...

when we get an answer on the amount of my new mortgage payment...
since the Federal guidelines advocate using only about one third of income...
for housing, my payment might get as low as around $600...
that is, if we can re-structure the 1st...
if we can't, I'll just have to make due with less for everything else...

but my pension still is enough to cover my 1st...
and since 1st is "current"...
and has never been in default...
that's a plus for me too...

then we file for Chapter 13 and begin the 3 year structured, reduced payoff...

the lawyer told me that even if I find some sort of job...
I should continue to discharge these credit card & HELOC debts...
since they total 5 times the amount of my yearly pension...
and I've probably more than paid them back already...

filing for Chapter 13, however, is NOT cheap...$3500 + court filing fees[$274]...
I gave him a check today for $300, out of which the filing fee will be paid...

as soon as I know what's up with the 1st mortgage situation...
I'll get back to him and start working through the 3 years of Purgatory...

there's a lot of work yet to do...

copies of notes, forms, tax statements, to locate & assemble, etc...

but it is quite a relief to know that I can get rid of this debt...
and still keep my house...

the kitties & Molly will be so glad...

I would have rather gotten a job & paid off all my obligations...
but that hasn't worked-out... so I suppose that this is next best...

God is good... all the time...

...making ends meet

as I work my through this mess...
[I meet with a lawyer on Monday...
and am still trying to find some source of income...]
I believe that I am supposed to be trusting...
and learning to remain calm...



no matter how surrounded I feel...
or how much I'd like to just quit & run away...

so I thought that some humor was called for...



so I'm working on finding the blessings in every situation...
especially the ones that are hard to find...



and I still believe that there is some job out there...
that is the right one for me...



even though the constant rejection...
makes me want to just hide from it all...



and I've already tried the freelancing route...
with no success at all, though things looked promising at first...
though I'm keeping all options open...
'cause you never know...



I trust that this incarceration of debt will end sometime...
and hope that I'll be able to keep my house & pets...



though it has been brought to my attention by some...
that certain members of my household, are, in their opinion...
expensive, annoying, noisy and therefore, expendable...
this is when I remind them that her food costs less than theirs does...

and she is "chief security officer"...



a job she takes very seriously...

...into the "valley of the shadow of debt"

having struck-out once again on the job search...
I find myself entering the valley of the shadow of debt...

I am investigating legal actions such as bankruptcy & debt reduction...
but have had to cancel several services & automatic payments...
as my bank account dwindles down...
and am waiting to hear from my insurance agent...
as to how much more they can cut off...

as it stands now, all my accounts are "current"...
that won't last long without a source of income...

my pension pays the mortgage... but that's all...

I continue to search for work but no doors open...
I am completely aware that this mess is of my own making...
but knowing that... trying to avoid further mistakes...
while dealing with my own short-falls and compulsions...
is really difficult...

I have confessed the sins I realize all too clearly...
and try to accept God's forgiveness and help through this place...
which is not easy, because I keep seeing all I've screwed-up...

how I've given in to pleasing or accommodating my own desires...
selfishly putting off the consequences that have now arrived...

since I believe that there is nothing that God can not do...
my only conclusions are that I haven't "got it" yet...

something very basic in me has to be changed...
in order for a resolution to appear...

I have ignored His quiet voice too long...
and now must face some very hard truths about myself...
feel the remorse & pain...
try to let Him have the guilt & weakness...

and try to find that place where He wants me to be...
calm, joyous and trusting in Him for everything...

"be still", He tells me, "wait..."

that He controls all and as I leave it all with Him...
He will provide all my needs...

since I believe that, the problem must be in me...

but He says that I'm not being punished...
and that I must just do what He says and all will be well...

so...

since I trust in His "keeping power"...
I must not be allowing myself to be, "kept" to His satisfaction...

to say that I am confused is an understatement[ditto...]


but I will continue to trust... and hope...




but God is good...

...hearing things

the other day, early in the morning...
I walked through the kitchen on the way to let Molly out...
my ears were a bit "plugged" and as they "popped"...
I noticed a faint, pinging noise...

kinda like the sounds we used to hear when "dial-up" was connecting...

it sounded like an "alert" of some kind...
so I checked the GFI outlets... nothing...
the microwave... radio... stove... phone...

*nothing*... except that sometimes, it seemed louder...
depending on which way I was facing...

I checked the 'fridge... coffee maker...

*nada*...

so I went on about my day, completely confounded as to the source...
but every time I went through the kitchen...
there it was... unnerving and frustrating me by turn...

unnerving, because I was sure it was some sort of alert...
frustrating, because I couldn't find it...

so I "lived with it"...



becoming more & more annoyed...
all the while becoming more & more mystified, as to the source...

then Monday, when I was released from jury duty...
I decided to tackle the stove & kitchen counters...

in the course of putting away a pan...
I open the doors of the storage drawers where I store pots & pans...

and noticed that the sound was louder...

after storing the pan...
I closed the drawers and opened the top drawer...
as I pawed through various gadgets...
searching for the noise that was now quite loud...

I located meat thermometers of different kinds as well as timers...
all silent... but the noise continued...
so I pulled the drawer all the way out...
and there in the back, hiding under some stuff, I found the source...



the probe wasn't connected...
but the alert button/power had been pressed...
by a "board scraper" that had gotten pressed down onto it...

I depressed the "alert/power" button for a few seconds...
and... the annoying noise was gone...

*peace*

it's a relief to know I wasn't imagining it...
but an even bigger relief to find & silence it...

...painless jury duty !?!

the summons arrived about a month ago...
with instructions as to when I was to check the website...
for further instructions as to reporting times, etc...

since I was in group #102,[they start with 101...]
I was pretty sure I'd have to report the first day...
so I was a bit surprised to be told to check by 11 AM on Monday...
to see if I was to report at 12:30PM that same day...

when I checked the website at 11 AM...
I was pleasantly surprised to see that...
"groups, 101, 102 & 103 were excused from any further obligation"...
I was so energized that I proceeded to scrub my stove...
& clean my kitchen counters...

of course, I can be called again after 01/01/2011...
but it was nice to not only dodge this chore...
but to actually get another dirty chore done too...

interesting, that the one time I got called...
where I had nothing else to do...
I get released after the 11 AM check-in...

go, figure...

...making a list & checking off stuff

today I sent in applications for the English teacher...
& Music Resource positions with the district...

then left a voice message with the HR person...
as to why I didn't include letters of recommendation...
my college transcripts & teaching credentials...
[I DID work there for 21 years...they have all this stuff on file...]

so now I wait...

also found out why I couldn't access my credit card online...
after trying for several days and needing to pay my bill...

major fraud... hundreds of dollars of charges, not by me...

the good news?

they haven't [& won't] charge me & have reported it as fraud...
they did try to call me...
but my phone didn't work & I didn't get their e-mail either...

so they are FedExing me a new card with a new number...
and they didn't charge me for paying my bill over the phone...
[it was due today and they usually charge for a last minute payment...]
so all in all, pretty nice treatment from a credit card company...

so again, I wait...
hoping that I'll finally find the job God has for me...
so I can continue to make these payments...

but in the meantime...



this makes me lol... God is good...

...here we go again

though I have always been lumped-in with Lucy's snark...
by many who have known or thought they knew me...
I have really always identified with Charlie Brown...



because I always hope...
even though the results may seem pre-determined...
and previous failure seems to mock my current attempts...




I climb back onto that little boat to "try again"...



hoping that the outcome will be positive this time...

for those who can't read between the lines...
school began a week ago...
& the district is just now starting to post vacancies...
since they haven't completed the inter-district transfer process yet...

there are 2 Music resource positions...
"...7/8 grade interdisciplinary integration of the arts with other subjects..."
I'm qualified for this, BMus, MMus, life K-12 Music credential...
besides the multiple subject lesson integration training as an LMT...
not to mention 17 years teaching 7/8 instrumental music...

there are also "multiple English positions at multiple sites"...
I have a "life intermediate [gr6-10]English credential"...
and taught 7/8 English & reading[REACH certification] for about 10 years...

so I sent an e-mail to HR...

last year, since I'm a retiree...
they didn't want me to fill-out the whole packet...
so we'll see what happens...

these music resource jobs may be glorified "classroom music"...
but it is my preferred age group...
and today, there were 2 "music resource" positions listed...
as well as the "multiple English positions"...
and I do have the proper credentials, not to mention 21 years experience...

so we'll see...

at least I know now that I won't "un-retire" until they make me...
I'm allowed to earn $31k before it affects my retirement...
the starting salaries are $39k...
but that that is the least of my concerns at this point...

there might be exemptions that I qualify for...

another bonus...
if I teach & can stay under the level they allow me to earn...
still continuing to get my pension...
the money I earn teaching now will raise my monthly retirement benefit...

and I can apply for Social Security benefits after October 22, 2010...
at which time I turn 62...

so...




here we go again...

determinedly into the fray...
watch out, all you windmills !