...timing is everything

I have, at times, just been "blown away"...
by the transforming, powerful appearance of a blessing from God...
there aren't angels playing trumpets...
but even though they are organic, they are sudden...

I have also been caught totally unaware by the quiet ones...
the ones that sneak up on you, while you're other wisely occupied...

yesterday was one of those times...

lately, I have been increasingly aware...
of the absence of pain in my body...

grinding, debilitating pain in both hips...
burning nerve pain, shooting up & down my legs...
major muscle spasms & cramping...
and nerve pinches near the tailbone...

they have been my constant companions for about 18 months...

sometimes, not too bad...
sometimes, almost unbearable...
but always there...
with the accompanying loss of muscle tone from inactivity...
as "rest" was the only relief...

getting out of bed, standing up from a chair...
were torture, as was standing up without moving...
walking, when my back hurt, caused muscle tension...
then the joints & nerves would "light up"...
& I'd remember my Dad, hobbling around...

I knew that some of the problem would abate if I was "lighter"...
so I was pleased as the pain began to lessen...
& then, pretty much go away, as I began to lose weight...
I could, get up & walk without the effort or pain of before...

then one morning, I got up & walked through the house before I realized...

that there was NO pain or stiffness... at all!

oh, there were twinges, but I am going on 62...
and one must expect that sort of thing...

I found myself starting to do chores I had put off...
because that kind of moving around, standing or stooping...
had always caused me such pain...
& had taken 2 days to recover from afterwards...

yesterday was trash day...

I returned home energized after a Ren. group rehearsal...
ready to "do the trash"...
I cleaned the cat boxes, collected trash from my bedroom...
then put Molly in her crate so I could do the garbage...

if she's out, she gets into the garbage bag, when I'm busy...
& swipes cat food cans, taking them to her nest...
so I come back in to find several nasty smelling cat food cans...
along with old foil meat was cooked in, chicken bones...
or anything else she shouldn't have, scattered around the LR...

then I went outside to take the trash/garbage/cat box debris...
out through the back door, to be put into the can...

since Molly was in her crate, I decided to water first...

since I haven't cleaned up the leaves, etc. for a while...
[all right, 2 years, but who's counting...]
there are places where the footing is unsure...
& during my shaky/weak period, I gimped around back there...
absolutely terrified of losing my balance & falling...

I knew that if I fell down in the wrong place...
I might not be able to hoist myself back up...
even worse, I might really hurt myself...
& the tenuousness of my independent living situation...
if I became disabled...
hasn't been lost on me...

my current health plan is a PPO, NOT an HMO...
there's a $3600 [total] deductible...
so I couldn't afford home help or care...
& there's no one who would come to take care of me...
so I would be really screwed if I got hurt falling down...

but God tells us over & over, "Be not afraid"...
& He knew that I was at the end of my rope with this...
as well as the other issues causing me fear & trepidation these days...
so He quietly led me to the hCG idea...
lead me to actually DO it...
& then as I began to feel better...
lead me to understand how I was letting fear paralyze me...

so yesterday, I was finally watering in the back yard...
something I'd been putting off for more than a week...
& I noticed that the strong winds had knocked down my spider plant ...
I put down the hose and as I stepped around some stuff...
I felt myself starting to lose my balance...

I fell, seemingly in s-l-o-w motion, onto a pile of stuff...
an old lattice laying in a raised bed...
I was wet & muddy, but nothing seemed broken...
then I realized that I was a bit like a turtle on its back...

I had no leverage to get myself back up...

I looked around & spied several rolls of edging...
using a stick to drag them over, I stacked them up...
then rolled over, using them to help me push myself up...
it was easier than I had imagined it might be...
the muscle weakness of the recent months, was gone...

I stood there, bushing off the mud & leaves from my arms & pants...

no cuts... or bruises... & no pain...
only mud & grass stains...

slowly, I realized that just a week ago...
I probably would not have been able to get up...
I would have had to crawl to the table...
but by that time would have been too weak to pull myself up...

talk about good timing...

I went ahead to finish putting the trash & garbage in the can...
and moved it out to the curb...
feeling rather "loose" and, surprisingly, NOT at all weak...
I went inside, let Molly out...
& continued a few more chores...

then I fixed lunch...
having no problems standing to do it...
sat down & ate, then lay down to read a bit...
eventually taking a power nap...

today, I am a bit sore...
but that's to be expected...
if this had happened about 13 lbs ago...
I'd have been laid up in bed for days...

and then, would have had to spend $$$ at the chiropractor's...

since the pains have abated in the last week...
I'm taking much less Excedrin...
so now, it really works when I need it...
& I fell that as I increase my activity...
my strength and balance will return...
along with my confidence in my ability to take proper care of myself...

but the best thing ?

that undercurrent of knowledge that God is so powerful...
and has such wonderful plans for me...
that all fears or concerns on my part...
for anything I need are groundless, counter-productive...
& really wrong for me at this point...

that gives me peace... & makes me smile...