"...we are not offering you a contract position at this time"

the letter came on Tuesday and by that time, was no surprise...



since school had been going before my interview, I had figured that not getting a phone call early the previous week couldn't be good...



I had been quite calm and positive while I spent those 10 days waiting...
even towards the end when all that was left was the "thunk" of the other shoe falling to seal my fate.

They did say that they would "keep my name on the sub list", but I need full-time work... I'd need to "sub" every day to make enough to pay my bills & living expenses.




at this point, I'm barely holding on. My bank account will get me through September.



If I can get the little that's left in the Putnam Fund before it evaporates...
perhaps I can keep my nose above water for October, but without a job, and soon...I will be unable to pay my bills/living expenses after that.



So I'm here...still being told to wait...
to trust...all the way to the end...
[which I now know will come in October...]



I know that there are those of you who think that I am crazy...
to not be out, finding any sort of thing to scrape together some money...
but He says,"...wait..."

"Doing it myself", out of panic or impatience would be to disavow His control in my life... been there, done that and look where it got me...

[I found some very helpful material on the idea of "waiting"...
click here for a link, "click" to be redirected, wait for the icon "Godly Man to appear on the right, click it and then click on "Waiting for God" on the lower right of the menu...
it is worth the trouble...]



He does talk to me and He's telling me that none of the jobs I've looked at so far, were the right one He has for me...and since my track record with job-related stress is counter to everything I need to become, I want to be in that "right" job... I have to listen, not just,"uh-huh" Him & do as I please...
Letting Him put me in the "right" job is essential.

I also know that my attitudes about money & my handling of it, need to be changed to conform with who He is leading me to become. He has every step, every encounter, all my comings & goings scripted and I must learn to discipline myself onto this path before I will be ready for that job. I must be patient, as calm, peaceful & positive in my heart & mind as His grace can make me. I can not give into the fear & panic that the pit of my stomach wants me to embrace. I either trust Him to the end or I am lost.



and so, I wait upon His pleasure and pray confidently for the grace to make it through...

God is good, all the time...