...an epiphany & a cross

it was, by all signs...
a normal day...

Fluff was pestering me...

for "fresh" food...

and Piglet was lobbying...

[LOUDLY...]

for "outside time..."


then it happened...

almost in slow motion...

an epiphany...

after "freeing" the yowling Piglet...
I turned to the mewing & insistent Fluff...
and heard myself say...

"You have a lot already...
eat that and then I'll give you more..."

suddenly I knew that it hadn't just been me...
speaking in mild annoyance to my demanding old kitty...

it was a loving, patient God, speaking to me...
His willful & wasteful daughter...

I've been dealing with financial insolvency for a while now...

losing my job was the last straw...
& made me focus on just how fast...
my "safety net" was evaporating...

I have some friends who refer to themselves as "poor"...

if you're of my generation, [the boomers]...
thinking of yourself as "poor" is hard...
almost un-American...where prosperity is a given...
and those who "aren't"...just don't work hard enough...

we "boomers" were raised to believe...
that we were owed a good life...
and we've grabbed with both hands...

my "poor" friends are some of the hardest working people I know...
and they know that God provides our needs...
though right now there are struggles & sacrifices...
I'm sure that their prosperity is coming...
because they trust God to show the way...

so as I try to shed the middle class mindset...
and accept that I too, am "poor"...
[quite a transition when you've always been "middle class"...]
I hope to find imperishable riches...
and to see my needs met...

so now...I'm facing deep cuts in lifestyle...

I'm not going into all the details...
but my pension only pays my mortgage...

not my debt or living expenses...

and every avenue for earning any money I've explored...
has been fruitless...so far...

so I'm taking "steps" down the path He seems to be leading me...
but like most of us... I'm addicted to "stuff"...
cable TV... web access PDA's...broadband internet...
eating what I want...buying "stuff"...

amusing myself...

living "in the world..." but telling myself...
I wasn't "of the world"...

I was only fooling myself...

He saw through it...
& has been dealing with me to "let it go"...

our current economic crisis...
has exacerbated the need for that perspective switch...

so when I heard myself say to my dearest Fluff...

"...you have a lot already...
eat that & then I'll give you more..."

I was suddenly convicted by my own words...
which were quickly replaced in my mind...
by the words of this Lenten hymn...

and then...I knew what I had to do...


"Take up your cross," the Savior said,
"If you would my disciple be;
Forsake the past, and come this day,
And humbly follow after me."

Take up your cross; let not its weight
Pervade your soul with vain alarm;
His strength shall bear your spirit up,
Sustain your heart, and nerve your arm.

Take up your cross, nor heed the shame,
Nor let your foolish heart rebel;
For you the Lord endured the cross
To save your soul from death and hell.

Take up your cross and follow Christ,
Nor think till death to lay it down;
For only those who bear the cross
May hope to wear a golden crown.



["Take Up Your Cross, the Savior Said "By: Charles W. Everest]