...what is it ?

outside getting the trash ready on Wednesday & found this...



lots of rain, oak leaf litter...
but I've never seen these before...

at least not here...



where the edge of my driveway meets the leaves/dirt...

a clump of fungii...
[quite beautiful, actually...]



this is more like what I usually see...
more the flat topped type rather than the "oyster" type...
and no... I'm NOT going to see if they're edible...
I'll leave that to UnklePhil...[hee, hee]

...a "tea" change [pun intended...]

I've always been a coffee drinker, the stronger the better...
double espresso... and NO milk or sugar either...

so to have to admit that I seem to be developing a fondness for tea...
[and with cream & sugar to boot... ?]


what's up with that ? ! ?

but not just any tea... I discovered chai...



Masala Chai is an Indian tea preparation spiced with cinnamon, cardamom & other spices.
There are as many recipes as families living in India.

Active Time: 5 min Total Time: 15 min Serves: 6
Step 1: Making the Chai
1 cup homogenized milk [or half & half]
2 1/2 cups water
2 pods (vaina) cardamom
1 large stick cinnamon
1 whole star anise
5 whole cloves
1/2 tsp. pepper corns
1/4 tsp. ground ginger (or lemon/ orange zest if you dont have ginger)
2 pieces dried orange peel (or 1 piece fresh zest)
2 tbsp. sugar
2 bags tea bags, orange pekoe
To start the Chai, combine milk and water in a pot over medium heat. Add cardamom, cinnamon, star anise, clove, whole peppercorns, ground ginger, orange peel, and sugar. Whisk everything together and let it come to a slight boil, then turn down the heat and let it simmer for about 5 minutes. Bring it back up to a boil and stir in teabags. Turn off the heat and let the tea bags steep for about 2 or 3 minutes. Then strain the Chai and serve.

this is one spice blend...

I have a very simple recipe with just cardamom, cloves, peppercorns...
& ground ginger...[no cinnamon or anise/fennel...]

this blend uses fresh ginger...



Clockwise from top left (some of the many ingredients that be used to make chai): fresh ginger, loose black tea, Vietnamese cinnamon, fennel seed, tea masala,
green cardamom.

Some or all of the following (measurements are per cup or per medium-sized mug):

2 green cardamom pods
2-3 whole black peppercorns
1/4 teaspoon fennel seeds
1-2 pieces cinnamon (“real cinnamon” not Cassia. May be labeled “Vietnamese cinnamon”)
Fresh ginger (2-3 thin slices for extra zing)

I have to admit that so far I've only used "Good Earth" Chai tea bags...
they taste like they have some cinnamon, ginger, cloves, cardamom & black pepper...
I use 2 bags for a tall mug, add h&h & a bit of sugar...[yum]

so I purchased some cardamom [I had the rest...]
to try "grinding my own"...
I think that I even have an extra grinder...
just for spices, somewhere...
[if not, I can clean the coffee grinder with bread...]

if it doesn't taste good, at least it'll smell wonderful...

oh, I still like coffee... but chai is too good to ignore...

...a sign of better times ahead[?]

my "money tree plant, which flourished for years...
had recently fallen into a funk...
so I moved it closer to the east windows in hope of saving it...
the ficus trees in this area have an infestation of some kind of scale...
and the fiddle leaf fig has also been sulking...
so I didn't hold out much hope for the money tree...
[shown here being "loved" by Lacy, I'm sure that's part of its problem...]

but upon closer inspection...



I noticed a lot of new growth...
[yes, that is a cat hair... lots of them around here...]

so perhaps this is a sign of better times ahead...
I know that both the economy & everyone I know...
could use some good news & new growth about now...

..."nothin' but blue skies..."

Today, 01/27/10
Partly Cloudy
Precip 0%
High 57°F
Wind: From NW at 8 mph
Max. Humidity: 72%

UV Index: 3 Moderate
Sunrise: 7:14 AM PT
Avg. High: 57°F
Record High: 66°F (1984)

Tonight
Partly Cloudy Overnight Low 39°F
Precip 10%
Wind: From NNE at 3 mph
Max. Humidity: 92%
Sunset: 5:23 PM PT
Avg. Low: 38°F
Record Low: 22°F (1989)


28

Hi 58°F
Lo 41°F

Precip
10 %


29

Hi 56°F
Lo 43°F

Precip
30 %


30

Hi 57°F
Lo 39°F

Precip
30 %


31

Hi 56°F
Lo 40°F

Precip
10 %


what these weather forecasts don't say...
is that the sunshine begets patchy to thick [think pea soup...we call it Tule] fog...
making late night & early morning driving, difficult to hazardous...

but at this moment... the Piglet had outside time...
and all's right with the world...



[we really needed the rain...and we need more, especially snow in the mountains]

...it's still raining[& I love it...]

it's still raining...



and though the weather forecast says,"showers" for today...
with clouds for tonight & tomorrow...
it's wet out there...
which at my house, is a good thing...

well... maybe not everyone at my house is happy about the wetness...



the last few days, every moment that I've been in my bedroom...
and obviously awake, has been a moment for "lobbying"...
aka b****ing & moaning by a pissed-off Piglet...
so unfairly incarcerated by moi, who, of course, made it rain...
these last couple of weeks, just to annoy & piss-off Herself...
["mean, spiteful & unfeeling wretch" that I am to her...]

whenever I walk into the bedroom,[or awaken/get up]...
she instantly sprints to the window...
making sure she uses my stomach as a springboard if I'm in bed...
insistently voicing her displeasure at my absence/sloth...
and her lack of "facetime" with the out of doors...

sometimes, when I'm trying to sleep...
she'll rattle the mini blinds, making quite a racket...
particularly, if I don't wake up soon enough to suit her or there's a full moon...
[it should be noted that she has NOT been allowed out after dark...
for a couple of years now, but hope still springs eternal...]

we carry on quite the dialogue... so mature, trés sophisticated...

p-o'd P:"I want out, now... NOW... NOW...NOW !!

me:[after each now]"...no ...NO ...NO ...NO !!
[until we get this, sort of, "um-pah" thing going...

as I move around the bed to leave the room...
she flings herself onto the bed, sprinting to the corner nearest the door...
then lays on her side, kicking her back feet & feigning "cuteness"...
playfully batting at me in an attempt to soften my heart of stone...
cajoling & meowing as pitifully as possible...

when that doesn't work, she takes a swipe at me, claws extended...
happy, if she draws blood or snags my sweater...pissed, if she whiffs...
then, narrowing her eyes, she vindictively calls me several ugly names...
and stalks away to take out her pique on poor Fluff...
who is in her nest, trying to nap & ignore the drama...

this situation was inadvertently exacerbated a couple of days ago...
because it was nice & sunny between storm fronts...
& Herself got to be "out" for several hours...
doing, really important cat stuff...
having the satisfaction of coming "in" & going "out", on her own...
which, apparently, despite the extreme joy...
of leaving numerous wet, muddy paw prints on my [fortunately, made] bed...
was all too brief and is now, completely forgotten by her...

also forgotten, but only by her, was the lovely moment...
'way too early, last Saturday morning...
when upon my return to my bed after an "0-dark:30 AM bathroom visit...
I discovered that unlike previous times...
when Pigs & Fluff would only invade my bed...
[covers thrown back, warm spot infested with heat seeking felines...
which then necessitated a feline "bum's rush"...
before I could return to MY bed for more zzz's...]

this time, someone[black & white]had scarfed too much food, too fast...
and barfed all over my "warm spot"...
apparently as soon as I left, 'cause the flannel sheets were soaked...
and not some dainty little "spit-up" either...

projectile barfing...a-l-l over the turned-down part...

yuk... so when she complains about how "mean" I am...
turning a deaf ear hasn't been as hard as you might think...
oh, & BTW... if I let her out & she gets wet & cold...
she's 'way more vindictive than when she stays in...
so that's why I avoid getting her too wet or cold...

so while Piglet was being Capt'n "Chase Sparrows", Queen of the Back Yard...



I treated my bout of "click-click" fever with a stroll in the sun shine...



with the leaves gone, all the mistletoe really shows up against the bright sky...

a lot of mistletoe has also been blown down by the storms...
and it was all over the ground...



as I turned the corner, the early red leaf plum came into view...
I've seen it bloom as early as late December when it's too warm...
and as late as early February when we've had a prolonged period of cold...
other blooming trees will wait until at least late February in the warm years...



but this one just can't wait to show off its blossoms...
a hint of the warmer, drier days to come...
and the much longed-for days of sunny garden snoozing for Pigs...
with the window open all day for Herself's Royal pleasure...

cats...

...stepping back from the edge

to say that I have not been here...
would be to lessen the deliverance of God...



I was, until yesterday when a source of funding opened-up for me...
literally a couple of hundred $'s & a few days from defaulting on my debts...
with bigger problems affecting my home, looming on the horizon...

I had several, "maybe" jobs... none of which seem to be forthcoming...
and my latest round of job applications have garnered NO responses...
[although, I suppose that no reply at all could be considered a response...]

then last Monday, a possibility of access to funds...
that had NOT been available to me at all...
gave me hope, though I was poised on the edge of bankruptcy...
and yesterday, that hope proved to be God's will for me...



I still need a job, but these funds will keep, "the specter of homelessness"...
at bay for more than a year, if I'm careful & a good steward...
if I can find even a part-time job within that time...
then I can work to retire my debt & create a safer financial place...



just like even in the midst of the cold, stormy & wet winter we're having here...
[which I am loving, BTW... storms, cold, rain, snow in the mountains...]
the "early red leaf plum is blooming... in late January...
with only fleeting hours of sunshine, between storms, to urge it on...
while all other buds are still closed tight against the cold, pelting rains...

I feel the release of answered prayer & God's loving provisions...
I also feel the stinging goad of bc, as he seeks to spoil my peace...
but I have learned now to recognize his mean-spirited attempts...
to destroy the peace & keeping God provides...

I try to maintain an attitude of gratefully waiting...
for the next blessing, not the next problem...
all the while, peacefully bobbing & weaving...
trying not to let the nasty "surprises" bc is tossing in my path...
spoil my joy at God's faithfulness...

I see this more & more in my life, as well as with others I know...
who also are living a life where they "trust" and have seen God provide...
& since reading some comments of C.S.Lewis on this phenomenon...
I have come to understand the insidious nature of the enemy better...

he not only wants to, "kill us, just to see us die"...
he wants to ruin our joy, destroy our faith & peace...
and just lead us into being miserable...
when we should be rejoicing in God's goodness...

the phenomenon being that whenever God blesses a believer...
with answered prayer, abundance, things "going very well"...
or the manifestation of a heart's desire as reality...
that's when bc attacks at our weakest line of defense...

our most insecure places, the hurt not quite healed...
a fear that still lurks, just below our level of consciousness...
often some of our oldest, life-long problems...
being left, being alone because there is no one to "care"...
not being appreciated or well-treated by those we love...

at this point, a simple,"go away, Satan", generally doesn't cut it...

like a persistent cat who MUST GO OUT, NOW !
bc uses every trick & prompt in his arsenal...
to get your mind focused off of God's goodness, & onto yourself...
but if you can, and this is not ever easy...
you must find things to praise & thank God for...

leaving self-pity, self-absorption & self, in general...
at the foot of the cross, on the altar, as an praise offering...

even if you are very upset, angry or hurt...
you MUST turn to praise...
it may take a while, but it is the only way to send bc away...

so as I find myself thanking God for His provision for me...
and am able, with His help to "step back" from the edge...
I have been bombarded by bc... in the most hurtful ways possible...
trying SO hard to ruin my joy & peace at God's deliverance...

and I'm attempting to follow my own advice...
turning to thankfulness & praise...
in the face of bc's nasty onslaught...
and I am feeling better...

but I'm pretty sure that bc's NOT given up yet...
however, God is God... all the time...
and He is good... all the time...

...confessions of a grouch

I'm a generation too old to have grown up with Sesame Street...
they didn't hit the airways until I was almost out of college [1969]...
I grew up watching "Howdy Doody" & "The Mickey Mouse Club"...
so I never got to identify with "Oscar, the Grouch"...

my dad, however, whom I seemed to have gotten my melancholy from...
always called himself, a misanthrope...

mis·an·thrope (mĭs'ən-thrōp', mĭz'-)
n. One who hates or mistrusts humankind.
[French, from Greek mīsanthrōpos, hating mankind : mīso-, miso- + anthrōpos, man.]

growing up out in the country, spending a lot of time alone...
I never learned the social skills most people do...
and as a result, was always uncomfortable & awkward around people...
finally deciding, after a number of failed relationships...
that I was better off alone...



I was able to "play the part" as a teacher & working musician...
but the stress of dealing with people always wore me out...
and after I retired, I really began to be isolated...
and I didn't even try to be "nice" to people anymore...

it just took too much energy...



so I just got deeper & deeper into that hole...
since I've written about this before, I won't rehash it now...
suffice it to say that God had other plans for me...
& sent some folks to rescue me from myself...

that was only the beginning of the journey for me...
which has continued and is still evolving at this point...
what I find interesting, is how, as my perspective has changed...
my realization of how much farther I still have to go...
has become much more defined, specific & even a bit daunting...

I still find myself wanting to be, "left alone"...
especially after a stressful day or when I physically, "hurt"...
[poor Molly & the kitties get told to,"GO AWAY !!!"...
& since they're used to it, they just go & wait for me to feel better...]

and I still tend to loose my temper...
[bc lays traps for me... & I fall into them with regularity...]
and there are times when all I want...
is to be left ALONE...

so that nothing can disturb the symmetry of my "perfect" world...
no challenge to my control or things that don't happen to suit me...

have you ever hollered at an inanimate object ?
I have...

lately, I find myself having less and less of those episodes...
and as I look back, I realize that I've found a peace...
which seems to be able to deal with the stress...
the discomfort & awkwardness of dealing with people...

getting my focus off of how I felt...
and onto the situation or other persons has been helpful...
but the bottom line is that I'm changing...
and a lot of things that I just had to really work hard at...
to do at all... are not so hard anymore...

people can still drive me crazy & stress me out...
setting up an opportunity for bc to snare me in one of his morasses...
[I hate hearing him cackle after I take the bait & explode...]

I have discovered that even when I "slip" back into one of my old funks...
stopping what I'm doing, finding a quiet place...
and then just finding something to be thankful to God for...
will start the ball rolling...

and before I know it, I'm feeling better...
the anger is gone, the stress is gone...
the fear is gone...
[because that's always the bottom line for me...]

before...

I'd start thinking of the "worst case scenarios"...
because I've seen it all fall apart so many times...
and I'd become afraid of what might happen...
and the fear begot anger over what I might have to deal with...

and I'd get more upset because I didn't want to have to deal with it...
and pretty soon, I'd be so grouchy & taking people's heads off...
that no one wanted to deal with me...
which was fine with me, 'cause I didn't want to deal with them either...

all because I was afraid of having to deal with something going wrong...

all the drama ruining my life was NOT reality...
it was all constructed from my over-active emotions...

I didn't want things to go wrong & require my efforts or attention...
but by becoming upset at what might happen...
I was making it all so much worse for myself...
just by being so pessimistic...

now, I hate playing games...
and anyone who knows me, will tell you...
I HATE BEING TOLD TO SMILE...
so I am not, by nature, the sort who would just let things...
"run off their back" or just not let things "get" to them...

so having come to this place where I can control my emotions...
and frame of mind, even to this degree...
shows some personal growth...

what's scary is that I wasn't aware of all that needed to be done...
and really how simple it would be to make these changes...
becoming aware of how I was allowing myself to be manipulated by bc...
was the real key... then I just had to stop the explosions...
or at least recognize them for what they were and shorten them...

as soon as I had stopped myself from spiraling down into the depths of anger...
fueled by fear and frustration at what I was SURE was going to go wrong...
and chased bc away,[sometimes, he's really persistent, then I'll laugh at him...]
I was really surprised at just how quickly my anger would fade...
when I stopped "projecting fear" of what might happen onto the situation...
[stopped wallowing in my anger and just let it go...]



there are still some dark times... and the path isn't always clear...
but it's there... I may not be sure of the direction...
but there's always enough light to see the next step...
[as long as I'm not afraid of what might happen...
or angry that something may go wrong...]



I'm sure that I'll be a "work in progress" for a while yet...

I'll get angry, have doubts & fears...
be exhausted from having to "deal" with people & situations...
even want to be left alone when I've had enough...
but there is a peace & a thankfulness there that I've not known before...

God is good... all the time...

...a fun, but exhausting couple of days

as I write this, "lunch"[the 3rd meal in 24 hours] approaches...
I only need to put out the sandwich makin's & toss the salad...
but when I'm done, I'm going to go collapse...
so I'd better write this now...

yesterday, there was a fierce storm...
as I was putting out the garbage & loading my car at home...
the winds were gusting to 50 mph and the raindrops stung my face...
a 1st class squall... 80 miles inland...

Mr.GT had agreed to help out and the short drive to pick him up...
got lengthened by a major power outage that shut down a local college...
as well as a mile of PacAve in front of it...
creating a massive parking lot that we barely escaped...
by turning left on Robinhood & going over to ElD...
then it was an easy drive to the church...



of course, it was still squalling...
while we carried in the bags from my car...
and then unloaded the provisions from the 'fridge...
that I'd carried in the day before...
setting things out, so that we could get a good idea...
of our "triage"situation...


[the meat, assuming "room temperature" prior to roasting...]

it was then 12:20 PM and dinner was to be served at 6:30...
but the roast would take 4 hours to cook and 1 hour to "rest"...
so it had to be in by 1:30 & there was a good bit of prep to do...
but we did take a few minutes to have some left-over lentil soup...
the perfect nasty weather lunch with some multi-grain, artisan bread...



then it was, forward, head first, into the prep chaos...



which seemed to only increase as the day wore on...



of course, there are perks to being "the cooks"...
and Stilton cheese on multi-grain bread is one of the better ones...
as well as "taste-testing" various goodies...
& tweaking as we went along...

I had some assistance from Square Peg & Fr TB...
but there's NO way that I could have done this...
without the very skilled assistance of Mr.GT...



his herb chopping skills are already legendary...



he did a superb job "pan toasting" the walnuts he brought...
also hand-shelled by he & MM...



he dealt with hot, heavy trays & pans that were hard for me to manage...
[he also sharpened my knives & carved the roast...]



and he washed dishes... Thanks for everything, Mr. GT !
you were a God-send...



thanks to Mr. GT's chopping skills, we whipped up the roast "rub"...
[minced parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme, garlic, Kosher salt & E.V.olive oil]
seasoned the meat with fresh ground pepper & salt...
slathered on the rub...
and using the rib bones as a rack, placed the roast in the oven at 1:35...

I had the oven cranked-up to 450˚ F for the 1st 20 minutes...
then took it down to 350˚F for 3 hours, 40 minutes...



as you can see, it turned out very well...
perfect medium rare, all the way through...
we skimmed the fat[mostly olive oil]...
added half a bottle of good red wine to deglaze the pan...
and created a nice "jus" to pour on the meat...



getting the vegetables in the oven was more complicated...

the fingerling potatoes were tossed with EVOO, Kosher salt and rosemary...
they were sprinkled with chopped parsley before serving...
the Brussels sprouts were trimmed & tossed with EVOO & Kosher salt...
the rainbow carrots were cut in one inch sections, tossed with EVOO & KS...
but also had chopped thyme & fennel fronds sprinkled on before cooking...

the fennel bulbs and sweet onions were quartered, mixed with garlic cloves...
tossed in EVOO & Kosher salt...

since the potatoes needed about an hour, they went in first...
20 minutes later, the Brussels sprouts & carrots...
and 10 minutes later, the fennel, onion & garlic...
which actually ended up needing more time...
but almost everything was done at about the same time...
[this was Mr. GT's idea & it worked like a charm...]



finally, we got everything out on the buffet table...



the roast with it's pan "jus"...



the roasted fingerling potatoes...



the combo of roasted Brussels sprouts, carrots, onion, fennel & garlic...



the Parm/Romano herb biscuits with the garlic butter glaze...



and the green salad with cranberries, toasted walnuts & crumbled blue cheese...
[there was also a dessert of vanilla ice cream with berries...]

I finally got home at 9:30 PM...

my alarm went off at 6 AM [early for me], so I could go to Noah's Bagels...



I was greeted by this when I got to the church around 7:30 AM...
food for breakfast & lunch...



the bagels & cream cheese were a hit...
[the oatmeal too...]



for lunch, we'll have deli sandwiches...
[Black Forrest ham, turkey breast & pastrami...]



also cheese, assorted breads & real Kosher pickles...






there will also be more green salad...



tonight, they're ordering-in "pizza"



so FrTB brought his last 2 bottles of Belgium Ale for that meal...

I will be comatose, at home...

this was really fun... but I'm glad it's over...

post script...

the deli sandwiches were a big hit...
and the entire big bowl of salad "disappeared"...
[they loved the "tweaked" salad dressing...]

everything is packed away...
& I'm now officially,"done"...
& going home to collapse...
before it starts pouring again...