...I needed this today

Jesus, Help Me!

In every need let me come to Thee with humble trust, saying,
Jesus, help me!
In all my doubts, perplexities, and temptations,
Jesus, help me!
In hours of loneliness, weariness and trials,
Jesus, help me!
In the failure of my plans and hopes; in disappointments, troubles and sorrows,
Jesus, help me!
When my heart is cast down by failure, at seeing no good come from my efforts,
Jesus, help me!
When others fail me, and Thy grace alone can assist me,
Jesus, help me!
When I throw myself on Thy tender love as Father and Savior,
Jesus, help me!
When I feel impatient, and my cross irritates me,
Jesus, help me!
When sickness and loneliness overcome me,
Jesus, help me!
Always, in weakness, falls and shortcomings of every kind,
Jesus, help me and never forsake me.

Amen...

..."joy cometh in the morning..."

[caveat lector: this post contains some whining & venting...
but the ending is worth it...]



yesterday evening, at the DRamsey class...
it really hit me...

I didn't have enough money to make it through November...
unless I cashed in the last dinky IRA [$1500] & got it fast...
[I'd been saving it for my property taxes...
which are due Dec.10...]

I hadn't heard from VOPU, where I applied for a librarian job...
except to get one of my 2 applications back, for postage due...
I had weighed them both and put equal postage on each...
I know the one I sent to the Library got there...
because they e-mailed me the next day...
almost a week later, I got the "HR" one back, for $.17 more...
which I affixed & sent off in a new envelope...

that was a week ago, & I'd heard nothing more...

I was setting up some bills to be paid...
which got me to looking at my checking account...
and then I realized that I was on the edge of insolvency...



I have only been able to sleep for a short while lately...
but will then awaken in sheer panic from very bad dreams...
and early this morning was one of those times...



so following some very good advice I got a while ago...
I prayed... through the fear & panic...
through the tears and grief... and shame...
I praised God for all His gifts to me and for all these trials...
that are breaking me down, so that He can rebuild me...
and I accepted all the pain and hardship...

and then He spoke to me...

"He was planning good things for me"...
and that"...my willing acceptance of His will...
would bring me blessings, beyond measure..."

JUST TRUST AND BELIEVE IN HIS PROMISES...

soothed... and quite calm, I drifted off into a peaceful sleep...

when I awoke, I felt better... hopeful...



remembering the Psalmist's words...
"weeping shall last all the night...
but joy cometh in the morning..."
I got up with a smile on my face...

and a list of financial "things" to do today...
which I have since done...
[cancel the non-working DSL...
redeem my AMEX points as Traveler's Checks"(almost cash...)
change some of my "auto pays" to manual...
redeem the IRA...etc...]

as I walked through the house to let Molly out into the backyard...
the phone rang... it was the person at the VOPU Library...
she asked if I was still interested in the job...
then told me the hours...
[Sat 11AM-9PM,Sun.5:30PM-11:30PM,Mon.7:30PM-1:30AM...
with longer hours during finals[until 2:30AM]
AND needing to work 4-6 AM 4 times a year...]

since I hadn't hung-up yet, [I've always been a "night owl"]
we scheduled an interview...

Monday at 2 PM...

it's a 20 hour per week, Supervisory position[Evenings/Weekends]
there is another 20 hour person who does week nights...
that I can have sub for me/sub for if there are any conflicts...

so today, hope is renewed...

I have NO idea the salary, at this point...
I don't really care...
I'm leaving all the details to Him...

perhaps this means that since my week days & nights are still free...
"something else" will come along too...

of course, I don't have this job yet...
but at this point... at least I have a glimmer of hope...



God is good...ALL the time...

..."back" to normal

I'm happy to report that the moderate exercise...
and extra bed rest seems to have healed my back problem...

I've had these back situations before...
& it always takes a couple of days before it lets up...

Monday, the pain was gone when I got up...
[I did "sleep-in"...]
so I did laundry [3 loads...]
and a sink load of dishes...
[I don't have a dish washer, so it's all by hand...]
I also cleaned the bathroom...

today,[Tuesday] I need to make a meatloaf when I get home...
and clean out the 'fridge a bit...
as Wednesday is trash day, again...
you can bet I'll be careful this time...

it's been very windy today, though pretty sunny...

I hope to be strong enough to get out walking again soon...
maybe tomorrow, after I take out the trash...
Molly will like that...
wish me luck...

...letting it "be"

lately...
I've been gaining much insight into myself & how I should be...

that much "work" needs to be done, within...
if I am to be the servant He has planned for me to be...

I have also been taught just how little control I have...
especially over myself...

I set out to be trusting..believing that "all will be well"...



and it is... until...

material concerns, "seep" in...
as I watch my bank account getting smaller & smaller...

and I find myself here... worrying...



not meaning to "lose faith"...
but becoming susceptible to the whiff of fear...



so I turn back...
and after much prayer, find myself where I need to be...
close to God... trusting Him...



allowing His strength to be perfected in my weakness...

but then, something else happens...

my thoughts are momentarily set on my material problems...



and if I allow myself to dwell on them for even a moment...

I open a proverbial, Pandora's Box...



ultimately letting loose, "you-know-who"...
[I HATE the whiff of sulphur... the stench of fear...]



and must then move back under the "sheltering wings"...
the only place that I'm safe from the enemy...
where I can again,"rest" in His peace & calm...
trusting in His keeping power & love...



however, as I am currently in a growth phase...
while I'm "resting in Him"...
I'm also being changed...
& by submitting to His moulding...
being torn down... then rebuilt... in His plan...
I "hope" to become who He wants me to be...

that my "becoming", which is due to my submission to His will...
rather than any act, plan or effort of my own...
will be successful this time...
unlike all my previous attempts, which have failed...
no matter how good my intentions were or how hard I tried...



I would become discouraged...
and end up hiding, or trying to disguise my faults & failures...



and when that didn't work...
I'd just give up and let everything,"go"...
disintegrating into rack & ruin...
falling farther away from any usefulness to Him...

so I'm determined, this time, to just let it be...
to "rest"...

it is beyond my effort...it is my innermost self that needs to change...

then my worldly condition doesn't matter any more...

I will have all my needs met...



and regardless my condition, I will be useful to Him...
in whatever capacity He chooses...

...how I REALLY spent my birthday

the day before my birthday, I went to the church...
did some work, posted my birthday post...
then went home to ready the trash for pick-up the next day...

that's when everything went terribly wrong...

I was bent over, reaching out to lift a bag of trash...
up & out of my kitchen trash can [it wasn't at all heavy...]
and suddenly, I was hit with a wave of pressure & pain in my lower back...
as I tried to straighten up, it hit my lower abdominals...

it was like being in a vise, with pressure & pain on both sides...
I was frozen, I couldn't stand up, or move at all...



this has occasionally happened before...
so I tried to relax & catch my breath...
then s-l-o-w-l-y, I straightened up...

there was extreme pressure & pain in my lower back...
caused by a nerve pinch of some sort...
creating major muscle spasms & rigidity...
all resulting in pain & a frightening lack of mobility...



I managed to get relaxed enough to walk, which was quite difficult...
and since I had NO choice, had to finish doing the cat boxes & trash...
bending over was OK, once I got there...
straightening up again... quite another issue...

I knew that I had at least one pinched nerve...
so I called my chiropractor for an appointment...
I had to wait about an hour...
and remained seated on my bed until time to leave...
because I knew if I laid down, I might not be able to get up...

after he un-pinched the nerves, I came home to lay down...
[I'm guessing they were the S1, L5, L3 & L4 nerves...]
he also did some work relaxing muscles that had been spasming...
and sent me home to...



REST...the main remedy...

laying on my side, then on my back [on my air bed]...
initially on my heating pad...
plus some very moderate walking, hot showers and Excedrin...
are the only other things to do...
[this is not the first time this has happened...]

so I spent the rest of Wednesday & most of my birthday, resting...
doing some easy walking around, cleaning & watering plants...
though I did go to a rehearsal in the evening...
where helping me down the steps...
became the comic relief for the end of the evening...
[sitting for any period of time requires a great effort to re mobilize...]

today, I am quite sore, but feel much better after I get moving...

now, I just have to get past that first step...
'cause it's a doozy...

God is good, all the time...

...happy birthday to me [again...]

you'd think that I should be used to it by now...
there having been quite a few already...
but the annual recurrence of this "change of age"...
always seems to catch me a bit unaware...

or at least, unprepared...

so in light of this anniversary, I post this song...
[I write from memory as I can't find it anywhere...]

enjoy...

"Happy birthday to me...
I'm older, you see...
but there are still some things I don't know...

like, where do you run ? when you've run out of fun...
and played every game that you know...

hearts & flowers...& hide & go seek...
run, sheep run and the lot...
hearts & flowers, by the hours...
play them & what have you got ?

happy birthday to me...
I'm older you see...
but there are still some things I don't know...
like, why does it take...
a birthday to make us wonder...
how little we've grown ?"

..."kitty games"

"the players"...



"Mz Sneaky Pie..."
[felinus troublus causius]



"Mackie cat..."
[Mr. Fluffy-tailus, cuddleius]

[back story:
if you are a regular reader, you have seen MzSPie in action before...
her despoiling of the tp is as epic as it is wanton...
& before the demise of the old bath...
the tub was her arena of choice for a rousing game of "chase my tail"...

Mackie, while he has his moments, (mostly at the expense of his sister, Murphy...)
is a cuddly guy who loves to be held & petted...
generally avoiding conflict...]

"today's episode..."

so after letting Molly out into the backyard this AM...
[she can't start the day without patrolling for interlopers, etc...]
I wandered into the bathroom...

Mackie has learned to vault up onto the basin...
so I won't "forget" to pet him...
and if I'm there a while, he climbs into my arms to be snuggled...

meanwhile, on this morning...

Mackie loped in & hopped up into my arms...
then SPie slithered in & launched herself into a spirited game of "tail chase"...

her new spot for this game, which used to take place in the tub...
is in the corner between the door & the wall...
in her zeal to catch her stripey prey...
she generally pushes the door shut...
eliminating most of the fun of tail chase in a narrow place...

which didn't take her very long today...

having eliminated her arena, she decided to leave...
about the time that Mackie, having heard the door close...
decided to leave before something ugly happened...
like having Advantage or ear medicine applied...
[they learn so quickly...]

since she had shut the door during her game...
SPie couldn't get out & found herself, face to face with Mack...
she must have called him some ugly name...
because in a flash, they were both up on hind legs, boxing...

no yowling or hissing...
no, "one pawed" swatting...
just both of them...
standing up & boxing away at each other...

finally, wanting to save face & make a timely exit...
SPie pawed at the door...
hooking her claw in a crocheted bag that hangs on the doorknob...
and pulled the door open...

she scooted through...
pulling it shut behind her[her claw was still stuck...]
getting the claw loose just moments before the door shut...
[fortunately for her as that would have been painful...]

Mackie, desiring a more satisfying "closure", pawed at the door...

it didn't open...

then he noticed the belt of my bathrobe hanging down...
and made a pest of himself playing with it...
until I came over to open the door for him...
[he knows how to push my buttons...]

as he started out, Mz SPie jumped at him...
[she had been hiding on the other side of the door, waiting...]
taking one more surprise shot...
then galloping away with catly glee...

Mackie pursued her on into the LR...
where she melted into the scenery...
leaving a confused Mackie to butt heads with Lucyfur...
who as usual, had come, to "investigate" all the commotion...
and tried to calm him...

not being able to satisfy himself by whacking SPie...
Mackie found his sister, Murphy,to take his pique out on...

to her credit, Murph whacked him back...

and so, while the dog's outside...
thus go the "cat games"...
they tend to be better behaved in front of Molly...
I could swear that I once heard Lucyfur admonish some miscreants...

"PLEEESE, NOT in front of the D-O-G"...

now if I could get them to feel that way about me...

cats... go figure...

...here's hoping [again...]

in my search for a job, I've often perused the library website...
at my alma mater, VOPriced University...
I worked there before the school district...
5 years supervising the music library...

but my searches have been fruitless...
until this afternoon...

it would appear that there are 2 part-time jobs available...
both requiring my level of experience & training...
both dealing with nights & weekends...

so I've spent the better part of 6 hours now...
downloading the various application forms...
filling one out on my computer[ALL 6 PAGES...]
only to discover that the i-Works sample I was using to open it...
wouldn't save it or print it...

so I had to stop and install the i-Works '09 I just got...
then fill-out the 6 pages again...
[education, work history & references...]
then I used spell-check & printed 2 copies...
[I should have been suspicious when it showed perfect spelling...]

of course, the printer, which is in the other room...
ran out of paper, so I had to run back & forth...
then the "personal data" form...
[gender & race info...]

then I discovered several spelling errors...
and after correcting them, had to print it all again...

then came the envelopes...

one application had to go to HR, one to the Library...

since I was flying by the seat of my pants...
with both the new software AND printer...
and since I've never printed envelopes before...
I was quite pleased that after it took forever to figure out HOW to use the template...
I only ruined 2 envelopes trying to print them...
[one was backwards, one was offset...
then I put one in the wrong tray & nothing happened...
and did I mention that the printer & computer...
are NOT in the same zip code ?]

so now I have my 2 missives, weighed & sealed...
I only have to go home, secure stamps to them...
and take them to the WL Post Office which has mail going out, all night...

all this to send these less than a mile from my home...

and so I wait, again...
and hope, still...

rejoicing because God is good, all the time...

...first good storm in a year or two

around mid-day on Monday, the clouds had really moved in...
things became rather still, until after dark...
when the long-expected winds picked-up from the south...
[a sure sign of a gathering storm around here...]

I first noticed that the rain had begun in earnest in the late evening...
I'd had my window open to hear the rain when it came...
but I had to close it after a sneezing fit...
foiling some of my enjoyment of the promised inclement weather...
[I love a good storm...]

my wind chimes could be heard clanging in the wind...
the waves of rain echoed off my neighbor's driveway...
and the gusts of wind thumped my house...
while tree branches scratched at my windows...

I was fighting flu-like symptoms & a nasty sinus headache...
so I spent the day in bed, drifting in & out of fever dreams...
hearing the unrelenting rain & wind as it drove the Piglet back in...
to sulkily preen her wet fur & then nap, snoring loudly next to me...
[she thinks that I make it rain, just to spite her...]

sometime around dark on Tuesday, the storm passed...
the constant rain drifted into showers...
the strong winds to breezes...
the wind chimes stilled and the tree branches relaxed...

this was the first strong winter-like storm we've had for a year or so...

so today, when I emerged from my hibernating state of yesterday...
& ventured outside [tomorrow being "trash day"...]
I found this...



leaf litter, clumps of broken liquid amber trees...



all sorts of debris from the strong winds...
but I was soon to discover that I was lucky...
not only did I suffer no power outage...
I didn't have any tree damage...

as I traveled past the park, on my way to the church...
I discovered all sorts of causalities from the storm...



this tree had been toppled, ripping up sidewalk...
city crews had already cut the trunk into pieces...



just across the street, in the park...
there had been some major limb breakage...
[the result of a very dry winter & spring...]



as well as assorted smaller limb damage & lots of leaves...



this is looking south from the ripped-up sidewalk...
you can get through, just barely...

so after documenting the aftermath of a storm...
that must have dumped at least 3 inches of rain on Mudville...
what did I see ?



someone's sprinklers were running...

as I watched... they changed zones...
so they must have been on a timer...

it was just so ironic...
that after all that rain & wind of the last day or so...

someone's watering their lawn...
& in the middle of the day, no less !

no wonder we've been in a drought situation...

...safest car in Mudville

as I was making my way to the church this morning...
I was slowed because the stop lights were flashing red at our corner...
an aftermath of 24 hours of rain & wind, no doubt...
and that there were no less than 3 city trucks working on "fixing" them...

after waiting my turn at the very congested intersection...
I made my turn onto El D, then a quick "right" into the church lot...
where I saw 3 police cars parked, with the officers all gathered around...
we smiled at each other & as I went inside, 3 "bike cops" arrived...



I've been here for a couple of hours now and the cars are still here...
I guess they were here to assist in traffic control while the lights were flashing...
though it was probably not too efficient to control the corner from our lot...
[they were in the lot the talking the entire time they were here...]

I can tell now, just by the flow of traffic...
that the flashing lights have been fixed...
and the cops are now, all gone from our lot...
it was nice to know though, that for a couple of hours...

I had the safest car in Mudville...

...whistling in the dark

the clock is ticking on my dwindling financial reserves...
but I keep being told to "wait"...



that God will supply my needs...
His way... in His time...

I just need to keep believing...
to have faith in Him...
and to NOT take things into my own hands & "do something"...

this is really hard for me...

doors are closed, but the message is clear...

they will open...

but only according to His will...



I just pray that I will have the grace to persevere...

as well as the wisdom to know what to do...
and when to do it...

God is good... All the time...

...the 1st dog-a-versary

on September 30, 2008, I read this post on MM's blog...

as a long-time animal rescuer, my heart just went out to this dog...
who seemed doomed to be captured by "animal control" & "put down"...

over the previous 6 months or so...
I'd found myself drawn to similar doggy plights on TV...
and to my complete surprise [as a total "cat person"]...
I had found myself wanting a dog...

realizing, of course, that it would have to be a canine, "sent by God"...
because of the aging herd of feline quirkiness I am "staff" to...
and because I had never lived "with" a dog...
not inside the house, where they could "get into things"...

my house was "cat-proofed",[as much as one can be...]
but I had NO idea what dogs would get into...
chew on, tear-up or hurt themselves with...

so as my desire to have a dog to walk with [I need the exercise...]
and for some protection [I live "alone" & am getting "older"...]
seemed to increase, I was quite confused...
as to how to find the right dog for my situation...

so I told God,"If You want me to have a dog...
send the perfect one for me, and make it very clear to me..."
and promptly forgot about it...
until, September 30, 2008 when I read MM's post...

I was instantly consumed with an over-whelming desire to help...
and e-mailed her that I could at least house the dog until a home was found, if they couldn't get it into a rescue...
thinking that it could stay in the back yard...
not realizing that the fence was literally falling down...

the next day, I got the phone call that my help was needed...
as the rescues were all full and there was no other choice...
[at this point, I hadn't told MM that I had been wanting a dog...
she knows how many cats I have & I was afraid that she'd think that I was nuts...]

so on October 1, in the evening, I drove out to the place in the country...
where they had taken the dog for that day, [it couldn't stay there...]
I met the dog, who seemed very sweet, quiet and sad...
she hopped into my car, looked longingly at the GTs...
[who would have kept her in a minute if they could have...]
and we drove back to Mudville, about 40 minutes...

as we neared my house, I began to realize...
that the backyard might not contain her...
so I decided to try taking her inside...
figuring that she could spend the night in the bathroom, if need be...

the rest, as they say, is history...



she walked in shyly...
the cats looked first at her, then at me...
nobody barked or chased...
nobody hissed or puffed their tail...

no growling of any kind...
just some hesitant sniffing & nose touching...
I stayed with them as they sized each other up...
then went about feeding & other evening things...

by the time it was time for bed, I decided to try letting them "co-habit"...
I took "Molly"[that name just came to me...] out...
then settled her on an old rug & went to bed...

it was a peaceful night...

I knew that she was the one and was really pleased...
to be able e-mail MM that I was keeping her...



I took her to DP for a bed, collar, toys & etc...
which she liked, but was still unsure about me...



she was not at all food aggressive...
as you can see Thomas helping himself with impunity...



but as she became more comfortable...
she would yip at any cat bold enough to go near her "batcave"...
especially when she was chewing a pig's ear or her favorite toy...



she went to the vets to be spayed, having to wear the E-collar...
here she's enjoying the back yard, before the new fence...



this it my favorite backyard picture of her...
there's a "cat-door" into the garage [also used by possums...]
which she could only get her head in...
especially while wearing the E-collar...



here she is, "on guard"....
having taken over a cat perch that looks out the LR window...



here we are on a walk in the park, late last fall...
before the accident that has taken a long time to get past...



and on the couch with her favorite toy...



after the Holidays, I got her a crate to better contain the "batcave"...
and to help train her not to go crazy when someone comes to the door...
she sleeps there and stays there when I'm gone...
allowing the kitties maximum food time...
[she is a cat food junky and will slurp it down in 2 seconds...
then they have none...]



her favorite spot other than the "batcave"[she really seems to like it...]
is her "fireside snuggy nest"[a favorite place for chewing or napping...]
that is, when she's NOT up on the cat window seat, "on guard"...



and most recently, at a training session...

I'm struggling with a bad arthritic spell right now...
but as the weather cools, the worst pain goes away...
so we'll be out walking again, regularly, very soon now...

having a dog has been a very different experience than "staffing" cats...

I've had to face many issues & personal growth situations with the dog...
that I wouldn't have had to deal with otherwise...
things that I had no idea were in existence, have surfaced...
and the messages that I get are that God has sent the dog...
so that I would become aware of them & deal with them...

so now, looking back over this "dog year"...

I am thankful...

for Molly, who has added a whole other joyful & musical aspect to my existence...
for the kitties & their patience...
for the chance to change into a better person...
to God, for providing all these things & the grace to grow...

Molly & I would also like to thank again, Miz Minka & Mr.Greenthumb...
for "rescuing the perishing" last year...
and helping Molly find her place...
here, with me & the kitties...

thanks so much...

God is good, all the time...