...the [sigh] office

it's hard to believe that it has already been a year ago...
when I started clearing out the "office"...
I sorted & discarded boxes of books...
reorganized the "keeper books", magazines & memorabilia...
using storage boxes, clearly labeled for the lower shelf storage...

this organizational effort has lasted pretty well...
with only minor kitty depredations...
and since Creamer is no longer around to climb the shelves...
knocking things down & crapping on top of the shelves...
[I loved her, but hated her habits...]
it's time to finish the job which the bath redo halted...

besides the bath redo stuff that found its way in front of the bookshelves...
there was all the "dog" stuff [food, medications]
as well as the junk moved for the aborted DSL install...

I had moved a lot of stuff out of the computer cabinet...



and on top of the low file unit that sits next to it...
other problems surfaced when the animal drinking fountain...
got its water reservoir broken and stopped working properly...

of course, they don't sell replacement water storage units...
and in my attempt to use it anyway...
it leaked and soaked the rug that's glued to the sub floor...
creating a musty smell in a room that already had it share of smells...
[cat boxes, feeding dishes, garbage can...]

but I have an incentive for cleaning up this mess...

a few months ago, I bought a used fish tank & stand...
and I'm hoping that the existing space [28 to 33" wide]...
will accommodate setting it up here...
next to the computer cabinet...

if that's not enough room, I'll move the computer cabinet over...
there's a good foot of room to the left...
but it will need to be cleaned out...
and the new phone line in box installed before it's moved...
just in case I ever want a phone line to my computer desk again...

if I don't have to move it...those chores can slide...
but I need to measure the tank & haven't gotten around to it yet...

so I just need to get busy & do it...
measuring, cleaning, installing, moving...
so that I can move the tank...
from its current storage place, which has to be in the way...

decluttering is frustrating enough...
without having "what's in the way"...
not even be yours anymore...
& large & ungainly to boot...



then, of course, there's all of this...

stuff to file, drawers to go through...

now I remember why I piled this all here last year...

*SIGH*

...throwing in the towel[s]

I'm not usually left in a dithering pile by decisions...
but I'm ready to run away, screaming, from this one...

maybe it's the low-grade sinus headache...
but I am having a terrible time choosing towels for my bathroom...

actually, it got so annoying last summer/fall/winter...
[I've addressed these issues before, numerous times...]
that I gave in and purchased several colors...
hoping to be able to use them all...
creating a rainbow of choices previously unavailable in the old bath...



here you see the green I've been using, with a forest green I haven't...



here, with the lighter green cut out, it looks pretty good...
unfortunately, the forest green is much duller in the room...
than it appears in this picture...and makes the room smaller...
so the jury is still out on it...



the yellow also looks better here than in real life...
but it seems out of place & too bright...
so it's got to go...



these "limey" green towels were called "celadon"...
as you can see, they are "wrong" with the trim...
so they are gone, in favor of the darker green on the left...



I also have black, which make the room small like the forest green...
but they do match all the black tile & accessories...
I probably won't use them much...
because they show the dirt & cat hair too much...



I have some lilac towels, which are a good accent...
and match the African violet when it blooms...



here you see the bath as it is most of the time...
with the middle green & violet towels...
[you can't see the violet rug on the floor...]



and here, the "also-rans"...

I'm still on the fence...
about keeping the forest green ones or the black ones...
I'd probably only use one of them, if either...

I know that I won't use the yellow or light green...
there are, in most cases, a bath mat/rug...
large bath towels, hand towels & wash clothes...
they are all "new" & all cotton...
from B,B&B, PB or CS...[heavyweight, not cheap...]

if any of you are interested in giving them a new home...
let me know, otherwise, they'll go to GW...

..."foot notes"

getting back into a more active life for me...
can be complicated...



I've been pretty good about making this my breakfast...
for more than a week now [only missed 1 day...]
the Ensure keeps me on the positive side of nutrition...
and the banana allows me to take the joint/calcium supplements...
which need something in the stomach to be properly absorbed...

I also drink a lot of water these days, starting when I get up...



my rediscovery of my Birkies on Tuesday...
was really a good thing...
I did walk around the block...
[when I got home around 5:30 PM]
and worked-up a good sweat...

the good news ?

walking in the Birkies did NOT create any blisters...
[I've gotten blisters from trying to walk in Crocs...]
OR rub any places raw on the bottoms of my feet or toes...
and since my 2nd toes are longer & tend to develop corns...
that's always been an issue too...
but there were no sore spots there either...

I did "rest" yesterday...

I had sore muscles from the extra walking...
but not the pinched nerve pain & muscle cramps...
or the excessively sore joints...
that I've been having...

and I was really sleepy...

not the depressed grogginess that I'd been battling...
but the, "lay in one place for hours without moving" deep sleep...
and when I moved around, I was a bit stiff & sore...
but could walk much better, with no hobbling...

I've started to see all the clutter/messes that need to be dealt with...
and bit by bit, am taking "baby steps" to remedy the situation...

now if my sinuses would only cooperate...
so I could lose this headache for good...
drinking extra water has helped...
maybe I need to wash my mini blinds & window screens...

hummmm...

good for the "sole" [aka"...if the shoe fits..."]

my favorite cool/cold weather shoes look like this...
[I actually have a new pair in waiting for when these die...]



they are, in fact, Rockports, like this...



they accept my orthodic inserts easily...
take even the thickest wool sox without being too tight...
support my ankles...
& are totally waterproof...
[believe me, they have been tested...]

I can walk for miles or stand around for a long time...
without the fatigue, stiffness & pain...
that comes much quicker with other shoes...
that you'd think would be easier on your joints...



such as these NB's I have in dark brown & black...
I had to get a narrower size last summer...
as I was slipping around in the old ones...
they work OK for a while...
but prolonged standing/walking in them can become a problem...



I got these NB's to address my pronation problems...
with an eye to having a good walking shoe for warmer weather...

in the last couple of months, as I've had a lot of pain issues...
I haven't been walking much & it's a vicious cycle...

I feel weak & stiff because I'm not walking...
which also slows my metabolism...
oozing me into gaining weight & feeling lousy about myself...
the extra weight exacerbates the back, hip joint & foot pain...
the weakness & pain from no exercise contributes to laying around...
so when I try to get active, I hurt myself...
and have to lay about, recovering...

I apologize for the whining...
but pain can really do a number on me...
especially when I wallow in it...
because I feel powerless to deal with it...

and this kind of "bad attitude" has plagued me always...

sometimes, I can distract myself with other things...
but mostly, I slip back into bad patterns & destructive mindsets...

and so, it goes ...



I've tried Crocs & like the squishy-ness...
but there is NO support...
& I find my back & hip joint getting so sore...
that I can barely hobble around...
much less actually exercise like I need to...
or even just get things done...

though they seem a bit better than the NBs...

just try hobbling around with various loving kitties...
& a rowdy dog underfoot or bumping you out of the way...
I have had visions of falling over one of them...
and being laid-up with a broken hip...

the end of my life as I've known it...

but, again, enough whining...
because there is good news...

I have been trying a visualization program lately...
that is becoming part of my routine, morning & night...
[along with the Daily Office...]
last night, I had visualized the pain & stiffness being gone...
& when I got up during the night, it was !!!

so this morning as I was meditating on my goals for positive outcomes...
since the pain & stiffness had not returned...
I included getting stronger, being pain-free & walking...
in my visualization of my day...

then...
I "saw"/remembered that I still had one decent pair...
of Birkies in my closet...



they have vinyl/rubber soles & uppers...
meant to be waterproof...
unlike the scores of leather/cork ones...
that I've worn-out over the years ...
& had tossed a couple of years ago...

not "squishy" like the Crocs, but with that lovely insole...
just enough arch support with the negative heel I used to love so much...
I had stopped wearing them at school because of the concrete floors...
and when my feet were wider, the straps bothered me...

now, they're a bit too loose, but that's NOT hard to fix...

so I put them on today...

did a bit of watering, spent time at the church...
and there is no pain !

not in my back, or hip joint, or feet...

so when I get home, I'm going for a walk...

I'm not quite ready for the rowdy dog yet...
but that will come as soon as I build some strength up...

on other fronts, I'm still waiting...

it's been made clear to me that I need to "stay in the boat"...
until I'm told to move...then a door will open...
when I allow myself to "lose the peace"...
and try to "do something"... I always fail...

so I'm trusting...sitting tight, resting in the peaceful place...

I've asked God to bless all of my resources...
and to make them last like the oil & meal in the Elijah story...
or the loaves & fishes Jesus blessed...
until I'm in a proper state of grace...
for the door to the right job to open...

thinking...visualizing...of God as all I need...

when I have learned to do this...
to be there... surrounded by His grace...
to live there... no matter what...
I'll have turned a corner that I've needed to turn...
for my whole life...

"...no turning back, no turning back..."

...garden update, 4.1

we've had some hot, windy days...
but I'm pretty sure that this is spider mite...



something is desiccating &/or eating the beans...



and it's pervasive...and quick spreading...
as this tower was green & healthy just days ago...
so this is NOT a good year for beans...



the critters have spread to the eggplant as well...
not hurting the maturing fruits...
but keeping new blossoms from setting...
just as it has in the beans...



damage is also visible in the tomatoes...
although some of the chewing damage is from various worms...
as attested to by holes in fruit & droppings...
there also seems to be some leaf desiccation...

I should have some sulphur powder in the garage...
that should take care of the problem on the tomatoes...



the peppers don't show any trauma...
but only one has set...



the cherry tomatoes don't have that problem...



the vines are full of immature fruits...



as well as all colors ripening...



even the "yellow pear" have set...



but the real "good news"...?
there are lots of heirlooms setting...



these are "Mr. Stripey"...



I think this is "tangerine"...



these are "pink Caspian" & "Brandywines"...
it's been several years since I had such a nice tomato crop...
and I'm looking forward to it...

I've had to be careful with watering...
as my bill was HUGE for June...
July was somewhat less, because I cut back...
but I'm really trying to stay on top of it...
as July was still too much...

spending too much on watering...
sort of defeats part of the purpose of gardening...
at least there is the perk of the smell of warm tomato plants...

...a choral reunionsong

for many, summer is a time of vacations & travel...

so on Sunday, I was invited to a reunion party...
'cause Dearest Dragonfly & Fr Carioca were "passing through"...

[the following pictures have been chosen with an eye for anonymity...
ie, blurry or no clear faces...there are more on my Facebook pages...]



there were hugs...



long, lingering hugs...



and "green tea"...



more hugs...



and... still, MORE hugs...



there was, of course...lots to drink...



and [behind this crowd...] lots to eat too...

as I drifted about, in stealth mode, taking pictures...
my mind was floating in many directions...

remembering others who couldn't be with us...

too far away, out of touch or with other obligations...
and those, already "home"... awaiting the rest of us...

but still, enjoying the "us" that was for a blessed time, then...
and was again, this evening, if only as a remembrance...

there was a lot of catching up [it's been 2 years...]
kids bigger, new kids or grandkids celebrated...
fun times remembered, "war stories" told...
favorite new music shared, encouragements given...

no one had actually brought any music to sing...
but we didn't really need any...
as everyone's heart was full of song...by just being there...

"... though the singer's gone...the song goes on...


God is good...all the time...

...connecting the dots

regular readers know all too well of my "conundrums"...

looking for my path...
looking for work...
looking for answers...
looking for the way...

looking for the right puzzle pieces...
the first "domino" to fall...

in the last 2 years, there's been "movement"...

periods of time when there was major "wobble"...
but something would always stop the progress...
and I'd end up feeling worse that I had before...

like a failure... a loser...

and depression would gather its clouds...
shrouding my heart & mind in gloomy confusion...

so my only thought was that I must have lessons still to learn...

and I'd struggle...

trying to do what I thought that I should...
with limited & spotty results...

then last week, I began to see some positive action...

I decided to attend the Dave Ramsey seminar after all...
[I nearly slept through the informational meeting...
but got an unexpected phone call, waking me up...
and getting me there...]

my TSA check arrived on Friday...
just one week after the transfer was OKed...
[that's very quick for them...]

then there was the advertisement that appeared...
on my "your post has been successful" page...
[the only one I've seen before or since...]
about a weight-loss method...

I clicked on it...

the Gabriel Method is unlike any other weight-loss program I've seen...

for a nominal fee [less than $40...]
I received a paperback book which I'm reading...
and several downloads of CDs...

the thesis is very scientific...

it approaches the psychological aspects of self...
addressing the kinds of mental, emotional & spiritual eating dysfunctions...
explaining that they must be worked through...
and how to deal with them...

the author lost 220 lbs using this approach...
with the last 110 lbs coming off quicker than the first...
with no specific diet or exercise program...
just by dealing with his mental & emotional dysfunctions...

but what struck me, was not just the weight-loss aspects...
but the spiritual ramifications...
& how they connect with things that I've been struggling with...

I know these ideas work...
I've experienced them myself for a couple of months...
a couple of years ago...
so I believe this...I know it works...

in a nutshell...

visualizing "positive" outcomes...
during an "alpha" or "theta" state of consciousness...
meditation... if you will...

since I have successfully used self-hypnosis in the past...
this doesn't set off any feelings of discomfort on my part...

the author speaks of believing in positive outcomes...
which for me, slides into having a "trusting, relationship" with God...

not being concerned...
just trusting that I will have "enough"...

so even though he's speaking...
of working through mental/emotional dysfunction...
with weight-loss in mind, by removing fear, loneliness or depression...
it is actually a roadmap for a healthy relationship with God...
with better health just a neat side effect...

the difference in my state of mind has been drastic...
and immediate...

the sermon on "tearing down walls" on Sunday...
underscored everything...
[all sermons & devotional readings have been that way...
for the last week, anyway...]

so I find myself feeling better than I have in a while...

and as I continue to be positive...
I keep getting more & more encouragement...
that this is the right direction...

so much that I read or hear these days, resonates so deeply...
that the dots are connecting...

can the falling dominoes be far behind ?

God is good...

...working in the "undercroft"[aka basement...]

considering that there was a pile of music...
at least 2 feet high, to be put away...
and there was a lot of other stuff to do in the choir room...
I got to the church fairly early today & got busy...



I reorganized some shelves that had been emptied quickly...
during the last "flood" in the fall of 2007...
labeled the shelves & the contents...
moving some reference materials from the teetering piles on the desk...

the grocery bags contain choir supplies...
the boxes to the left contain music left to our church...
from the estate of a former organist/choir director...
it took me DAYS to sort it this far...
the cataloguing will be a massive undertaking for a later time...

for the moment, everything is "up"...
just in case we have another flood...



so that chore done...
I spent a couple of hours on the huge piles of music...
sorting first Holy Week music, with all its service music...
and making piles of Advent, Lent & Eastertide anthems...



this shows the Lent/Holy Week service music file box...
with the large amount of service music out of the way...
sorting & refiling anthems will be easy...



which is a good thing...
since there is all of this new music which has to be processed...
[boxed, labeled, cataloged & shelved...]
I also have to go through the stacks, "weeding"...
[librarian for "pulling/moving seldom used items"...]

I probably have an hour or so of sorting/shelving tomorrow...
then most of a day of processing...
before I can really work on music selection for the coming year...



the significance of this ?

the "returned music" box [on the floor...] is empty...
and the "bad copies" have been discarded...
the rest is almost done...

by sorting by seasons
[since I kept the return piles in order...]
I get done faster [less choices...]
and make less mistakes...always a good thing...

and a bonus !

the wifi network works in the music room...
so I don't have to go over to the office to go online...
cool...

...garden update, 4.0

my grapefruit seedlings are creating a mini forest...



I may have to actually transplant some of them...



I planted this salvia[Red Hot Sally] a couple of years ago...
in the pot of this laceleaf Japanese maple...



it has come back every year...
even blooms in the winter...
but never before like this...



this will be a red bell pepper...



this bean harvest has doubled my stash...
[in a Debbie Meyer "green storage bag" in the 'fridge...]
when I have enough to make it worth while...
I'll cook'em Southern style... "low & slow" with onion, garlic & olive oil...
[sorry, no bacon... I don't like boiled bacon...yuck...]



the first harvest of cherry tomatoes...
"black cherry" heirlooms, "sungold" & "sweet 100's"...