...quandries

now that the B&N door has been closed...
you might say I'm confused...

I was told on Sunday to wait 7 days...
being thankful & hopeful...
and I will receive guidance...

the school district application lurks in my laptop case...
like a malevolent package...
something you find in the back of the 'fridge...
and upon opening it, are very sorry...

I'm afraid that I'll be told to "go there"...
and the guidance I've received so far...
is that God will provide for me...
& that there is no situation He can not bless for me...

and so I battle with myself...

I SO don't want to deal with rotten kids again...
with being disrespected & made fun of...
of feeling unappreciated & inept...
of being at the mercy of the "evil empire"...

but I have to do something...

there's not much $ left...
& when it's gone...

so if I'm going to spend $ I don't have...
qualifying myself for something I don't want to do...
there has to be some adjustment in my thinking & attitude...

since the accident in December when my finger was dislocated...
I haven't gotten much exercise...
I'd go out with the dog & have problems...

problems feeling "in control" of her...
[especially when other dogs came into the picture...]
problems with physical pain in my hips & lower back...
problems keeping my balance...
problems with being angry...

after reading an article on the psychology of how women walk their dogs...
I realized that I was not only angry at the dog for the injury...
and at myself for allowing it to happen...
but that I was manifesting anger because I was afraid of being injured again...
and this time, much worse...

I was also angry at myself for not getting exercise...
and for letting the situation control me...
but I felt so much stress at the thought of taking out the dog...
that I was avoiding walking, with all its good benefits...

so I decided to walk anyway, by myself & with the dog...

at this point, it's working out better...
I walk quickly & at a steady pace, alone...
I don't have to keep an eye out for other dogs...
or anything else Molly gets overly excited about...
so when I walk with her, I'm not feeling cheated out of my exercise...
and I seem to be dealing with controlling her behavior...
and keeping an eye "ahead", better...

yesterday, I took Creamer to the vet...
her diarrhea was really bad & she had started just going,"where ever"...
they were going to give her a flea bath...
[she's too thin for Advantage...]
& keep her, to try to stem the diarrhea...

it's always stopped when she's been there before...
so I'm hopeful that it will this time too...

when she's home, she's always under my feet...
because she's always hungry...
and I step on her, etc...

I'm so afraid that I'll trip over her & hurt us both...
& I have flashbacks to how my Mom had to be so careful in later years...
so that she wouldn't fall & hurt herself...
knowing it would be the beginning of the end...

since Creamer's been at the vets', it's been so peaceful...
the other kitties aren't being bullied...
all the nasty messes have been cleaned up...
and I don't have to climb over impromptu cat boxes...

hopefully, when she returns, she'll be better...
& will use the boxes again...

the vet did offer to keep her as a "hospital cat"...
meaning that she'd live out her days there...
but I don't want to do that to her...
she came from a shelter & I can't send her back to a lonely cage...
and with her crabby persona, it would be lonely...

then there are all the "projects"...
all the de-clutter projects that are on hold...

my hope is that as I feel stronger from walking...
I'll feel more like tackling them...

so as I try to keep myself feeling hopeful...
I apologize for the venting & rending of garment...
I could sure use something good about now...
even a break in the "hits" would be appreciated...

God is good...all the time...

...why I keep the bathroom door closed

you might think that by now I'd know better...
but I had just taken a shower...
[during which, Mz Sneaky Pie had perched on the toilet...
waiting, innocently being companionable...]
and when I was done, I had left the door open...
as well as the window...
to allow the cooler marine air to flow in...

big mistake...



one might say that I "opened the door"...
for felonious feline depredations...



of course, once I discovered the crime...
the furry felon herself, had to come in & revel in her mischief...
consuming herself with a "non-existent flea"...
as I discussed her malfeasance with her...
finally sauntering out, bored with my recriminations...



as I busied myself with re-rolling the tp...
that she had so gleefully unrolled, only minutes before...
she watched for a chance for "interaction"...



and seeing her chance...attacked with gusto...
seizing the unrolled tp and threatening total destruction...

I succeeded in shooing her away...



and managed to re-roll the roll, under her watchful gaze...

then, I closed the door...

because Mz Sneaky Pie's motto must be...

"carpe fimus abstergo"*...

and I can't afford to support her habit...


*as close as I could figure out...

...Fluff is sulking

remember this little "drama del gatti" ?

played out, ad nauseum, in my bedroom for days...



finally pissing-off Fluff so much...
that the mere approach of the Piglet...
would bring forth angry hisses & nasty growls...



finally resulting in this...
Fluff repaired to the "winter palace"...
leaving Pigs with no more cuddle time...
or chances to plop herself down on top of Fluff...
[the "WP" has 2 beds...no sharing...
as if they ever did...share, that is...]

Pigs, of course, must appear to care, not at all...
so this is her default spot [quite visible to Fluff]...
until I'm available to plop down on top of...

and the much sought-after "Summer Bed" ?



for the time being...deserted...

cats, go figure...

...blossoms

Blogger is still not publishing my scheduled posts...
when they are set to be published...
so due to my having to go to the church to get online...
my usual daily pattern is disrupted...

there is no news on the job front...
which is not good news...
but right now, I'm just waiting...
trying to discern what to do next...

the school district is such a complicated & expen$ive avenue...
authorized credential copies, chest x-rays...
letters of recommendation from 3 people...
will all take a lot of effort & paperwork...
[think: applying for financial aid + doing your taxes by hand...]
as well as money I don't have right now...

all for the promise of nothing...
except maybe being called at 0-dark:30 AM...
to go into unknown situations & deal with whatever...
for not much money, NO job security and a lot of stress...

still...

I may have to go "there"...
& trust God for the rest...

so in the meantime...
I'm seeking what peace & beauty there is around me...

enjoy the blossoms...



the new gardenia we planted in March...
in the warm air, the blossom is SO fragrant...



a pink bud... just opening...



a "Bonanza" bud, that opened yesterday...



this "Peace" bud had its edges frilled by some critter...
while still a bud...



this "Joseph's Coat" climber bud was also nibbled on...



this "J's C" is in full bloom...



as is this "Touch of Class"...



and then there's this one..."Mr.Lincoln"...
it was this dark in person...
but all my shots were washed out...
so I "saturated the reds"...
& "darkened the contrast"...
now it looks much closer to the "real thing"...

...all summer, at a glance

I love this old planter...
now overflowing with trailing lobelia...



it's actually an old-time enema can...
the hose connected to the spout...
and then...well, you get the picture...

I had an old china bed pan...
which I filled with flowering plants...
but it broke when it fell off the fence...
it's pieces are in the yard somewhere...

most of these pictures were taken...
of flowers awaiting planting...
in the backyard, under the big oak...
the sun playing peek-a-boo with the tree branches...
and the colors just spectacular in the shade/light mosaic...



here are some zinnias...
with crystal palace lobelia in the background...



Shasta Daisies with coreopsis...



the same coreopsis with Gallardia[Goblin] behind...
and a few petunias peeking in...



the "lilac haze" petunias on their own...
this is the original petunia color I grew-up with...
and it's my absolute favorite color of them...



red, white & blue petunias...
for a color bowl for the front...



more Shasta Daisies in the "spotlight"...
with coreopsis hanging around...



this is a Mexican Evening Primrose...
an annual like most of these flowers...
I've got to find it a sunny spot that'll get watered well...
they like my back yard when they get water...



a selection of marigolds...Durango red, Disco red...
Disco mixed...for here & there...



and one last time, just because I like them...
the Shasta Daisies & coreopsis...



my driveway fence flower boxes, pretty much filled out...

think you've seen it all ?

just wait until the portulacas bloom in every color...
and the crimson dianthus, crystal palace lobelia & white allyssum bloom out...

it will be glorious !

...bits & pieces, 1.1

I HATE Blogger !....

I scheduled several posts to publish...
over a couple of days...and they didn't...
so I posted most of them today since I have updated pictures...
in today's "real" post[aka THIS one...]

I left one other for tomorrow...
since it isn't involved in these updated pictures...
so we'll see if stupid Blogger can get this one right...

GRRRRRRR....

on other fronts... I'm waiting...
for a phone call which, if it comes, will come today or tomorrow...
inviting me to a second interview...
if I haven't heard from B&N by Friday evening...
then they aren't interested in hiring me...
& I look elsewhere...

I'm also waiting until my anniversary date in early July...
to withdraw the rest of my TSA...
naturally, there was a large market correction recently...
and what little I had regained, was lost, again...

but I am doing my best to remain positive...
trusting God to put me where He wants me...
so as I wait...
here are some more bits of garden "progress"...



the trumpet vine, in full bloom...



the fence flower box, now quite happy with the new watering system...



more hollyhocks, from "ranch seeds"...
they bloom most of the year...
overwintering well with no care from me...



if you click on this to make it bigger...
you'll see at least 2 set eggplants...
there are about 5-6 at this point...
they are the smaller Japanese kind...



at least 3 pepper plants have open blooms...
and all 6 are growing well...



it is now, NOT possible to look at the cherry tomatoes...
without seeing dozens of developing fruits...
I had to stake their cage today...
they were pulling it over...



today was the first day...
that all the tomato plants are taller than me...
soon I'll be able to walk under them next to the beans...
[BTW, I ate the first bean, raw...it tasted great...]



these are Brandywines, turning pink...
they tend to be more of a ruddy pink than red when ripe...
the other reddening tomato is an early one...
these are not only turning, but more blooms are setting...

one of the very few,[in my opinion] good things...
to come from our HOT summer days & nights...

so now, I wait...

...garden update, 2.0.1

sometimes, I could swear that my garden grows right before my eyes...



the lovely rabbit's paw fern that flourishes on the front porch...
started out just like this one in the back...
last fall I put 3 or 4, 4" HD plants into this basket...
and now in its new home on the driveway fence...
in the back yard, under the oaks, it is happily growing...
though its cousin on the front is at least 4 years old...
and as a result, much bigger with more "paws"...



I spied this reddening peach by accident...



and near it, this one...



I haven't had a decent crop for several years & these are big...
they usually ripen in late July but they may be early this year...
I'll have to consult my gardening expert to see if that's true...
so I can actually have some for me this year...
I don't mid sharing, but some critters are greedy...
eating the ripening fruit right on the tree, leaving only a pit...



this really pleases me...3 Fuji apples...
there are 2 together lower left & 1 upper right...
can you see them ?
I've never had apples from this tree...
the few that set were critter food...
so I'm hoping...



here's an eggplant...
there are several more spent blooms...
that look hopeful...



and I've been looking, but only found this today [6/22]
a green bean...and good sized too...
hopefully more soon...



and the best, saved for last...
a reddening tomato...
WHOOO HOO...

this makes all the pain of planting worth it...!

...seeds of the future

there were a bunch of grapefruit on my dwarf tree this winter...
but it was so dry that most fell off before swelling with juice...
only a couple were edible, & they were a bit tart...
but I did get some seeds...and one actually sprouted...



only this one stayed on the tree...
drinking in the frequent waterings...
and a few days ago, I picked it...

it did not disappoint...



it peeled easily with even the section skin coming off easily...



the taste was sweet & mellow...
and quite juicy...
with a bonus of several seeds...



which I planted in the pot with this seedling...
planted a couple of months ago...
which now has 4 leaves...

I don't know if it will survive...
if the other seeds will sprout...
or if they do, would they ever bear fruit...
but it sure makes something in me smile...
to see the seeding growing...
beating all the odds...

...garden art

a few images from the garden...
a treat for the eye & food for the soul...



the green tangles of bean vines...



no apparent system or direction...



and then, a blossom...



a pomegranate, scarred by hail, but growing anyway...



tomato blossoms setting...



fruit swelling almost before my eyes...



Mother Nature reveling in her fertility...