...hopeful signs

I finally got a "go" signal today...

I've been waiting for a sense of peace...
to come to me about looking for a job...
and today, it was there...

a local specialty shoe store has had a sign...
"help wanted", in the window for a while now...
but my 5 months of finger angst had to pass...
you can't apply for a "manual labor" job with a bum hand...

so today, I got dressed and went out to see what I could find...

as a brief "back story", for those who don't know my history...
five years ago, I retired from the school district...
after 21 years of teaching jr high music & English/reading, ...

I also retired from the symphony just before that...
so I knew I needed extra income...

for 2 years after retirement, I did "consultant" work for the district...
but soon realized that I needed to be done with that too...

towards the end of my teaching career...
I earned my LMT credential [Library Media Teacher]...
with an eye to moving out of the classroom & into a library...
then came the beginnings of the movement away from middle schools...
and the reduction of district employees who were librarians...

and I couldn't find a librarian job...

not only were librarians being eliminated...
but I had an English credential too...
and credentialed English teachers were becoming harder to find...
so they wanted me to stay in the classroom...

but the stress was becoming too much...
and I retired 5 years ago to save my life...
and even though I'm 5 years older...
I'm much healthier now, than I was when I was teaching...
I know that leaving the school district is the reason...

since I retired, I've looked for "work", on & off...
recently, as my economic situation worsened...
it has become imperative that I find work...

but whenever I would look for work...
I would become really stressed & start trying to make it happen...
of course, that never works...

having had a severely injured finger that required surgery...
and then months of physical therapy to be even 80%...
for the last 5 months...
hasn't helped either...

so I've been waiting...

because that's what He told me to do...

so today, when I began to feel peaceful about "looking"...
I knew that it was time...His time...
to start "moving"...

after all, you can't steer a stationary car...
only a moving one...

so I arrived at the shoe store...peacefully...
and filled-out an application...
the owner said that their company had just recently hired...
a couple of people & were hiring all the time...

there are several stores & a warehouse...
she said that if they had an opening at this store...
where she knows me, that it would be no problem...
[I've been a good cu$tomer...]

encouraged...I decided to tackle the next place on my mental list...

Wallyworld....[*sigh*]

I had been there just the day before...
and as promised, found cat litter at $2-3 less, each...
than what I'd been paying elsewhere...

you must, at this point, be made aware of my intense dislike...
of that company and it's employment practices...
and that I would NOT be darkening their door...
even for kitty litter savings...
if I wasn't in a real financial crunch...

and along with the knowledge...
that I'm NOT the only person...
in those straights, these days...
I had realized that WW would probably be hiring...

and it was there that I was headed...
preparing to consume "crow"...
when, as I neared the Mall...
that quiet voice said...

"try B&N again..."

I had applied to the well-known chain bookstore before...
and had been ignored...
possibly because the employee I listed as a recommendation...
was, unknown to me at the time, an alcoholic...

so, feeling a sense of peace about it...
I stopped & walked into the store...

I had to wait for a bit...
until the woman at the "customer service" desk...
was finished helping a customer do a data search for a book...
but it was worth it...

we chatted about my training & experience as a librarian & English teacher...
my availability [anytime but Sunday...]
my age [she said that their best children's book person...
was 70 & a retired librarian...]

then she gave me an application and said...
"if you can fill this out now & bring it back to me...
I'll introduce you to one of our managers...
so he can be made aware of your qualifications & training..."

I went off to find a table to sit & write...

when I returned, she wasn't there...
I asked a man where she had gone...
he said that she was on a lunch break...

I told him about my application...
and how she had wanted to introduce me to a manager...
because of my librarian & teaching experience...
he then told me that he was a manager...
listened as I told him of my qualifications...
and said that he'd have someone call me to set-up an interview...

so I have "my fingers crossed..."



I hope that you all will think good thoughts for me...
as I could really do a good job at B&N...
my favorite part of teaching was getting kids into books...

and there's also the classical music link too...

they have a classical music section...
I supervised a music library/listening lab for 5 years...
helping people find classical music is even more specialized...
than a book or data search...

I didn't have the space to even list that job on my application...



here's praying for good things to come to fruition...

because God IS good...
ALL the time...

...cleaning-up, driveway & front porch

my latest, never-ending project...



it seems only a few weeks ago that the creeper was contained...



the debris on the porch is part, post-bath redo...
part, seasonal "un-decorating"[the reason I so seldom decorate...]
part, house de-cluttering...
and part, plant debris & seasonal maintenance...



the hanging geraniums that came down at Christmas...
were OK until it got too hot...
now they need some tlc, to be watered thoroughly & re-hung...
out of the harsh, afternoon sun...



which I managed to do, after moving some junk...
[here, you see them "back up"]
but this is as far as I've gotten so far...



the "johnny jump-ups" & cyclamen...
that I wanted to move to the back where it's shady...
didn't get moved before they got fried...
and in moving the clay pots you see here...
they fell off the cart and broke...
so I had to pick up a couple of new pots for the portulacas...



here is just a lot of clutter...
mixed in with "porch plants"...

a cat carrier...
cat mangled plants...
empty pots...
dead plants...
junk, debris, bath redo relics...
etc, etc, etc...



the Christmas lights that were on the lemon tree...
[there's a large plastic box for them...
with plants on it...in the cupola...]



down the driveway, the iris we took from the flower bed...
a few weeks ago...

waiting...

along with the mums from last fall that have bolted...



& the last "johnny jump-ups" that are languishing...
in a spot that is too hot for them now...
[doesn't it look as though its tongue is hanging out ?]



here's the succulents I moved onto the patio table...
["burro's tail" & "string of pearls"]



and after a good drink...
and being moved inside the gate...
doesn't the "johnny jump-up" look much happier ?



the 2 large containers of mums are now by the back door...
and much happier...



while the pile of leaves that blanketed the back door area...
are now in the driveway...awaiting disposal...



and this mess along the fence...
has gone from this...



to this...



and finally, this...



the iris and cyclamen are in the shade of the back...



and the "trailing lobelia" is in the old planter...
[it's actually an old fashioned, enema can...]

there are still many things to clean up & plant...

the front porch must be finished...
and all the portulacas & other flowers potted-up...
before it gets too hot again...

but first...I MUST rest...

...news from the garden

the last thing I needed was another tomato plant...



however, my demons got the best of my "better nature"...
when I found not only the long-sought...
"Charlie's Mortgage Lifter"...
but also my absolute favorite...
"pink Caspian"...

two lovely heirloom varieties I adore...
and, I did have a bit of room...



I've also planted cilantro...
and filled-in the basil...
who seem to love it there...



and then there are the flowers...
for the back, driveway & front porch...



the eggplant has begun to bloom...



and the parsley & dill are giving it a "go"...



my "black tartarian" cherry tree gave me about 6 cherries this year...
the rest were knocked off by the wind & hail, etc...
these were breakfast...
last year, I had enough for most of a pie...



the beans are growing, moment by moment...
this one is now a foot longer than the top of the pole...
and has doubled back...



I planted several tomatoes with set fruit...
one fell off in the mini heat wave...
these are doing well...



a couple of days ago...
these cherry tomato blooms appeared to be setting...



only yesterday, the same setting blossoms...
now show tiny tomatoes at the center...
[click on photo to enlarge...]



the silk oak trees I have in both yards...
[aka,"Australian Oaks"]
are now blooming...
the golden combs drop sticky blossoms everywhere...



here's one at 12x zoom from the back yard...
the dark clusters are open seed pods...
I have a "number" of seedlings if anyone's interested...



I really enjoy sitting in the back yard...
watching the blooming pom. tree blossoms dance in the wind...



everyday, there are more open...



this is also when I rescue Japanese maple seedlings...
there are always "volunteers"...
and often, if I can find a hardy one soon enough...
[before it gets too hot...]
I can eventually cultivate them into a small container...

I had a lovely, "mini grove"...
complete with rocks & moss...
until we had the heat storm & it was 115˚F...

sigh...

these however, have promise...
having survived the initial transplantation...

...finding yourself in Neverland

as a child, I loved Peter Pan...
the idea of finding a place where you would "never grow up"...
didn't appeal to me though...
I wanted to be older...
to get "on with it"...
I didn't like being a child with all the restrictions...



so, mindless of time passing...
I moved on...
did what I wanted & figured that there "would be time"...
later...
for anything I missed...

it seems as though I've hardly blinked...
and now... it is "later"...

I find myself in a different kind of "never" land...

when I hear people make plans...
plans for a new car... a trip...
just what they will watch on TV tonight...
the "nevers" hit me hard...

because I know that I'll never buy another car...
I can't afford to go on a vacation...
and if I sell my TV to try & stay afloat...
I'll never be able to afford another one...
[I've already given-up cable...]

I know that God has a plan...but He's telling me to wait...

and in the meantime, I'm watching everything dwindle down to nothing...

very aware that I could lose my home if something doesn't change soon...
and with the house, would go my ability to keep my cats & the dog...
and then there's the debt I saddled myself with...

I have a pension...
all my creditors will be happy to garnish it...
and then, I'll be homeless...

I "never" thought that I would come to this...
and in this economy...
everyone has enough problems taking care of themselves...
so I am truly, on my own...
as what little family I have left doesn't care about me...

it's all going away...
and never coming back...
the life I thought I'd have in my "retirement"years...

so I putter around...
"re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic"...

I'd be happy to work and earn my keep...
but I seem un-employable for so many reasons...

I keep waiting on that front, too...

trying to be calm and trust Him...

but I have this headache that comes sometimes...
and doesn't stop...
and a queasy feeling in my stomach...



it's all so surreal...

I look around and become aware of "last times"...
and, "never again"....

and look up for hope & help...
because I find myself very much alone down here...



alone, that is except for the demons that constantly harass me...
disturb my peace...and laugh at me...
I'm hanging on by my fingernails...
I need a miracle... now...

I'm trying so hard to be grateful for all His blessings...
and to joyfully wait for the next miracle...
perhaps I have to hit bottom before I can get out of this...
I do believe that God is good...
I wish that I was smarter & a better person...
or that I'd just learn my lesson NOW...
so we can move on...

...finally...the edibles are in !

from a couple of days ago...



the sheer enormity of my task...
caused me to be incapable of action for several days...
[the pain from tomato & etc planting didn't help...]
finally, the gusting winds broke a couple of plants...
and after replacing them...
I made myself do it on Memorial Day...



and after a fairly short time...
I was done...
[at least I was smart enough to do the worst, first...
the hardest, next...
& left this easy bit for last...]



I was lucky enough to hear of the 2 for 1 sale on herbs at OSH...
and was able to stock up on mint...

I used to have tons of it growing all over...
but since I didn't water it last summer, it died out...
so I really wanted to replace it...



here you see some new mint...
next to the last remaining plants[on the right...]



this is "peppermint"...
planted in containers where it used to flourish...



and here, I've put "spearmint" in the box...
that held the spinach & lettuce, before the heat wave...



another chore involved back seeding more pole beans...
since they will often get burnt & stop producing...
a succession of maturing plants creates a thicker shade...
and a longer harvest...

I was very happy to find my favorite "scarlet emperor" runner beans...
at a local seed store[living in a farming area has its perks...]
I love seeing the scarlet flowers along with the regular white ones...
I used to be able to find yellow too...
but these days, all the odd colors are only in the "bush" form...



the bell peppers,[green,yellow & red]...
are growing well & should start blooming soon...



as are the tomatoes & beans...



especially the beans, which are almost ready to start blossoming...



and if the cherry tomatoes get much taller...
I'll have trouble reaching the fruit...