..calling all "friends of Fluff"

[Fluff in all her glory this past June...]

at first glance...



it may just appear that Herself [the Fluff...]
is merely annoyed that I disrupted her nap...
even to take pictures of her magnificence...



however, if you look more closely at her left eye...



the horribly wrong look of her eye becomes more apparent...



though it could be mistaken for glare...



until you get closer...



and finally, in macro mode, you can see the opaqueness...
the lesion is a yellow spot, below and to the left...
you can't see it unless you're pulling the eyelid down...
and Herself doesn't allow "paparazzi" in the treatment room...



having had enough "attention", even for her...
I'm getting "the look"...
which means...well, I don't use that kind of language...

at her age, 17, Mz Fluff is in robust good health...
except for the obvious eye issue...

she has always had "digestive issues"...
which have suddenly cleared up...
since she's had the eye issues...
and been getting antibiotic eye salve...

so she's actually gained a bit of weight...
since her return from the vet's...
when it's warm, she goes outside & sleeps...
when it's sunny, but cool, she sleeps in the sunny window...

otherwise, she sleeps on my bed...

surgical removal of a cat's eyeball is routine surgery...
quite easy for the surgeon...
NOT easy on the cat...

I've had 2 previous kitties who had this surgery...
one, when he was very young, as he was born...
with only one eye fully developed...
and the other deformed one was removed...

that was Boodjie[BJer, aka "Blackjack"]...
he was born on April 15, 1992...and died on New Year's Eve, 2004...
he was all black, had a prehensile-like tail...
and was the biggest sweetie on earth...

the other was Mikie, brother of Katie...
rescued with a horribly swollen eye...
that finally ruptured, so it was removed...
he was about 8 weeks old when he had the surgery...
he had a long & happy life...
and was also very sweet & mellow...

the vet wants to avoid the eyeball removal for Fluff...
as long as she is comfortable...
because he says that it is very hard on an older cat...
though she has has anesthesia for several procedures...
even quite recently...

sewing her eye shut didn't work...
I continue to put antibiotic salve in her eye...
several times a day, with her permission, of course...

so if any of you are so inclined to say a prayer for Fluff...
we would appreciate it...

I know she's had a long life...
but except for the eye problem...
she has a really good quality of life...
and I'd like my friend to have some more good years...
sleeping on my bed, batting me if I don't move fast enough...
and just being here...

...kitties & Molly & stuff, oy veh !

I have seen as many as 4 felines reclining on the keyboard...
...at one time...
the keyboard isn't big enough for more...



here we see Mackie & Mattie...
who are often joined by Murph & MJ...

I gave these two the "bum's rush"...
put the rug back on top of it...
[as I do a number of times in the day...]
and went on into the office...



I returned in moments to find this...
Mackie, so thankful I put the rug back on...
he prefers to lay on the rug, on the keyboard...
as opposed to the keyboard without the rug...

on other fronts...



Fluff's eye now has an ulcerated cornea...
the vet says she has no sight in it anymore...
but removing an eye in a kitty of her age [17]...
is not an easy surgery for the cat to recover from...

she doesn't seem to be in pain...
has gained weight[she's NOT on steroids...]
her digestion has gotten better...
but her eye is loosing the battle...

so I put salve in it every few hours...
pet & adore her, as is her due...
and hope for the best...
she seems perfectly happy & totally herself...
[demanding, imperious & haughty...]

my friend Creamer, however...



is back at the vets for a couple of days...
to do "tests" for thyroid, sugar, liver...
whatever is causing her to have unremitting diarrhea episodes...
interspersed with periods of regularity...

her last couple of bouts of "pudding" diarrhea...
were left on the bathroom floor...
which I almost stepped in at 3 AM...[yuck]
so we have to figure out her situation...
she's 13 & way too skinny for the first time ever...
ALL the others are back to normal weight...

I'm guessing she'll be there through the weekend at least...

on the dog front...

I've been searching for a while now...
for better ways to control Molly...

MM suggested a Halti collar...

she described a former dog of hers...
as almost choking itself...
pulling against the choke chain...
making gagging noises...
and still "pulling"...

that's Molly, to a "T"...
choking herself, gagging...
and still pulling harder...



my only mistake was getting it too big...
and she pulled out of it....

so....



since Calico had suggested an Easy Walk harness...
and I had also gotten one of those too...
I put it on her...then the Halti collar...
which I snapped to the chest ring...
where the lead attaches to the harness...

perfecto !

wearing both...we took a walk without ANY pulling on her part...
we walked steadily and even encountered some other dogs...

I have to get a smaller size...
so the Halti won't fall off...
but both of them worked...!
no more back pain or dislocated fingers !

many thanks to both MM & Calico...
for their advice...
it just goes to show...
you can teach an old catsinger...
new doggie tricks...



here you see them both[in black] hanging with the lead...

of course, this has been an immense help in dog control too...



here you see Molly inside her new crate on 2/2...



then I made it her "den" by covering it...

a perfect spot to chew dog stuff & play growl at cats from...



she goes into it without any bribes or downcast looks...
I generally make sure that she has something to chew...
she stays in there anytime there's cat food "set out"...
or if someone is here, trying to accomplish something...

she also stays there at night...

she has become too playful with my old kitties...
Sneaky Pie & a couple of them, give her "what for..."
when she's too rough...
but I've seen her chase a couple of the old guys...
and I saw her "pounce/roll" Charlie...
he wasn't hurt, but she's too strong to be that rough with them...

so if I'm sleeping, outside working, not home...
or just busy with stuff...
she is quite content to be there, in her den...
if I'm about in the house, eating, watching TV...
she's out...though I have seen her go in even then...

and since we now seem to have a solution...
to the "walk/pull" problem...
things should get better for us all...

as for the "stuff"...

let's just say that I pray...
that "my ship will come in..."
before my pier collapses...

...Frankenfinger [whaa, whaaa, whaa...]

[warning: EWWWW zone ahead...]


OK gentle readers...what is it ?




I don't have an electron microscope...but I do have digi mac...
[digital macro photography for the un informed...]

give up ? it's the end of the steel wire in my finger...

it got wet in the shower & they told me to re-bandage it...
so I sensed a photo-op/blog op & clicked away...

it has been swathed in gauze for a couple of weeks now...
so the white, ukky looking stuff, is just wet, dead skin...
it took me a while to get the old bandage off...
so the skin got "pruny"...



that white "pile" around the base of the wire...
is just the now wet, formerly dry, dead skin...
now seen in perspective on the finger...



you can also see where the stitches were removed...
and the healing incision across the knuckle...
is covered with butterfly tape & skin glue...



here, on the left side, more healing incision...
and a better look at the gorp around the wire...



and here, the gorp is gone...
swabbed away by moi...



the right side just looks pruny...



the back, likewise...

there is still some discoloration, but most has gone...
except for a bruise across the top joint that now bends again...
sometimes, it feels like my fingernail is "on too tight"...
sometimes, my finger tingles & stings...
or I got a nerve jolt, like an electric shock...

the underside of the finger...
tends to get sore around the 2nd joint...
the top is itching like crazy now...
as the incision is healing...
as well as the internal repairs...
and the knuckle/palm area is very sore most of the time...
for all fingers...

so with the wire sticking up as much as it does...



I'm still doing this...
I occasionally "bump" the wire end...
OH MY ! NOT a good idea at all...

thankfully, I have this...



the finger cozy MM made for me...
which has really been a Godsend for me...
as it serves several purposes :
keeps my finger toasty warm...
acts as extra padding...
and tends to discourage "questions"...
[maybe they think I'm nuts, with a finger mitten...]

my doctor's appointment is March 5...
I believe that's when they'll pull out the wire...
I am SO ready for this to be over...

...wandering in the wilderness

Lent...a time of reflection & introspection...

wandering in the wilderness populated by fear...
and personal failures...shortcomings...
lack of being a good steward...
and all the consequences that come with that...

being tired of feeling out of place...
never knowing what to say or do...
always saying or doing the wrong things...
getting on people's nerves, creating problems...

and as a result of all this inability to be "with people"...
being left out and feeling lonely...
so you end up just wanting to be left alone...
because the pain is more manageable that way...

same battle, frightening new parameters...

the economic downturn has crashed my fiscal safety net...
and once again, because I'm not good at dealing with finances...
fear is circling me...
like a ravening wolf around a slowly dying fire...

so I am wandering, carrying a torch to keep fear at bay...
while I look for the path out of this mess...

I've come across several, but they aren't, "the way"...
and I am confused...
I fight the fear...
with the light of trust in God...

but there's that nasty voice in my head that reminds me...
that I had plenty...I just was not a good steward of it...
and I, like the "prodigal son"...
will have to live with the consequences...

I also know that there's no miracle God can't accomplish...
no "last minute rescue" He won't "pull off"...
and the "message" I get, is to keep trusting...

the way of "the faltering step & uncertain future"...
is the way of faith...His way...

there is no question in my mind...
that I want to be...
who...and what... and where...
He wants me to be...

no question at all...

just...

HOW...do I get there?...

is there something I'm supposed to be doing?

what's next?...

I think I need a job...I know I need more income...

but where? doing what ?...

any job I've ever had that was worth the effort...
came from God...and they ALL had lessons to teach me...
as well as a purpose beyond the mere money I earned...

I left the school district to save my life...
that door is shut in my mind & in actuality...

the economic crisis will soon flood the area...
with much younger, laid-off teachers...
to take any of those jobs...
that I might have taken, but know would kill me...

libraries are worse off than schools, so that's out...

and now, even music is no longer providing me with any income...

so, once again...I'm wandering in the wilderness...
surrounded by all the stuff I've wasted my resources on...
the vast majority of which I can't sell...
because no one wants it...

waiting... to be led...

believing I will be...

& brandishing the remains of my torch...
at the fearful demons circling me...

for not all who wander are lost..

...man, you are but dust [aka post 666...]

I didn't plan it this way...
it just "happened"...
that this...post # 666...
should come on Ash Wednesday...

for those in the Christian world...
today is the beginning of a period of penance...
introspection, self-denial & "course correction"...
leading to the joyous rebirth of Easter...

last year's Palm Sunday branches are burned...
and placed by the priest on the forehead in the shape of a cross...
to show that the believer is aware of the price paid...
for his soul and those of all other believers...



ironic, that the sign of the "beast"...
666... will also be applied to the forehead...
for all the world to see...

so this evening, as the priest marks the sign of the cross...
on my forehead, in palm ash...
I will be just a bit more aware of it's meaning...

so very grateful for how far I've come...
but very mindful...
of all "the miles to travel, before I sleep"...
and of the sinister traps along the way...
should I ever forget...
"...that I am, but dust..."
and that dust bought, with a great price...

..."madrigali beastiale"

yesterday I finally got the keyboard out of the box...
and on the DR table...I covered it with a rug...
that left me with "mixed emotions...
'cause I know my kitties...



when I came home, planning to practice my music...
it was covered with cats...the rug , not the keyboard...
[bet you saw that coming...]

there were 4 [count'em, 4...] felines reclining on the rug...
which they had pulled off the "lumpy keyboard"...
and onto the smoother table...
leaving the keyboard uncovered...
[NOT a good long term plan around here...]

I shooed them away..2 didn't "shoo" so well...
[Sneaky Pie believes that everything is hers...
Mackie saw a "petting" opportunity...]




I kept shooing & turned the keyboard around to find the AC plug-in...
this finally succeeded in removing felines from the table...
albeit, only temporarily...

I turned on the keyboard...wasting time trying to figure out...
how to turn off the chords in the lower octaves...
the annoying "re-verb"...
[a shimmering effect...NOT very Renaissance...]
and the gross "Reggae" beat that wanted to accompany me...

I finally found the setting for "acoustic piano"...
which was not bad...& totally sans chords & "beat"...

I got out my music, found the first place I wanted to work on...

shooed away Molly, who was by now aware that I was "available"...

it took a while also to convince Sneaky Pie...
that she could NOT recline on the keyboard...

while I was playing it...



finally, I was ready to begin...

I do NOT play keyboard...chords or music beyond one line...
are a real trial... so at first I was just playing my part...

I get it in my ear then start figuring out...
who I get my entrance note from, intervals, key centers...
dissonances, crossing parts, patterns...
normal singer stuff for me...

then I start singing...

if the text is tricky or the music/rhythm is hard...
I "la-la" for most of the time...
I find it's much easier to add the text...
to the right notes in the right rhythms...
than to fumble along doing several things wrong at once...
& hope I eventually get it...

as soon as I started singing though...
there was a definite "new wrinkle"...

whereas Molly didn't like the trumpet...
she likes to sing...& wanted to join in...
I also re-attracted Sneaky Pie, as well as a couple of others...



I was using a light head voice, with a forward focus...
and it was like when the announcer at the roller rink...
would announce,"All Skate, All Skate"...

everybody wanted to "sing-a-long"...

one of the songs we sing is the "Animal Madrigal"...
a non-sense bass line...
with a coo-coo, an owl, a cat & a dog...
[I have inherited the cat part from MM, who was purr-fect...
but who has become wise & is now, the owl...]
singing a counterpoint of animal sounds above the non-sense bass...

I wish I'd had a recorder at hand, but I didn't...
so this will have to do...

me: "la, la-ah, la, la, lah...[shoo...] la, laaah [GO AWAY !]"

Sneaky Pie:"me-ow...mow, mo-w..."[chasing my fingers on the keys...]

Molly : "Yow, yip, yip...WHINE !"[poking her nose in my back & other places]

Thomas : "Marr-ooow, Miaoooow !" [glaring at SPie...]

Lucyfur : "mow,mow,mow"[walking between me & the music...]


eventually...they got tired of "sing-a-long" time...
[aka, "drive your mother crazy" time...]

when I was finally finished...
they were all laying around the room...
tired of "practicing"...

I put my music away & covered up the keyboard...

bet it has cats on it when I get home...
[post script...it did...2 to be exact...]

...a finger cozy

"little did I know..."

back on Dec.27, when Molly decided to suddenly lurch to the left...
[having seen another dog]pulling the leash around my left hand...
and subsequently dislocating my middle left finger...
in two places, rupturing a tendon and tearing ligaments...
it was only the beginning of a long period of adjustment for me...

I am a cancer survivor[9 years in March...]

melanoma under my right thumb nail resulted in...
"a partial distal amputation of the right thumb"...
[they cut off the top joint of my thumb to save my life...]

getting used to having a very sensitive half a right thumb was tricky...

fortunately, I am ambidextrous...
and during "recovery", I even wrote with my left hand...

this time, things were quite different...

having a "disabled" left hand...
as well as a right hand with half a thumb...
and a sensitive neuroma[inflamed nerve bundle]...
on the end of that...

made "doing" for myself, difficult...
to say the least...

the first orthopaedic specialist I was referred to...
pretty much blew me off...
"...you'll be fine when the swelling goes down"...
"there's no damage...just use it as normal..."
"after all, at your age, you probably won't regain much function..."

happily for me, "circumstances"...
allowed me to go to a hand specialist...
who over 5 weeks after the initial injury...
almost instantly saw that the injury was real...
that there was tissue damage...

and that the need for surgery was "acute"...

3 days later...I had a steel wire in my finger...
as well as 8-10 stitches...and a white gauze bandage...



which I have covered with the "no-hurt" wrap to keep clean...



since the surgery, it's been changed twice...
the incision is dry & healing...
and the wrap keeps it clean...

it does, however, get cold...
[having the steel in it in this weather, doesn't help...]
and when it's cold, it hurts...aches mostly...
but uncomfortable, none the less...

I discovered that the fingerless gloves I have, really helped...
but as it heals, the aching has become more acute...
as the nerves "wake up"... and the sore muscles are "heard"...

I went through this after my thumb amputation too...
at least I don't have "phantom pain" like then...
[the amputated part of my thumb felt like it was still there...
and it hurt like crazy...]

so after listening to me complain for a while...
today, before church, Miz Minka gave me a lovely finger cozy...
that she had knit for me...



she had mentioned the idea...
even taken measurements...
but knowing how full her plate is...
I am quite pleased that she made the time...
to do this for me...



I put it on...it fit perfectly...
I haven't had it off yet...
and though my finger has hurt somewhat...
[especially when I don't take my Excedrin on time...]
I haven't had the almost nauseating ache I have had...
from it being "cold"...



the fact that it's purple...
& goes with my coat...
is a bonus...

it's also very liturgical...
Lent coming up, & all...



and I really like the wrist loop that helps keep it in place...

thanks Miz Minka...!

my finger & I thank you...!

..."pause"

it's time for a bit of a rest...



my hand woke me up 3 times last night...
very stiff & sore from too much, too soon...



a sure sign that I need to slow down a bit...
& prepare to stop for a while...



the pause that refreshes...
and in the case of my hand...
allows the sore muscles to regroup & relax...



I need to rest now...'cause soon,I won't have time to...

there are many places to "pause" & rest...



for me, this would NOT be a good one...
[I shudder to just look at it...]



this, on the other hand, would be very nice...



as would this... fog & no people, even better...



I prefer to snooze in comfort...
so I'm going back to bed for a morning nap...
see you all later...