...fixing the hose

ah...the lovely flower boxes...almost filled-in...
and then... the drip/soakerhose system crashed...
no water was coming through, though I had just repaired it...
exploring further, I found the reason...



a weak spot in the 30 year-old hose had sprung a huge leak...
and my duct tape application wasn't working anymore...
[when I found the leak, it was due to the sound of water...
spewing everywhere...& there was a large lake...]



the hose also leaked at the faucet...



and who knows how many other places...
as it had become buried over the years...
snaking its way around the boxes...
to provide water for the southwestern part of the yard...
as well as the fence flower boxes...

I prefer the drip/soaker to just hand watering...
because it takes less of my time & attention...
and seems to water more completely & thoroughly..



so I gave myself a massive sneezing attack...
by digging in the dusty drip parts boxes in the garage...
coming up with 3/4-1/2" connection parts...
that I needed for this project...
[I had lots of 1/4"...too small...]



as well as 100' of 1/2" drip hose...
that was NOT pre drilled for drip attachments...
seen here with the faucet connector installed...
the pre-drilled will come to leak over time...



and here, connected to the faucet...
complete with filter, anti-syphon valve & pressure regulator..



of course there were "issues"...
and literal "kinks" in the hose to work out...
due to my dearth of digits, I used the pliers to squeeze out the kinks...



I followed a "higher" level of the original hose path...
the reasons should be obvious...



though there was a benefit, in that the kinks were visible...
and the sun should relax the plastic, allowing the kinks to disappear...



this is the 2nd attempt to tighten the connection...
between the hose coupling & the valve...
the shattered bits of blue plastic were the 1st...
I turned it too tight with the pliers & it shattered...
luckily, there was another the right size...



here you see the now working [!] new hose...
and the old green one beside it...
all accomplished with the parts I had on hand...
sometimes, being a packrat can be a good thing...

...staying "onboard"

my personal struggles, financial & otherwise..
are no secret from my regular readers...
if I still have any due to the ISP shortage...
and lack of internet time...

yesterday, in church...
our young rector spoke on Mark 4:35-5:20...
this Gospel lesson has several parts...
it begins with Jesus & the disciples...
boarding a boat on the Sea of Galilee...

during the night, a fierce storm came up...
filling the disciples with fear...
they woke Jesus, who was sleeping soundly...
complaining that He was unconcerned for their safety...

Jesus calmed the wind & sea with a word...
they were all astonished at His power over nature...
then He asked them why they had been so afraid...
"Have you no faith ?"

the rector's point at this juncture...
was to point out that God will often bring us...
to the edge... of our faith...our fears...our strength...
before He calmly rescues us, building our faith in Him...

further points included the facts that they were headed...
to a place no "good Jewish men" went, the land of the Gerasenes...
who were pagans, raised pigs & even worshiped a pig god...
and before He calmed the storm, the disciples...
had probably been convinced that they were going to die...
going to that evil place for a reason they didn't understand...

when they reached the shore and left the boat...
they were met by a demoniac...
a man with an unclean spirit who lived among the tombs...
the evil spirits were so strong in him...
that chains no longer could hold him...
day & night, he bruised himself with stones...
trying to drive out his demons to no avail...

now, he ran to Jesus & worshiped him...
the unclean spirit within him cried out to Jesus...
Jesus asked his name & the unclean spirit said "Legion"...
meaning that there were many unclean spirits within him...

the spirits begged to be sent into a nearby heard of swine...
so Jesus commanded the unclean spirits to leave the man...
& enter the herd of swine...who ran over the edge of a cliff...
and drowned in the sea...leaving their herdsmen to flee...

local people who came to see what had caused this...
found the demoniac in his right mind...
sitting & conversing with Jesus...
he wanted to join Jesus, but was told to return home...
and tell his friends what Jesus had done for him...

the rector's points about this part of the story...
were that "when you get in the boat...
you don't know where you're going...
you have to trust God to sustain you...
and once that the trials are past...
you never know what job God will have for you...

and you'll never find out just how powerful God is...
or how He can bless you & use you to bless others...
if you don't get into that boat...
even if you think you know the destination...
and are sure that it's not the place for you..."

so I'm taking this all in...
realizing that this had been the reason...
that I had made it to church that morning...
[I had overslept & woke up at 9:40 AM...
church starts at 10 AM...]

I've been overcome by storms & terrible seas lately...
seeing only the darkness, feeling only the pain...
& I'd try to calm the storm myself...
but I need to wake up Jesus because my faith is not enough, yet...

He's throwing me lifelines...
scripture, songs, smiles & the kindnesses of friends...
but I have to stay in the boat...
& become so calm that I too, can still the raging storms...
without and within...

for faith is built in calmness...
and no true work of God may be accomplished in fear...

"Protect me, O Lord, for your sea is so big...
and my boat is so small..."
[Breton fisherman's prayer]

...Sumer Is Icumen In

just as summer is beginning...
the garden is greening...
in honor of the summer solstice...
here's an old song for a new season...



from the 12th century...one of the oldest secular songs...

"Sumer Is Icumen In"...

...garden update, 2.0

it's been about a week...
and things are growing fast...



the mint is starting to fall over, it's so tall...
[there's more than this...]



the grapefruit seedling has a leaf !



the tomatoes & beans are growing almost moment by moment...



and the beans have their first blossoms!



as does the crookneck squash...



the Armenian cuke hasn't bloomed yet...
but is happily growing up its cage...



and the peppers have lots of buds waiting to bloom...



eggplant blooms aren't new...



but a spent bloom/possible eggplant is...



you saw the cherry toms before...
now they're bigger & turning creamy...
[the first step towards ripening...]



this tiny tomato is a bloom that has set in the last week...



and the Brandywines that were planted with set fruit...
are now the size of tennis balls...
& turning lighter...



the flowers in the fence boxes have settled in nicely...
though the ancient garden hose that is a major part...
of the drip irrigation system has sprung a few major leaks...
and will need replacement soon...



the "rabbit's paw" fern on the front porch is growing...
notice all the "foot" growth down the side...



its paws are also climbing the brick...
I've never seen that before...

..."territorial imperitive"

welcome to my world...

*SIGH*



Fluff: "this is MY bed...why is she here..."

Piglet: " zzzzzzzz...."



Fluff: "it's not bad enough that she sprawls on top of me...
but she snores like a dying chain saw !"

Piglet: "zzZzzZZzZZZZ...Z"



Fluff: "I was assured that this was a "single"..."

Piglet: "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"



Fluff: "maybe if I have a snack, she'll wake up & leave..."

Piglet: "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"



Fluff: "to H*** with her... I'm the cute one here...GET UP !"

Piglet: "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"

[skipping ahead to the next morning...
mercifully avoiding the feline drama & nastiness...]



Fluff,keeping a wary eye open:"that wretch better not come over...
and flop on me this morning...I'll show her who's boss around here..."



Piglet: "thanks Mom...I love being outside...
so much nicer than dealing with Herself.."



Fluff: "it's MY world...& don't you forget it...zzzzz"

...just "letting it be"

we haven't had a wet winter or spring...
so some of my plantings didn't survive the dry, windy conditions...
but this lobelia[Crystal Palace] did...

in the driest, sunniest place, one bloom came out...
today, when I looked, there were several...
all celebrating their re-birth...

they survived the dry cold, the parching winds...
the burning sun and the early heat wave...
to bloom again on my front porch...

I've been going through a dry patch too...

fear of the loss of my home & lifestyle...
actual loss of my kitty family, with more pending...
as Creamer is not feeling too good these days...

the lack of the usual musical outlets...
the trauma of a job search...
dealing with several radical changes in my way of looking at things...
[ie God's "dealing" with me on several issues...]

as I struggle to be more active despite numerous pains...
[the chiropractor is something I can't afford right now...]
eating better, while watching the cost...
[lots of salads should help ease the "pains"...]
making out a budget sheet...taking control of ALL my money...
[what little there is left...]
and setting-up a bookkeeping system for all expenses...
as well as all debts...
[it was all on the Quicken I lost last October...]

I've done better with eating when I don't think much about food...
so trying to think about eating healthier, on a budget...
is hard for me to deal with...
[I forget to eat...then gobble almost anything...]
so it's more self-discipline for me...

a real change has been giving up the cable...
I have a lot of DVDs to watch...
recently, The West Wing, start to finish...
now, The Civil War, Ken Burns' PBS series....
and I have been watching...
as opposed to "vegging out" & falling asleep...
I tried reading but allergy headaches are too much at this point...

another real change has been the amount of time I spend "online"...
having to go "out" to do things has been an adjustment...
but it was a financial necessity...
which brings me to the 800 lb gorilla in the room...

I really don't care to deal with money...
I get NO satisfaction from having it...
a fair amount from spending it...
but I really like being able to give it away...

in my fantasy world... I'd have unlimited wealth...
and spend my time giving it away to anyone who needed it...
all anonymously, of course...
so no one would feel beholden to anyone but God...

but we live in reality...

since I have gotten myself into this mess...
I don't have much satisfaction from money at all...
just angst & aggravation...

having a negative cash flow & relying on savings...
NOT responsible...
but ignoring the problem...
was all I seemed to able to deal with...

now that I've been dealing with the issues...
[OK, sin...let's call it what it is...]
I realize that I must focus on becoming more involved...
be aware of my situation & mindset at all times...

know how much money I have & where it's going...
[seems simple, but burying your head in the sand is more pleasant...]
allow myself to be in a situation, what ever that is...
where enough more money can be earned to pay my debts & living expenses...
[and to trust that it will be the right job for me...]

there is, however, a LARGE difference between being "aware"...
and trying to "do" a lot of things on your own...

the latter is where I always go wrong...

I start out following God's leading...
and somewhere, somehow, seem to morph into doing "it" my way...
which never works...

a few months ago, I prayed with a Christian "healer"...
about my lack of a job and complete "unraveling"...
she said that she saw "many doors" in my life...
and it has been accurate so far...

many seem to open, only to close...
others have stayed locked...
lately, there are some that seem to be opening...
only time will tell if I'm meant to walk through them...

in the meantime...

I've trying to just let go of all my controlling mechanisms...

to stop trying & doing...

and to just "be"...

I'm tired of messing up my life...
of feeling unworthy...
because I messed up something else I didn't mean to...

so I'm looking up...
keeping my thoughts positive...
being thankful, grateful...
and feeling blessed by the God of "another chance"...

I'm sure that He'll get it right this time...
if I can just stay out of His way & let Him...

"answer me when I call, O God, defender of my cause;
you set me free when I am hard pressed;

know that the Lord does wonders for the faithful;
when I call upon the Lord, He will hear me...
put your trust in the Lord...

many are saying,"Oh that we might see better times".
lift up the light of your countenance upon us,O Lord.

you have put gladness in my heart...
more than when grain & wine & oil increase.

I lie down in peace; at once I fall asleep;
for only you Lord, make me dwell in safety."

[Psalm 4, selected, BCP]

...things get very depressing, AND THEN...

I woke up early this morning...
[6 AM is early for me these days,
though it wasn't always that way...

after a depressing conversation with a mortgage banker...
and phone menu hell on Weds. evening..
my loan would qualify for the Fed. Refi program...
saving me a couple hundred a month...
but I didn't have the income to qualify...

AND my house value is floating around $225K...
[I was afraid it was worse...]
I'm still "upside down"...
but only about $50K...
if the economy turns up just a bit...
my value will go back up quickly due to my good area...

when things were crazy, it was valued at $425K...
I got the HELOC at $325K...
which is why I'm "upside down" now...
it could easily return to a value of $275K...
which is more than I owe...

unfortunately...

without a source of income beyond my pension...
I can't do anything to lower my mortgage payment...
[loan modification is only a short-term, stop-gap measure...]

so today, I decided to get dressed & try to get some things moving...

I decided to go to,[gulp]the school district...

[you must understand that this is a bit like a small mouse...
trying to snuggle-up to a hungry python...]

I have gotten letters each year since I retired...
after school starts...
asking me to be a long-term sub, etc...
and have ignored them...
[generally shredding them with glee...]

so it was with a sense of duty that I went to the "Castle"...



after a wait, I was given a daunting 1 inch thick pile of forms...
told that since it was S-O-O-O long since I taught...
[uhhh 2005... only 4 years ago]
I was told that I needed to be fingerprinted,TB tested...
and "start from scratch"...& that I'd just have to be in the "pool"...
ie phone calls at 0-dark:30 AM each day you "worked"...
NOT a steady source of income...

since I never remembered being fingerprinted at all before...
I stopped by the school police office...
and though I was the only person there not wearing a uniform...
was told to call & schedule an appointment...
which I did from my cell when I got back to my car...

by this time, I was really upset at all the crap I'd have to do...
find the original copies of my credentials that they already have...
[I know they keep all early retirees stuff...
until they can drop us from the health care at age 65...]
my CBEST test pass card, letters of recommendation...
etc, etc, ETC...

so I forced myself to drive out to...



after having 3, literally 3 parking places, pirated away from me...
I found a distant spot, walked into the store...
and went looking for some sort of office...
finally, I asked a "greeter" where to go...
and she directed me to the "Customer Service" area...
where there were 2 computers for "career applications"...

one was busy, there was a guy lounging next to the woman typing...
so I thought that he was with her...
I went to the unused computer...
& finally had to ask why the cursor wasn't responding...


a clerk, with obvious management skills...
came out from behind the counter...
& gave the screen a whack...
then...the cursor became visible...

the guy who had been "lounging" then came to life...
apparently he was waiting to apply too...
so after having been assured that I could apply from my own computer...
I gave him the use of the computer & left...

so back to the church I went...
[my only current ISP...]

I decided to apply for all possible jobs...
including hourly management ones...
& for the management level, there's a test...
which they were happy to inform me that I had failed...
how or why...I have no idea...
nor will they tell me...
but I couldn't take it again for 6 months...

I knew that the shoe store wouldn't be for a while...



when I applied, they had just hired a couple of people...
and I'm not too sure that crawling around on a floor...
would work well for me anyway...

so I decided to drop by B&N again...



the "manager" I had given my application to had said they would call...
they hadn't...and all things considered,[he gave me a strange look...]
I had no desire to be further stomped on...
not after the day I'd had so far...
I was too close to tears...

sucking up my courage "to the sticking point"...
I went in & saw the nice woman I'd talked to before...
when I approached her, she remembered me...
but she couldn't figure out WHO the guy was ...
that had taken my application & said that they'd call me...

"He doesn't sound like any manager we have here..."

she introduced me to her "real" manager...
and mentioned my "super qualified" experience...
we chatted, I also mentioned my classical music library experience...
and he gave me another application to fill-out...

as well as inviting me to a group interview on June 23 at 5 PM...
[attire, business casual,ie what I was wearing, khakis & a polo shirt...]

he told me that ALL their interviews were "group ones"...
and told me to bring my filled-out application to the interview...
and he didn't give me any strange look...

I left feeling really hopeful for the first time in days...

as several of you readers have put it...
"this would be perfect for me..."

I DON'T want to crawl back to the district...
accomplishing the paperwork alone is almost too much...
if you've applied to a college, you know...
I don't know where all those things are anymore...
and then getting up each day, EARLY, to go, where ever...
going when I'm sick...for about $100 per day after taxes...

I'd be dead in 6 months...

so today I'm really hopeful...

a decent job, that I could do well at & enjoy...
then, I could refi my mortgage...
pay down my debt...

it might all line-up, finally...

and not a moment too soon...

God is good, all the time...