...take pity, on a kitty [or a pup...]

we've had a cold snap and this picture reminds me...
of the days that I used to care for several "neighborhood" cats...
I didn't have tents, but I had warm, dry nests tucked away outside...
and on really cold nights, I could always count on finding "old Red"...
[or any number of others, including those just passing through...]
snuggled inside, all toasty warm and dry...

I once found the body of a stray who had crawled into one of the nests...
and at least, had had a warm, dry spot to die...
a very sad thought, to be sure...
but the alternative of dying under a bush...
miserable & sick in the cold & wet...
would have been a much worse fate...
and a terrible memory...

I no longer have any regular feline visitors...
[of the, "I don't officially live here, but you feed me", kind...]
perhaps because the critter situation made me stop putting out food...
or maybe my street is now just too dangerous for strays to survive...
but I know that there are still so many out there...

struggling to survive...

with no understanding of why their "people" just left them...
and never returned...or dumped them out of a car...

their survival is marginal at best...
in this weather, nearly impossible...
unless someone helps...

so if you're a "soft-touch" like I was...
and are, "rescuing the perishing" on these frigid nights...
by providing a safe, warm & dry place for stray kitties or doggies...
bless you... 'cause there are 'way too many homeless pets these days...

and it is truly, the least that we can do...
and still call ourselves, human beings, that is...

how can we be better ? be a responsible pet owner...

spay & neuter your pets, support animal rescue organizations...
adopt rescued or shelter animals...
take good care of your companion animals...
but above all, have a heart...

Gandhi said that you could tell a great deal about a society...
by how it treated the weakest and most powerless beings amongst it...

we have a long way to go, don't we ?

...meooooow, BRRR !

we had a "hard freeze" last night [25˚ F]...
when I left the house for the church at 10 AM...
the windchill was 30˚ F...even though it was sunny & just breezy...
and there's another "hard freeze" tonight [25˚ F, again...]
...for around here, that's, BBRRRRR !



yesterday, the snow level was 500 ft...
so we [Mudville, elevation 13 ft] had cold rain...
with wind all night & morning...
so when I released Piglet in the afternoon...
she returned, uhh, "promptly"...



with a reaction pretty much like this...



Lucyfur & Murph,[aka smart cats...] found the fire quickly...



were soon joined by Charlie...



while Molly gnawed a bone as she warmed her butt...



the bitter cold seeps into my bedroom...
so yesterday, even Pigs & Fluff were putting up with each other to stay warm...
[though an occasional hissy fit could be heard...]

so you can imagine my surprise this morning...
when Piglet started lobbying to "go out, NOW !"...



she whined, called me bad names and tried to snag my sweater...
all in an attempt to be allowed to go outside...
where the temperature was below freezing...
AND it was wet, with a northwind dropping the temp even lower...

finally, I'd had enough...

I set the captive free... then waited for her to come right back...

and waited... AND WAITED...etc...

finally, I had to leave...
so when I return home...
I expect to find a "Pigsicle"...



kind of like this...

maybe she won't want out tomorrow morning...
[yeah, right...]

cats, go figure...

I've been experiencing the subtle, but powerful hand of God...
moving in my life in the last week or so...

I say, subtle... and those of you who have experienced it...
know exactly what I mean...

very quietly, very organically... so natural that you can miss its beginnings...
as it progresses, the warmth enfolds you...
cradling you with blessings, but though your heart sings with wonder...
you feel still... and calm...and so close to God...

but I also say, powerful... because if you have seen it yourself...
you also know the grandeur & majesty of watching God work...
whether you've seen miracles happen to others in front of you...
or you've seen them looking back at you from your mirror...

things that seemed impossible, happen...

walls fall down, the crooked becomes straight, the rough places, smooth...
hardened hearts, soften...broken hearts are healed...
the deaf, hear... the lame, walk... & the dumb, speak & even sing...
as wisdom, speaking so softly, is finally heard & understood...

those of you who have seen my inner demons...
know of my life-long struggle with low self-esteem...

my dad lost the fight and was miserable even as he died...
unable to reach out and allow those that he loved, to love him...

Christians are exhorted to be humble... to seek to be servants...
looking at these ideas from the wrong perspective...
has left me, even after crawling out of that hole...
a lonely, insecure, foolish & often obnoxious [old] woman...

I just always thought that the feelings of...
"not being good enough", "not being needed or wanted"...
were part of the whole "servant/humble thing...

boy, was I wrong...

very quietly, in small increments, over the last few days...
but with astounding clarity...
God has made it very clear to me...
that those old attitudes are NOT from Him...
and only serve to keep me jumping through the enemy's hoops...

hoops which include: self-loathing, insecurity, manipulation...
depression, self-absorption, being an ego-centrist[narcissistic]...
and a number of other self-destructive behaviors & attitudes...

if your focus is inward, on yourself...
you can't see the danger or the damage...
you suffer... and assume that you are supposed to...
you are "serving"... putting yourself last...

actually, you are putting yourself first...
ahead of God... ahead of any you could be helping...
ahead of those who care about you...
all wrapped-up in "self"... absorbed by, "poor me"...
unable to see your situation or the solution...

I have been blessed by the presence of some...
who have allowed themselves to be used by God to, "get my attention"...
it hasn't been easy or fun for them...
quite the contrary...it's been aggravating, infuriating & toxic...

but as He showed me the effects...
of my self-absorption problems through their eyes...
and I had to come to grips with my sins in those areas...
I also have come to see my deeper problem...
perhaps the most insidious one of all...

my visions of myself as unwanted, unneeded, unworthy & "solitary"...
were NOT part of being humble or a servant...
they were all toxic hoops from the enemy...
ones that it had me jumping through, over & over again...

and that I could NOT move forward...
into a right relationship or true servant position with God...
until I dealt with this life-long addiction to self-loathing...
self-centeredness and self-pity...

to accept myself as a valuable, lovable person with "gifts" to share...
someone worthy of Christ's sacrifice on the cross...
and then to be able to consider the special person that God has made me...
as no reason to think of myself as any better than any other person...
is what it really means to "humble yourself"...

and you can not be a servant without being humble...

some of you are probably saying, "...well, DUH !"...

I've known that not liking yourself was not healthy...
and so I'd developed some positive self-appreciation...
but combined with the tendency to become dependent...
on the external validations of others...
served only to exacerbate my basic problem...

so here I am... quite calm and peaceful...
aware of my strengths as well as my weaknesses...
acknowledging that God has given me some wonderful gifts...
and the challenge to use them as He would have me do...

to accept myself... appreciate myself... & yes, even love myself...

to consider myself no better or worse than anyone else...
and to be all that much more, an effective servant...
because of that acceptance and humbling of self...

the peace that "they" always speak of...
is quiet, calm, soothing, contained...
and has a big grin...

strangely enough, the extreme feeling of awkwardness...
and shyness that I've always had to fight around most people...
seems to be gone, leaving an unaccustomed ease with people...
a desire to listen, rather than just a compulsion to unburden myself...
and sense of peace & quiet contentment with myself...

a peace that can, at times be joyous...
when my heart sings at seeing the goodness of God...
manifest in my life or the lives of others...
and joyful praise and gratitude to God just fills my soul...

but more often, it's just that absolute peace at my center...

and faith...

"...the substance of things hoped for...
the evidence of things unseen..."[Hebrews 11:1]




for even the old & burned-out can be made new again...
not quite as they were before, but all new, just the same...

God is good... all the time...

...seeing the light

I suppose that during this season of Advent...
as we await the symbolic coming of the light of Christ...
into this dark and troubled world...
it's appropriate for me to be "seeing the light", so to speak...

in the last day or two, God has "ramped-up" the messages...

calling me to service in a couple of areas of the church...
as a service leader[LEM] as well as to membership in a prayer society...

and as I listened to Fr.G's funeral Homily...
where he spoke of all the kinds of service...
that the Deacons Millie & Hugh had provided for our parish & city...

a small voice said,"Tend my sheep"...

at that moment, I felt that a torch was being passed to me...
that I hadn't gotten a "job" because God has "other things" for me to do...
and when I shared that message with Deacon Hugh later...
he encouraged me to accept a larger servant role and pick up the torch...

after all God had been telling me to seek first, His kingdom & righteousness...
and that then, all the things I needed would be added to me...

so the job search concerns had been pretty much taken from my conscious mind...
and put aside, "waiting", "resting"... for further guidance...
with the emphasis on, "seeking first, His kingdom..."
although when God does want me to speak to someone about a job...

he makes it clear

as He did today when He prompted me to speak to our Bishop...
who was here for Deacon Millie's funeral...

as we chatted, at the potluck reception...
featuring Filipino noodles and other goodies, following the funeral...
[we have a connection ...my Mom was the church organist & good friend of his cook...
who also catered Mom's 90th birthday celebration in 2002...]

I mentioned my financial situation and my unsuccessful job search...
we discussed how far I'd be willing to travel for work...
as the diocese is quite large...
[he lives about 2 hours south, in the town where I was born...]

then I mentioned my background in organization & archiving...

the Bishop mentioned that he had several large collections which needed "work"...
[particularly his operas; scores, libretti, CDs, DVDs, etc...]
after I explained how I could set up a cross referencing catalog...
so that he could find his favorite arias quickly...
he became quite enthusiastic about the possibilities...
and asked me to write down my contact information...
promising to keep his eyes open for a "real job" too...
hopefully, a little closer to Mudville...

I just took it all in stride...
didn't get too excited, felt very calm & peaceful...
even when I gave him my contact information as he was leaving...
and he promised to call me soon about his opera job...

and now, after it's "sunk-in"...
I find myself thinking, "wow... just, wow..."
but I'm still calm & peaceful...
trusting completely in His Grace....

oh... & there are other things that are just beginning to happen...
that I'm not sure that I'm able to appreciate or write about yet...
so I'll just say that the awesome power of God is moving in my life...
subtly... calmly... simply... with healing... and miraculously...

for the first time in a very long time...
I'm seeing Him at work and feeling His healing presence...
I feel that the simple conclusions I've so recently come to...
must be what He's been wanting from me for a long time...

so I'm listening... making sure that I hear & understand ALL His words...
as well as all those words of everyone else He sends to help me...
and especially, that I do what He instructs... when & how...
sharing His love & bounty with all my brothers & sisters...

so, many thanks and blessings to all of you who have prayed for me...
been frustrated by me, angered by me and suffered along with me...
you are all angels, sent from God...absolutely necessary...
and may He richly bless all your lives with His Love...

this is so NOT what I expected...

again, wow...

God is very good, ALL the time...

...being on time

Mackie cat has a new favorite perch...
since the top shelf of "his" tree became loose...
and slants dangerously [at least a 45˚ angle]...
when he plops himself upon it...

it used to be the favorite lurking spot...
for both he & his sister, Murphy...
seen behind him to his left on a comfy pillow...
which is now her favorite spot, close to any fires that may be lit...

but I digress...

"The time has come," the Walrus said, "to speak of many things..."
of shoes and ships- and sealing wax...
of cabbages and kings...

["The Walrus & the Carpenter", Louis Carroll]

bit by bit...
ideas are forming in my mind...
sometimes clear, but in bits...
sometimes, pure "Jabberwocky-speak"...

things that God wants me to do...
ideas to understand...
attitudes that He wants to become an integral part of "me"...
the way, in which I should think, interact & live...

how to "seek first, His Kingdom and it's righteousness"...
without going off on the tangents that have so distracted...
and detoured me from His path for me before...
[aka doing what I think I should do...
rather than what I'm told to do...]]

and so I'm spending more time with Him...
...listening... waiting... absorbing...

I know that my sins & shortcomings are the results...
of my human inability to be, on my own, "perfect"...
[this causes quite a bit of consternation in my perfectionista-self...]
but I believe that it pleases God, that I want to please Him...
that I want to believe in His saving & keeping powers...
and that makes up for all the failures...
[Grace covers it all...]

especially in the face of some of the pretty scary directions...
in which my life seems to be heading lately...

no job, lots of debts & obligations...
very little income and no concrete possibilities in sight...

yet He tells me to "rest in Him"...
that He will provide all my needs...
to expect to see "miraculous things"...
but I must believe completely, stay calm and don't panic...

since attempts on my part to find work have been spectacularly unsuccessful...
when He tells me to "wait", "don't panic", "He will provide all my needs"...
I've chosen to have faith in His promises...
not just blindly "hoping for the best"...
or "deciding what I want" and then, "claiming it"...

but trusting in His promises that He will provide my needs...
and thus will tell me what I should do & when...

which brings me back around to the picture of Mackie...
sitting on the clock...
"waiting on time..."
'cause that's what I'm doing...

so bit by bit, I'm seeing that though many of my actions have failed...
my faith in His provisions, in accepting His blessings...
[no matter how trying they may be...]
by continuing to wait, hope and believe...
these conscious decisions on my part...
have changed my heart towards God...
and that pleases Him...

one of the things that I've most feared as a Christian...
is being used by the enemy to lead someone astray...
or to use their anger towards me or something I did...
as an avenue away from Him that the enemy can exploit...
resulting in fear & guilt...the perfect doorways for the enemy..

the good news is that the enemy can not use me without my permission...

and as I become more aware of God and allow His blessings to change me...
from a sinner destined to fail on my own...
into a sinner, whose faith through the grace of God...
brings me closer to pleasing God on more levels...
and being able to accept all the blessings and power He has for me...

that I will be aware enough to block all the enemy's attempts...
to distract me from God's way...
and to allow all the pain & suffering to become blessings...
that will shape my character and direct my path...

after all, there is no limit to what God will give us...
but there may be a limit to what we are able or willing to accept from God...
so I'm working to be as accepting as possible...
'cause I love to see His miracles at work...

God is good, all the time...

...moonstruck

though my moon phase widget says it was full on 12/01...
the official full moon is 12/02...

the next official full moon is 12/31...
making this the first month in 2 years with 2 full moons...
[the last month with 2 was June, 2007...]

like many people, I always always erroneously thought...
that the 2nd full moon in a month was a "blue moon"...
this recent [since 1946...] misuse of the term...
came from a misinterpretation of the Farmer's Almanac...

actually, to be a true "blue moon", in the historical context...
a full moon had to be the third of four in a season...
3rd, because the 4th had a specific name...
as did the 1st & 2nd, so only the 3rd could be considered "unusual"...
even though it was the 4th that was the unique occurrence...

having 2 full moons in a month is a product of our more modern calendars...
and we no longer have an agrarian society...
where seasonal abnormalities are important...
so I suppose while the old formula is more correct historically...
we can expand our definition to include the common modern usage...

and since in it's common usage...
something occurring, "once in a blue moon"...
refers to the uniqueness of the occurrence...
it really doesn't bother me to think...
of the full moon on 12/31/09 as a blue moon...

...basking in the warmth

this time of year, the sun comes in at a lovely angle...
and because it is colder, any patch of sunlight becomes a real blessing...

when I taught, my music room faced south...
and for 17 years, I enjoyed basking in the late fall & winter sunshine...
leaning against a pole, as I monitored my students arrival...
warning those lollygaggers when the bell was about to ring...
and always being a bit sad when I had to leave the sun for class...

in the late spring and summer, it was really too hot to stand there...
but sunny days in this time of year were always my favorite...
warming in the sun, looking at the fall foliage across the street...
taking a breath before the work day continued...

storms bringing rain always seem to come from the southeast here...
so on windy or stormy days, I couldn't really wait there either...
making the perfect days for "sunning", all that much more of a blessing...
one that I find that I miss now...

as I write this in the church office, with my back to a sunny southern window...
[the office faces south...] I'm reminded of those sunny days...
much like this one, where the deep blue sky...
though developing thin clouds in the west...
is still full of sun at this time and warming my back...

another one of those,"little blessings" that God has been sending lately...
[let's be clear...God sends them all the time...
I've just become more aware of them lately...]

yesterday, I finally decided to try and do something...
about a situation that has vexed me for some time...

I am a fan of the TV series, "The West Wing"...
and purchased the DVDs of each season as they became available...
but I didn't watch the DVDs as long as I still had TV service...
because I could catch reruns on Bravo, etc...

since cutting off cable at the end of April...
I watch DVDs from my massive collection...
and have recently embarked on the 3rd time of "TWW"...
unfortunately reminding myself...
that Season 2, disc 2, is blank on both sides...

8 of my favorite episodes[9-16] are "missing"...
so I decided to try to do something yesterday...

I spent quite a while searching my online records...
for the purchase record from B&N to no avail...
55 pages going back to 2001... nada, zip, zero...
so then I tried Warner video, who made the set...

I found several websites that after a lot of search time...
yielded nothing... not even contact information...
finally, I searched a site,[Warner Home Video], that I had skipped at first...
after spending a lot of time, I found a way to make "a comment"...

figuring that I had nothing to lose, I wrote of my plight...
and when I checked my e-mail later, from my phone at home...
was not only surprised to have a response, but an answer...

I was told to reply with my mailing address...
and that they would send me a shipping label...
so that I could return the entire Season 2 set to them...
after receiving it from me, they would order & ship me a new set...
at no charge !!!

I didn't buy the set from them...
don't have any of my purchase records [from 2004]...
but they're doing this anyway...FREE...
now I call that, a blessing...



God is good, all the time...