...hitting, "reset"

in Spring...

there are signs of rebirth
that you come to expect...

such as the return
of the cherry
blossoms...

and the blooming of annuals...

planted in the gloom of winter...
sending down roots and waiting...

just waiting to smile up at the warming sun...

a bit tattered by the recent storms...
but now availing themselves...
of the full bounty of sunshine...


then there's the regeneration you never expect to see...

an apparently dead fern sending out new growth...

the "annual"lobelia,[Crystal Palace], blooming for the 5th season...

the thriving begonias I almost threw away last fall...

but since deciding to plant them anyway...
I have been treated to quite a show all winter...

there's any number of lessons to be learned there...

as there is in the persistence of the few stubborn iris...
who seem not at all interested in blooming...
then suddenly show spikes with buds...
though the once crowded beds...
now have only a few spikes of blossoms...

the lemon tree, a Meyer lemon...
[hybrid of an orange and a lemon]...
has ripe fruit, ripening fruit, developing fruit...
open buds and still closed buds all at the same time...
reminding me that for every thing there is a time...
which may some times, be all at once...

the mildness of February...
had encouraged these "Johnny Jump-ups"to start blooming...
the recent storms battered them a bit...
but the warm sunshine has made them smile...

and is making me glad that I spent the money in January...
planting the bud-less plants during the cold gray days...
so I could enjoy their cheer now...

these cherry tomatoes will give cheer of a different sort...
what with cherry toms costing $3 to 4 a pint...
and will taste great too...

these are a few more cherry toms...
as well as some Beefsteak hybrids for the back yard...
I can't afford the cost of water for a lot...
but I can grow a couple of plants...

I hope to add a couple of heirlooms later...
maybe even some green beans...
I also had a couple of squash starts that a hungry snail ate...

I finally got my roses pruned and am being rewarded...
with prolific numbers of buds on the ones I did first...
especially compared to last year when I didn't prune them at all...
so I never had much in the way of continuing displays...

and then there's this...

my flowering cherry tree in the front yard...

the storms messed-up the blossom displays in the back...
for both the cherry and the peach...

Mother Nature is hitting, "reset"...

and so am I...

my Chapter 13 bankruptcy has been filed...
my court date will be after Easter...
but I've already made my first payment to the Trustee...
which will continue monthly for 3 years...
at which time all my debts, except for my 1st mortgage...
will be gone...

I'm still hoping to modify my 1st mortgage...
as it is literally 2/3rds of my fixed monthly income...
[it should be only about 30%...]
if I can convince the ever-evasive WFB to modify it, even a little...
it will be a tremendous difference to me...

the difference between just squeeking by each month...
with little or no reserves...
and being able to build some modest reserves...
for emergencies or needed expensive repairs...

the lawyer's fee is coming out of the Trustee payments...
which is a good thing...
meaning that my meager funds will not have the burden...
of added obligations...

I just had my taxes done...
and the refund will cover the tax prep fee...
as well as my property taxes...
leaving me enough to service my car...
and replace my back door which has fallen apart...

AND...

a nice beginning of my cash, "emergency" fund...
since I no longer have any credit cards...

hopefully, I'll be able to add to it, bit by bit...
so paying my property taxes in December won't be so stressful...

the good news is that the significant financial losses...
that were reported to the IRS last year...
had a carryover this year, hence the refund of all taxes withheld...
and there will be the same carryover next year too...

insuring that the same income level will generate a similar refund...

there will be a carryover for 2012 too, just not quite as much...

what these regular infusions of cash will do for me...
now that I'm used to living on so little...
will be to allow me to take care of those home & car maintenance chores...
that I always used credit for, but never quite paid off...

so you could say that I've hit the "reset" button myself...

after all the years of stress and agony with a fruitless job search...
the crushing debt, the specter of homelessness...
the shame of my careless lifestyle being shoved in my face...
and the realization that I was, "poor", old & living on a fixed income...

I've finally figured-out how to live on very little...

it's not easy, having to be so careful with money...
but there is a satisfaction in controlling myself...
and watching the faithfulness of God in providing for my needs...
is really quite a joy...

it's also become apparent to me that besides learning to do with less...
my physical condition needs my attention...
as the arthritis has really hampered my mobility lately...
and I've come to realize that I probably couldn't have kept many jobs...

so, as I have slowly learned to deal better with my financial constraints...
I am learning how to best heal and improve my aging physical self...

not to mention the emotional & spiritual growth...

I am so grateful to God that He's lead me to this place...
and that His grace will lead me along His path for me...

not too many people my age get to hit,"reset"...
with positive results, that is...

and now that many things seem to just be "falling into place"...
the unbounded grace of God, just blows me away...

Thank you, Jesus !

God is good, indeed...

...making lentil soup, once again

I've been asked to make soup again...
for the first mid-week Lenten supper at the church...
and there is no guess-work, it'll be lentil soup with sausage...
[for the complete recipe see this...]

I never used to think twice about going to the store & buying the "fixens"...
spending $60-70 was not the issue it has become at this point...
so last week, after Square Peg, "signed me up"...
to make soup for the first Wednesday evening...
[Lenten service/supper/movie...]
she told me to let her know what it cost...
and the church would pay for the ingredients...
[we are talking a triple batch here...]

so last week, I figured out the cost of what I didn't have on hand...
and mentioned it in passing, then got involved in "stuff"...
and didn't "follow through"...

so today, I realized that my car insurance premium was due...
and in checking my bank balance...
realized that I could pay for nothing else...
until after my SS check arrives on 3/23...

which would not be an issue except...

that I have to make soup on 3/16...
[and I had to buy the ingredients...]
and the car insurance premium will be taken out on 3/17...

doing both was not possible...

so I wrote myself a note to ask SPeg about getting a check...
figuring that if I asked today...
I might get it in time to shop on Wednesday...
putting myself in a time crunch...
since the soup had to start cooking by 2 PM to be ready...

when I walked into the church office this morning...
SPeg greeted me with a check !
which she had prepared last week after we talked...
but hadn't seen me to give it to me until now...

it was for exactly the amount I needed to get the soup makin's...

I was so stunned, I showed her my "to do" list...
with, "ask about soup $" at the top...
so we had a good chuckle about how God provides...
even when we forget to ask...

I went on in to do my online business...

I had just put $20 that I had collected from the choir for drinks...
into the bank to give my balance a bit of cushion...
since we next meet on 3/27 after church to rehearse...
I have plenty of time to restock the juice and water before then...
and I do get my SS check on 3/23...

but there was the issue of my cell phone bill...

after a couple of attempts to get them to change my "due date"...
I finally had reached the correct person...
and got them to change it to the 1st of each month...
it had been around the 24-28th, which always left me scrambling to pay it...

so it was a nice surprise to see...
that the only slightly larger payment...
[this month only, due to the change in length of billing cycle]...
would be taken out on April 1...
making my meager funds stretch even farther...

now, if I can get enough of a tax refund...
to pay for having the taxes done...
AND pay my property taxes [due 4/10, actually 4/11 this year]...
life will become much less stressful...

oh...

and when that lawyer finally calls me to sign the Chapter 13 papers...
that will be a big relief too...

God is Good, indeed...

...winter is losing its grip

winter is beginning to lose it's grip around here...

the old plum tree is blooming...
the peach tree blossoms are beginning to open...
everywhere, leaves are appearing...
and daffodils are blooming...

I am supposed to sign the Chapter 13 papers this week...
but haven't heard from them yet and it's Thursday, almost noon...

I sang for a funeral this morning & get my hair cut tomorrow...
but other than stuff like that, not much is happening around here...
so I'm just waiting for the lawyer to call me...

I had a real scary moment with Charlie last week...

he is quite shy and keeps his distance unless I'm laying down...
then he makes a real pest of himself, wanting to be petted, etc...

so when I saw him on Friday evening...
looking extremely sick...
mouth open, drooling long, heavy strands of sticky stuff...
whiskers dirty, as were his legs and chest...
I was absolutely sure that he was at death's door...

I managed to catch him but he used his claws to his advantage...
so I eventually lost my grip on him and he scurried away...
leaving me bleeding, but aware that he wasn't "weak" & didn't have a fever...

he then hid until Saturday morning, when he looked even worse...
with dirty mucus clotted on his face, whiskers, chest and legs...
showing no interest in food or water...

I was sure that he needed to go to the vet...
but I couldn't catch him...
couldn't even get near him...
and had to just give in & trust him to God's care...

he hid all day Saturday and Sunday...

on Monday morning, he still wasn't eating...
but was hunched on the cat window perch in the sunshine...

Tuesday, he looked a bit cleaner & was in the sun again...
but was still keeping his distance from me...
& not coming for food or water...

I got up early Wednesday, at 3:54 AM, to go to the bathroom...
on my way, Charlie met me as he always does when he's hungry...
his face somewhat cleaner with no drippy stuff...
thrilled with the improvement, I put down some food...
he didn't eat much, but he did eat some and had a drink...

later, when I got up for good, he was back for more...
looking much better... much cleaner, even his legs were clean...
he also then appeared at every opportunity in the evening for more food...
and this morning seemed to be his normal self...

I even watched him sit & groom himself after eating...

I have NO idea what happened unless Molly[the dog...]played too rough...

when Mackie was so sick a couple of years ago...
I think that's what happened to him too...

Molly will go after a cat if it scoots across the floor...
she's only playing, but she doesn't know her own strength...
and I think that she "play bounced" Mackie then...
and Charlie recently, because they both move quickly through her "zone"...

she wants to play chase... they don't...

both Mackie & Charlie will come down from a high sleeping spot...
and scoot into my bedroom to get petted or lobby for food...
with their attention on me, they don't see her until it's too late...
she can be especially opportunistic if she's chewing a bone or toy...

I often hear her bark her, "keep your distance you rotten cat" alert...
then see a cat come running into my bedroom, the bathroom or kitchen...
with Molly following it, not in an aggressive or threatening way...
but she often has trouble stopping and runs into or over the cat...

so I'm pretty sure that that's what happened...
probably both times...

she runs through the house like a bull in a china shop...
bumping me and scattering kitties right & left...
I hope she never hurts any of us, but her track record is not real good...
though my dislocated finger is the only thing that I know was her fault...

so, since there isn't a lot I can do to stem the tide of her exuberance...
[speaking to her in ANY tone of voice makes her worse...]
I'm just glad that Charlie has recovered[as well as Mackie...]
and hope that she'll grow out of her exuberance...

until then, I'm very thankful that God can deal with the stuff I can't...

...not much happening here

just biding my time until the papers for the Chapter 13 need to be signed...

I did get my lawn mowed and am trying to get the roses cut back...
I'm also plotting to clean out the old garden beds...
so I can have some tomatoes this summer...
but aches & pains are plentiful, not to mention daunting...

so I'm going slowly and following instructions, "to wait, quietly..."

meanwhile, the kitties are loving their new bedroom access...
though I have to keep a sharp eye on Molly, the dog...
who wants to come in and get at the cat box...
so she is NOT allowed in the bedroom...
it's really too small for her anyway...

so when there is something to write about, I will...
until then, all my best to all of you...

...the good, the bad & the lessons

Mz Sneaky Pie, staring out the bedroom window...
from time to time, the tip of her tail twitches...
as she watches the birdies flit about in the old plum tree...
she longs to be outside, but has never been...

for several reasons...

as I remind her that she wouldn't let me take her to the vet...
to get "chipped" and a rabies shot so she could be licensed...
and can't be out unless she is...
I also remind her how fast the cars go by...
that she's not learned how to be "safe" out there...

and it brings to my mind how this strange journey of mine...
has had it's turns and twists...
and how God has moved in unexpected ways to keep me "safe"...

the mortgage modification that hasn't done much yet...
[though the HUD counselor has done her job, and more...]
if it had been done, would have probably been cancelled...
when I filed the bankruptcy papers...
leaving me to owe the bank thousands of $ I wouldn't have had...
causing me to probably be foreclosed on, losing my home...

but the bank has ignored my requests, for 6 months now...

[hmmmm...]

in the meantime, I started getting Social Security benefits...
not much, but it put me just barely in the black each month...

then Fluff & Piglet died...

a painful loss, but suddenly I had about $50 more a month...
because I no longer had to buy special food for them...
and I would need about 2 jugs less kitty litter too...

so when I met with the lawyer re the lawsuit AMEX filed...
she looked at my budget and said that we might be able to file now...
without the mortgage modification...
especially with them reducing & restructuring their fee to me...

in the process of filling out inches of financial forms...
doing the required on-line credit counseling prior to bankruptcy...
[an hour of filling out forms online...]
copying tax returns, pension stubs, bank statements, etc.[AGAIN]...
and changing banks, because WFB freezes assets when bankruptcy is filed...
it began to become clear that this was the right time for all this to happen...

the tax return the court would see showed all my investments going to zero...
it showed the financial losses I had...
the money I went through, trying to pay my debts...
how my only income other than pension were from odd jobs...

by closing my WFB accounts, but continuing to pay my mortgage...
on time, but from another bank, I would get their attention...
and both the lawyer & HUD counselor agree...
that I may get a better deal once I've filed for bankruptcy...

because I then will have a more structured financial profile...
my living expenses are very minimal with no extras...
and my source of income is permanent...
not a job I can lose, but a pension & benefits that will continue for life...

so they may not modify my mortgage down to 30% of my income...
but they may lower the interest rate and thus lower the payments...
they might forgive part of the principal or extend the loan...
both things that would lower the payments...

so having what has been an annoying delay...
may prove to be the best scenario after all...

which occurred to me as I was admonishing Mz SPie this AM...

God has been "looking out" for me...
protecting me from dangers I don't "see"...

as I "protect" my kitties from the dangers of being outside...
and since He knows things I don't...
just as I know things that the kitties don't...
I need to just trust Him as I want them to trust me...
[a lesson...]

yesterday, the lawyer looked through all my paperwork...
she said that it looked good & that I had done a good job on it...

she had gone through it with me, editing things into the proper framework...
then gave them to the secretary to put into the "paid" drawer...
where another staffer would fill-out all the court papers...
she said that they would call me in 2 or 3 weeks to come in & sign them...

then we would file the Chp. 13 bankruptcy...

"You will not lose your home", she said...

"Your payments are current, as are your taxes & insurance...
your income is stable and can support the current payment...
especially after the bankruptcy...
and you are only $50K upside down from the first..."

"They have no reason to foreclose"...

a great relief... the "good"...

the "bad" ?

someone took 4 containers of kitty litter from my front porch...
[about $36 worth or the rest of this month...]

so I had to go to DP to get more in a hurry...
where I discovered that the 27# pails they had...
contained a bonus 3# AND they cost the same as at WallyWorld...
which is a 12 mile round trip and always a hassle...

the smaller jugs were much more expensive at DP...
the price for them at WW makes them the same basic cost as the big pail...
so I'll get jugs when I go to WW, but I can get pails at DP...
without over paying or spending the time, etc to go out to WW...
all in all, a good thing to know...

I'll be contacting my HUD counselor to apprise her of the filing...
and we'll go from there...

the "good" things... the "bad" things...?

they are all blending together to teach me things...
which is, after all, another "good" thing...
as well as another lesson...

...the usual suspects

things have really changed with the passing of Fluff & Piglet...

for the kitties anyway...
since now the bedroom door is open to them...
though not for Molly, since on the first visit she made...
she went straight for the cat box and...
well, you get the picture...

so she sits in the window or stays on her bed...
or on the couch, without much feline annoyance...

like here where Lucyfur is telling her where she can stick it...
and where she can't...
because now, all but 3 kitties have staked out their territory in the bedroom...

Lacy...

Cagney...

and Murphy are still in the LR/DR at night...

since Molly's in her crate then...
they now have the house to themselves...
and are making the most of it...

MJ has become the new cuddle boy...
and was the first to claim a spot...

Ms Sneaky Pie arrived very shortly there after...
claiming the Piglet side of the bed...

then Mackie, who loves to "perch", discovered the TV...
though he's moved to the foot of the bed when he's sleeping...
after he fell off of the TV 3 times...

and Lucyfur generally sleeps with him...

and last night, Charley, who is very shy, arrived...
purring like a chainsaw...

it's taken some effort on my part, but after 3 nights...
I no longer wake up with cats on my feet, chest, legs, etc...
and we seem to be settling into a routine...

the daytime snoozing spots used to be...
in front of the fireplace...
[Lucy, Charley & Murph...]

or in front of the window...

from a different angle...
[Mac, Murph, Lucy, Charley & MJ...]

I have a feeling that when the newness wears off...
the favorite places will be favorites again...
they just now have more choices...

...remembering Piglet

it was nearly Halloween in 1997...
1st period had just begun and I was taking roll...
when the head custodian walked into my music room...
he came over to me and then I saw that he was carrying a kitten...

"Mrs. H[my good friend & fellow animal rescuer]...
told me to bring this to you...
she was found by some kids out by the gym...
who saved her from some others who were going to hurt her..."

she still had spittle on her head from where some kid had spit on her...

the PE teacher had called him because she didn't like cats...
and the ones who were "protecting" it...
were yelling at the ones who wanted to hurt it...
so she just wanted it,"no longer her problem..."

as he carried the very scared and almost limp kitten back...
fully intending to call the pound to pick it up...
he realized that it was very thin and weak...
so he went to Mrs.H's room [on the way...]
and she instantly recognizing that it needed care...
sent him and the kitten to me...

2nd period was my prep and my vet was nearby...
so I took her to him & left her there for the rest of the day...

when I came by after school to pick her up...
he told me that she was completely starved & dehydrated...
probably only hours from death before I brought her in...
he'd given her an IV and offered food, which she nibbled...
but there were no fresh injuries...

her tail had been broken in several places before the kids hurt her...
and had healed crooked, looking like "Peekachoo's"...
she had probably been kicked repeatedly...
and had finally run away from that abuse only to be found by cruel kids...
who wanted to "stomp" her as she was black & white and it was almost Halloween...

I'm grateful that there were good kids who stopped them...

when we got home, I set her up with a warm bed & cat box in the bathroom...
so the "others" could get used to her...
she was so weak the first few days that she crawled to food...
and lay down to eat & drink...

but she loved to be cuddled and learned early on...
that I was there for that purpose, as well as food, etc...
and was always very grateful for having been rescued...
rewarding all cuddling & petting with loud purring and head rubbing...

she never really got along with the others...

perhaps a holdover from her abusive early life...
so she became a back yard cat, coming into my bedroom to eat & sleep...
but she loved the outside and was always very vocal in her desires...
make that her need, to be outside, whenever she felt the urge...
which was always...

she was not at all shy in making any and all other desires known...
we often had lengthy "conversations"...
regarding her displeasure with the staff[me], Fluff's selfishness...
or any other impediment to her total self-gratification...

sometimes, after a lengthy confrontation where she had been denied her desire...
she would flop down noisily and sulk, muttering asides at me...

other times she would just let it go and go find Fluff...
sometimes to aggravate or annoy her...
other times, just to "snuggle"...
made even better if it woke up or disturbed Fluff...
as she did in this picture...

but most times...
after a sulk or bugging Fluff, she would return to me...
to further plead her case or to see if pestering would "change my mind"...

if that didn't work, she would often go take a nap...
trying to look pitiful, or even "wronged"...

sometimes she would attempt a separate peace & "maturity"...

often, then next move was aimed at annoying either Fluff or me...
by crawling into whatever we were doing...
insinuating herself into the middle of it and eventually taking over...
then though she wasn't happily outside, we weren't happy anymore either...

so now she'll be happy always...
outside in her garden and I won't be calling her in...

she's sleeping next to her buddy Fluff...

farewell, dear sweet Piglet...
you were a sweet kitty and quite a character...
I will really miss our "conversations" and cuddle times...
but I know that you & Fluff are at rest now...

always remember that because no one wanted you when you were little...
we found each other and you were always loved & wanted here...